[HP] Can you be gentle with me

Tahlia doesn't know where she is now.

Maybe it was in the tower... no, she vaguely remembered that she had just descended the stairs, but she wasn't so sure... maybe it was going up?

The only thing she can clearly feel is the guilt that seems to be vented strongly in her heart at any time.

……but why?

She seems to have forgotten a lot of things, but at the same time, she also remembered a lot, or it should be said that many long-lost memories have resurfaced and reflected in her mind, but she simply cannot handle them properly now...

About whether she has the courage to believe again...about whether she can make up her mind to take another step again.

Still walking aimlessly...

It wasn't until the cold wind hit her face that she finally realized where she had come in a daze.

The Astronomy Tower has always been a place where people can calm their minds. Tahlia can't remember when she started to walk this way unconsciously, but she knows that every time she walks on this platform, her thoughts will be short-lived. It became a little clearer, and it also allowed her to wake up a little bit. Sometimes she stayed all night. As the cold wind blew longer, the surrounding temperature became lower and lower as the night deepened, and her heart became weaker. calm.

"Tahlia."

However, there was obviously no way to stay here all night today. It seemed that she had only stepped on the platform for less than 5 minutes when a voice came from behind her.

Even if she didn't turn her head, even if she couldn't see the person coming, she could still recognize the person's identity just by the sound.

"How do you know I'm here?" She asked lightly.

how do you know?

Snape couldn't really tell, he didn't make a sound, instead he just took a few steps forward and stood beside Tahlia.

Standing quietly, just...accompanying.

For a while, the two were silent like this, the time was just extra, at this moment none of them thought about how long they had been here, it seemed a long time, but it didn't seem to be the case.

"I thought you wouldn't wake up so soon." It was Tahlia who spoke first, and while Snape was still silent, she slowly turned her head to face the man, and said. "Are you all right?"

Snape closed his eyes slowly, then opened them. "I am fine."

"Your reaction didn't look good at all," Tahlia said.

There was another silence, but this time, it was Snape who broke it.

"What do you want to say?"

Tahlia froze for a few seconds. "What do I want to say?" There was a short pause. "Why would I have anything to say—"

"About the conclusion you just came to." Snape interrupted Tahlia abruptly with only one sentence.

Tahlia looks away.

When did her thoughts become so easy to predict? She was clearly able to hide the emotions in her heart well before.

She hadn't spoken for a while, how could she?Given that she had no idea where to start.

"Let's put it another way." Snape's voice came into his ears again after a long interval, and for some reason, Tahlia seemed to hear a hint of... joking in his tone? "Let me start first, and you decide what you want to say next──"

"What conclusion do you have?"

"A lot." Snape's answer was inexplicably short, and he paused for a moment before continuing. "First of all, I know that your feelings for him are real."

Tahlia opened her mouth uncontrollably, but her voice was stuck in her throat, as if a part of herself prevented herself from making any sound.

"And I understand how you feel right now."

"Do you understand?" Tahlia whispered softly.She didn't even know why she asked that question, it just... slipped out of her mouth. "Why?"

"Are you asking me why?" Even Snape's voice became unusually calming to her at this moment, this change was so sudden, she clearly remembered that the self the day before yesterday was still desperately resisting not to do it again under the influence of men. "The person I care about is hurt, and how powerless I am... You ask me why I can understand—" He paused. "You tell me, maybe it's because of my... personal experience?"

"Experienced...?" Tahlia murmured.

Yeah...experienced firsthand.

Whether it was the inability to do anything about Lily's death, or the mourning he remembered after being cursed by Voldemort...

Snape might actually understand himself.

She thought that this was an understanding that she would never have in her entire life, but at this moment, at this moment, she had to believe so.

Even if she still couldn't quite believe how he felt about her, his grief was real that Halloween night all those years ago, the grief that filled the space and made it almost impossible to breathe was absolutely real.

He understands.

"Teach me..." Tahlia raised her head slowly and said softly. "what should I do……"

What should she do so that she will not feel so uncomfortable anymore, and will not continue to live in a muddle.

"I don't claim to be an expert, Tahlia." Snape's voice was so flat that Tahlia couldn't hear the emotion in his tone. "As far as the previous situation is concerned, I haven't done very well..."

"But you let it go... didn't you?" Tahlia snapped. "You let go—"

He absolutely let go, otherwise she wouldn't be able to imagine how he spent these days, and her heartache was unbearable in such a short time, and she felt that no matter what she did was wrong, but Snape...

Snape was still Snape.

He's always been able to let go of the past...he's always been able to move on from his miserable past, whether it's the repression at home, the unhappiness at school, or whatever happened after-

"Teach me—"

In the last sentence, Tahlia almost cried out, she knew what the wet liquid on her face was, but she couldn't stop the tears at all, she didn't want to sink deeper more than once, but she couldn't... Snape The words seemed to unscrew the emotional outlet she had been clinging to all this time, and now her mind was completely occupied by the nightmares that haunted her at night──

"Please..." She felt that she was going to be out of breath, and her heart seemed to be tightly held by someone. "Teach me how to get rid of—"

Then the words suddenly disappeared from her mouth, after she suddenly fell into an embrace.

"you……"

"Hush..." Snape's voice was very soft, as the wind on the still somewhat cold Astronomy Tower gently brushed his cheeks, but for some reason, Tahlia didn't feel the slightest chill, but felt...it was so natural Well, it should be said that it felt like this was what she had been waiting for all her life, and this realization made her stop all movements for a moment.

After all, everything happened too fast, and she was sure that she hadn't been able to convince herself to trust the man who was hugging her at this moment, even though she knew she had nothing to doubt—

Snape's memory was real, she could feel all the emotions he felt at that time... Or should I say, if they switched positions, she would only be in the situation where the belief he had always held was shattered. With the same reaction, she shouldn't blame anyone for these things anyway──

The only thing she still can't let go of is that she still can't convince herself to completely let go of all the shadows of hurt that Snape has caused her...

Just like she asked Remus a long time ago, she knew intellectually that she should have forgiven Snape long ago, and Remus was right, even someone like him who has only minimal contact with Snape has noticed the change in the man , there's no reason why the self who has been paying attention to him didn't notice.

She just... pretended not to notice──

Because that represented a problem that she had to face up to, she had to calm down and think about how she would get along with Snape.

Maybe she's just afraid of her final choice...

She knows herself too well... oh, why not?She knew what Snape's transformation would ultimately lead to in her eyes—

One day she will choose to forgive.

She has never been able to refuse anyone's apology, perhaps in some people's eyes this is tolerance, but to her it is a curse...

forgive……

It means that she has completely buried the wounds of the past, no matter whether those wounds have healed or not, it is like she has covered them with a thin film, maybe they have healed on the surface, but only she can feel the pain inside.

She was afraid that everything between herself and Snape would become like that. On the surface, it seemed to be back to normal, but every night, the heartache caused by those injuries would hit her again and again in her dreams──

She thought Derek would make her forget... no, she really almost forgot that during the days with him, she would no longer have those nightmares that kept harassing her, and she knew that every day she opened her eyes. When she opened her eyes, she would always hear the busy voices downstairs...that reassured her.

She really doesn't ask much...isn't she?

And Merlin wanted to take away even such a small request... She lost that man, and lost a person again.

"speak out."

Snape's voice suddenly reached his ears again. Tahlia looked up blankly, unable for a moment to realize exactly what Snape wanted her to say.

"You want me to teach you..." Snape said slowly. "First, speak up."

"what do you want me to say……"

Snape didn't answer right away, but pulled her closer to him, feeling his head against his chest. "No matter how uncomfortable you are...how much you want to complain about the world, speak out—" He whispered, recalling in his mind the countless times before when he confided his emotions to another person, he knew that the first time That was always the hardest sentence to say, but regardless, he knew Tahlia had to do it. "You have to speak, Tahlia, your pain...you have to speak."

Tahlia's body trembled slightly, and she didn't make any sound for a while.

And Snape didn't ask again, just waited, he knew she would make the right choice next, she always did, the only thing she needed was time, for her to calm down and let her reason take over.

"them……"

Sure enough, after they stood here for an unknown amount of time, Tahlia's voice finally came over.

Snape let go of Tahlia's arm slightly, and pushed her away so that he could see the expression on the woman's face with red and swollen eyes.

I saw Tahlia opening and closing her mouth a few times, seemingly still hesitating, but Snape has never lacked patience...

Then, the tears that had stopped flowing unknowingly poured out again, accompanied by Tahlia's hoarse howl. "They didn't even...they didn't even give him a funeral."

The next second, the front of Snape's robe was pulled, and Tahlia's excited and resentful face was in front of him. "Did you hear me, Severus? They didn't even... didn't bury him properly, they just dumped him anywhere... disguised as an ordinary accident—"

Snape didn't say anything, and while Tahlia tugged at his robes, and let her fall into his arms and sob after growling the words, he didn't say anything.

"...just because he's a Muggle—no one cares about him." Tahlia's voice was muffled again. "Do you know that feeling? Someone you care about so much is worth nothing in other people's eyes - you know what a good person he is, but in other people's eyes he is nothing..."

He understands.

Snape couldn't help but wrap his arms around Tahlia again until she finally stopped shaking.

"I understand." He whispered, rubbing Tahlia's back reassuringly. "I understand, Tahlia."