The Gold is Yours, You Are Mine

Xie Shi'an came back from the hospital and lay at home for a whole day, completely unaware that the city was full of wind and rain outside, until the next evening, when the house ran out of water and food, she went downstairs to buy some daily necessities at the convenience store, and then went to eat a bowl of rice noodles. It has been a long time since I ate.

What surprised her was that the aunt who set up a stall at the gate of the community was not there. She would have already opened a stall at this time.

Xie Shi'an walked into the convenience store and mentioned something when he checked out.

"The aunt who set up a stall at the gate of the community, didn't you come today?"

The boss is also getting old. He smiled and put things in plastic bags for her: "I haven't been here for a while. I heard it was a cerebral hemorrhage. When I fell asleep at night, I was gone. When her son found out, everyone was cold." See through."

"Oh." Xie Shi'an responded, numbly took the plastic bag from the boss, pushed open the door, and walked out.

Before she walked into the gate of the community, a group of people rushed over from the opposite side of the road. It seemed that she had been waiting for a long time.

All kinds of long/gun/short/cannon surrounded her, and the camera turned on her face, vowing not to miss the slightest expression on her face.

There was a trace of excitement on the reporter's face, and the expression was very thought-provoking: "Miss Xie, in the just-concluded Olympic Games, you lost 1:2 to Kim Nam-ji of the South Korean team. I heard that you have a good relationship in private?"

"Miss Xie, what do you think of the fact that the public has questioned you about the match-fixing?"

"Miss Xie, your father, Mr. Xie, came forward to accuse you of using violence against him, including but not limited to verbal violence, and even refusing to fulfill the obligation of support. Do you have anything to say about this?"

…

What is it all about.

Xie Shi'an twitched the corners of his lips absurdly, thinking that their chattering looked like a group of flies buzzing.

She waved him away impatiently and went home alone.

When she got home, she finally remembered the mobile phone that she hadn't turned on all day. She took out the mobile phone and saw that the accounts on the social platform were all densely packed with small red dots, and browsed a few at random.

"When are you going to die? Fake greyhound."

"Squeeze Yin Jiayi down, beat yourself up like that, are you worthy of standing in the Olympic Games?"

"Why does the national team support you? Say, how many times have you slept with the leader?"

…

There are also those who give her sex/genitals, put her photo in a wreath, add all kinds of insulting words to change her face into an A/V heroine, threaten her, and curse her to death.

Xie Shi'an watched and trembled uncontrollably.

With red eyes, she closed the private message, and exited to the main page. The hot search on the home page was her, so she just clicked on one.

Overwhelming □□.

"World champion Xie Shi'an lost to South Korea's young player Kim Nam-ji, shed tears on the Olympic stadium"

"Shock! Xie Shi'an was violent at the referee in the Olympic Games—it's normal if you can't win the game"

"Women's Singles Champion of the World Championships and London Olympics Women's Singles Runner-Up Xie Shi'an Was Revealed by His Biological Father that His Character Was Degraded"

"About netizens' questioning and rumors of Xie Shi'an's match-fixing match, the Chinese Badminton Association has not yet made any response"

…

The most forwarded one was a video.

She clicked in and saw that it was part of the chat records and call recordings between her and her father, and when he came to find her that day, he actually recorded the video, recording the scene of her swearing at each other and driving him out.

In the video, Papa Xie is like a good father who promises to promise, but she is very like those wicked daughters who turn their faces and refuse to recognize others after they become famous.

As a result, she was given the reputation of being a bad character.

Ding dong, the phone rang, and Dad Xie sent another sentence.

"Have you read the news? How about it? I won the runner-up this time, and I have to pay a lot of money. I warned you last time. If you still don't give me the money, let's wait and see."

Xie Shi'an gritted her teeth, wishing to eat him alive, and raised her hand to throw the phone out. At this moment, the phone rang again. She looked down and saw that it was Wan Jing's call.

"Hello, Coach Wan."

Wan Jing's voice also sounded tired and anxious.

"Come to the provincial team right now."

"What's wrong?"

"Hearings."

Xie Shi'an was taken aback for a moment, as if all of a sudden, the storm of the whole world rushed towards her.

When she arrived at the provincial team meeting room, she found that not only Wan Jing, but also the leaders of the national team and officials from the Badminton Association had come, except that there was no one from the Binhai provincial team, perhaps to avoid suspicion.

During the three-party hearing, Coach Yan was still lying in the hospital, her bones were still cold, and she was sitting here, being interrogated for a full seven hours.

During the period, her mobile phone was confiscated, two drug tests were conducted, and she was repeatedly asked questions that she frequently wanted to roll her eyes, such as:

"What is the relationship between you and Jin Nanzhi?"

"Did you accept any money from the Korean team?"

"What about your father?"

"Do you know that as a professional athlete, it is against the regulations to accept corporate endorsements privately?"

"Now they want to terminate the contract with you because of your negative news. According to the contract, if the spokesperson's inappropriate words and deeds have a negative impact on the company, they will have to pay double the contract payment. You have to pay the money yourself. bear."

"Is there anything else you want to say?"

Xie Shi'an sat here without saying a word, just sneered.

The leader put down the pen in his hand and leaned back on the seat.

"That's how it is. Our national team absolutely does not allow stained players. We will suspend them for a period of time and wait until everything is investigated."

Xie Shi'an stood up, threw the chair in front of him, and walked away. There was a roar behind him.

"Look at what she looks like! Didn't she just win a few games?! Yin Jiayi dare not talk to me like that! This kind of person should be banned!"

"Chairman, Chairman, calm down..."

By the time Jian Changnian accompanied Coach Liang in the hospital to deal with Yan Xinyuan's death and returned to the training base, the hearing was over.

She heard about Xie Shi'an's suspension from her teammate, and she was so anxious that she went to Wan Jing to intercede before her **** was hot.

Zhang Chun pulled him back.

"Don't add fuel to the flames. This is not something that Coach Wan can decide. Shi'an threw her chair in front of the chairman of the Badminton Association today."

Jian Changnian ran around in a hurry, and when he said this, his eyes were red and he choked up.

"They don't bring such things when they bully people. Coach Yan just left... Those things are obviously not done by Shi'an."

Speaking of Coach Yan, the teammates all looked sad, and some even wiped away tears.

In the sad and heavy atmosphere of the room, the window was cloudy, and a thunderstorm fell.

When Xie Shi'an returned home, she didn't know who revealed her home address. This time, not only reporters but also some "fans" who came from afar crowded her at the gate of the community.

"Xie Shi'an, you are too disappointing!"

Her back seemed to have been hit by someone, and when she touched it back, it was wet and sticky, with egg shells.

"Xie Shi'an, are you right about Yin Jiayi?! She took up her competition quota, so she can only retire! Bah!"

Another mouthful of water was spit out.

"Even Kim Nam-ji can't beat him, so hurry up and retire!"

The spotlights flickered wildly.

As if she was in a transparent glass cover, she was admired, teased, and forced to bear malice from all directions.

She still has a little impression of a few faces.

There was a little girl with a round face who liked her very much and once gave her a scarf that she wove by herself.

There was an uncle who would come to the airport to see her off every time she went abroad to play games.

There is also a boy who waits for her to come out outside the court every time after the game and sends her a letter.

Xie Shi'an looked at their faces and thought, this liking is really cheap. More and more people gathered together to watch this farce. The camera was on her face, and the expression on her face was a little numb.

After hearing the news, the community security came to maintain order, and she was able to escape. When she arrived at the door of her house, she found the word "garbage" written on the door with red paint, and some leaflets were scattered in the corridor.

There was also one on the doorknob, she pulled it off and saw it was a black and white photo of her, Xie Shi'an pulled the corner of her lips and threw it away.

She put the key in the lock and did not move.

It was blocked with glue.

In the days that followed, Xie Shi'an did not show up again, and the surface was calm, but in reality the undercurrent was turbulent.

Jian Changnian wanted to rush out to find her countless times, but the training base was also closed, new security guards were installed at the gate, and barbed wire was installed on the fence to prevent anyone from entering or leaving.

In the blink of an eye, summer is coming to an end.

The registration time for the annual national competition is coming soon.

Coach Liang looked at the mountain of registration forms in front of him and felt worried. Yan Xinyuan left in a hurry. The new head coach hadn't been finalized yet. Their morale has also plummeted, let alone the finals, it is still unknown whether they will qualify for the group stage this year.

He looked at the empty tables and chairs next to him, where Lao Yan used to be, and suddenly felt a sense of powerlessness in his heart.

Or forget it this year.

＊＊＊

Being suspended means that she can't even participate in training. Xie Shi'an can't go back to the training base, and she can't go to the Chenxing Club to play. As long as she goes downstairs, she will be besieged by reporters and "fans" who are squatting at the gate of the community. She can only stay at home and count the days.

Even so, she has to endure people who come to harass her from time to time, sometimes knocking on the door, and sometimes live broadcasting at her door.

Her home address, private, was spread with uproar.

She has also called the Badminton Association many times to ask when the competition training will resume, but she has not received a clear answer.

I don't know when it started, she couldn't sleep the whole night, and finally fell asleep for a while, and would be woken up by the slightest movement, and then sat up with a blank face, opening her eyes and waiting for dawn.

She lives like a year.

But her "good father" played the role of a loving father and a filial son on the Internet, crying, looking at the camera affectionately and pleading.

"Please don't scold my daughter anymore, don't harass her anymore, I'm getting old, I just want her to come back to me, take on her own support obligations, and our family live in harmony and beauty."

His face was hypocritical and hateful, Xie Shi'an felt nauseous, got up and turned off the TV.

The moment the first sycamore leaf fell outside the window, Xie Shi'an had a thought in his mind:

Or just disappear, no one loves her anyway.

Strangely, once this idea popped up, she seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, becoming extremely calm and relaxed.

Even when her father called again to ask for money.

Xie Shi'an just said, "I don't have any money."

"How is it possible? You are already a world champion—"

Before he finished speaking, he was interrupted.

"No, you won't see me again in the future, and you won't get a penny from me, or the slightest warmth and attention."

The other party was stunned for a few seconds, before he could yell, Xie Shi'an hung up the phone neatly.

The first time she went downstairs these days was to buy liquor and sleeping pills.

Cutting her wrists was too painful, and she was afraid of the pain. Jumping off the building would break her apart and hit others, which was too disgraceful.

It wasn't good enough for her to come into this world, at least when she left, she had to be decent and not cause trouble to others.

Clean up the house before leaving. Grandpa's green plants are dead, so she carried them in from the balcony.

Chang Nian likes it, so leave it to her.

Her last text message was sent to Coach Liang.

"Coach Liang, I'm sorry, I've thought about it and I want to retire."

After speaking, he threw the phone into the brazier.

She seems to have nothing worth nostalgic and caring about.

Certificate of honor, burn.

Uniforms, burn.

Photos, burn.

The hard-earned medals were also thrown into the fire.

Seeing the raging flames, Xie Shi'an laughed, unscrewed the cap of the sleeping pill bottle, and leaned his head on the sofa.

When he woke up again, he saw a snow-white ceiling.

A strong smell of disinfectant came from the nose.

I thought I could go to heaven, but I didn't expect to be in hell.

Xie Shi'an closed his eyes in disappointment.

During her stay in the hospital, Jian Changnian came to deliver meals to her every day. She also changed a lot and became extremely silent. She didn't ask her why she committed suicide, and she didn't say some high-sounding words to comfort her. Sitting alone in a room, looking at each other in silence.

When Jian Changnian was around, she would eat something and cooperate with the doctor's treatment. As soon as she left, Xie Shi'an threw the medicine prescribed by the doctor into the trash can. Just like that, it never got better.

Qiao Yuchu also came to see her a few times, and came with Jin Shunqi, and I don't know why, it seems that after this incident, her brain automatically developed a function of avoiding obstacles.

People you don't want to see can't be seen in front of your eyes, and words you don't want to hear can't be heard even if you repeat them several times.

Qiao Yuchu spent a long time talking, but seeing that she was still insensitive and fuzzy, she probably didn't listen to a word, so she sighed helplessly, turned around and took Jin Shunqi away.

The calm of the past was restored in the ward.

When the nurse came in to change her dressing, and when the indwelling needle pierced into the blue blood vessel on the back of her hand, Xie Shi'an felt a secret sense of pleasure in her heart. She even wished for a deeper **** and a little more pain.

After the nurse left, she stared at the indwelling needle on the back of her hand for a long time.

It's so long and so thin, I don't know if it will kill you if you tie your neck?

Finally, Xie Shi'an slowly raised his right hand, tore off the adhesive tape on the back of his left hand, and pulled out the needle all at once.

Blood gushed out of the tiny needle tube.

Jian Changnian rushed in with her lunch box, raised her hand and slapped her. After being silent for so many days, she finally broke out.

The whole person was crying and cursing, shaking like a sieve.

"Xie Shi'an, you're never finished!"

Her slap was not light, Xie Shi'an's pale face had a red mark, she just grinned.

Contemptuous, disdainful, sarcastic, loveless, laugh.

"Why did you save me?"

Jian Changnian has always been soft. Because of her young age, she is often bullied in the team, rarely speaks loudly, and never dares to choke with others. She is such a person. After hearing what she said, Roughly, he tore her off the bed.

With her red eyes, she looked even more lunatic than she was.

Xie Shi'an was dragged and staggered out.

"Where are you taking me?"

Jian Changnian stopped the taxi at the entrance of the hospital.

The vehicle drifted away and left the downtown area. The scenery on both sides of the road changed from high-rise buildings to endless rice fields.

Xie Shi'an's face changed.

When the car stopped, she opened the door and was about to run back. Jian Changnian followed and dragged her back.

"Don't you want to die? This is where the dead stay."

Xie Shi'an tried to break free from her time and time again, but since then, her strength has become stronger than her.

She was so futile, struggling, resisting, being coerced by others, and pushed in front of her mentor.

The wind in the cemetery was blowing.

Jian Changnian gritted her teeth, her eyes were red.

"Don't you want to die?! Come on! In front of Coach Yan, you tell him in person that you don't want to live anymore, you want to retire! You don't have to think about so many ways. It's sleeping pills and self-mutilation. You If you just hit your head and die here today, I will never stop you!"

Yan Xinyuan looked at her with a smile in the black and white photo.

Coach Yan, Coach Yan...

Those images that she had deliberately dusted up flooded into her mind again. The person who made a mistake and criticized her gently but harshly, the person who patiently taught her in the training room, and the person who carefully adjusted her collar before going on stage, After knowing her sexual orientation, he still touched her head and said: "For me, an old-fashioned person, it is indeed a little strange, but when I think of you as my apprentice, it is not surprising."

People who are always looking forward to her shining in the world badminton world.

He is also the last person in the world who loves her dearly.

"Coach Yan..." The soreness broke through the eye sockets, Xie Shi'an's voice was hoarse, and finally there was a crack in the numb mask on his face, and the vivid and familiar pain swept her body again.

The wind in the cemetery became increasingly bitter.

The last rainstorm of the summer arrived as expected.

Jian Changnian also choked with sobs, clenched her fists, and burst into tears.

"Coach Yan loves you so much. He pinned all his hopes of the Grand Slam on you. If it wasn't for playing the World Championships and Asian Cup with you, he wouldn't have to drag it to the point where there is no cure."

"When he was in the ICU, the doctor said he was dying. He issued two notices of critical illness. He just managed to survive until you came back to see you for the last time. Even his suicide note was full of words. I want you to take good care of yourself."

"Xie Shi'an, is this how you repay him?"

The thunder was deafening, and the heavy rain poured down. The raindrops washed over her body, and also washed the blue-gray stone tablet in front of her.

Xie Shi'an couldn't bear it anymore, bent his knees with a plop, and knelt heavily in front of his mentor, crying loudly.

In the rain, her cries were so heart-piercing that just listening to them made people burst into tears.

Jian Changnian also knelt down and took her thin shoulders into his arms: "Cry, you'll be fine if you cry."

Xie Shi'an grabbed the clothes on her back, like a drowning person grabbing the last piece of driftwood. The two bereaved loved ones hugged each other tightly at this moment. They are the only ones who understand each other best in the world.

＊＊＊

After returning to the hospital and taking a shower, Jian Changnian thought about it, took out the letter from her bag, and handed it to her.

"Do you... want to see it?"

Xie Shi'an was stunned for a while, but slowly reached out and took it.

In the envelope besides the suicide note, there was also an IOU, which was sent by Jian Changnian because he had no money to attend the training camp.

Xie Shi'an unfolded the letter paper, and as soon as he read a line, he couldn't help but wet his eyes with tears.

Pick up An, Chang Nian:

Literally.

It may not be possible to wait for you to return from London, so I wrote this letter in advance and entrusted Coach Liang to hand it over to you after my death.

There are so many children in the provincial team, but you are the only ones that concern me the most. Life is always full of twists and turns, especially for children without parents’ love and protection. So when I was diagnosed with lung cancer, I was thinking, What will you do next.

But children without an umbrella must learn to run hard. You can ask Coach Liang and Wan Jing for help in life training. To be an upright and kind person, second, keep exercising and take good care of yourself, third, no matter whether you play or not in the future, I hope you can do what you like and stick to it.

After Niuniu passed away, I began to reflect on myself, whether Grand Slam has become my obsession and a burden for others. I know that Grand Slam is the honor that every professional player dreams of, but as your teacher, your elders.

My greatest wish is to see you happy, happy, joyful, and healthy every day.

I also wish you not to be overwhelmed by any difficulties, and to have the courage to start all over again at any time.

By the way, bury me next to your teacher's wife, so that our family of three can be reunited, and then come back often when you have time, talk to me, and remember to bring my favorite wine and cigarettes I often smoke.

Yan Xinyuan, on August 3rd, 2012, will never write.