Lingering Garden

postscript

One.

I have seen many pilgrims, but I remember that one alone.

I stepped on the stone steps up the mountain, the snow under my feet creaked, and I could vaguely see a temple on the top of the mountain. I rushed there, and I have some unique feelings for the temple.

The snow wasn't falling heavily, but I walked very slowly, lowering my head to make sure each step was solid before taking the next step.So I easily found that there was a winding, long trace on the snow on the right side of the stone steps.

I suspected that it was a trace of kneeling, and finally saw the figure on the road.Other pilgrims, at least among the pilgrims I have seen, kowtow every five steps, but he walks up the mountain on his knees and kowtows for the pilgrimage.I seem to have seen his wet trouser legs, bleeding knees and forehead.

The black figure in the distance stopped, I took a breath, ran towards him, and stabilized his wobbly body.

I leaned into his ear, amplified my voice and asked him, "Are you okay—"

He waved his hands, turned around, and sat on the stone steps, and I sat down with him.

I can't understand his way of pilgrimage, maybe I'm a layman.I rubbed my camera with no battery and sighed softly.

"My name is Yuyao, pay Yuyao."

That was Kunlun Mountain in 1985, when I was 37 years old.

I suddenly wanted to say something off topic.

My mother died of dystocia, and I only know her surname is Luo.My name comes from my uncle, so my grandmother explained it, but I never met him.Perhaps, they are all miserable.

I don't like the name very much, it's a mouthful and awkward.

But the old man kept saying my name.

He said his name was Mo Nian.

I sat with him for half an hour, my limbs were numb, the snow had soaked into the fabric, it was cold and clammy, I couldn't bear it, so I simply stood up.It was already getting dark, and the temple on the top of the mountain seemed not far away, so I decided to spend the night there.

There is only one abbot and one monk in the temple.The incense is not very strong, and dinner is only a bowl of thin porridge and a steamed bun.

At night in Kunlun Mountains, the moon is extremely bright and there are very few stars.The cold wind made my face hurt, so I closed the window tightly.

In the evening, the four of us warmed up around a pot of coals.

Before going to bed, the old man took out a piece of jade from his cotton coat and stuffed it into my palm.

"This jade, just give it to your relatives." His voice was hoarse, as if he was not used to talking anymore.

I was surprised and didn't dare to accept it, but the old man insisted on not taking it back.

"Take it."

His voice has a vague magnetic field, maybe the surname Luo is too rare, so I didn't refuse any more.

"Do you know Luo Chengyuan?" He asked.

I shook my head.

My drowsiness didn't last long, only about an hour before I was woken up by two slaps on the face.When I opened my eyes, it was the little monk's relieved face, obviously frightened, that's why I felt cold.

The charcoal basin has been put out, the windows and doors are wide open, the old man is in the inner room, and we are in the hall.

I've already made some guesses.

His blood must be a beautiful cherry red, and he fell into a dream with a little sweetness, and never woke up again.

That was the nightmare of my eternal life. From then on, I, like him, walked up the mountain on my knees and kowtowed for pilgrimage.

two.

The uncle I had never met was actually called Luo Chengyuan, so my delusion pushed me to go back and have a look.

Since the end of the civil war, we moved out of Jinhua and lived in Hangzhou, but we never returned to our old house.In fact, I don't have much impression of the old house.I asked my grandmother for her detailed address, and took a ride with a newspaper reporter to Jinhua.

The location of the old house seems to be very remote. I asked several tricycle drivers, but none of them knew where it was.Thinking that I would not be able to find it for a while, I walked around.In fact, I once imagined that maybe the old house had already been demolished, so what should I look for.

I have an unexpected familiarity with the streets of the old city.Turn right in this alley and there is a restaurant, next to it is a grain store of a small couple, go straight, there is a hotel on the right, then turn left...

I seem to have been to the old house countless times in a dream. In the dream, there is a vague young face, holding me and walking through the city like a stream.

His fingers were thin and long, with slightly callused pads and rounded fingertips, he gently pinched my cheek with strength.

In the winter of 1948, I was clearly under one year old, how could I remember it so clearly?

I have a headache.

When I came back to my senses, there was an alley in front of me, I looked around, but I didn't know where it was.

The number of the alley can be vaguely seen on the wall bricks covered by creepers.

Lane 176, further forward, is the old house.

There was a brass ring hanging on the door, and I knocked symbolically a few times before pushing the door open.

This kind of old house often has a decayed smell.A thick locust tree in the main courtyard must have been dead for some years.There are no new shoots or new shoots, and a swing is hanging from a horizontal branch. ——I probably sat there.The rope snapped at the slightest touch, and the plank slammed to the ground.

It's hard to imagine what's going on here.

Pushing open a door, it is about the main hall, and there are moldy tribute pastries on the table.

I wandered around the room, found the bedroom, and found a red box in the drawer beside the bed.

The box is a bit heavy, and it can be seen that it is a top-notch workmanship.The brass lock was already full of rust. I tried to twist it, but the internal structure of the lock was still intact, but the buckle was pulled away by me.

I opened the box with some trepidation, and inside were neatly placed an extremely thick cowhide book, three or four letters, a pen, and a party emblem.

There's a secretive, voyeuristic unease about doing this sort of thing.I have no right to entangle my uncle's past, and came to Jinhua's hometown alone without my grandmother, but I think there must be entanglements between Mr. Mo and my uncle, and so does my name.

Open the cover, and there is a line of strong words on the inner page:

The road is long and the night is long.

This is a diary.

I lit the oil lamp, sat on the small stool and turned slowly.In the end, the diary ended abruptly, and when I came back to my senses, tears were streaming down my face silently.Looking out the window, it was already midnight.

That's not a very long story.

three.

That was their 1949.

It was New Year's Eve, Luo Chengyuan did not know where to find out the news that Mo Nian was in Changsha, so he became a deserter and went to find Mo Nian.

He thought about how many people day and night, followed his footsteps and walked towards him little by little. When he stood still at the hospital door, even his breathing slowed down.

How long has it been since you disappeared?two years?Or three years?Going against his orders and leaving Jinhua was no longer an important matter, he just wanted to see Mo Nian and kiss him on the cheek.

He doesn't have enough time, the day after tomorrow, he has to return to the temporary station, and will leave tomorrow afternoon.

He deliberately changed into the uniform he wore when he was a student. It was cold, but there was nothing he could do.After asking the nurse, Mo Nian was doing an operation.

Luo Chengyuan stood in front of the operating room for a while, trying to get a closer look inside the room, but it was in vain.

He came so recklessly that he didn't even think about what would happen to him if someone discovered him at this moment; he didn't even think about whether Mo Nian would like to see him.

If you go back, you will be punished, so you can't come here for nothing.Colonel Luo thought so, and the afternoon was wasted, but the door of the operating room was never opened.

Colonel Luo huddled on the bench with his insulated lunch box in his arms, feeling extremely wronged: Mo Nian is a physics major, and he just chose surgery... How can he operate continuously for more than eight hours? ——Probably more than eight hours, but Mo Nian couldn't bear it anyway.The insulated box contained sweet soup with jujubes and red beans. He had the cheek to ask for it from the nurse when he was a child. The supplies were in short supply, and it was difficult for others.

Finally, with a bang, the door latch was opened, and several doctors with extremely tightly veiled faces walked out, each with sweat on their foreheads.

Mo Nian didn't look up, but took off the rubber gloves first, put them on the trolley, then took off the mask and hooked it on his little finger.Finally, he undid the two buttons, leaned on the window sill, and let out a sigh of relief.

Luo Chengyuan just stood up, but now he was squeezed into a corner.

It was clearly a surprise, but he himself had difficulty breathing.

It was late at night in winter, and the cold wind poured into Mo Nian's neckline. He shivered, tightened his neckline, and walked towards the office.He faintly felt that today was unusual, but his brain went on strike and he just wanted to find a place to sleep.Mo Nian glanced at his watch - 11:37.The cafeteria is probably closed, and the dormitory is too far away, so I might as well spend a night in the office.

Mo Nian opened the door, walked a few steps in, sat down on the swivel chair, squinted for a while and stood up again, lit the stove, and opened the windows for ventilation.He moved a small stool and sat by the fire, with his hands hanging up to warm himself.His face was flushed red by the flames.

Knock-knock - someone knocks at the door.

Mo Nian yelled at the top of his voice, "Who is it?" while walking to open the door.

For a moment, he was hugged.

The man hugged him so tightly that he couldn't breathe.The hands and feet are still in a state of loss of strength, and they don't want to move.Because he got close, the man's breath sprayed on his neck, which was very itchy.Mo Nian only saw his messy hair, nothing else.

Mo Nian coughed twice, he was really out of breath, his lungs were compressed tightly, and he protested unbearably for a moment. — motioned the man to let go.

Only then did Mo Nian see his face clearly, and he lost all sleepiness in an instant.

He asked suspiciously: "Luo Chengyuan?"

"it's me."

Of course I know it's you, Mo Nian complained.

"What are you doing here..."

"Accompany you on New Year's Day."

Mo Nian was in a rare daze, and after a while he smiled: "Why is this necessary?"

"I miss you."

This straight ball also made Mo Nian dumb.

How long have they confessed their feelings to each other?Two years, or three years?I don't remember clearly, but what I said was limited to the "I like you" in the letter, where I said such sticky words.

Luo Chengyuan raised the lunch box and asked, "Do you want to eat? I've been hungry all afternoon."

Mo Nian probed out, looked around, and pulled Luo Chengyuan closer to the office: "Eat, I'm about to faint from hunger."

As he spoke, he took off his white coat—for some reason, the room temperature was a bit too hot.He was wearing a knitted sweater, and when he took it off, a small section of his thin waist was exposed.

Luo Chengyuan stared at him for a while, then turned his head and piled the things on the table aside, and opened the lunch box.He touched the iron sheet with his hand, and it was not too hot.Then he turned around and asked Mo Nian: "I don't care about other people, what's so good about it? Is there anyone? What are you afraid of?"

"Well," Mo Nian thought for a while, "Are you going to be sad?"

"Yes." Luo Chengyuan scooped up some sweet soup with a spoon and fed it to Mo Nian's mouth.

"That's it." Mo Nian bent down and drank it, squinting his eyes and said, "It's delicious."

There are two chairs in the office, he was too lazy to move them, and the other one was occupied by Luo Chengyuan, so he simply sat on the table, and then slowly said: "It's not that I'm afraid of anything, but I'm afraid that something will happen to you .”

"Be careful." Luo Chengyuan frowned, "Don't wear this dress in the future."

"What's the matter? Isn't it good?" He looked up and down at himself, and then hooked his neck to look at the mirror on the wall, feeling good about himself.

Luo Chengyuan handed over a bowl of porridge, without saying anything.Mo Nian cupped his hands and took a small sip.

To be honest, he doesn't feel "hungry" or "sleepy" anymore.The current state is very comfortable, even a little more comfortable than the past two years.It's been a long time since we saw each other, and there is no gap between them.

"When did you come, Mr. Colonel?"

Luo Chengyuan thought for a while: "Four in the afternoon."

"Wait that long?" Mo Nian suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"Yeah." I wanted to see you, so I came here.

"Mo Nian."

"Ok?"

"Do you want to eat fruit candy?" Luo Chengyuan spread out his palms, two were red and one was blue.

"Okay." Mo Nian took a red one, which was strawberry flavored.

Luo Chengyuan peeled a blue one and threw it into his mouth, he asked, "Apple flavor? Is it delicious?"

"Try it?"

"It's gone, why don't you bring some more."

"The little girl gave it to me."

"Sticking flowers and messing with grass." Mo Nian curled his lips.

Then he gets a sudden kiss.

In the past, Luo Chengyuan would only kiss the corner of his mouth, but not this time, he tasted the sweet and sour taste of apples.

"Is it sweet?" Luo Chengyuan asked.

Mo Nian crushed the candy in his mouth and swallowed it, his cheeks were hot, and he didn't speak.

Luo Chengyuan drank his remaining porridge slowly, the corners of his mouth could not help but rise, as if he had succeeded in something bad.

"Go out for a walk?" Luo Chengyuan picked up the windbreaker on the back of the chair and shook it twice.

Mo Nian hesitated for a moment, and said, "Alright, I'll show you around." He reached out for the windbreaker and put it on, and pinched Luo Chengyuan's palm by the way.The hand was caught by someone, and he struggled a bit, but he couldn't move, so he simply grabbed it back.

"Luo Chengyuan, what do you like about me?" He looked into the man's eyes and pulled him to his eyes.

"Nothing special, just pleasing to the eye."

"Is everyone pleasing to the eye?"

"How come." Luo Chengyuan smiled, "As long as it's you, no matter how you look at it, you'll look good."

Mo Nian shrank his neck: "Nicky."

They came to a large clearing, and there was a high swing hanging from a tree, not like it was for children.

"Those little nurses, about seventeen or eighteen years old, hit the swing and ran here all day long. Seeing me, they kept yelling at each other, sir, and they didn't change it."

"Taking advantage."

Just call Mr. without adding a surname. It is a very intimate address, which is used by women to address their husbands.Although it was not like this before, it gradually narrowed down to this range.

"Yes." Mo Nian felt a little helpless, "There is no way, it can't be because I am not used to it, so I can't do this?"

"Unfortunately, I can't call you sir."

"If madam is willing, I don't mind." He said such words for the first time, but he was so shy that even the tips of his ears turned red.

"Huh?" Luo Chengyuan looked at him.

"Sir, sir." He corrected repeatedly.

"Go up and sit down." Luo Chengyuan urged him.

Mo Nian half pushed and went up on the ground, Luo Chengyuan swayed the hemp rope slightly beside him.

"Why do you want to express your heart?" His voice came over vaguely, "I'm not worth entrusting for life."

"That's right." Luo Chengyuan nodded, "But after I met you, I started my life."

"Mr. Colonel is three years and four months old this year?"

"Four months and thirteen days." Luo Chengyuan looked at his watch, "—nine hours. I didn't expect you to remember it."

"I just remember the date of returning to China, not this matter." He insisted.

"Do you like children?"

"I really like it, why?"

"Little girl, how cute."

"It's very cute." Luo Chengyuan paused, "If I have a daughter, I'll name her Yuanyuan."

"Luo Yaoyao? It doesn't sound good."

"I like the name a lot, so it doesn't have to be my last name."

"Why do you like this name?"

"Secret for now."

"Mo Nian, I have one more thing to do this time, and I need your help."

"You say." He was a little timid, and now they returned to the office, but the chill couldn't stop crawling up his spine.

"Would you like to go to the old age with me?" he heard.

four.

It was an unusual New Year's Day, and the government issued a peace statement with the government in the early hours of the morning.But the good times didn't last long, and the negotiations soon broke down, and the civil war between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party came to an end. □□It is already a stubborn resistance.

I wiped away my tears and dabbled them on my cuffs.

Why do I call Fu Yuanyu.

Because even if the mountains and seas are far away, the road is thousands of miles away.As soon as the master gives an order, I will definitely go there, regardless of the return date.

He is to fulfill a dream.

The past was a daydream, and the future is a night dream.