be humble, be humble

Floating and sinking to dream [Mid-Autumn Festival]

monologue

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When I woke up, I felt as if I had fallen into an ice cave, and the surroundings were bitingly cold.

Alone again?I thought about it a little self-deprecatingly, this is not the first time this has happened.

This kind of cold probably can't restrain me at all. After all, the deeper cold comes from the heart.

If I remember correctly, probably today is a very beautiful day, after all, it is a day of reunion, even the moon in the sky, which is always crooked, is also full.

What exactly is this place?I haven't figured it out yet.

It always feels like time is no longer flowing

No, it's not that it doesn't flow, it's just that there is a feeling that time is repeating back and forth impermanently, and the future can't be seen, so it's always dark like this.

Only when I go to this kind of place, I will occasionally feel that there is a problem with my memory. The previous memory is always so vague and so unreal.

Unless, that's really not what I've been through?Because the strangeness is so strong.

The sense of satisfaction that is forced on, even if the heart will be filled with a warm feeling at that moment, but what is it trying to cover up?

to cover up

to cover up

———The desolation and loneliness in my heart

Fear has no meaning anymore, time stops at this moment, and the eternal life that many human beings dream of, in fact, only needs time to stop.

Is that eternal sleep also a kind of eternal life?

I should really think about it, in this endless darkness, think about it.

Mind, start to leap

---------------------------two---------------------- --------

In this boundless journey, I think I was full of enthusiasm at the beginning, but gradually, I seemed to be bearish on everything.

There's nothing wrong with that, as we all get bored sometimes.

It's just that the time span is not very large. In our opinion, such a time is just a flick of a finger.

However, why the heart is already cold.

Looking back on the past, every minute and every second that can be thought of in the past, every moment in memory, is like a passing cloud, and I want to catch it but I can't catch it.

Obviously I met a very good person, very good, really good, so good that it feels too real, as if it just exists in an too beautiful fairy tale.

However, he couldn't be moved by it.

Even if you meet them for the first time, those familiar figures.The throbbing in my heart is indelible, but they are them after all, not what I want

By the way, what do I want?

Is memory really so cruel?Why are there only those vague impressions.

How could the outline in memory be so similar to theirs

But so different.

Their feeling is almost familiar, as if they have known each other many years ago, or in other words, they have been deeply engraved in the bone marrow.

But again, it's so different.

It's a contradictory feeling

It's hard to say I don't have any feelings, it just always feels like someone gave me their best years ago.

I'm still me, but I'm not me anymore.

I don't know where my heart is lost.

---------------------------three---------------------- --------

For brothers and sisters, it feels really amazing.

They are probably the only people I respect from the bottom of my heart.

Only by their side can I feel that I am loved and deeply loved.

The dependence is really serious, so serious that they want to push me away and send me into the hands of the so-called partner.

There is no partner, they are all imaginary, I am myself, I don't need anyone.

Sometimes I'm so self-willed that they have to make me do what I should do obediently in an uncomfortable way.

This way may be unacceptable to other people, but I am me, I just want them to worry about me, so that I don't feel so far away from them.

This is a bit selfish?

Well, just a little willfulness.

Who is not self-willed, everyone has been self-willed.

Such a playful tone is not something I would issue, really.

Except by their side.

I still remember that one of them said to me in an old-fashioned way: When you grow up, hurry up and find someone to marry.

How can the word marry be used? It sounds really strange.

Thinking about it now, at that time they were thinking about whether they had a partner or not.

I don't want a partner, I'd like to be an oil bottle, behind them, so that they don't care about me.

I will only obey them on the surface, only on the surface.

they're really getting impatient

None of them stared at me all the time like they used to.

They only look at me once or twice from afar, and occasionally tell me what to do.

I didn't do what they said, and they didn't punish me too much, they just used another method to urge me to finish well.

These tasks are clearly set by them, why must I do it, they clearly know that I don't like it.

They must also know that I'm not going to do my job well.

By their side, I can no longer feel that kind of deep pampering.

I can feel their anxiety.

What am I doing wrong?

I just don't want to leave them.

They are becoming more and more unreasonable, and I can clearly feel that they love me.

Could my feelings be fooling me too.

They were pushing me away with certainty.

Should I not rely too much on them like this, I don’t act like a baby too much, I think I should always be very independent, even if it’s just on the surface,

Should I really be independent, or can I find a place where I can depend on my feelings.

Where can put the feelings, there can be

Should we really find someone who can love

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Thinking about now, I can feel loved, clearly.

Wouldn't it be too narcissistic or too sentimental?

It's hard to say without that throbbing.

But that doesn't mean I'm in love, too.

This says nothing.

It's time to think about how to deal with this feeling in the future.

After all, my life tends to be endless, but what about them?

Birth, old age, sickness and death don't just belong to others, after all, they still have to be fulfilled.

Even though many of them are not human, this is still too short for me.

However, I really don’t want to go through this long journey alone, it’s really nice to have someone to accompany me

For them, even if all of their lives are devoted to love, but for me?

I also hope that all my life is given to love, that feeling is too illusory.

I admit that I really want to love, but I am afraid.

I was alone all the time, all the time.

Even if I can be with the person I love forever, who can guarantee that such feelings will not be worn out in this long life.

First meeting is beautiful, but getting along and falling in love can stand the test.

This is really cruel, going around and going back to the starting point.

After all, I am not brave enough, I am afraid that I am not strong enough to withstand such setbacks.

Brothers and sisters, don’t you also hope that I will learn to be strong?

Be strong, you will be slowly cultivated after experiencing setbacks, does this mean that I should try it?

Love is too beautiful, how can you not experience it once in your life?

I feel, I get it...