The Abandoned Empress

“… It’s nothing. Never mind.”

“You think I don’t know your feelings? Think about how much time I spent with you!”

“Nothing happened.”

“… … . ”

“… Are you serious?”

I couldn’t tell him what I had heard in the lounge. As someone who was kind to me, Allendis would certainly share my anger, but it was my personal matter. I didn’t want to involve him.

As if he noticed my intention, he sighed suddenly, glaring.

“What the heck is this?”

I inadvertently looked down at my palms. Maybe it was because I clenched my fists too hard, there were nail marks on my hands.

I tried to hide my hands, saying I was okay, but he stopped me and pulled my wrist gently.

Then, he bowed his head slowly. I stiffened when I felt something warm gently touch my palms. “I’m upset.”

“Why?”

“In the past, I thought I knew you well…”

“…. ”

“These days it seems more and more difficult for me to understand you. I feel like you are flying to a place I can’t follow you. ”

“Allen.”

My heart sank. He always looked relaxed to me, but today he seemed very nervous and even dangerous.

I bowed my head, looking at his emerald eyes. I had nothing to give him, and I was very sorry for that.

“That’s how I feel when I meet you, Tia.”

“… ”

“Don’t you think you’re too close to Carsein these days? I was the first who made friends with you. Just be nice to me like you are to him, please. I’m so hurt.”

He was stroking my hair with a warm smile when he said that. I agonized while looking at him and my eyelids grew heavier due to fatigue. I was lost in thought, blinking slowly and came to the conclusion. I decided that now was the time for me to fight to protect them, not to worry about my angst.

By then, I couldn’t lift my eyelids. I closed my eyes and was falling asleep before I knew.

“My lady, what happened? When you went out, you were with the crown prince, and when you came back, you were with Duke Verita’s son! ”

“Oh, it’s a long story, Lina.”

When I sat in front of the mirror with an awkward smile, Lina brought my uniform from the dressing room, “Your father waited for you for a very long time. When I told him that you went with the crown prince, he said just okay, but he had been anxiously waiting for you all evening.”

“Really? Did he wait for a long time?”

“Yes. Later he paced up and down in the garden. Then, he went out to the carriage and carried you in his arms because you were asleep.”

“I see.”

“By the way, my lady…” Lina kept chatting while combing my hair until it was shiny.

“Why does your father hate him so much? I mean Duke Verita’s son. Yesterday, when he held you in his arms, he seemed very displeased,” she said, tilting her head, while tying my silvery hair together, the way she did whenever I went to work at the palace..

She continued, “Well, I don’t know about nobles’ complicated situation, but I still know the things related to you, my lady. Given that you are learning lots of stuff from your father and you have joined the knights division, I think you are trying to take over your family, right? ”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“That’s strange. Then, there is no reason for your father to hate him. As far as Duke Verita’s son is concerned, he is a top-quality bridegroom candidate, right? Honestly, you’re warm and sweet, though I’m not… By the way, you are engaged to the crown prince, right? What happens to your engagement when you take over the family? It’s an engagement with the imperial family, so can you break it off so easily?”

“Well, I have no idea.”

It wasn’t an easy topic, so I just smiled faintly. Checking my expression, Lena pouted, throwing my pajamas on one side and bringing a uniform. It seemed that she was frustrated because I couldn’t answer her.

‘Breaking off the engagement, the successor of the family, and Allendis…’

When I thought about his expression from last night, I felt heartbroken because I couldn’t repay his genuine concern and affection.

I couldn’t love him. Love is not mine.

I still have the painful trauma from my past that although I loved the crown prince from the bottom of my heart, I was miserably abandoned rather than rewarded. Maybe I can’t believe in love because of that trauma. I didn’t want to go through the same ordeal again. Having loved once was enough for me as I had already experienced painful love. Back then, I couldn’t say one single word even if I was heartbroken.

I know that Alendis is not such a person, but who knows? Even if I feel like loving Allendis, what if he changes his mind later and abandons me like the crown prince did in the past? If I were abandoned twice by the loved one, could I live normally?

“By the way, my lady.”

“… Huh?”

Lina, who was done adjusting my uniform, asked with a very curious look, “Why do you hate the crown prince so much?”

“… ”

“Well, at first I felt uneasy because you seemed so scared of him. You know, he is your fiance. He cared for you when you passed out at the estate, and he was kind enough to come here to attend the party with you the other day. It seems that he cares for you a lot.

Why do you hate him so much? ”

“Well….”

“Oh my God… you are not talking at all. Sometimes, you have to confide in me. You might get sick if you are stuck in angst like that all the time. I think it’s the reason you often pass out without any particular reason.

“Really?”

As I had nothing to say, I just smiled. Lina sighed and said, “Whew! Well, that might be your charm, my lady. All done. I think your father is waiting for you downstairs. So, hurry up and have a meal. ”

“Okay. Thanks, Lina. ”

When I went down to the dining room at her urging, I saw my father already seated in his chair.

As I felt sorry for what happened last night, I just greeted him with a smile.

“Good morning, Dad?”

“Hi, did you sleep well? I guess you were very tired yesterday. ”

“I think so.”

“I heard that the crown prince took you to the party. Did you have a good time? ”

I thought I might be scolded for my behavior yesterday, but he didn’t say anything to my surprise. He seemed relieved because the prince went with me.

After eating with a lighter heart, I headed for the Imperial Palace. After working as the captain’s aide all afternoon, I headed to the training field. As always, Carsein was waiting for me.

“Hey, hi!”

“Hi, Carsein.”

“Oh, did you go back home safely yesterday? ”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Then, today, practice the basic posture one hundred times. ”

I lifted the sword, relieved by his usual coaching style. After reviewing the fencing I learned so far, I tried to learn the next posture, but I didn’t do as well as I expected.

Looking at me in embarrassment, he asked curiously, “Hard?”

“Yes, it’s hard.”

“Hmm, watch me carefully. Veer it off like this and….”

After hearing his additional explanation for a long time, I finally understood. I practiced the new moves over and over again as he taught me. When I put down the sword because I felt I had enough training, he said with a smile, “Now you seem to get it. So, do it three hundred times over and over again.”

“Whew! Okay.”

“Now there’s only a few things left I can teach you. So, try a little bit more. ”

“Alright.”

“I know it’s very tough for you. You’re doing well.”

At that moment, I flinched in spite of myself. Today he didn’t touch my head like he used to after he was done training me. Is he also wary because of the rumor about me? Only

When I looked up at him curiously, Carsein, who took his eyes from me, said with a sigh, “Let’s finish the training today. Let me leave first. ”

“Ugh? Okay. ”

“Then, see you next time,” Carsein turned back and left the place.

‘What’s wrong with him?’

I looked at the direction where he disappeared for a moment and held my sword.

Anyway, I was planning to do the new move three hundred times.

When I was done training, the afternoon was over. I put on the uniform jacket with a light heart.

‘I can go back home a little early today.’