[Criminal Minds] years before love

Hotch didn't know where Rossi would be.Since Gideon said he is not in BAU, the most likely place he is, of course, should be home.

However he is not at home.

Or rather, the lights weren't on, the car wasn't at the door, and Hotch couldn't knock on his door.

He was a little panicked, even though his rationality told him that even if Rossi had to leave, he would not just leave like this, but he would still be afraid that Rossi would leave all of this resolutely, including him.There is no possibility of redemption.

Hotch hesitated for a moment, then opened the door and walked in. Rossi wasn't there, but at least judging by the state of the house, even though it was a bit messy, Hotch, knowing Rossi, would attribute that to his lack of tidying up, not his wanting to leave.

And until he waited until he was almost desperate to give up, when it was almost midnight, Rossi finally opened the door and walked in.

Hotch greeted him immediately.

After the initial shock, Rossi's expression turned into ecstasy, and he hugged him tightly with open arms, while Hotch wrapped his arms around the other's shoulders, neither of them wanted to let go, so they bumped and fell in an awkward way Fell to the ground on the sofa.

"I went to your house and searched the streets all night, I... didn't expect you to be here." Rossi leaned forward and kissed him.

Hotch deepened the kiss without hesitation, until both of them were having difficulty breathing, he sighed softly, "Are you looking for me?"

"Of course!" Rossi glared at him, "I called your house, but no one picked up...I didn't find you, and I don't know if you will go to those places..."

"I thought you'd want it over." Hotch blinked. "Jason told me you were leaving, and I thought, thought you'd finally decided not to live like this."

"Aaron, why does your excellent profiling ability always cause problems in our relationship?" Rossi sighed helplessly.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm not good enough."

"Or you just don't want to admit your feelings for me and cloud your judgment."

Hotch pursed his lips slightly and looked up into his eyes, "Dave, you never gave me a chance to understand the relationship. It took me so long to figure out that I don't need to think about whether I like men or women, right or wrong , the relationship between us is not something I can choose. Then I have to admit that all I want is you, but I can't find it."

He sighed, "Dave. You opened a door for me."

"I'm so sorry, it doesn't lead in the right direction." Rossi stroked his back.

"No, hear me out. Too bad you're so special and I... I know I'll never find anyone else to replace you. Trust and... Dave, I couldn't find anyone to close it for me. ' Hotch closed his eyes.

Rossi hugged him tightly again, "I guess what I need is not an apology, but a confession."

"No." Hotch shook his head.

"In a legal sense, that's guilty. I hurt you."

"You didn't." Hotch firmly denied.

"Aaron, do you understand, we must admit that it is wrong. Human beings get satisfaction and pleasure from sex, and the special way of sexual behavior itself is not the problem, the problem is the accompanying control and violence." Rossi also insisted.

"It's fun."

"When both sides are equal and trust each other, that is."

"We do." Hotch bit his lip, looking at him intently.

Rossi shook his head, "When you and I first? It was far from equality and trust. Aaron, violence should not be used. Especially for us. When you are used to violence, you also take other people for granted." should be tortured."

Hotch moved awkwardly.

"Or, you feel like it's a part of your life, but it's not. When I was younger, I didn't care so much about the other person's feelings." Rossi explained seriously, "Entitlement does excite, it goes without saying Doubt, but it scares me, I've seen too many tragedies after control and harm, I can't take harm for granted just because you can bear it."

"I'm not hurting. Dave, everything you've done has made me reassure myself of my existence and safety." Hotch retorted softly, "Even at first I had to admit that the emotions I projected in it weren't good."

"Aaron, I think the reason I keep doing it is because I do sense that you do crave it, even though I don't think what you crave is usually what people crave out of it." Rossi took his wrist, "Jason You are right, I was so wrong. I should fix the problem. Aaron, I am resigning because I find that I can't give up on you more than the job. There are many things I can do without being the FBI, but no You, I probably can't do anything. And I know you love BAU."

Of course Hotch understood what he was saying, he looked down, and finally smiled wryly, "I don't know, I just... the first time we did this, I found that I could find relaxation and self in it."

"I inadvertently adopted a method that should never be adopted to restore your sense of security. There are indeed people in this world who are satisfied in being controlled and hurt, but you are not like this, so you can't really participate in this. Behavior groups, even if you intellectually know they're safe, emotionally you can't trust them."

"Because they're not you. Dave, I know that pain and dying don't bring me safety and relief." Hotch raised his head. "It was you who brought me those."

"Aaron, why can't we keep it simple." Rossi stroked his cheek.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you can literally say, you know I love you."

"I know. And, I love you too."

"I know too."

—Aaron, you are very special.

—Should I take that as a compliment?

-What you've been through, your birth, your past, and your abilities, I wouldn't be too surprised if you became a violent perpetrator.But you took a completely different path.

——That’s because the person I met back then was you.

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