Manhattanhenge

Autumn came more unexpectedly than expected, and the cold wind brought by the cold air blew out the residual heat of summer.

The ginkgo leaves began to turn yellow, indicating that Beijing has entered a long autumn. Ning Yixiao couldn't tell what it felt like, as if she had experienced a summer movie. The curtain had already ended, but the lines of the movie were still stuck on the black screen. on the screen.

Every day spent with Su Hui is too short.

He knows that time does not exist, but it is just a measure of the movement and change of things. Perhaps it is because he is afraid of change and the burning enthusiasm will eventually fall like a parabola, so he does not want time to pass, and wants to freeze in the present .

But now is far from enough, he is not good enough to give Su Hui any future.

Ning Yixiao lived in contradictions day after day, worked hard, studied hard, and tried every means to build up his precarious life.He was afraid that if he stopped, all the good dreams he had would be shattered, and he would go back to the beginning.

He couldn't help but think of the morning when he left Su Hui's house, even though it had been two months, what Xu Zhi said was like a shadow branded in his heart, lingering.

He didn't sleep well that day, in a place that didn't belong to him, his dreams came and went, and he woke up very early.Su Hui was not by his side, Ning Yixiao got up, walked along the connecting balcony to the door of his room, and found that he was wearing earphones, writing and drawing on the bed.

Probably because of telepathy, Su Hui also suddenly raised his head, looked over through the glass, and met his gaze.

In the bright early morning, the garden was still sleeping in the milky white mist, Su Hui, who hadn't slept all night, jumped out of bed, ran over, and kissed Ning Yixiao through the glass.

He didn't stay for breakfast, and planned to leave early, but when he was going out, Xu Zhi stopped him, saying that he had to go to work, and dropped him off.

Ning Yixiao wanted to refuse, but it was difficult to get a taxi here, and he didn't want to ask Ji Yanan to arrange a driver for him. He wanted to understand Xu Zhi's intentions for him, so he agreed.

But what he didn't expect was that after getting in the car, the first thing Xu Zhi said was——

"You are Qin Yue's son, right?"

Ning Yixiao, who was sitting in the co-pilot, showed a calmness beyond his age. He looked at Xu Zhi and didn't speak.

Xu Zhi smiled, turned the steering wheel and drove out of Ji's villa. He said don't be nervous, just asking casually.

Ning Yixiao was expressionless, "Why do you ask that?"

Xu Zhi glanced at the traffic lights, then turned his head, "You look exactly like your mother."

Ning Yixiao rolled his eyes and fell into silence.

Xu Zhi stared at him all the time, and asked again, "You really don't remember me?"

Ning Yixiao shook his head.

"I thought your mother would mention me to you." Xu Zhi glanced away, his tone more relaxed than before, "Actually speaking, you should have seen me when you were young, but you were only one or two years old at that time, probably Already forgotten."

The corners of Xu Zhi's mouth curled up, but his eyebrows and eyes did not move. He observed Ning Yixiao's expression from time to time, and continued: "I was 16 years old at that time, and I hugged you. The mole on the corner of your eye is easy to recognize."

Ning Yixiao hardly had this memory. He tried to search in his mind, but he could only find some very vague fragments. It seemed that he vaguely remembered that his mother was holding him, facing a person, and asked him to learn to call him uncle, but as for that person Whether it was Xu Zhi, he didn't know.

Xu Zhi seemed to be distracted. During the half-hour journey, he talked about many things in the past intermittently.

"I can have today, thanks to your mother." Xu Zhi smiled, "Don't get me wrong, I mean it sincerely. If it wasn't for her helping me, I might have committed suicide by jumping into the sea. I know, in fact, at that time she I can't take care of myself, your father never came back, and her mother-in-law made things difficult for her and didn't recognize her, it's not easy for a woman to make a living there."

He looked at Ning Yixiao with a scrutiny in his eyes, "Qin Yue was so skinny back then that she didn't even have enough milk, and you were also skinny. I didn't expect to grow so tall now."

"I lived in your house for half a year. Qin Yue regarded me as a younger brother, but later I asked her to come with me, but she refused."

When the traffic light turned red, Xu Zhi rubbed his Jingming acupoint.There was no emotion in his tone, and Ning Yixiao didn't want to tell.

"How is your mother now?" Xu Zhi changed the topic and gave up reminiscing about the past.

Ning Yixiao was silent for a minute before giving the answer, "I don't know."

He wasn't lying, he wasn't being lazy, he really didn't know.His mother disappeared several years ago and has not contacted him once.

Xu Zhi didn't continue to ask, but smiled, "When I saw you, I thought Qin Yue's hard life was finally over. She is really suffering, and she is really stubborn. If you don't wait for your father wholeheartedly, no As for becoming like that."

Although Ning Yixiao resented her in his heart, he didn't want to hear a stranger talking about his mother casually, so he hardly spoke any more, and listened quietly, and got out of the car when he arrived at his destination.

Xu Zhi glanced at the environment of the office building, lowered the car window, and said goodbye to Ning Yixiao with a kind smile.

Ning Yixiao now still remembers Xu Zhi's appearance when he spoke. It seemed that he was not just sharing, but more like probing.

At first he thought that Xu Zhi had noticed the ambiguous relationship between him and Su Hui, but after talking in the car, he found that the focus was not on Su Hui, but on his mother, or Xu Zhi. past.

Ning Yixiao wanted to know what happened to them in the past, but in the past two months, he still couldn't contact his mother.

So on this windy night, after parting from Su Hui, Ning Yixiao plugged in the old SIM card again, opened it, and in the pile of debt collection threat text messages that almost filled the memory, he I kept flipping up and down, and I finally found the last message my mother sent before the high school entrance examination.

[Mom: The exam is coming, don't eat anything, my mother went to the temple in the town yesterday to burn incense for you, bless you safe and smooth, and be admitted to your favorite high school.Take it easy, it's fine. ]

Ning Yixiao wanted to know what kind of mood she had in saying this, and then disappeared completely with that damned stepfather.

Ning Yixiao doesn't know all of this, just like he never knows where his biological father is now, and whether he exists in this world.

According to the debt collector's request, Ning Yixiao used most of the summer internship salary to fill in the hole, leaving not much, barely enough to live on.

Su Hui asked more than once to help him repay his debts, but Ning Yixiao never agreed. He didn't know what it was, let Su Hui share the misery of his life?He can't do it.

Su Hui's life was not better than his, and Ning Yixiao knew better than anyone else that he didn't want to add even a little burden to his chaotic and collapsed life.

It's like standing beside him, walking on the sidewalk of the campus, even if it's just a fallen leaf falling on Su Hui's shoulder, Ning Yixiao will gently twirl it away for him.

But love itself has weight.

On the last day of the National Day holiday, Su Hui originally wanted to accompany Ning Yixiao to see a doctor, because he discovered a series of subtle symptoms such as Ning Yixiao paying too much attention to cleanliness, frequent hand washing, and so on. Afraid of affecting him, Su Hui secretly For inquiries, I called the previous psychologist and made an appointment for registration.

But just after breakfast, Ji Tailu informed him that he had an important lunch appointment with him, and asked him to clean up and follow him out.

Su Hui did not agree, but this family has never been left to him to decide.

Grandpa said that grandma would also be there, so Su Hui had nothing to say. He just said hello in advance and would be leaving at two o'clock at the latest. He had something urgent to do.

Except for Ji Yanan, who was on a business trip, everyone else was here, including Xu Zhi.

What Su Hui didn't expect was that after following his grandfather into the box, he found out that the so-called important guest was a girl around his age. After being introduced by his grandfather, it turned out that they were not only about the same age, but also had similar family backgrounds and education backgrounds.

Xu Zhi smiled and circled among several people, and arranged for the girl to change places, sit next to Su Hui, and praised them as "a perfect match" with a smile.

Su Hui felt suffocated, wanted to stand up several times, but slammed the door and left.He didn't hear a single word of the polite words between them, and even when the girl beside him introduced herself to him, he was completely distracted.

Probably the parent of the other party also saw something, and said with a smile: "It's okay, just treat it as a friend. Now the children's social circle is too narrow, and our Xiaoya rarely goes out. Actually, let me say, According to the relationship between our two families, you can both be regarded as childhood sweethearts, but you don’t have much contact with each other.”

Su Hui felt a little nauseated, so she drank tea and suppressed it.

After the meal was almost finished, Xu Zhi suggested that they go first and let Su Hui take Xiaoya to the coffee shop downstairs.

Su Hui didn't agree, "I still have something to do, I told you before."

Ji Tailu was about to get angry on the spot, "What can you do urgently? Take my sister for a walk first, she's not a gentleman at all."

"It's okay." The girl on the side was also a little scared by this posture, "Don't worry, there will be a chance in the future..."

Su Hui didn't want to give her wrong expectations, so he agreed and took her downstairs to the coffee shop on the first floor of the hotel.

But he only ordered coffee for the other party.

This girl named "Xiaoya" is obviously interested in him, it can be seen from her demeanor, so Su Hui doesn't want to delay her.

After the waiter left, he got straight to the point, "I'm sorry, today's situation was unexpected. I didn't expect that this meal was actually a blind date organized by parents."

Xiaoya was a little embarrassed, "It's okay, actually... I think you're pretty good, maybe today was a little rushed..."

Su Hui interrupted her softly, "They probably didn't tell you that I have a serious mental illness, bipolar disorder, and the medical history has been more than six years. It may not be cured in this life, and there is no guarantee that I will not relapse after being cured. "

His speech speed became a little fast, as if he was not describing himself, but an unimportant person, "When I am manic, I can't restrain my emotions. For example, I just had a meal, and I will make the atmosphere very tense. , staying up all night, hyperactive, spending impulsively, racing thoughts, talking a lot like a madman."

The girl in front of her eyes showed retreat obviously.

"That's not all. When I was depressed, I couldn't even get out of bed, and I didn't want to say a word. I had serious suicidal tendencies. I still have scars on my body."

Su Hui smiled, looking careless, his morbid frankness seemed to make him look more charming, but this pretty face also clearly stated - I am very dangerous.

Xiaoya was quiet, a little confused, "Why do you say these things?"

"They lied to you, I don't want to, this disease is not simple." Su Hui took out a cigarette from his pocket, took one out and put it in his mouth, when he looked up, he realized that smoking is not allowed here, so he took it out and held it between his fingers , the filter taps lightly on the table.

If it wasn't for the fear of involving Ning Yixiao, he even wanted to confess directly that he is a homosexual through and through, and he can only love one person.

"And I have someone I like." Su Hui smiled like a child, "I can't be separated from him."

After he finished speaking, he stood up, "I'm leaving after I've finished speaking."

Just as she was turning around, Su Hui heard her behind her and asked in a moderate voice—won't your illness hurt the person you like?

Su Hui's footsteps paused, he originally wanted to turn around and be more serious, telling her that the person he likes is very good and strong, and he is not afraid.

But for some reason, he didn't do that, and just walked away, looking very much like fleeing.

Sitting in the taxi to the hospital, Su Hui's cell phone kept ringing. It was all calls from his grandfather. He turned off the phone immediately, his mind was confused, and he was a little distracted. He couldn't think of a certain day during the summer vacation for no reason.

At that time, he spent the weekend in Ning Yixiao's rented house. At that time, he was temporarily assigned to work by the professor, and he didn't bring his own computer, so he had to borrow Ning Yixiao's.

When looking for information, Su Hui directly opened the browser and clicked on the search box.

Unexpectedly, the previous historical search records appeared directly below.

[How to get along with bipolar patients?

How to take care of a bipolar patient

How should lovers get along with bipolar patients?

How to make a bipolar patient happy?

What are the taboos in dating someone with bipolar disorder?

What do bipolar patients need? ]

He quietly ignored those, searched for the papers he needed, finished the work, returned the computer to Ning Yixiao, and deliberately left a new document that was not closed, with only one sentence in it.

[Patient Su Hui needs Ning Yixiao's love. ]

The driver drove very fast, and soon woke up the dazed Su Hui.

Fortunately, he did not miss the appointment consultation number. At the hospital gate, he saw Ning Yixiao who was waiting, standing quietly, like the only fir tree standing in the forest that had been cut down, left there alone.

Su Hui was sad about this for no reason, but still pretended to be happy and ran over, ignoring other people's eyes, and rushed to hug him, although the hug only lasted a few seconds.

Ning Yixiao showed a shallow smile, shook Su Hui's fingertips, and went up with him.

During the consultation, Su Hui who was waiting outside seemed to be more nervous than Ning Yixiao. He could even hear his own heartbeat beating against his chest.

When he desperately wanted to come out, the doctor told him that it was just that he was thinking too much, Ning Yixiao was actually fine.

In the hall waiting for the number to be called, there were many people sitting on benches in rows. Next to Su Hui was a young couple who looked about his age.They were playing with a small toy, a pacman dinosaur, and the boy played with it, and somehow the colored beans were scattered all over the floor.

Su Hui bent down to help them pick up a lot, the two kept thanking them, Su Hui smiled and said you're welcome.

They were very cheerful and quickly introduced him. The boy's name was Yu Jie, and the girl's name was Lili.Coincidentally, Lily also suffers from bipolar disorder, just like Su Hui.

Probably because they had a common illness, they chatted a little more.Judging from the words and deeds of the two, they are a young couple who love each other very much. They can't leave each other's eyes and hold hands tightly all the time. Su Hui feels a very definite sense of happiness when looking at them.

"We plan to get married in two years." Lily was very excited. "After Xiaojie gets his driver's license, we will go to travel to take wedding photos. Do you know travel photography?"

Su Hui nodded, "I also really want to travel, to see the whole world."

"Go and go." Lily laughed with dimples, "You can come with us."

Su Hui looked at her as if she was looking at herself in the manic period, so she just smiled and did not dispel her enthusiasm, "If there is a chance, I am very willing."

Yu Jie asked again: "Then who are you accompanying to see a doctor? You should be waiting for someone."

Su Hui barely hesitated, and said with a smile, "I'll accompany my boyfriend."

Because they are strangers who have never met, Su Hui can freely reveal to them the secret that he wants the whole world to know.

This pair of young lovers who met by chance has become the only witness of this relationship so far.

After chatting for a while, Ning Yixiao came out. Su Hui noticed it immediately, said goodbye to the two, walked up to Ning Yixiao, and asked about his condition.

After leaving the hospital, they went back to school directly. Ning Yixiao said he wanted to read a paper, so Su Hui accompanied him to the library.During the holidays, there were very few people in the library, and they went directly to the lowest floor. Su Hui directly found a dead corner where no one was monitoring, and took him there. Ning Yixiao read papers, and he borrowed a book. Book, sitting next to him, reading quietly.

Just when Ning Yixiao was fascinated by the research thesis model, a book suddenly appeared in front of him, covering the computer screen and his face.

The next second, Su Hui leaned over and blew into Ning Yixiao's ear.The moment Ning Yixiao turned his face away because of this, Su Hui kissed her.

He kissed deeply, the metallic tongue nails collided with the tips of Ning Yixiao's teeth, the soft tip of his tongue poked in, entangled with Ning Yixiao's, he really didn't want to be separated like that, he desperately inhaled the hot steam he exhaled, and his lips and teeth were close together .

One minute later, Su Hui's chest rose and fell violently, and she ended the kiss while panting.With wet eyes, he looked at Ning Yixiao's astonished face tainted with desire, and with a sly smile, he pointed out a certain part of the book to him.

Ning Yixiao looked over, and there was a scene in which the hero and heroine embraced and kissed each other under the heavy snow.

Su Hui said boldly, "It's beautifully written. I wanted to learn it, so I did it."

After finishing speaking, he looked at Ning Yixiao, like an ignorant kitten repeatedly testing the owner's bottom line with actions, "Will you be angry?"

Ning Yixiao frowned, how could he be angry with him.

It's just that Su Hui's behavior today is a little strange, as if he really needs to prove something, such as being favored.

"You won't be angry, right?" Su Hui leaned over and stared into his eyes, with an ambiguous glint on his lips.He lowered his voice and said softly, "I really like kissing like this."

Under the table, Su Hui's toes touched Ning Yixiao's ankle.

"Can I do it again?"

Ning Yixiao hooked his lips, but did not come to kiss him, but pulled Su Hui into his arms and gave him a very full and tight hug.

"not in a good mood?"

He rubbed Su Hui's hair with his broad palm and kissed his forehead.

In the quiet corner of the library, this comforting hug lasted for ten seconds. Ning Yixiao easily saw through Su Hui's uneasiness concealed by desire.

"Don't read it, come home with me."