first commandment

Savita found an old dark red notebook when sorting out her mother's belongings.

In the dimly lit room, the nearly 80-year-old woman brushed the hardcover cover with her wrinkled hands.The blue planet outside the window of Yanglu City cast a bleak light on her pale hands.The concept of time became blurred in an instant, and the old man sat on the bed of his deceased mother with his back arched, as if he heard the phantom voice of the past.

She didn't open the notebook for a long time, fearing that it would release something bad like Pandora's box.

Hesitatingly raising her head, she saw the desk opposite the bed.

That brought back long memories for her.

Once at that desk, the father hugged the mother, and Saveta, who was still young at that time, was sitting in the mother's arms.Father writes down the memories of the three of them today.

The child is very sleepy at night, let alone leaning against the warm and soft arms of the mother, the sleepiness is even stronger.Parents' voices are always not clear in my ears, I only vaguely remember that my father would ask:

"Flora, what did you do today?"

Then she vaguely saw him holding a pen and writing a "1." on the note in the dark red cover.

Due to various government affairs, her parents often have no time to see each other.The time of meeting before going to bed at night is especially precious.

It is said that it was her father's idea to write down what the two of them did today.Since the time two people spend together is limited, write down each day in the same notebook and make it a shared memory for them.On the first anniversary of their marriage, he gave her this book as a present.Every night after that, she sat on his lap under the dim light of the desk, watching him carefully write down every word.She suffered a gunshot wound on her right shoulder, and it was difficult for her to hold a pen, so all the words in the notebook were written by him.

Savita looked back at the desk, and opened the old book in her hand.Time dyed the paper yellow, just like the color under the daylight.Savita, who was in the cold silence, suddenly felt a little warmth when she touched the thin and brittle paper.

On the dark yellow paper, the dark blue pen wrote clearly:

March 3 What did Flora do today?

1. Thinking of Slaine

2. Thinking of Slaine

3. Thinking of Slaine

……

March 6 What did Flora do today?

saveta was born

……

June 6 What did Slein do today?

Savita will call her daddy now

……

There are a total of 24 notebooks with such contents accumulated.

If it weren't for the death of his father, it would probably continue forever.

Savita read these unremarkable words, and tears flowed down slowly for some reason.

She had just turned [-] the year her father died.It all happened so suddenly, the eldest of four siblings stood behind her mother, with the same helplessness on her face as her younger siblings.

At that time, the political situation was turbulent, the population was growing, and resources were scarce.In order to alleviate the domestic crisis, the politicians once again turned their finger on the earth, claiming that war is the only way to solve everything.

In order to prevent the outbreak of the war, my father was running around all day long, suffering from overwork.When a sudden illness came, he was finally vulnerable and collapsed.

His mother was sitting by his bed, holding his hand tightly, as if that could hold his soul firmly so that he could not leave her.But all this is in vain.

Savita still remembered that it was also in the room she was in now, and on the bed she was sitting on now.Everything in the room seemed to be immersed in icy cold water, shining with dark blue light.Her parents stared at each other as if nothing else existed in this world.

Mother was afraid that he would miss him, so she insisted on crying after he closed his eyes.The low sobbing sound was like a faint flame, and it didn't last long before it went out.But until now Savita recalled that voice, her heart still couldn't help twitching.She had never heard such a crying sound, it was so cold to the bone marrow, and it hurt her heart.

When Savita was young, she heard from Jung that her mother jumped from a high place like crazy at the wedding, and after being caught by her father, she kept crying and trembling with excitement.

"I've never seen her like that, it's scary!"

The chestnut-haired man curled his lips helplessly, even though he was middle-aged, he still had the expression of a child.Savita on the side listened so intently, her expression was even a little silly.

But when his father died, his mother cried so depressingly.Probably because she knew that no matter how many tears she shed, no matter how loudly she choked up, she would not be able to wake him up to hug her.

Flora cupped her husband's face in her hands, slowly moved closer, and kissed her husband softly.

Every morning in the decades since they were married, Flora woke him up with a kiss.Slein, whose lucid dream was disturbed, was never angry, and always slowly opened his sleepy eyes, the turquoise eyes seemed to be covered with a layer of warm mist.He looked at her with tenderness and love in his eyes, then stretched out his arms lazily and took her into his arms.

But now, she couldn't wake him up no matter what.

Jung also showed Savita the photo from the wedding.It is said that it was an extremely private wedding, only relatives and friends were invited, and there were less than twenty people in total.In the photo, the young Flora smiled wantonly, her cheeks were pink, and even her eyelashes and eyebrows were dyed with this happy color.Her smile hasn't changed in the decades since their marriage.There are many scenes like this in Savita's memory: Whenever the mother hugged her father's neck and made him bend down, such a smile would always appear on her face, as happy as a child who got candy.

She was like a blooming flower, blooming in eternal spring.

But that day, she withered.

Before Slein's hand slipped from her fingers, he looked at her, without the strength to speak.All the children, including Savita, knew that their father had a lot to say, but only their mother knew what he wanted to hear.

Flora reached out and brushed the hair on his forehead, the wedding ring on his finger flickered slightly in the dark room.

She turned her back to Savita, so Savita couldn't see the expression on her face.But she could see that the anxiety in her father's eyes suddenly calmed down miraculously, and he no longer struggled.

Her mother's ethereal voice rang in her ears:

"You've done a good job, Slein..."

Her hands were dazzlingly pale.She trembled and stroked his face, trying to soothe his uneasy emotions.

Then her voice became solemn, as if announcing something, and said:

"In the name of God, Slayin Troyet, I forgive your sins."

Probably because he finally heard the longing words in his heart, the eyes of the man who looked like dead leaves on the bed flickered, and then he slowly closed his eyes tiredly.

After completing her mission, she became an ordinary woman again.She picked up his limp hand and pressed a kiss on the cold knuckles.

"wait for me."

She said this in her mouth, but her tears said:

- "Don't go."

From that day on, my mother changed.

No more shy pink cheeks, no flowery smiles, no laughter.Having lost her pillar, she shoulders heavy responsibilities and walks alone in the political quagmire.

The children naively thought that as long as there was Uncle Jung's help, at least the mother would not have to bear too much alone.But the development of the situation was unexpected. The people who listened to the politicians' rhetoric narrowly won the vote and forced the mother to start a war.She clenched her teeth tightly, and she would never let go of anything, as she promised when she was young, follow the "choice of the majority" to ignite the flames of war, let alone reach out to the Aldnoah starter, and use divine power to coat the war with divine brilliance .

At that time, a fanatical hatred was burning all over the country, pointing at the earth and stabbing at the stubborn Queen Flora at the same time.In the end, Jung was the only one who supported Flora, and even the children who felt sorry for their mother at first became unable to understand her persistence.After all, Savita, the oldest among them, has just grown up, and there are still too many things she doesn't understand. The concept of "war" is too far away for them, and they selfishly know that as royals, they don't have to face gunfire and blood.

So in their view, the mother's stubbornness seemed to be angry, she just didn't want to succumb to the public opinion that drove her husband to death.

"If they want it, why don't you give it to them? Why do you bother yourself, do you know what they say about you?"

Savita once couldn't help saying such things to her mother.But Flora just frowned and shook her head.

"That's why I can't agree. They don't know what they're doing and I have to lead them..."

"It's your mother who doesn't know what you're doing." Sigmund, who is two years younger than Saveta, couldn't help interrupting her. "You still don't understand what happened? Even if you hold on, Judging from the current situation, war will happen one day."

"It's their choice, they don't need you now."

Hearing Sigmund's words, the mother showed a stinging expression.

Savita recalled now, why didn't her mother know what she said to Sigmund?

But how to explain it to young children?Flora didn't know, so in the end she could only make a bitter smile and say:

"You are still young, you don't understand."

Savita saw that Sigmund's jaw tightened, probably because of anger.She thought she probably had the same expression, because she was also angry.

Every child does not want to hear adults say "you are too young to understand".

Even if they really don't understand.

As Sigmund pointed out, the war was fought eventually.

The mother who was driven into a desperate situation locked herself in the house without saying a word.

But when the news came, she realized that the belated arrival was the real desperate situation.

The news: Jung had been killed in a violent firefight.

The mother, who had withered for a long time, came alive once in a rare case. She was stopped outside the room where the corpse was kept, and her crying sound was as painful as being torn apart.

Let me in, let me in and see him.

Only these two sentences were repeated in her mouth.No one answered her, but silently tried their best to stop her.Her strength was astonishing, several guards plus Savita and Sigmund could not completely restrain her hands and feet.At last Edellizo came, and seeing her like this, the tears that had just stopped began to flow again.

"Your Majesty..." She choked with sobs and hugged Flora, "Please wait a little longer, at least wait until the doctors put it together before going in..."

……

Savita, who was holding her mother's arm, felt her stiffness for a moment.It took Flora two seconds to understand the meaning of Edellizo's words, and after she realized it, her body, which had been tense, suddenly lost strength and fell into Sigmund's arms.

At the funeral, the innocent children looked at the stitches on Jung's face and hands, and finally understood the cruelty of war.

The difference is that Savita chose to begin to understand her mother's difficulties, but Sigmund chose to continue to blame her.

If you hadn't handed over the rights to those foolish people back then, things wouldn't have turned out like this.The war will not happen, Dad will not die of illness, and Uncle Jung will not be involved in the explosion and die so miserably.

You turned yourself into a puppet, and we will follow your back path in the future at the mercy of others!

He said so.

Sigmund had a quarrel with his mother before moving out of the palace.

No, maybe it can't be called a quarrel.Because the mother never defended herself from beginning to end.She just sat in the chair without saying a word, bearing Sigmund's anger, touching the wedding ring on her finger.

Savita stood beside her mother and listened to her younger brother's accusation, feeling a little shaken in her heart.Because she knew that some of Sigmund's words were true.

She had never seen such an angry Sigmund.The color of his eyes is very similar to that of his father, but unlike his father's eyes that are as gentle as water, his eyes are burning with hatred.

Sigmund leaves after some accusations, and Flora still sits quietly playing with her ring.Savita looked at her mother, and suddenly remembered the oppressive blackness and the cold breath of death at the funeral.

"He does look like Slaine."

For a long time, she heard her mother say thoughtfully.

It wasn't until Savita was in her 60s that she truly realized Flora's state of mind at that time.

After experiencing painful losses time after time, all that remained around her was the suffocating darkness, no different from being crucified in a coffin.

She is equivalent to dead, but not completely dead.Because she still has to protect her four children, even if they don't understand her, even if they speak ill of each other, they are still her children.

During the years when she just lost her father, Savita secretly complained about her mother.

Overnight, her mother's attitude towards her and several other siblings changed.

Most of the time Flora didn't care about them, and whenever she saw their faces, she would hastily look away as if to avoid them.But sometimes, I don't know what stimulated me, and I wished to tie them tightly to my side for protection, like a wild animal protecting its cubs, without taking my eyes off them for a second.

They didn't understand why she didn't look at them directly, as if she was afraid of them; they also didn't understand why she was so afraid that someone would hurt them, even though Uncle Jung was protecting them?

Is it overprotective?Or overly neglected?

At the end of the puzzle, they once agreed that she was crazy.

But compared to these, what impressed me the most was the mother's attitude towards his father.

Since that day, she has rarely mentioned him, almost never.And when they asked about him, he would show a different excitement than usual.

She cares about Slaine very much.You are too young to understand.Uncle Jung once said so.

They really didn't understand, but they vaguely felt as if they were competing with their dead father for favor.

Savita felt that her mother was too selfish, because she didn't lose her husband alone, they also lost their father, right?As a mother, shouldn't she cheer them up and appease them?

In fact, Savita made two mistakes: one is that her mother is more fragile than she imagined; the other is that her father is far more important to her mother than she imagined.

Now that I think about it, this idea is really childish and selfish.But the reason why they have such thoughts is also because their mother protects them so well.Mother has done her best.

Savita realized this deeply very late.

Jung once advised Flora not to overprotect her children.Savita happened to be hiding outside the door and heard her mother's cry.

"I can't lose them, Jung."

"They are so similar to him, not just their faces, but their every move."

"Losing any of them is like losing him again..."

"I can't let this happen. I'm terrified..."

"Because I can't die, this feeling is more painful than death."

Savita ran away before she finished listening.Listening to her mother's monologue, she felt as if she had been pushed into the water, unable to breathe, her heart convulsing and hurting.

She threw herself into Sigmund's arms and wept.

At that time, what filled my heart was more sympathy for my mother and fear of the future than the unwillingness of "my mother loves me because I look like him".

"what happened to you?"

Sigmund asked puzzledly holding her.She didn't answer.

Sigmund chose to leave after Jung's death, and she chose to stay with her mother.

The reason why they chose different paths may be because only she overheard her mother's words that day, and Sigmund did not.

Decades later, Flora abdicated due to Alzheimer's disease in her 70s.At that time, the political situation had stabilized, no one was calling for war, and the light of prosperity could be vaguely seen ahead.

The education level of the new generation has risen, people have their own judgment, and they are no longer at the mercy of others.The democracy that Flora described decades ago is finally understood and accepted at this time.History's evaluation of her has changed in a good direction, and she is no longer called a "stubborn oppressor" and a "monarch without dignity".When Flora was 80 years old, they even built a museum for her, with a statue of her and her husband when they were young standing at the door.She was dressed in fine clothes, with her hand on the starter, looking extremely dignified.

But in Savita's view, all this is extremely subtle, even ridiculous.

The face of the statue was distorted in Savita's eyes, but it was just a soulless symbol, not her parents at all.

And even if she stays with her mother, even if Sigmund returns home after a few years and sincerely apologizes to her mother, even if a few words in the history textbook are changed without pain, even if a museum is built, even if a ridiculous statue is put in the museum .

What's the use of this?

After losing the most important person in her life, she still tried her best to protect her children and subjects.But how did they repay her?

Together, they pushed her into the suffocating quagmire, forced her to submit to war, and then generously charged her with every blood debt.

On the day her husband died, her heart died.They added another handful of soil to her heart.

Now she is so old that her mind is not clear, and she doesn't even remember who her children are. Every day, she just goes to the garden with a red note in her hand, staring at the old tree in a daze.Everything was meaningless to her.

Besides, even if she still has a clear mind, can their understanding and praise bring her even a sliver of salvation?

There was only one person who could redeem her.She has no other gods but him.

For him, it is the same.

The old man sitting in the dark room imagined all that his mother had experienced, and couldn't help crying like a child, crying helplessly.

The darkness around him was so cold that it was unbearable.How did her mother survive every night for decades?In the darkness, she needs light more than anyone else, but the only person who can bring her light has long been sleeping in the cold tomb.

Whenever mother thinks of this cruel fact, what kind of feeling will she feel in her heart?

Savita was sobbing, and suddenly had the illusion that her mother hadn't died yet, and was still sleeping behind her.

If this is really the case, this time she wants to grab the heavy coffin for her mother and let the two meet again.Even if the fingers are scratched, the nails are worn off, and the phalanx is broken, it is not hesitating, because the pain is far less than one ten thousandth of the mother's pain.

Savita let go of the note, and exchanged hands to wipe the unstoppable tears.

One didn't pay attention, the note on the lap slipped and fell to the ground.

The old book couldn't stand the beating, and the hard cover was broken from the paper.Savita hurriedly picked it up, but found a few letter papers in the place where the cover fell off.

The few sheets of paper were hidden in a hidden place, not seriously aged, and probably never discovered by others.

Curiosity eased Savita's grief a little, and she opened the folded letter.When she saw the signature, she was taken aback.

It was her long-dead father who wrote this secret letter.

The author has something to say:

【Youneededinme, Ineededinyou.】

You and I depend on each other

/0_1774304776/

Finally finished the exam!I'm back!

The one released first is BE. BE. BE.Enter carefully.Enter carefully.Enter carefully.

Before I wrote it, I told a few friends about this plot, and they almost buried it together.

In addition to this, there are two HEs.In the past two days, I have been making up for it one after another.