honey color

The light was painted with thin white light on the armrest, and it seemed that his body temperature still remained.So the tears fell again, so hot they almost melted. "It's just...it's just...sitting there...it's just... just hearing about the dream..."

Halfway through the conversation, the tears started again for no reason.But this soft sobbing still brought her a gentle touch:

"But he's... gone..."

"..."

"Stomach cancer."

When these two words appeared in the air out of thin air, it was unbelievable.Thinking of his poor health recently, but he didn't even know his father's illness, that kind of self-blame flooded in, eroding his self-esteem, making him have to clench his fists to relieve the pain, and the sense of guilt made nowhere to hide:

"You...you don't even know this...." As if squeezed out from between the teeth, when you say this sentence, you can even feel a kind of pain that goes deep into the bone marrow.

"It's no wonder, honey, it's Nobuo who wants to hide it from us... In fact... In fact, it has long been..."

"..."

"Probably...a year ago." Empty for a second, "He probably expected that he would..."

"...That's why...there is a photography exhibition..." He laughed at himself.

Everything is full of irony, full of fate banter.This was the second severe trauma to life, and at that time I even doubted whether I still had the strength to live.

Because I was really tired, I sometimes thought that if I hadn't broken a leg or smashed my head at that time, maybe I wouldn't have to bear this kind of conic femoral pain.

So he lowered his head powerlessly, the tears had been shed, and there was no one who was absolutely sincere in the world.Just like this late autumn morning, the sun is also icy.Turning his head, when the light sealed his eyes, he seemed to see a gentle figure in the distant sky, connecting dreams and consciousness, and when he turned around and smiled in front of him, the corners of his lips curved unnaturally.

"Honey, live well." In the chaos, he seemed to be standing in the light as he said.

VIP latest chapter 57Chapter57. His voice

The day Aunt Matsumoto arrived in Osaka was the day before his father's burial.

In the past four years, she occasionally came here to visit us, but when she saw her, her expression was always full of guilt and sadness.Knowing that she has never allowed herself to let go of the crime of "disabled".That's why she always keeps few words in front of her, no longer caring like her mother without any grievances like four years ago, her caring always has a trace of cautiousness, which makes me feel a kind of melancholy that is no longer in the past.

She was also a little older than four years ago, and when she appeared outside the door, her eyes were obviously red and swollen.Obviously she has cried, and not just simply shed tears, probably for a long time, right?Then came Uncle Matsumoto, Cousin Matsumoto and his wife.Each of them had a dignified expression, and sat beside Teacher Yuan, watching them walk into the mourning hall one by one, without crying, without welcoming them, without making any sound.It's like a body that has lost its soul, just performing such a duty, watching them indifferently and not making a sound.

Aunt Matsumoto was the first to shed tears. She didn't cry when she looked at her father's portrait. Her eyes became moist after touching the out-of-focus eyes.Probably because this girl who lost her leg encountered another catastrophe four years later, why should fate be so harsh on her?

"Honey..." It was my uncle who called out his name, and my aunt knelt in front of the portrait and wept bitterly against her daughter-in-law.So after Uncle Matsumoto called out the name, he still frowned and looked at the aunt behind him worriedly. "Do you want to come to live with us? Just like before, we will take care of you."

"..." Looking at him, it was like a lonely soul.

Ah, after four years, without letting them get a little reward, but repeatedly burdening them with hardships and even guilt, what is the value of survival?What's the use of holding on to another dream even with difficulty?Not even a place in the world to stand on, not even the ability to make those closest to you smile.

How ironic.

"Brother Hong and Sister Shangzi live with you, or..." He stared at him blankly, even speaking weakly.It was an experience that had dissolved both joy and sorrow.

"Those are not problems, honey..." Uncle looked into his eyes, but soon, he seemed to realize something.The words are just superficial politeness, the inferiority complex in my heart has long swallowed up all the ability to think, and I can't even see the hope of "life" in my eyes.

It was an expression that made him look almost cruel.

So this time it was Aunt Matsumoto again, it was like returning to the continuous drizzle in Tokyo four years ago, staring blankly at the only glass window leading to the sky in the ward every day, as if even the soul was taken by another world Walk.But now, the unconscious self has once again become such a character, staring at the ceiling, always seeing a scene in his sight, and even the stimulation gradually disappears.These seemingly peaceful four years have been tormented to the point of exhaustion. Even if you are smiling, even if you tell yourself that everything is fine time and time again, is that really the case?The dream of getting back became so fragile in front of a departing relative, thinking that I had no strength to face the remaining time.

So in the middle of the night, facing the moonlight coming in from the window, I once stared at the fruit knife on the table for a long time without looking away.As long as the voice clamoring to take down the knife in my mind is one more inch, I will reach out to pick it up, and use it to cut gently along the lines of my wrist, and then smile at the god of death.

Teacher Ueda probably saw the terrifying thoughts. From then on, she followed him every step of the way, watching the meal, taking a bath, and helping to cover the quilt.

The next day, the father's body was pushed into the cremation furnace.He walked peacefully, and Mr. Ueda said he fell into a coma in the ambulance and never woke up.Maybe just like his birth, he came to this planet quietly, and now he leaves quietly.Even though his image still remained in his mind, he still turned around and left so coolly.He lived a very poetic life, if not, perhaps his life would be less muddled.

But such an idea does not seem to be accepted.Because not long after, Mr. Ueda handed over the suicide note written by his father.

I never thought that this kind of thing that appeared in a novel would one day be squeezed into the palm of my hand, and write down his reluctance with that mature handwriting.

It is precisely because of the expectation that this day will come soon that he carefully prepares the suicide note.And when it was folded, the line of sight stopped for a long time in the most gentle handwriting:

"Honey, the greatest success in this life is to have it. The continuation of life is also the proof that this planet is still alive..."

……

Instead of going to Tokyo with Aunt Matsumoto, they discussed with the Ueda family for a long time, and Mr. Ueda seemed to take the initiative to take over the task of taking care of her.On the one hand, it was the physical inconvenience, and on the other hand, the unhealed heartache. In the end, everyone decided to respect their wishes and let them stay in Osaka for the time being, at least finishing high school.

So time went by, and soon there was only one left of that huge house, and Mr. Ueda would often stay here. Because of his stubbornness, he always felt that his father would come to him one night and heard anecdotes about him.

Soon after, a bitter wind blew from the far north.When blowing all the leaves off the tree, Ah Ba was forced to sleep in the room.

For a while after that, I stopped painting.Every day he will go to school as usual, Lan will comfort him, Youxiangli will visit him, and even Shiraishi and Ken, who are home on the weekend, will say "sorry" at a loss when they see her.

When Chitose called, he would always comfort him from a different angle, telling him not to get stuck in this small time point, and not to lose the overall situation because of one node.Yukimura came to Osaka not long after. Although he was already smiling at that time, he was not fooled by the strong smile.

He walked into the studio and saw the dusty drawing boards and the condensed and dried paint. He understood that since the day his father left, there was a big blank space, which was impossible even for painting. Fill in the blanks.

Ueda-sensei winked at him, and he saw what he was thinking, but he didn't see through it.They just laughed together, but on the day they left, when they came to see him off at the station, he squatted down in front of Mr. Ueda while he was going to buy a drink.

He asked if he could persist, and said that there are still many beautiful things in this world.Maybe he wanted to say, before seeing these things, shouldn't he cherish himself first?But at that time, she just looked at him with a faint smile, didn't respond to any of his words, didn't tell him about the shocking decision at that time, just buried everything in her heart, watched him get on the tram, and flew all the way from Osaka Station to Tokyo.

Maybe, I can't hold on anymore.

If so, even if he kept sending the life his father gave him, he probably wouldn't be able to face this world freely.

So in the future, at least you should not bother others, even the source of life has been cut off, you may have to give up painting, and it is the most pragmatic to support yourself with the hands that are still working... right...

……

One weekend near the end of the semester, sitting in a wheelchair and watching the back of Ueda-sensei leaving home due to an urgent matter, he leaned against the window of the room alone and looked around the room.

That last letter will sometimes be squeezed in the palm of the hand, and sometimes read.Thin curtains do not bleach the gray sky.With his head down, Ah Ba quietly slept on the opposite side.

Even he had been much quieter since his father had left, never growling loudly if he could.In order not to disturb the already fragile state of mind.

But this day is bound to become the most extraordinary day in four years. Soon, there was a regular knock on the door, and the knocking sound fell to the ground.