365 days of playing the knife

The moment Tsurumaru said sorry, the expression on Wuhutui's face went blank.Osamu Dazai, who was lying on the sofa, also raised his eyebrows unexpectedly. You must know that many topics just now were initiated by Tsurumaru - the topic surrounding Tai's brother.

At that time, Tsurumaru's expression was not forced, it was naturally lively and happy.At that time, the light from Tsurumaru's eyes made Dazai almost think that the scene he saw in the bar was his hallucination.

But now it seems that Tsurumaru, who was smiling very happily at that time, is really wrong.

Yokohama is a port city. In the detective agency, you can often hear the siren of the merchant ship "beep -" and look out the window, and you can see the sea at any time.

Therefore, even though Tsurumaru didn't deliberately find a way, he easily retreated to the beach.They found a place to sit and watch the sea, and now there is still some time before the beauty of the sunset reflecting the sea.

Seeing the Five Tigers who didn't seem to react, the negative feelings in Tsurumaru's heart almost overflowed from his body.

He originally relied on what he had learned in the cherry blossom forest to suppress and purify the black mud on his body that would make him lose his mind.

Then he was helped to control part of it by a heroic spirit named Enkidu, so that he, who left Heianjing, could achieve a certain balance between those who carried the malice in the world and his reason.

He should thank the crescent moon that turned him into a cat.

If it wasn't for the demon power left in the snack that has been unintentionally helping him to suppress... He might have lost himself when he left Heianjing.

In fact, Tsurumaru has always been very self-aware, knowing that he is definitely not normal, the pure white "Tsurumaru Kuninaga" with a crane-like figure and heart.

He is a sword that has already been polluted, barely keeping the appearance clean, but has been infiltrated with something called "evil" inside.

He is not qualified to say how Dazai is, because if his outer skin is peeled off, the inside that is as sticky as mud and full of dirt will probably startle people like Dazai.

Not to mention the two pure and kind short knives of chaos and retreat.

"The Evil of the World" works to widen the hole in his heart.

At the very beginning, he didn't protect his "companions" in Honmaru, and later he didn't find the "companion" Kemimaru who helped him, and he even got angry with the crescent moon who was also regarded as a "companion". Zong near.

Everything that happened in the past is engraved in his mind, probably even death, he will not forget it.

Ah, when it comes to death, he really wants to smash the knife so directly.Because he no longer knows the meaning of his existence.

He lived—for what?

But he didn't die.It's like being favored by the gods - or forgotten by death.

No matter what dangerous "scares" he tried, he never actually faced death.

He appeared in a place similar to a slum in a daze, and was picked up by Peng Lie inadvertently.

Whether it's murder or being killed, he actually doesn't care.Because "Tsurumaru Kuninaga" itself is a cold weapon born to kill the enemy.

Although during the period, in order to find fun, he frightened the members of Balian, including the fierce boss, a lot—it was still the kind that he didn't deliberately control, because he knew it was unnecessary.

But even so, he was hit by the angry flames of that fierce boss, and he was naturally afraid of fire, but he didn't melt with a broken knife.

And he also understood some things because of this, for example, he doesn't have much emotion to consume for "human beings", whether it is malice or kindness towards human beings.

He was already indifferent.

He has lost the so-called "three views of morality" imposed on him by human beings.After all, he was supposed to be a cold and emotionless tool.

This boring life without light continued until he saw a child named "Yi Guangran".

The warm light of bright orange illuminated his vision, which had long been immersed in the filth.

How would you describe your mood at the time?Probably just want to try without hope, whether he, who has no extra emotion for human beings, can protect his "companion" who is also a sword?

He has complete enthusiasm and kindness for all swords and swords.Even if the reason knows that the former "companion" is not the same person as the one I meet now-but the essence is still the same.

He doesn't care at all even if he encounters a different god judge, which leads to a deviation in personality.

As long as it's a sword - he holds a strong emotion like obsession.

This is what he realized after encountering retreat.

Of course, he will hide this sudden emotion similar to "Atonement" imposed on them, so that the sharp dagger will not be aware of it.

Whether it's accompanying Luan to become a teacher, skipping classes, or playing in an amusement park.Or Luan asked him to save people on the roller coaster, go to Ikebukuro to find the Headless Horseman, and then be an otaku and squat at home to read comics together.Or agree to retreat and explain the situation indiscriminately, and agree with the idea of ​​retreat.

Life during that time was very fulfilling and satisfying.

——But judging by the results now, he screwed up again.

Maybe, he really can't protect anything.

Wuhu retreated and sat on the spot with his head raised, one hand resting on the ground, straightened his body and covered Tsurumaru's eyes with the other small and soft hand.He said softly in his usual soft voice,

"ごめんなさい."

(Japanese: Sorry.)

"...Retire, why are you apologizing?" Tsurumaru smiled, but did not stop Wuhu from retreating, "It's me who should apologize."

"But, Your Highness Tsurumaru..." Wu Hutui lowered his eyes sadly, "You are crying."

"Eh? I don't have one." Tsurumaru replied blankly, and Wuhu Tui could still feel the brushing of the eyelashes in the palm of his hand.

"I don't know..." Wu Hutui was rarely able to control his tear glands, so he was clearly aware that his tears were running down his cheeks, and it was a little itchy. "But, but..."

"I feel bad..."

"I, His Majesty Tsurumaru I know... always, always like to be frightened..."

"He always said...life needs some scares..."

"If, if there are all predictable things... the heart will die first..."

"..." Tsurumaru fell silent, and the smile on the corner of his mouth had already disappeared.Temporarily losing his vision, he couldn't see the child who was covering his eyes with his hands, and the tears dripping silently on his clothes.

"His Majesty Tsurumaru is always gentle..."

"Although sometimes, I will do things that make everyone...shocked..."

"But Tsurumaru-sama is really gentle..."

"He'll notice that I'm unhappy, and, and weave wreaths to coax me..."

"Sometimes... when my brother and brothers don't notice..."

"Your Highness Tsurumaru has beautiful eyes too..."

"It's like, like the warm sun shining on your body when you're taking a nap..."

"It's very warm and comfortable..."

"His Majesty Tsurumaru likes to laugh, although sometimes he will suddenly fall silent, not to play pranks... lazily lying on the grass..."

Wu Hutui didn't know what to say anymore, the messy and upside-down words almost didn't go through his brain, he just wanted to say it.

"Because it's Tsurumaru-sama..."

"After all, His Highness Tsurumaru..."

"His Highness Tsurumaru has never, never expressed any unhappiness outside, in front of us..."

"It's like the warm light of a candle that will never go out...as long as His Highness Tsurumaru is around...you will feel easy and happy to do anything..."

"But……"

"But……"

Five Tigers retreated several times in succession, but seemed unable to continue.

The hand he put in front of Tsurumaru's eyes was trembling, and he couldn't hold on to this movement.

He almost used up all his strength to yell out the last sentence, but in the end he couldn't control his crying, which was as weak as the cry of a young animal.

"why……"

"You like this..."

"Why... makes me feel so sad!"

That feeling of being abandoned by the world—forgotten at a point where you can’t move forward, you can’t go back.

It's obviously that "Tsurumaru Kuninaga"!That Fusangshen with a bright smile and shining eyes, like a crane, is like a crane!

Did he do something wrong...?

He should have been more careful at the time... noticing that Tsurumaru-sama's mood was not right.

Why can he take it for granted that Tsurumaru will not feel sad about the departure of "Ranto Shiro"?

Why did he see the "death" that he couldn't touch appeared in those golden pupils that were always shining.

If he's paying attention...

If he had been more careful then...

If he hadn't been in a rush to get rid of their bond...

Could it be... His Highness Tsurumaru will not be like this now?

He thought...why would he think...after "Ranto Shiro" left, Tsurumaru Kuninaga would at most appreciate the magic of space, and then he would forget this as it should be--what he encountered on the road An ordinary visitor.

Looking at the little dagger who put down his hand and almost wet his sleeves and was crying, Tsurumaru, who has experienced so many bad things, showed a bewildered expression like a child for the first time.

He frantically tried to coax Wuhu back, "Don't, don't cry! Let me tell you a joke, okay? I can also make up garlands! You can have any flowers you like, and I will find them for you if you mess up. Come!"

After hearing these words, the five tigers retreated and cried even more miserable.

And at the same time the detective agency.

Osamu Dazai, who was still lying on the sofa wearing earphones, suddenly heard a tiger roar in the next room. ——This is the roar that Xiaohu has never expressed so excitedly since he came to the detective agency.

Haruno Kirako and Tanizaki Naomi could hardly stop Xiaohu from rushing out the door.In other words, they couldn't be stopped in the first place, but Xiaohu didn't want to hurt them and restrained himself.

Osamu Dazai opened the door of the infirmary next door with a serious face——Dr. Yosano is not in the detective agency now.But even if she was here, she wouldn't care that her infirmary was temporarily lent to Xiaohu as a rest room (after all, there are ordinary people who don't know about the daily detective society entrusting her, so Xiaohu's existence is still very scary, and she can't just stay outside .).

As long as you don't step on the thunder and say that women are inferior to men and that men are superior to women, it is still easy to talk to Dr. Xie Ye every day.

And due to the relationship with Dr. Xie Ye's supernatural power, her infirmary does not have a strong smell of disinfectant like ordinary infirmaries, so it will not destroy Xiaohu's sensitive sense of smell.

"I know you can understand what I'm talking about." Dazai Osamu said to Baihu who was trying to leave the detective agency with a fierce expression on his face, "I don't think you would like to cause trouble for your master, would you?"

"Ow-!!!"

"I'm not Tui Jun, I can't understand your roar." Dazai Osamu paused, "I can only tell you that the current Tui Jun probably can't arrange you very well—he is in the position now It’s the seaside, and someone will pass by if you’re not careful.”

"If you don't want to cause trouble for your master, you'd better stay here and wait for him to come back."

"Ow..."

To the surprise of Kirako Haruno and Naomi Tanizaki, the ferocious beast that was completely disobedient actually calmed down.Even aggrieved into a ball in the corner.

Osamu Dazai breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that his force value in Mafia can only be regarded as low-middle-at least in the face of beasts that are not supernatural but are better than powerful supernatural abilities. It can be regarded as his hard work.

Just like a short guy who is top notch in physical skills without supernatural powers.

"I'm going to trouble you to keep an eye on Mr. Tiger for the time being, both of you." Osamu Dazai said to Naomi and Haruno.

"No problem, leave it to us." Naomi smiled softly - her elder brother and Atsushi were called out by Kunikida on the phone just now, and they haven't returned yet.There is only one Dazai left in the detective agency to manage.

Osamu Dazai let out a breath and returned to the original room.This time, he didn't hum the self-made love song like he did at the beginning, but just picked up the magazine that Tsurumaru had turned over before and placed it in front of his eyes, and continued to focus most of his attention on the earphones.

Then he found that he seemed to have missed some important information—it was because it overlapped with Xiaohu's roar, so he didn't hear that part clearly.

"Ruanni..." Osamu Dazai listened to Wu Hutui's strong nasal voice, "You know..."

"It's not your fault at all..."

"This kind of thing has absolutely nothing to do with you..." Wu Hutui wiped away his tears, but he couldn't control them no matter what. "You obviously know..."

"So, why...why do you take the mistake on yourself?"

"You, you don't have the obligation to take care of me and my brother..."

"Obligation?" Tsurumaru's gaze was very gentle, very much like the Tsurumaru in Wu Hutui's memory. ——They are the same person in the first place, but the difference in experience has led to subtle or huge differences.

"Because you made peace and admitted that I am your elder." Tsurumaru replied.

"..." Wuhu Tui didn't know what to say.

And like a handover, the five tigers retreated and said so much just now, this time it was Tsurumaru's turn.

"I should apologize." Tsurumaru leaned back and lay on the ground. This is not grass, so the touch on the back of his head is very hard.But Tsurumaru didn't care, he was used to any place as a temporary resting place.

"Whether it's selfishly superimposing your own thoughts on you, or not protecting your brother well." Looking at the orange-red sky in his vision, there was nothing in Tsurumaru's golden pupils. "Used your name of "Yiguang" without authorization, and appeared in front of you without authorization. "

"Maybe I'm a thief, carefully stealing your feelings for the person you really know and admit." The sea breeze blows, sniffing the salty feeling of the sea air at the tip of his nose, Tsurumaru said, "Then Trying to take care of you instead of that person and gain your trust."

"Because I have lost something before, so this time I want to hold on to it firmly..."

"But I forgot, that doesn't belong to you at all."

Wuhu Tui didn't understand what Tsurumaru was talking about, because he never knew what Tsurumaru had experienced before meeting him.He also didn't know that Tsurumaru had always felt guilty about the "Five Tigers Retirement". At that time, he didn't deliberately prevent him from going to Yokohama, and he didn't inform Ran about the whereabouts of Retirement. This was part of the reason.

The reason why the five tigers retreated in Tsurumaru Honmaru back then was that something was wrong because of Tsurumaru.

Five Tigers put aside the words they didn't understand, and only answered one question—or just repeated what Tsurumaru said. "...Although you are not him, you, you are also the elders that my brother and I recognize."

"In that case, shouldn't it be natural for me to take care of you?" Tsurumaru secretly changed the concept.

Wuhu fell silent for a while, frowning and shaking his head, he didn't understand this kind of... this kind of feeling that seemed to put everything on him.Moreover, acknowledging that Tsurumaru is an elder is not proportional to the fact that the other party has to take care of them.

"you……"

"Actually, I'm still too greedy." Tsurumaru interrupted what Wuhutui wanted to say, "I've got enough."

"Xiao Tui, I will help you find your brother." Tsurumaru said in a firm tone.

But, if that's all, why are you showing such an expression?

The five tigers retreated and sat on the spot, looking at Tsurumaru with misty eyes.He found that he had never really understood this Tsurumaru, and he seemed to have forcibly applied the template of the "Tsurumaru Kuninaga" he was familiar with to the Tsurumaru he met now.

Obviously he knew from the beginning that this Tsurumaru... must have had a very bad experience.Otherwise, how could such a transparent crane fall so easily?

It was because he himself was too arrogant, and time had passed for too long, which made him forget the humility that he should have as a human being.

But this time he couldn't refuse Tsurumaru.Even if he knew that Tsurumaru couldn't find "Ranto Shiro" in this world no matter what, he couldn't refuse.

Because he felt that if Tsurumaru was rejected, this white crane would seem to lose the will to live.

But agreeing to him created a goal for him—a goal that can only be achieved by living.

The author has something to say: My aunt finally realized her problem.