[HP] Can you be gentle with me

What the hell did he do?

Is it an illusion──?

No, it's not possible.

The scene was so real, he knew what it was like to be in someone else's memory - he had once relived Tahlia's past in its entirety through Dumbledore's memory.

It's a memory... Tahlia's memory?

He finally came to a complete understanding of the real reason why Tahlia never forgot about him... He cruelly hurt her, in exchange for this kind of thing happened to him-no, he couldn't imagine that situation at all-but if If that's the case, he will definitely kill that person directly instead of──

Something seemed to be clogging Snape's chest, making it almost impossible for him to breathe.

He won't let that man live.

Instead of just giving him a forgetfulness, and then continue to protect him, suppress the shame and resentment and continue to endure him appearing in front of her.

Eyes getting used to the darkness, Snape was finally able to see a little bit of what was going on in the room.

There was no doubt that this was the room where he made his potions, and it was here that he spent more than half of his holiday.

There are clearly two figures on the ground ahead──

Snape took a deep breath, stepped forward slowly, and knelt aside.

He couldn't see Tahlia's face lying on the floor clearly, and her desperate and helpless pleading still seemed to echo in his ears──

And now he can't do anything, it's the memory, he can't touch anything here, he can't apologize to Tahlia, he can't tell her how much he wishes he hadn't done this—

But he just couldn't fucking do anything.

Time seemed to have stood still, because the two lying on the ground did not move, only the ticking of the second hand outside the door reminded Snape of what Tahlia had gone through, and now that she thought about it, she was absolutely right.

He couldn't refute it at all.

Because he is indeed as she said, selfish can—

After what seemed like a lifetime of waiting, if Snape could, he would definitely step forward, pull himself up in front of him, and slap him awake...if he could...

Just when he was in a trance, the two lying down had a movement, it should be said that he himself in this memory had a movement.

The candles in the room were relit, and Snape was finally able to see everything clearly.

He saw himself a little younger, staring at the still unconscious Tahlia with a complicated expression, both of them were in disheveled clothes, if he could pretend that he didn't know the truth of the matter before, he obviously couldn't now Continue to hypnotize yourself.

In any case, the facts are in front of him, and he won't try to deny anything any more—

The self in this memory muttered a few words, Snape couldn't catch what he said, but then, he stared at Tahlia in disbelief for a while and then didn't look back, embarrassed Fleeing out of the room, Tahlia was left alone.

This gave Snape another urge to chase out and beat that man up, even though that man was actually exactly the same as him—

In the end he suppressed his anger, and now he just wants to stay here, even if he knows it's Tahlia's memory, even if he knows he can't make up for it by staying here, he still wants to do it-maybe one day A small part is to make him feel better, so that he does not do anything after knowing the truth.

Snape sat quietly on his knees, hearing a series of panicked collisions outside, strange to say, probably because Tahlia's forgetting was so successful that even though he was witnessing all this with his own eyes, he couldn't help it Recalling my emotions at that time, was it stunned?Or resentment?No matter what kind of emotion, he still has no memory at all.

And Tahlia—

Even after losing consciousness, her brows were still tightly furrowed, the tears were still wet on her face, and even her breathing was very uneven due to the sobbing just now, Snape didn't have the courage to move his eyes from her face down, even just staring at her His face was enough to make him uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He managed to get the words out, even though he knew Tahlia wouldn't hear. "I—"

Suddenly, an invisible force pulled him backwards.

Snape was taken aback.

This should belong to Tahlia's memory, there's no way he'd be torn away from Tahlia unless—

The footsteps outside were getting farther and farther away, and he heard the sound of the door being opened.

──Unless it wasn't Tahlia's memory...unless it was his memory at all.

Do not!

Snape unconsciously began to struggle to stop, not to be dragged out of the room...he wanted to be here, he had to be here!

He has to watch Tahlia—

But no matter how he thinks, there is no way to stop the invisible line that seems to exist between him and his past self to pull him away. He directly passed through the door that was slammed by his young self just now, a few seconds later. After that, he was dragged and stood on the street outside Spider's End, a dark, dirty street.

And the instigator of this situation is quickly leaving this alley──

Snape scowled, and took one last look at his own house before reluctantly following... After all, this was his own memory.

Something must have gone wrong, and after he and Tahlia had sent out all of that, maybe that was the problem.

This thought stopped his mind involuntarily for a long time. During this period, he was in a daze, watching his young self cursing while walking down the street, yelling at innocent Muggles passing by the roadside... …

Not everyone had the opportunity to look at their past self like this, and he had no memory of it at all.

From Snape's point of view, the out-of-control man in front of him had no idea where his destination was, and was just wandering around here restlessly, yes, restlessly...

Snape suddenly realized a question, how did things develop to such a point?

At that time he hated Tahlia, no matter how he could have that kind of relationship with Tahlia...

But it didn't take long for the clues in his mind to connect.

Hope and Disillusionment...

He must have drank that stuff—that's why the man in front of him is still out of his mind, and that's why he acts so irrationally so uncharacteristically.

But that meant... what he really wanted, had always been... Tahlia?

Snape created hope and disillusionment with the awareness of death. He knew clearly that there was no way in this world that could bring back the dead. The act of bringing Lily back in this way will eventually lead to his death, but at that time, he still proceeded straightforwardly.

As it turned out, he was still alive, and the potion was working at the same time...

It seems that in his subconscious, he already knew what Tahlia represented in his heart──

"Damn."

Snape came back to his senses, and found that the roar came from the black robed man in front of him, and his expression was full of astonishment, as if he suddenly remembered something that shocked him──

For example, something he himself only realized a second ago.

And the man in front of him had already guessed it so many years ago...

Before Snape had time to think about it, the man turned abruptly after the curse, and walked forward quickly.

Seems like he's finally going to go back to his house, after all this time, long after the sun has set, he remembers that he should—

But that was what Snape liked.

He really wanted to know about Tahlia's situation. He didn't have any female friends around him. He didn't know how they would feel after being abandoned like this. The only thing he could be sure of was that it definitely didn't feel good—being abandoned... …He had felt like this countless times, every day after the man he should call his father became cruel, he had the illusion of being abandoned by the whole world, until—

Until the moment when Tahlia couldn't refuse and put a lid of a lunch box full of food in front of him... Except for his mother, she was the first person who showed concern for him──

Snape closed his eyes.

He suddenly didn't want to stay in this memory anymore... He didn't know what kind of excessive behavior he would do next, who had pushed open the door of his house and stood there, he—

"And you should go."

Snape walked in silently, watching Tahlia's puzzled face after hearing these words, and the previous smile froze on her face.

Suddenly the whole space fell into a suffocating silence.

"You...you have nothing to say?"

No.

In fact, he has a lot to say, and he has to say...

Snape turned his eyes back to his younger self involuntarily.

At this moment, he should have come up with the answer, he should have understood that the potion's effect is actually effective──and what he should do is to appease Tahlia, apologize to her, or maybe, He should confess to her, in short, he should try to do something, everything is fine...

But obviously he didn't do that at the time, even though Snape was sure that he had figured everything out, he continued to hypnotize himself, pretending that he didn't care about Tahlia at all.

Snape clenched his fists tightly by his side, listening to his own voice spit out a series of accusations against Tahlia──

To shut up.

Snape's face turned even paler.

He almost roared angrily, asking the former him not to continue──

Tahlia's body had already begun to tremble uncontrollably, and tears kept rolling down her cheeks, but Snape could only stand by and watch, watching her try to defend herself, but in vain.

Now he understands it all.

He said she was a wicked woman.

He said she made him sick.

He said she didn't deserve to live in this world at all—

After she had done almost everything for him, the only response he could give was——

──He hates her.

It's impossible for everything they've been through together to be completely meaningless.

It is absolutely impossible.

"I remember it all," Snape whispered, speaking to Tahlia after his past self had said that nothing between them meant anything, but she wouldn't hear it - she certainly couldn't... Still, Snape spoke anyway. "I thought I never noticed...but the truth is, they were all there, and I never forgot—"

"That's what you think, isn't it? Not just what happened just now... but also all the things we've been through before──It doesn't make any sense to you...?"

"No." Snape said firmly.

But what passed into Tahlia's ears was not his words, it was even worse. What Tahlia heard was a cold sentence──

"That is what I thought."

"To shut up!"

Snape let out a roar, and finally couldn't hold back and rushed forward, he just wanted to stop the man in front of him from saying anything, even though he knew he couldn't do it... At this moment, the sudden headache prevented him from saying anything He managed to move on, but staggered to the side and fell to the ground.

He panted heavily, pressed his head firmly with one hand, and shook his head, trying to drive out the pain that seemed to explode in his head...

Hope and disillusionment...Lily...Tahlia couldn't stop drinking the potion...he...he kissed her—

Time seemed to be infinitely extended, and pictures began to quickly emerge in Snape's mind, accompanied by indescribable emotions in his heart──

stop.

Snape closed his eyes tightly, and the memory fragments seemed to be seen by him because of his actions.

stop!

His request was not answered, and all the memories of that night still flooded into his mind, forcing him to recall it again, not from the superficial perspective of a bystander just now, but the real thing, the experience of going through it again feel.

And he found that although he kept trying to stop all his out-of-order behaviors in his heart, memories were memories after all, and he couldn't change anything at all──

Damn stop!

This time the outcry seems to be working.

Snape was finally able to withdraw from the series of chaotic memory fragments just now, and opened his eyes.

To his astonishment, at that moment, he seemed to have merged into his body in the past, and the woman in front of him was looking at him coldly, and the wand in her hand was also pointing straight at him.

what happened?

"I really didn't intend to kill you, even if you were an asshole, Snape." Tahlia smiled, a completely emotionless smile. "And it took me so long to finally realize this—"

That's right, while chilling from the bottom of his heart at Tahlia's words, Snape almost nodded and admitted that he was an asshole—

"I—"

"Obliviate."

Snape had just opened his mouth, surprised that he had managed to make a sound this time, and he was sure Tahlia's expression changed a bit, but it was too late—

The Memory Charm was still flying straight towards him, and under Snape's horrified gaze, it sank directly into his head.