Why aren't people raising me

Natsume Masaharu couldn't describe his mood at this time. He felt helpless from being hit by reality, confused about the future, helpless sadness, and impotent anger with nowhere to vent.

Natsume Masaharu threw the towel on Xia Youjie's head, and it was the first time that he felt such deep disgust for his identity as a monster.

"Can't get married? Are you kidding me?!"

Natsume Masaharu's voice trembled and broke,

"Since the end result is invisible, why don't you see it from the beginning? What is this? Keep a good memory, and then read this past and go your own way without interfering with each other?!"

His incomprehension, resentment, dissatisfaction and displeasure could not be conveyed to Xia Youjie. To the human ears, the surroundings were still so quiet that it was a bit lonely.

"Master Yazhi..." Yi Nan looked at him sadly, "You have lost your faith, and your demon power has also become very weak, except for the mysterious and elusive 'fate', maybe this is why you can no longer appear in front of him s reason……"

"Faith?" Masaharu Natsume bit the word hard, he turned his head and stared at Yi Nan, the big demon was the only one he could confide in at this time, "Do I have to rely on others to live! I must inherit the mountain god Can you be him?"

"Yazhi?" Xia Youjie realized something after being hit on the head by the towel, and asked tentatively in the room,

Natsume Masaharu gritted his teeth, "Then I'll hire someone to come to the head office of Faith. It doesn't need much, as long as it's enough to maintain my figure in front of my friends..."

Natsume Masaharu doesn't want to be ignored, doesn't want to be forgotten.

It was even more terrifying than death. It was so terrifying that Natsume Masaharu's blood froze all over his body.

Natsume Masaharu picked up the phone and wanted to edit the text, but his hand directly passed through the real thing.

It seemed that the air was deprived for a moment, Natsume Masaharu thought that he had missed the position and grasped the wrong place, so he stretched out his hand again.

This time he saw it clearly, his hand passed through the phone in vain,

"Yi Nan..." Natsume Masaharu called out the big demon's name in panic, "I, this is..."

His weakness visible to the naked eye, not being seen is just a phased signal, Natsume Masaharu's body is gradually losing its substance, Yi Nan quickly thought of the reason,

"The mountain god... is the god who protects the mountain. Like the land god, he cannot leave the place where he was born."

"You have relied on Hachihara many times before."

"Without the powerful power of faith... Yazhi! You will have no strength to stay outside!"

Yi Nan quickly hugged Yazhi, but luckily they could still touch each other, "I'll take you back to Yayuan right now, hold on!"

A gust of hurricane passed through the window, Xia Youjie seemed to sense it, and stared blankly at the horizon,

He felt it intuitively...

"Could it be... Masaharu has been around just now?"

***

Yi Nan was flying desperately, Natsume Masaharu didn't even have the strength to hug his neck, he felt the cold for the first time, as if the cold wind from the high sky snow field penetrated into the bone marrow, pouring into the heart along every blood vessel, It made him tremble.

He closed his eyes at first, but it was too dark, there was no light in the night, he opened his eyes in shock, then raised his eyes slightly to look at Yi Nan's chin,

This gave him courage, as long as he was still breathing and his eyes were still able to see, he was reluctant to leave.

"I will persevere, Yi Nan."

Yi Nan was so anxious that she was a little annoyed, "Don't talk at a time like this."

Natsume Masaharu smiled slightly, "Many people still remember me, I won't just disappear here."

"I'll take you back to Yahara, your monster friends are waiting for you, Masaharu."

"—Your friends are not just humans!"

……

In a daze, Natsume Masaharu opened his eyes.

He found himself resting on the lap of Grandpa One Mu, with Master Sanxiao lying beside him, surrounded by a bunch of monsters, big and small.

Natsume Masaharu understood, his voice was inaudible, "It seems... I have returned."

"You're home, Masaharu." One-eyed grandfather touched his forehead, "No matter what happens outside, you won't be wronged when you get home."

They heard rumors more or less, because they would deliberately ask the passing monsters about Yaji. the expelled party.

He was confronted by an invisible sharp knife, and human beings said to him: don't approach, don't stay, you'd better disappear from now on, it's better never to appear.

Natsume Masaharu's eye sockets were a little sore, his body had already warmed up, and he was lying in the arms of Grandpa One Eye, so comfortable that he wanted to cry,

"In fact, I didn't suffer much grievances. I don't care about those fame. No matter how many people praise me, I never take it to heart, because I don't have any great love. The love is only distributed to a small number of partners. , that small number of partners is enough to light up my world."

"but……"

Natsume Masaharu choked up, "But they can't see me anymore."

"Not being able to see is just the beginning. I can't touch them gradually, and they won't notice if I pat them on the shoulder. Then, the memory about monsters will be forgotten one day."

"It may have disappeared little by little, or it may have been emptied suddenly when I woke up one morning."

The monsters listened to his voice quietly, not disturbing him thoughtfully,

Natsume Masaharu raised his hand to block his eyes, "The most unacceptable thing for me is..."

"—I can't participate in their lives."

From the moment he stepped into the human city, Masaharu Natsume was deeply attracted.

He envied the life of human beings, envied them making friends and having fun, envied them talking about the future, envied them busy every day, he even envied the homeless on the side of the road, because where human beings walk, there will be footprints, and every human being does Decisions can affect the trajectory of others.

Originally, it was just envy.

But Natsume Masaharu felt the happiness of "becoming" a human being.

That is the feeling of being watched, being cherished wholeheartedly, and looking forward to planning the future itinerary together, so that every day can be coded with different numbers, so that every day is no longer monotonous and meaningless.

Because time is passing, every day is unique, and every day that passes is lost, Natsume Masaharu really has a sense of "alive".

Natsume Masaharu sometimes imagines that when Gojo Gojo and Xia Youjie grow old, they should complain about his eternal youth while asking him to go fishing, or eat cakes that are too sweet to lose their teeth, or gesture to the sunset that they will never leave. Such a powerful fist.No matter what, Natsume Masaharu has participated in their lives, they will consider Natsume Masaharu, they will miss Natsume Masaharu, and they may love Natsume Masaharu forever.

Natsume Masaharu took his hand away and looked up at the pale sky, "I don't want to lose them just like that...Grandpa Ichime, I want to repair the shrine, attract believers, and become strong again."

Strong enough to walk out of Yayuan and not be trapped in this small mountain.

***

Natsume Masaharu was unwilling to end like this, he took his mobile phone and sent a text message to Gojo Satoru, and the other party came with Xia Youjie's spell, so fast that Masaharu was still thinking about the reason for editing,

So fast, is it already ready to come to Yayuan?

The blue-eyed young man stood in the forest. Somehow he saw something with his six eyes. He seemed to be attracted by something strange and stopped for a long time.

Natsume Masaharu stood in front of him, "My friends are very curious, as long as they don't hate humans, they all come here."

There were many monsters around the scene, most of them hid behind the blades of grass to observe.

But Gojo Satoru didn't hear Natsume Masaharu's voice, he accurately found Natsume Masaharu's location, "Masaharu...are you here, are you talking to me?"

Sure enough, not only Xia Youjie, but Wujo Wu couldn't see him anymore.

Masaharu Natsume's mood fell to the bottom again, he cheered up and greeted several people by text message, and Gojo Satoru said, "You look a little lighter than before."

Mantra sometimes attaches to real objects, but Natsume Masaharu's body is blurred, looking like a transparent person.

[I want to recruit believers, choose sober guys who will not be influenced by God. ] Natsume Masaharu cut to the chase, [I remember having such a profession. ]

"You're going to disappear, aren't you?" Xia Youjie said suddenly.

Natsume Masaharu: [Don't curse me, this is too unlucky, I just become weaker. ]

As long as there is one person in the world who remembers the mountain god, the god will not die.

"How many people are needed." Gojo Satoru was also very straightforward, his brows were depressed, looking a little dull and irritable, "I can find as many people as you want."

Xia Youjie said to the air, "I can also make people in the Panxing Sect believe in you."

The two well-connected guys made a promise to him, trying to find the power of faith for Natsume Masaharu, and the shrine on the mountain was repaired intermittently by Natsume Masaharu and his partners. Natsume Masaharu could feel his strength recovering, everything All seem to be developing as expected.

However, Natsume Masaharu never showed his figure in front of his friends, as if the fate between them was broken.

What made him tremble even more was that he couldn't get out of Yayuan.

Maybe the number of people who remember him is still too small, maybe there is not enough sincere faith, maybe he has gone through the vague period of transforming into a mountain god.

Natsume Masaharu had to work hard even to get out of the mountain. His heart was so painful that it seemed to be splitting open. Every step he took seemed to be so heavy that he could kneel down immediately. Natsume Masaharu failed countless times. When he was lying on the ground and looked at the sky, suddenly Then I understood why the mountain god who saved me wanted to go out for a walk——

Trapped in his birthplace all his life, the mountain god saves a child, passes his power and identity to him, and is briefly free.

Natsume Masaharu grinned, "Forget it...it's my repayment."

Natsume Masaharu couldn't go out, but Gojo Gojo and Xia Youjie came here very frequently, and came to Yayuan with Natsume Masaharu's favorite snacks every now and then. The transportation for both of them was very convenient. Gojo Satoru left a mark on Yahara, which was a pattern that Masaharu Natsume couldn't understand.

"This, it's a spell. As long as I find the right location, I can teleport to this place at any time." Gojo Satoru and Natsume Masaharu explained, "It's just that I can't take you out."

The two seemed to be afraid that Natsume Masaharu would be lonely, so they would come here whenever they had time. Although they didn't say anything, Natsume Masaharu knew their intentions.

As Wu is the strongest, when he is too busy to visit Yazhi, Xia Youjie will arrange all the work outside together to finish, and then directly move the official documents and desk to Yayuan.

"Why don't I just set up a branch here." He said with a smile, making it hard to tell whether it was the truth or a joke.

Masaharu Natsume would take his documents and read them, most of which were activity plans and project funding tables, which were a headache to look at.

[This kind of thing is good for you to understand, I think it takes several years to master it. ] He chatted with Xia Youjie on his mobile phone, and the other party grabbed his hair helplessly, "I don't understand, I rely on money to survive."

The first projects always lose money, but Panxingjiao has enough funders, so the money seems to be spent for fun, Xia Youjie felt like a fool who squandered his wealth, "If you are here, you must Can take care of it better than me."

Natsume Masaharu was speechless.

He rattled and typed with anger, [I'm here, but I can't do anything. ]

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Xia Youjie saw the hidden meaning of this sentence, "I don't mean anything else."

Gojo Satoru can see the shape and position of monsters. Although he can't communicate with them, and sometimes he can't touch them, it's something new to make friends with non-human beings, so he likes to join Natsume Masaharu's bonfire party. Dafu bribed the monsters to treat him as a treasure.

"When will that tall white-haired man come?"

"The black-haired one is here, why isn't the white-haired one here?"

"What delicious food will Wutiao bring us today?"

These are the words that the monsters are talking about. Natsume Masaharu is often dumbfounded by their questions, "You are not afraid of him anymore. You are the ones who are most active in hiding from humans."

Such days are a bit dull, but Natsume Masaharu also experienced a different kind of happiness.

— for a short period of time only.

Life without friends is still boring.

One day, Natsume Masaharu found out that Gojo Satoru missed his appointment.

"Too busy?" he speculated, "but at least send a message."

Yazhi was the first to send a text message to inquire, and it took a long time for the other party to reply, "...you are?"

Those two words seemed to announce that some persistence had finally broken.

Natsume Masaharu stared at the phone screen tightly, never blinking or breathing, and after three seconds, another message was sent quickly from the other side, "Masaharu! I'm sorry I've been too busy recently..."

I didn't mention forgetting you, but I said I forgot you everywhere.

This is just a sign of forgetting, Natsume Masaharu took a deep breath for a long time, his shoulders shrugged and his fingers trembled, and finally he only responded with a short and calm: [It's okay. ]

The effort that should be done has been done, and the rest is just letting nature take its course.

Yinan once asked him if he needed his help, the big demon can create false memories in the human mind, but Natsume Masaharu pondered for a long time, and said to him, "No need..."

So what if I remember.

Couldn't Natsume Masaharu see the pain of those two?

Although they will still be together, they can't see or hear, and the contact is intermittent. This kind of getting along also grinds their nerves, as if they are playing a false show with a ghost that doesn't exist.

They are also suffering the pain of parting from their friends.

Unable to do anything about it, we race against time together, but dare not imagine what will happen afterwards.

"Akashi Masaharu has already left them once, and Natsume Masaharu seems to be saying a long goodbye."

So when he had a premonition that it might be the last time they met, Natsume Masaharu quietly took their mobile phone and deleted all his contact information and text message records in it.

He did all this without any hesitation, without even thinking about it, because as soon as he got his mind to think, he resisted what he was doing—he was making others forget about himself.

This cognition gave Natsume Masaharu the illusion of killing himself.

Then...winter went to spring, and they never came to Yayuan again.

……

Obviously still familiar with the time in Yahara, Natsume Masaharu has never felt so difficult.

He thought of the death of the monster that his friends had said, and often thought to himself, if he died——

It must have been a lonely death.

He has created value, at least he is worthy of his heart, he has brought countless miracles, even if few people remember, few people know that he did it, he doesn't care, because he satisfies himself, he knows what he did All results.

But... that alone is not enough.

Humans are creatures that need to communicate with each other,

Natsume Masaharu couldn't get the feedback he wanted, he couldn't share joy and sorrow, or he didn't even have the experience of creating joy and sorrow, only unspeakable loneliness.

Grandpa Ichime wanted to comfort him, Natsume Masaharu also clearly understood that someone cared about him, but...

"If I never leave Yayuan, maybe I can spend this life with peace of mind."

The identity of the mountain god seems to be a cage, and the soul that is different from the monsters also makes Masaharu unable to find a confidant.

In summer, when Masaharu Natsume was leaning against a tree to relax, he heard a call that was so familiar that it would make him cry.

"Jaji."

The boy under the tree looked up at him with a happy smile on his face,

"I came to Yayuan, and I've lived here ever since."

Natsume Takashi came to the hometown of his grandmother Natsume Reiko and came to the hometown of Natsume Masaharu.

"I was adopted by Uncle Zi and Aunt Toko." His eyes were peaceful and gentle, and there was a shadow of Natsume Masaharu in his pupils, "I just heard that your surname was given to you by monsters because they knew my grandmother." , look at it this way..."

He chuckled lightly, the laughter was a little clear and pleasant,

"We are really destined."

Natsume Masaharu's eyes moved slightly, and he also smiled,

He dangled a leg from the tree, put one hand on his knee, and sat in a casual and chic posture, "I got this fate because I followed your butt. You were so afraid of me that you ran for several streets. Tell me to go away."

Speaking of the embarrassing things in his childhood, Takashi Natsume frowned slightly, seemingly blaming, but laughing, "Obviously you were afraid of me and hid, thinking that I hated you, so soft-hearted that you didn't dare to approach me. "

Natsume Masaharu landed in front of him, "I'll look for you later."

"But I've moved away, and it took years to meet you again."

"Well, I remember, the handsome kid who held an umbrella for me." Masaharu Natsume rolled his eyes, "Now he has grown into a handsome boy."

"Wind, graceful?" Natsume Takashi blushed, "That's a description of a girl, Masaharu!"

"Oh, oh, did I use the wrong word again?" Natsume Masaharu rested his chin and reflected, "Then, handsome and unrestrained?"

……

Natsume Takashi's arrival briefly dispelled Natsume Masaharu's loneliness.

He said everything to Natsume Takashi and got the understanding and comfort he wanted.

Natsume Masaharu looked at Natsume Takashi with different eyes.

There is a lot of cherishment that I didn't have when treating others, and a lot of indistinguishable emotions.

Natsume Takashi would sometimes be uncomfortable with Natsume Masaharu's eyes, "...why are you looking at me like that?"

He asked because he really cared.

"Because..." Natsume Masaharu said affectionately, "Only you met the real Natsume Masaharu."

Natsume Masaharu has not yet recalled his second life.

He obviously often stayed with the second generation's friends, and was taken by them to the places Akashi Masaharu frequented, but he didn't recall anything useful.

So Natsume Masaharu was a little angry... He felt that people are made up of memories, and he who has no memory of Akashi Masaharu is just Natsume Masaharu.

Natsume Masaharu's life as a "human being" ended at the shrine when he was a baby, and started with Natsume Takashi.

Unable to go to the human city anymore, Natsume Masaharu can only try to help others online.

Darryl didn't urge him to atone for his sins anymore, as if he could see that he was powerless, but Natsume Masaharu didn't give up.

He joined several chat rooms and chat groups in various ways, in which many people vented the pressure of life and the depression in their hearts, and many people even discussed ways to commit suicide.

How can we not be discovered, how can we die without pain, how can we escape from this breathless world.

"what is this……"

As soon as he learned that such a chat group existed, Natsume Masaharu was so startled that he didn’t close his eyes all day and night. He browsed through the information and tentatively chatted with many people. Because the network cable isolated people’s real identities, it was easier for them to talk to strangers. open up.

[I feel as if I have lost the function of happiness, like an old man with degenerated everything, but I am only 22 years old, and I think about why I am alive every day. ]

[There is a cliff on West Street. I heard that three people have jumped off it. I also want to...]

Natsume Masaharu chatted with several people at the same time, acting as an emotional trash can, and to his relief it seemed to be working.

He also found a person in the group who didn't talk very much. The other person seemed withdrawn and his brain circuits were weird. When talking to him, he felt... like a child who was still in the curious stage.

Natsume Masaharu was often played around by him, and was even laughed at, [You work so hard, what's the use? ]

[Will you feel happy about it yourself? ]

"He's mocking you." Darryl craned his neck to see the message, "Hmph, you nasty brat."

"Little devil? Do you know him? Reaper can still recognize people with an internet cable?" Natsume Masaharu was surprised, "Although he was ridiculed, this guy is just protecting himself with sharp words, and he reads my news every time. , obviously looking forward to my chatting with him."

"Oh..." Darryl said in a daze.

Natsume Masaharu glanced at her, "Why are you unhappy?"

Darryl didn't say it, and Natsume Masaharu didn't force it.

He answered every message seriously, [It is useful, I feel very happy. ]

Then there was no reply.

Some of his chat partners noticed his [-]/[-] anomaly, and said in a relaxed tone,

[Why does it feel like you don't need to work, you are always waiting for me on the Internet. ]

[Because I'm sick and staying at home, only you can chat with me. ]

Natsume Masaharu worked hard to make them feel that they were needed. He took the book that Natsume Takashi found and learned how to make language vivid and soulful, so that people would be genuinely happy when they touched words.

He learned to tell cold and off-the-wall jokes, and to communicate with a group of emotionally sensitive people in more delicate words. He found that some people like to receive letters, paper letters, because the process of waiting for the letters to arrive can make them feel better. They persist for a long time.

So he started writing letters again. The format of writing letters and short messages is different, and the language style is also different. Natsume Masaharu held the notebook and asked Natsume Takashi to teach him,

That summer, Masaharu Natsume was extremely busy,

"Let me think about it. It was autumn in this letter. Should I add some beautiful scenery descriptions?"

Takashi Natsume agreed, "It's true if you follow the literary route."

"Then put your emotions into the environment, use the scene to support the emotion, and use the emotion to complement the scene—"

Natsume Masaharu revised several editions like a student writing a composition, and then communicated with Natsume Takashi which edition expressed more delicate and sincere emotions,

"Autumn always makes me feel desolate. Whether it's the air, the leaves, or the cold wind passing slowly, it seems that even human feelings are cold. Because I don't like it, I don't want to end my life at this time."

"Surviving the autumn when everything is withered, it is the cold winter. Don't you like winter too? But people always look forward to the New Year. If they die during the New Year, it is a funeral that ruins everyone's happiness. The condolences are also very annoying. Yes, so let the winter pass quickly."

"The scenery in spring is good, I like the sea of ​​flowers, so..."

Masaharu Natsume has become the most active person in the chat group, but sometimes chatting is not more than meeting, meeting is not more than companionship, those grayed-out portraits laugh at Masaharu's incompetence from time to time.

[I bought two cans of sleeping pills, thank you. ]

[I just want to say goodbye to you at the end. ]

Natsume Masaharu hated himself even more for not being able to get out of Yayuan.

If he was a human, he could go to those people and maybe save many lives.

But he is not.

……

Just barely surviving, Natsume Masaharu heard a bad news at the end of summer.

—Silver turned into a firefly and dissipated.

"...What did you say?" Natsume Masaharu was stunned after learning this from Yinan, "Why so suddenly?"

"They went to the monster festival, but there were human children mixed in, and Yin accidentally bumped into it..." Yi Nan returned the letter he had sent for Yazhi, "This...he can't receive it anymore."

He can't get it anymore.

His only "similar" in that world ushered in their destined ending.

Natsume Masaharu opened his eyes wide in a daze, and suddenly burst into tears uncontrollably.

Tears welled up in his eyes, seeming to be shining lightly.

Natsume Takashi wanted to step forward to hug him, but suddenly his whole body stiffened, a little fear rose in his eyes, "Masaji!"

The light in front of my eyes is not an illusion, but a real glimmer like a firefly.

Masaharu Natsume's whole body became hazy in the radiating light.

The monsters were attracted by the light and watched this scene with bated breath.

"Maji, what are you...?!"

Natsume Takashi was at a loss, he glanced around in panic, "There are no human beings here, I didn't touch you! How could this happen—!"

Natsume Masaharu knew it,

His expression was a little relieved, "I think of it, when the Lord Mountain God left me in this posture, it was because of my strong desire—to live."

"And now..."

Natsume Masaharu's voice gradually softened,

"That wish no longer exists."

Natsume Masaharu ushered in his demise due to the broken promise of the technique.

This seems to be an established reality.

Starting from returning to Yayuan,

He went from struggle to sad compromise, from depression to numbness, and from numbness to despair.

"No, don't..." Natsume Takashi stretched out his hand tremblingly, "Masaharu! Is there no way to save you...!"

do not leave Me……

There was such a sad longing in the child's eyes,

"do not leave Me……"

He said this, otherwise...there may be no chance in the future.

Natsume Masaharu glanced at his disappearing fingertips, Natsume Takashi wanted to touch him, but he was afraid of making him disappear faster.

"Don't be sad..."

Natsume Masaharu couldn't bear to say,

"Master Mountain God just left a part of my soul, maybe, maybe I have already been reincarnated as a human..."

He lied.

"Takashi, if I become a human..."

"You will become a human!" Natsume Takashi hurriedly shouted, he showed a weeping expression, and closed his eyes slightly, unwilling to look at Masaharu's dissipating body, "Didn't you always want to become a human, this wish will definitely come true." accomplish."

As a monster, Natsume Masaharu's life seems to be stained with other people's shadows, and nothing seems to be left behind.

Natsume Masaharu leaned over and kissed the brown-haired boy's forehead.

It was a very light kiss, a little holy, a little regretful, with Natsume Masaharu full of gratitude,

Natsume Takashi opened his eyes and hugged him tightly,

I will never forget, in the summer, a hug with warmth,

"Can't I make you live?" Natsume Takashi said with a weeping voice in Masaharu's ear,

Natsume Masaharu hugged him tightly, "I'm not brave enough."

Can't bear the forgetting of others, can't bear the cage-like mountains and forests, can't bear being unable to participate in anything... sad and lonely.

I cannot bear the long life,

"If I were reincarnated as a human..."

"Kishi,"

"Can you come and see me—?"

"Because Natsume Takashi knows the purest and true Natsume Masaharu."