who will you be

He had met many beautiful girls, but none of them moved him so much, none of them.

They are either peonies competing for beauty, or narcissus who are self-pitying. They live arrogantly in their own imagination and are full of prejudice against the world.They are very beautiful, very very beautiful, but this kind of beauty has no warmth at all.

She was different, he was convinced of that.What he didn't think about was whether this firm belief belonged to his arrogance and prejudice.

He saw her twice, on the same train.

She probably didn't notice herself, I'm too ordinary, he thought.

A few days ago, she also bought a ticket for the lower berth. She smiled and helped the old man get on the bus with his luggage. The old man was inconvenient, so she agreed to change the bed with the old man.In the beginning, he chose the upper berth directly to avoid this situation.It's not because I don't want to change, but because I feel that the attitude of some people is not worth changing.It's like giving up your seat, which is a virtue, but whether you give up or not depends on your own will. It's what I think, not what I should, I have to.Things under this kind of moral coercion are too ugly.

The heater on the train was set under the window table, and he slept on the upper bunk that night, waking up from the cold in the middle of the night.Looking back, I saw her curled her legs and wrapped herself tightly, like a crystal cocoon.

But this time, she still changed the bed.

Should it be said that she doesn't care about how she feels, or should it be said that she cares too much about how she feels?

Probably because this winter was too cold, the appearance of the girl seemed so warm.

The afternoon sun in winter fell on her body intermittently due to the cover of the passing mountains, forests and vegetation, sometimes bright and sometimes dark.In the changing light and shadow, her eyebrows were tightly furrowed, even worse than yesterday.

Sorry to bother you, you seem to have something on your mind, how can I help you?He rehearsed possible conversations over and over in his mind, but in the end he didn't have the courage to speak.

Tomorrow! Get up early tomorrow to wash up, and prepare to say something tonight.

At this moment, she seemed to feel his gaze, and looked back at him.He was stunned, not knowing how to react for a moment, and he didn't even have time to dodge his eyes.

And she just rolled her temples lightly, nodded and smiled.

Plop, plop, plop...

Things are always in motion and changing, and what we see is a part of the process rather than the real result.If the person is still there when you look back, there are three possibilities, either he is walking towards you, or you are walking around him unknowingly, or it is just another coincidence, but definitely, definitely, definitely not because he is where he is Wait for you.

Late at night, the young man finally fell into a drowsy sleep, but when he woke up, the girl was gone.

Get out of the car while I'm asleep?If I knew it earlier, I would have the cheek to ask for a contact information, even a name.

What is really regrettable is often not that I couldn't, but that I could have.

But if you want to know whether you can't or can, there is no other way than to keep doing it.

There's only so much your guesswork can do to help you.

If the young man checks the timetable of this train, he will find that there is no stop in the early morning.His heartbeat is a liking that stops at actions.What he was obsessed with, maybe it was just his own heart-beating feeling.

She is not necessarily.

Where is Eve at this time?

She just woke up in another place.

"confirm!"

"confirm."

Eve woke up leisurely, and propped up half of her body from the bed.The sun was a little dazzling, it was about noon.The train is speeding, the scenery outside the window is passing by in a hurry, and the light and dark are intertwined in the small carriage.The young man on the opposite side seemed to be still soundly asleep, the middle berth was empty, and the quilts were neatly stacked, just like when they got on the bus.The two old people on the lower bunk were chatting about household matters, and the sound of cracking melon seeds was clear and distant, like an ethereal song.Eve was dizzy and wanted to go to the toilet but didn't want to get out of bed.Let's sleep a little longer, we will arrive at the station at night, we still have some time.She put the quilt back on.

"How long can it last?"

"Hard to say."

"How long can it last?"

"..." The image of the screen was reflected in the dark brown lens, which was vaguely a girl sleeping on her side, "If there is no accident, forever."

Eve woke up leisurely, and propped up half of her body from the bed.The sun was a little dazzling, it was about noon.The train is speeding, the scenery outside the window is passing by in a hurry, and the light and dark are intertwined in the small carriage.The young man on the opposite side seemed to be still soundly asleep, the middle berth was empty, and the quilts were neatly stacked, just like when they got on the bus.The two old people on the lower bunk were chatting about household matters, and the sound of cracking melon seeds was clear and distant, like an ethereal song.Eve was dizzy and wanted to go to the toilet but didn't want to get out of bed.Let's sleep a little longer, we will arrive at the station at night, we still have some time.She put the quilt back on...

If caught in the monotonous cycle of day after day, can we wake up ourselves?Are we who think we have stepped out of the circle, are we entering another circle?

Eve kept repeating the routine on the train, spending year after year in drowsiness and few details.

Until one day, she saw her silver-white hair on the pillow, and wanted to reach out to pinch it, but what she saw was a hand with prominent veins, slightly trembling, dry and weak.

Eve struggled to get out of bed, and the figures of the young and the old gradually faded away.As Eve staggered out of the car, the sound of cracking melon seeds sounded for the last time, sharp and piercing.

I'm old?

Is this what he looks like when he gets old?Unkempt and dry white hair, deep forehead lines, radiant eyes, wrinkled face, the remaining vitality is like a candle flickering in the wind...

The train ran silently and entered a long tunnel.A lighting light was turned on, and the details were closed. One meter away from Eve's body, it was pitch black.Holding the sink with both hands, she confronted the old man in the mirror, and a pair of scissors that appeared at an unknown time in her hand shone with a strange cold light.

a long time.

Eve picked up the scissors...

It might be better to die in a deep sleep. It is more painful to clearly feel the passing of life and the approach of death.It is not death that suffers, but powerlessness.

Eve should have felt a lot of pain, but she had reconciled with the world and herself a long time ago.After experiencing despair, she is still warm, still believes in the goodwill of this world, and gradually becomes a part of them unconsciously.

The mirror was cracked, and broken lenses were scattered scattered on the sink. A fan-shaped fragment on the edge finally couldn't withstand the bumps of the train, flashed in the air, and fell to the ground.In front of it was a pair of closed scissors with some glass shards on the tip.Behind, is the dying Eve.

When the coldness on the ground eroded into her slightly beating heart, Xiao Ai's gray eyes and the little cat food left appeared in Eve's mind.

As she was dying, she vaguely heard the mournful cry of the steel body below her.

Phew... The train stopped, the young man picked up his luggage, blended into the crowded crowd, and poured into the night of Meaux without looking back.The glimpse of the nodding smile on the train will fade away for the rest of his life, and he will have his own story.

In a certain hotel in Meaux, a black cat wagged its tail and squatted in front of the door, waiting for the return of its owner.

"Drip!"

The sensor door was pushed open, and a man took off his hat and bowed outside the door, making a gesture of a gentleman inviting him to dance.The black cat leaped, touched the crook of his arm, landed on his shoulder, and followed him away.

"Meow"……

Jiu'er put down the pen in his hand, raised his head slightly, and leaned against Bu Fei's head who was reading back to back.She greedily took a deep breath, filled her heart and lungs with the smell of Bu Fei, then closed her eyes, smiling and savoring it slowly.

Bu Fei at this moment, what is he thinking?

If it is fate, please let me sleep forever in this nothingness.Jiu'er writes in Eve's tone.

Opening her eyes, Jiu'er was already lying on the train, the floor was icy cold.She turned over with difficulty and lay on her back, her old face neither sad nor happy.

Is this what you want?she thinks.

Bu Fei hugged "Jiu'er" who had fainted in the room by the waist, and broke out through the window.The cold wind howled, poured in from the window, raised the curtains, and flipped the books on the ground.A sharp blade appears and disappears in the rattling pages of the book.

If you can see it, if you have the heart to compare, you will find that Jiu'er has exactly the same face as the young Eve from the beginning to the end.

Jiu'er has long been aware of all this.

Her memory also begins with a train.

When Jiu'er lying on the floor opened her eyes for the first time, Bu Fei was sitting on the ground, staring at her without blinking.

"Jiu'er, you're finally awake!" He stood up and stretched out his hand to himself, "Go, get out of the car."

So she knew that her name was Jiu'er, Bu Fei was her elder brother, and his hands were very warm.

She knew it might not be true.

After that, Jiu'er has been dreaming, continuous dreaming.She dreamed of the birth of a girl, of her growth, of her joys and sorrows.When I woke up, I often burst into tears.

Bu Fei suggested to write down the dream.

He found a pen and paper, and she began to narrate.

The details of the dream became clearer and clearer, but she still couldn't see the girl's face clearly.

Then one day, Bu Fei told Jiu'er that her dream might be real, and that girl is also real.And it has a great connection with me, Jiu'er added in her heart.

So what I dreamed, is it the past or the future?Are you writing or creating?

She knows the answer.

If life is a deception and she doesn't want to expose it, it will only make herself more embarrassed.

If everything is false, is her thinking false?Is her love fake?

She doesn't want to know the answer.

What about him?What does he really mean to him?

She didn't ask because she didn't dare to bet.If you lose, even this daily life of not knowing the truth or the false will be lost.She doesn't have the courage, nor does she need it.

The train ran silently, taking away warm memories, Jiu'er closed his eyes.

"how?"

"It seems to have failed." The voice was no longer as vigorous as before.

"how?"

"Failed." Because he is already an old man in sixties...

"Group B is disbanded!"

"Comrade, wake up! Wake up, the train has arrived, comrade!"

Eve squinted her eyes and got up, it was already dark, and she was the only passenger left in the carriage.

"Don't worry, don't worry, don't leave things behind."

Auntie Cleaning looked at Eve leaving in a hurry, thinking of her own children, she shook her head and smiled, showing her tea-colored teeth.

Suddenly, the red figure in front stopped.The girl turned around, bowed to herself, then turned and left, disappearing through the exit.

She doesn't seem to remember what happened...

The train brakes, ready to go to meet new passengers.