[Criminal Minds] years before love

Hotch was silent for a while and didn't answer.

Rossi took a rough look at how much wine he had drunk, and was a little surprised that he was still sober. He sighed and stood up to collect the things on the table, and turned to pour a glass of water.

"I'm afraid this time is not enough for you to investigate my past." Hotch smiled, watching him return to his side again.

"Jason called me, he was very worried." Rossi pulled him up from the ground and pressed him on the sofa, "Of course I care more about you now than in the past."

"I'm fine, and this isn't the first time. Jason is really worrying." Hotch lowered his head, took a deep breath, and said softly but firmly, "I'll be fine, I refuse psychological evaluation and counseling."

"You told me a long time ago that it wasn't the first time." Rossi looked at him meaningfully.

Hotch looked away in shock, "I can't believe you remember."

"Aaron, for a long time I blamed myself a lot for this, I should have been aware of your situation at the time." Rossi patted him on the shoulder, "But since Jason didn't ask, then it's okay, no therapist. Anyway , I don't even hope that the person who makes you open your heart is not me."

"Bad confession." Hotch smiled helplessly.

"At least I'm not afraid to confess," Rossi said earnestly. "I admit that I am controlling and possessive, but if it makes you uncomfortable, do tell me."

Hotch shook his head, but didn't answer.

"But I was surprised." So Rossi continued.

"Accident?"

"I didn't expect you to feel bad about it."

"Shouldn't I be uncomfortable with this?" Hotch blinked in confusion.

"Most normal people, cops, detectives, of course." Rossi squeezed him a little tighter, still on his shoulders, "but you, Aaron, honestly, I don't think you'd So guilty. I thought you should know that keeping yourself safe is the most important thing, and that's why we have guns."

"I'm not guilty." Hotch frowned. "I'm just… sick."

"why?"

Hotch slowly relaxes, letting himself lean against him. "All I know is that he should be caught and convicted. And we should be in awe of life."

Rossi reached for the gun on the table, made sure the trigger was closed, and put it back in his hand, "When your life is in danger, in that situation, if you judge that you need to shoot, then shooting is the right choice. Or do you think you'll have a chance of making him give up the attack?"

"No. It happened too fast, I have no other choice, Jason is completely exposed to his sight, I can't take a risk." Hotch pursed his lips, "D□□e, where we were at that time... can you believe it Can I see him, even if he's completely hidden in darkness?"

"I've seen your talent with my own eyes." Rossi smiled. "So, does protecting Jason make you uncomfortable?"

"It's not about Jason." Hotch shot him a glare.

"Aaron, you know you're doing the right thing and have no choice. So why are you...afraid?"

"I'm not afraid."

"Or, what are you afraid of?" Rossi insisted.

Hotch hesitated for a few seconds, looked at the gun in his hand, and said softly, "I'm used to killing."

Rossi tightened his fingers.

"Going from the courtroom to the crime scene is not the way normal people would choose." Hotch bit his lips again and took a few deep and long breaths, "When I need to shoot, I don't hesitate. But after every crime is killed, I have to remind myself that I shouldn't be the one who decides other people's fate."

"It's not you." Rossi forced him to look at himself. "It's them who determine their fate, what they've done, the choice they make in the end. Aaron, you can only decide your own path."

Hotch watched him for a moment, then silently closed the distance between the two of them.

Rossi hugged him tightly. "I learned about life and death on the battlefield a long time ago, and sometimes we have no choice. I agree that death is a terrible thing, but it's not your fault, and you don't have to blame yourself for it."

Hotch reached for his coat and chuckled, "I guess Jason cured your PTSD?"

Rossi pinched his wrist and kissed the corner of his mouth, "Jason was never a good therapist. But I healed myself."