Absolutely retarded option

"My lord, tell me the story of you subduing demons in the East China Sea." Although my lord and I are both demons, we are good monsters. Said that our monkeys in Huaguo Mountain are all vegetarians.Why eat meat when fruits and nuts are delicious.It is not good to eat meat, and it is easy to have diarrhea.

"My lord, you are so powerful, you must have big ambitions, such as wanting the sky not to cover your eyes?"

"My lord, as a monkey king standing at the pinnacle of monkey appearance, will you feel any pressure?"

"My lord, do you like female monkeys?"

Sun Wukong made a calculation, and it was spring in the mortal world. Even if Gohan became a demon, he would not change the habit of beasts. Seeing that I was asleep, he took a blanket to cover me, "Gohan, the king, doesn't like female monkeys." .” In my dream, I heard that he refused to confess, and scratched the king’s paw angrily.

The next day, Sun Wukong went to let the horse with the blood on his face, and was ridiculed by the officials of the Yumajian for a whole day.

A few bold ones came up to joke, "Master, I was scratched by the female family members."

"Woman?" Sun Wukong rolled his eyes again and again, "Where is the woman, Gohan didn't sleep well, just after he was covered with a quilt, he suddenly reached out and grabbed me. He didn't remember to cut his nails!"

In the afternoon, a small official of the Yumajian told me that the king disliked my nails for not being clean.

Looking at the nails, I was heartbroken. The king is less monkey-like than I am. Nails, no, are claws, but weapons for fighting. I still have fangs. Do you want to pull them out together?

I was so angry that I found a place to meditate to absorb spiritual energy, and the Seven Fairies next door were weaving clouds, so beautiful.

I said it subconsciously.

Seventh Fairy looked at me and smiled.Because I look funny.

"Hou'er, why is your face square? It's still so dark."

I hate this woman to death, I don't like her!I twisted my neck to the side, refusing to talk to Seven Fairies.

It was the first time for the Seventh Fairy to see a monkey. It was very novel, and she stopped weaving clouds. She put the shuttle aside and sat next to me, "Are you practicing?"

"No, I'm waiting for General Fei Peng."

Seventh Fairy wrinkled her delicate nose, "Marshal Canopy?" She thought the monkey didn't quite remember the name of the fairy.

"It's General Fei Peng."

The Seventh Fairy shook her head, "I don't know."

"Oh."

Seventh Fairy circled around, insisting on looking at my ugly face, "You praised me for looking good just now, I heard you."

"I'm talking nonsense."

"But I heard it." The Seventh Fairy was a very stubborn fairy, "I am prettier than you."

But it pissed me off, monkeys want to scratch people when they are angry, see if I don't scratch your mistress' face.

It's a pity that Seven Fairy's mana is higher than mine, and she slapped me aside with a wave of her sleeve. I cursed her darkly: In fact, the old cow raised by the cowherd is a monster. Occasionally at night, he will turn the cowherd into a cow. Then it turns into a cowherd and returns to the house... Why does the old cow desperately help the cowherd?Love between master and servant?Be stupid, monsters don't look down on people who are not as good as themselves, it must be because of Seven Fairies.

It is said that the Seven Fairies can't change other clothes with magic power after taking a bath and taking off their clothes?Have to wait to be threatened by the cowherd.

What's the difference from those idiots who call empty, lonely, cold wives?

Anyway, I am not ashamed of the cowherd's behavior.

Next work!

Cowherd and Weaver Girl is not a good story, it is clearly a product of obscenity under the cloak of mythology, poor □□ + voyeur + prisoner, the old cow who told Cowherd to steal Weaver Girl's clothes is even an old hooligan, shooting for 10 minutes is not enough .This kind of evil feudal superstition story that oppressed ancient fairies should be banned.Conspiracy, what kind of encounter is just a deliberate conspiracy.

"Seven fairies?"

"Ok?"

"Do you have any plans to go down to earth in the near future?"

"My name is Zhinu... Recently, my sisters and I will go to the fairy lake in the mortal world to take a bath."

I don't understand, "There is no spiritual spring in heaven, so I have to go to the mortal world to take a bath." Niulang is so poor, the lake in his hometown must be poor.

"This..." A hint of confusion flashed in Zhinu's eyes, "Yes, why." It doesn't make sense after thinking about it carefully, there are all kinds of spiritual springs in the heavenly court, and their sisters must find one with a high concentration of spiritual energy when they take a bath. If you want to change places, you should look for a higher level. Why do you go to a lake with a little aura in the mortal world?It might get dirty after washing too much.

"You don't know either?"

"Elder Sister said she would go." Weaver Girl thought for a while, "Maybe Eldest Sister likes it?"

I rubbed my chin, and the third prince said that I had a sharp mouth and monkey cheeks, and I, Sun Wuhan, clearly had a dignified and dignified Chinese character face. "It sounds like there is a conspiracy. Did someone confuse the Great Fairy?"

After hearing what I said, the soft-tempered Seventh Fairy became anxious, "Then what should I do?"

I slapped my thigh, "You can ask the queen mother to accompany you, you sisters go to play by yourself, what does it look like to leave the old lady behind?"

Zhinu wondered, "Is that so?"

Me: "Look at my honest eyes."

Zhinu was tricked by me to ask the Queen Mother to take a bath together, and the Queen Mother smiled when she heard that, "I'm an old woman now, I won't go to the party of your little fairies."

When Zhinu heard it, she didn't know that the Queen Mother was moved. She hugged the old lady's arm and said, "Mother, let's go together. You will go down to earth with us. When mortals see us, they will think we are sisters."

In terms of beauty and youth, the Queen Mother is no different from other fairies.

"Okay, mother will go with you."

The Seventh Fairy asked the Queen Mother to play together on her own initiative, and the other six fairies didn't know about it. After the Queen Mother agreed to her, she told the six sisters. Contrary to what she imagined, the six sisters were very dissatisfied. You can make up your own mind! What else are we going to do when Mother is gone? If you want to be controlled all the way, I don’t want to.”

The big fairy said: "That's right, our sisters want to breathe a sigh of relief because we are tired of the heaven's precepts. You might as well bring the God of Justice with you."

"Yang Jian wants to go together, eldest sister must be so happy that she doesn't know what her last name is, and she can still object." The three fairies said with a wicked smile.

The misfit Seven Fairy was squeezed out by her sisters, obviously out of kindness.She was so depressed that she left the palace and wanted to talk to the new female monkey she met. When she arrived outside the Imperial Horse Prison, she asked the heavenly servant that Bi Ma Wenwen and the female monkey had gone to the laurel tree in Guanghan Palace, "Laurel is a talker, sir Miss He Sun likes to listen to him talk."

The seven fairies went to Guanghan Palace out of curiosity.

The laurel tree was so big that it could be seen at a glance, and in the thick leaves sat two monkeys, a male and a female, sitting side by side.

The female monkey said to the male monkey: "My lord, I have a riddle for you to guess. There is a monkey riding on the tree, and a monkey under the tree. How many monkeys?"

Your Majesty: "Two monkeys."

I shook my furry middle finger, "It's two monkeys."

Monkey King didn't understand, "Why are there two?"

"Look, there is a monkey riding on a tree, and the one riding it rides."

"Oh~"

I was particularly interested, "One more, Your Majesty."

Sun Wukong nodded, "Okay."

"Then I said, how many monkeys are riding seven monkeys on the tree, and one monkey on the ground?"

"Isn't this the same as the one just now?"

I shook my head, "Not the same."

"Two more."

I laughed wildly, "I became a king, riding seven monkeys on a tree!"

"Riding seven?" Sun Wukong looked at the laurel tree, "Ordinary trees can't bear it."

Laurel said: "I can carry it. If you have a baby monkey in the future, you can come up, no matter how many."

The laurel tree is not only a bright tree but also a divine assist. I hummed shyly and was about to slip into the king's arms, "The laurel tree is really annoying."

Laurel laughed loudly with a broken gong.

Wei Zi was dissatisfied, and walked over in a hallucinatory form and said, "What should you do if Guanghan Fairy is resting so loudly at this late hour? Also, do you have a place to chat in the Imperial Horse Supervisor, so you have to come to our Guanghan Palace?"

I pouted, "They're all gods and still need to sleep? We're here to chat with Laurel, he knows how fun it is!"

Laurel: "Yeah, I know a lot. I still remember the first time Wei Zi turned into a shape and ran to the jade rabbit without any clothes on. Fortunately, the jade rabbit has a good temper."

I suddenly thought of a question: "Is the jade rabbit a male rabbit or a female rabbit?"

Laurel suddenly paused, "Mother rabbit...?"

"Are you not sure either?"

"We don't distinguish between male and female trees."

I greeted Wei Zi, "Shufen, why don't you call Yutu and let's have fun together?"

"Who is it called Shufen! Turtle!" Wei Zi scolded, the king's eyes suddenly became sharp, he jumped down and grabbed Wei Zi and stuffed him in the ground, head down.

"Let you be rude to Gohan!"

Wei Zi managed to get himself together, looking at the king with eyes full of fear and a little fear, "Splash the monkey!"

The king's eyes were fixed and he stretched out his hand to grab him, Wei Zi screamed and ran away, "You wait for me!"

It doesn't matter if he ran away, he bumped into the seventh fairy who couldn't dodge in time, "Oh!"

Wei Zi didn't sink, both of them were gods, their muscles and bones were harder than steel, and it was nothing if they bumped into each other, but they both yelled out at the same time, Wei Zi saw that it was the Seventh Fairy who was terrified, "Xiaoxian has seen the Seventh Princess! The Princess is not hurt!" Are you going?"

Seeing that Wei Zi's attitude towards the seven fairies is very different from mine, the old man is not happy, what kind of flower god looks down on the mother monkey, the mother monkey eats your peach and puts it on your tree!

I think this experience can be called "The Days I Was Discriminated In Heaven".

It is also impossible for Wei Zi to go to Chang'e to complain. Chang'e does not eat fireworks, so she does not care about the affairs of the flower fairy and the monkey in the yard.

Zhinu is famous for her good temper, not like her sisters who are tricky and weird, she doesn't have the airs of a princess, "I'm fine, but you are fine."

Wei Zi blushed, "Xiao Xian is fine."

He looked back at the Seven Fairy's back three times a step at a time, with those eyes, hesitant to speak, worthy of being a flower fairy, that is called a charming and affectionate one.

I greeted the Seventh Fairy, "Go up the tree, princess?"

The princess hesitated and climbed up, "It's a bit high."

I laughed out loud, "You are a god, you are afraid of heights."

She said angrily: "Shouldn't the gods be afraid of heights?"

I pointed to the king and introduced, "This is my king, Monkey King Monkey King Monkey King Monkey King!"

Seventh Fairy frowned, "Is it Bi Mawen?"

No wonder she was fooled by the cowherd and not only stayed in the mortal world, but also gave birth to two ugly children who were not famous, and her emotional intelligence was touching.Yao Ji gave birth to Erlang God and Sanshengmu, Sanshengmu gave birth to Chenxiang, what happened to Seven Immortals?Neither splitting the mountain to save the mother nor raising a dog, it is better to have a barbecued pork.To put it bluntly, it's kind of bad.And I'm stupid too.

"To be called the Great Sage!" I said dissatisfied.

"Okay, let's call it the Great Sage." The Seventh Fairy climbed up the tree, and it was the first time she saw the Guanghan Palace from a height, and she couldn't help saying, "It's so beautiful."

Can it not be beautiful?The Jade Emperor specially decorated it for the lover of his dreams.

"The Jade Emperor said back then that if Fairy Guanghan is obtained, it will be stored in the Moon Palace."

Seventh Fairy was so angry that her willow eyebrows stood on end, "Nonsense! Father would not do that."

I shook my head and said, "You're still young, you don't understand men. It wasn't the Jade Emperor who said this, but an emperor named Liu Che in the mortal world..."

I told the story of "If you get Gillian to be a wife, you will store it as a golden house", which made the Seven Fairies' eyes turn red with anger, "That Liu Che is really nothing! Why is the promise he made..."

"You mean it's like putting p?"

Seventh Fairy nodded.

Me: "Emperor, what is good for me is that you have no jokes. If it is not good for you, just keep silent. If the emperor doesn't mention it, who dares to mention it. Your father is the same, he covets Fairy Guanghan, no one in heaven knows, just you little ones." The girl doesn't know, and no one dares to say it. The Jade Emperor must be wrong to do this, but no god dares to point it out...the gods in the heavens have died long ago." These words seem to be addressed to the Seven Fairies, but they are actually Said to the king.

Monkey King heard it, and took a bite of the peach thoughtfully.

Seventh Fairy licked her lips, "Give me one."

I quickly peeled the peaches and handed them to her.The king glanced at me dissatisfied. Have you ever heard of monkeys eating peeled peaches?Your Majesty never had the patience to peel peaches in the past, let alone peeling peaches is too troublesome.Your Majesty doesn't eat unpeeled peaches anymore, because he thinks it's prickly, it's really hard to go from frugality to extravagance.I happily gave Dawang another peeled peach.Only then did the king withdraw his dissatisfied gaze.

You said, the king is used to my peeled peaches, so will he get used to no one peeling peaches for him in the future?He will think of me whenever he eats a peach in the future.This is called Jane in the heart of the emperor.

The king didn't eat well, the peach juice was all over his face and wet the golden monkey hair, I tenderly wiped it off with a handkerchief.In fact, the king was not used to it at first, but he gradually accepted it after being told by my three-inch tongue. After all, emperors in the mortal world are served like this.

In this situation, I couldn't help but write a poem.

what--

Remember you love to wear purple gold crown

I like your golden armor best

you love to see me tickle

Say I'm your beloved monkey

sit quietly on the fruit tree

I hold a male monkey for the first time

Let's go up the tree and pick peaches together

Let's have a baby monkey

——"Two Happy Monkeys"