Chapter 56
I was still thinking about whether to say a farewell blessing as a closing sentence, such as "I hope you will be happy and happy in the future", but I felt very unwilling to say such words, and I was still thinking about it. When I first heard him say this sentence I couldn't help being stunned for a moment.
Intuition thinks that this sentence should not mean what I understand.It took a while before I really accepted this fact.He lowered his eyes somewhat to cover up, and said oh: "I see."
He held the key in his hand, paused for a moment, and turned around.Push open the glass door and walk quickly.I watched him stride away until he stepped into the car, his expression was always stern and calm, and I didn't look back again.
I should have expected this step.Just not quite ready yet.I always feel that it should not be so easy.He even vaguely felt that there was still a trace of his body temperature on the back of his hand.Maybe it's just a nightmare.I pinched my palm hard, and it hurt.Finally realized that this is reality.I have single-handedly directed to this point.
Thinking about it now, I should have underestimated Yan Yu's medical skills.He has been studying medicine since he was ten years old, and has been studying psychology until now. He was also Gu Yanzhi's childhood friend, and he has always reserved his speech.Since he told me at the time that he was halfway there, that means he must be mostly halfway there.It's just that I myself have been vaguely unwilling to believe it.
I walked down the steps with my head down, and walked slowly forward for an unknown amount of time, when suddenly someone grabbed my arm and dragged me back, and a silver-gray sports car whizzed by almost close to me in front of me.I was turned around, and an anxious and nervous face appeared in front of me: "Du Wan? Du Wan?"
I focused for a while, and finally recognized him: "Why are you here?"
Li Xiangnan waved his arms angrily: "I still want to ask you what you want to do! This is an intersection! It was a red light just now! Do you know that you just took a step forward and you were run over by a car..."
I interrupted him and said calmly, "I just got divorced."
"..." Li Xiangnan stared at me, holding all the words in his throat.Then let out a breath slowly, "You won. I'll take you back to the hotel."
I always feel that the moment I met Gu Yanzhi 11 years ago in the mountains, when the sky was full of sunset clouds, all the luck in my life had been spent.
This handsome man with a gentle smile is ten years older than me.When I was the loneliest and hopeless, took me away from the mountains and came to T City.From then on, teach me etiquette, teach me pride, teach me beauty, and teach me English.He introduced me to the world little by little.Give me impeccable pampering and love.He was my legal guardian before me.After me he became my boyfriend.He was my legal spouse after I turned 20.
I can't think of a single omission he missed.He has given me the sweetest taste in the world.For myself, it's so sweet that if my life really ends abruptly, I don't feel any regrets.
I went back to the hotel, said "thank you" and shut Li Xiangnan out of the door, then turned off the phone, threw my head on the bed and started to sleep.I don't know how long I fell asleep until I was awakened by waves of bone pain from my calf.Slowly sat up and rubbed carefully twice, already covered with cold sweat.
This pain has been going on for days.The insomnia and loss of appetite mentioned by Yan Yu are also reflected.Since the diagnosis, the conditions that should be present in the advanced stage of cancer have come one after another, and they are menacing.There were two times when I finally fell asleep in the middle of the night, and woke up quickly with pain, and then tossed and turned.Sometimes I feel some low-grade fever, but the symptoms are not clear when it is mild or severe.I was seriously considering whether to call Yan Yu, and worried that he would gloat and say that he would not listen to him.But in the end the pain overcame everything.Gritting her teeth, she fumbled for the phone beside her. After turning on the screen, a text message came out from Ye Xunxun: "You divorced Gu Yanzhi?!"
The last two punctuation marks fully expressed Ye Xunxun's shock.I thought about it, skipped the text message, and called Yan Yu first.After listening to my request, the voice over there was very calm: "It hurts, right? Do you feel like you want to take out the bones and smash them into pieces? I told you that you need painkillers, didn't you? Finally Are you happy now?"
"..." I gritted my teeth and said in a low voice, "I was wrong."
"Go to Li Xiangnan. I gave him the pills in advance."
When I went to find Li Xiangnan, I found out that Yan Yu kept more than just painkillers.There are also various related drugs for advanced bone cancer.Li Xiangnan tried to lie to me that these medicines were painkillers and coax me to take them, but I broke them down with a deadpan face: "You think I'm illiterate, don't you?"
He confronted me for a while, and finally succumbed to me.Honestly give me the painkillers.On the one hand, he said: "Yan Yu told me that you need to add some high-nutrient and high-protein foods. Also, if you can't go out these days, you should not go out. Yan Yu said that your bones are fragile now, and it is easy to cause fractures and the like. And walking too much will make the symptoms worse. So I think you should stay in bed for a few days..."
His words became smaller and smaller under my eyes, and finally disappeared.I said: "Thank you for your advice, but I don't want to stay in bed. I will defend my graduation thesis in ten days. After the defense, I will go back to the western mountains."
Li Xiangnan carefully observed my expression, and then said firmly: "Then I will go with you."
"I'm going to stay with my father. What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to the west to teach. I'll take care of you by the way." Without thinking, Li Xiangnan added, "Let me tell you, I'll follow you from now on. If you don't let me go, I will go."
I looked at him, grabbed the painkiller and turned around to leave.Li Xiangnan followed suit behind him: "Hey, what were you doing in the room just now?"
"What do you want to say?"
He was silent for a while, and said nonchalantly: "It's nothing. Just don't go online these days. Some news is talking nonsense, so you don't accidentally see it and feel bad."
I stopped and thought about what he meant.Looking back: "The media exposed the fact that I divorced Gu Yanzhi?"
Li Xiangnan paused, looked at the ground and said slowly, "Ah."
I almost blurted out to ask what was said, but held back at the end.Without saying a word, he swallowed the painkillers and water, then turned around and asked, "Did Yanyu give you sleeping pills? If so, give me two."
Li Xiangnan said seriously: "Eating too much sleeping pills is not good for the human body. It may cause depression, anxiety, inability to concentrate, and short-term memory loss..." Then he stopped under my eyes and said, "No .”
I nodded: "Okay. You can go back to your own room."
However, the facts proved that even though Li Xiangnan gave me psychological preparation in advance, I did refrain from reading the news that night and the next day, but I still couldn't escape the fierce pursuit of the media reporters in reality on the third day.The source of the matter is that Li Xiangnan said that I need to eat some chicken, fish and fresh shrimp to supplement my nutrition. I said that I would rather drink porridge than this. Since this is the first time in many days that I have expressed my intention to eat, Li Xiangnan immediately violated his integrity He agreed with me and said that if you drink porridge, you can drink porridge, and then we went to the best porridge shop in T City.However, not long after arriving there, I was recognized by a reporter from a TV station, and soon more reporters flocked inexplicably, surrounding Li Xiangnan and me, throwing out questions one after another, like cannonballs.
Their series of questions can be summed up in just a few questions.The reason why I left the house, why I cheated, whether my new love is Li Xiangnan, and what happened to Ye Jin who soon appeared next to Gu Yanzhi.It's just that the wording is varied, from different dreams in the same bed, don't hug the pipa to flirtatious empathy, and love each other.I have heard the saying that one woman is equal to five hundred ducks, but now it seems that one reporter is equal to five hundred women.The security guards who came in a hurry did not work at all, and Li Xiangnan began to call the police when he couldn't bear it anymore.I took the sunglasses out of my bag and put them on my face.Suddenly, someone yelled "Gu Yanzhi" loudly in the noise, and then the whole store seemed to be still for five seconds.Five seconds later, all the reporters around me and Li Xiangnan turned towards the door, and rushed over.
I raised my head and saw a slender figure surrounded by a crowd at the door.
Gu Yanzhi was also wearing a pair of wide sunglasses, the face under the sunglasses was expressionless.Stand still there and listen to the endless chatter of reporters.Jiang Yannan, whom I hadn't seen for a long time, came up behind me. The latter's eyes glanced towards Li Xiangnan and me, and the corners of his lips looked like a smile that wasn't a smile.
I was numb from his gaze, I looked down at the back of my hand.I heard the reporter over there asking loudly: "I heard that Ms. Du Wan and Du divorced without leaving home? According to insiders, Ms. Du first drafted the property transfer letter, right? Is there any unspeakable secret in this?" ? And it is said that Gu Dong seemed to have a small car accident after he came out of the Civil Affairs Bureau? Was the car accident caused by emotional fluctuations at that time? Can Gu Dong answer them one by one?"
Gu Yanzhi didn't say a word for a long time, and finally said coldly: "No comment."
His tone seemed to have condensed a layer of frost, making everyone silent for a moment.I felt a faint shadow in front of my eyes, and when I looked up, Jiang Yannan stood in front of the table at some point.There was a bit of playfulness in the eyes looking at me: "If you don't take advantage of this time to walk away, what are you doing here?"
Anyone can hear the irony in Jiang Yannan's words.I made up my mind and planned to leave without saying a word.While standing up, he was stopped by Jiang Yannan.His tone was calm: "Wanwan, you shouldn't be this kind of person."
I pushed the frame and said, "That only shows that you were wrong before."
He looked at me for a while.Said: "You seem to have lost a lot of weight recently."
I groaned, and said with a bit of vicissitudes of life: "Whoever divorces has to peel off the skin. Brother, didn't you do the same four years ago?"
This sentence finally succeeded in making Jiang Yannan twitch the veins on his forehead.After staring at me for a while, he turned his head and left, his tone was not very good: "In this case, I am nosy today."
I don't quite understand what he means.I can't simply follow his literal meaning and think that Gu Yanzhi's purpose of coming into the porridge shop is only to rescue me. Such a thought is too pretentious.A few days ago, Gu Yanzhi told me that he didn't want to see me again.I can't overestimate myself that much.But other than that, I can't think of any other possibilities.
I had nothing to do for the next whole day, and all I could think about was the last scene when I left the porridge shop.Gu Yanzhi and I passed by each other, and we couldn't see each other's eyes clearly through the sunglasses.But I could feel his displeasure.Seeing that Li Xiangnan and I were about to leave, the media people wanted to catch up, but they turned around and found that Gu Yanzhi was walking into the box. They were obviously at a loss because they were at a loss. As a result, a small half of the reporters followed me, and half of them followed me. Follow Gu Yanzhi.However, Gu Yanzhi said something there, and the reporters all gasped, and the reporters who were following me finally couldn't hold back, and walked cleanly with a clatter, and I was finally able to escape.
As I enter the countdown to death, even if I want to do some things, when I think that I will die soon, I don't want to do them at all.I had a serious discussion with Li Xiangnan about how to live the rest of my life more meaningfully. I said, "Do you think those medical research laboratories accept cancer patients like me as volunteers? Look at my 20 years old. I haven’t done anything to love the world for many years. If I need volunteers to make living specimens or something, I can definitely go there. In short, I can use the last light and heat of my life, and I have not lived in vain. Once in the world, right?"
Li Xiangnan said with a blank expression: "If you are willing to take medicine well, then you have not lived in vain."
"..."
My insomnia symptoms tend to get worse.Not just because of bone pain.More often, it was because of thinking about what Gu Yanzhi said to me at the gate of the Civil Affairs Bureau.and many things he has said before.It went over and over again in my mind until I tossed and turned.When Ye Xunxun broke up with Yan Yu, she once complained to me that she had severe insomnia symptoms and could not sleep all night.At that time, I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t sleep. I felt that sleep should be as simple and natural as breathing, so I persuaded her to relax, but in the end she scolded me how could I relax, and the heart is not a faucet. If you want to relax, you can relax immediately. I said this only because I didn't care enough for her, and I didn't understand her anxiety and pain. Then, before I could reply, she yelled, "Du Wan, I I want to break up with you", turned around and ran away.
If you think about it this way, the number of times I broke up with Ye Xunxun is no less than the number of times Ye Xunxun broke up with Yan Yu.
However, in the days after the divorce with Gu Yanzhi, I really realized what Ye Xunxun said at the time that he couldn't ask for sleep.
He was obviously too sleepy to keep his eyes open, but at the same time his brain was running fast.I can't help thinking about what happened these days, thinking about all kinds of possibilities.Even if he rationally told himself that no matter what he thought, it would be useless, he still couldn't help it.I kept my eyes open for three or four nights in such pain, and finally couldn't bear it and asked Yan Yu for a sleeping pill.After swallowing one tablet that night, I finally fell asleep.But I had many dreams in a mess, and the clearest one was 12 years ago, watching my father save people in the earthquake.
I haven't had such a dream for a long time.It clearly reproduced how the house shook and collapsed that day, and the father's frowning eyebrows and anxious face were seen through the blurred frosted glass window.In the dream, I clearly felt my heart constricting and convulsing, and every picture contained a heavy sadness that could not be resolved.The last scene was fixed at the scene where the beams collapsed, so real that the sound could be heard in the dream.I even heard myself crying and yelling "Dad" before waking up suddenly.
His cheeks touched a little moisture on the pillow, and he wiped his wet face casually.I was still a little dazed, so I subconsciously touched the other side of the bed, and finally woke up when I touched the empty sheets.
This is not Gu's house.There was no Gu Yanzhi anymore.Of course, there is no longer the gentle comfort that I have been accustomed to relying on for many years.
It took me a while to digest this fact.When I looked up, it was already past ten in the morning.The effect of a sleeping tablet is so powerful.I absent-mindedly got out of bed to wash up, and suddenly felt a sharp pain in my ankle. I couldn't stand still, and I stumbled and fell to the ground. Then I heard a crisp sound, and the next moment, there was a heart-rending pain in my ankle.
I burst into tears.
Tried to move the bones, but found that no force was needed at all.Instead, a layer of cold sweat covered the ground.In the state of being so painful that I couldn't breathe, I realized with a little despair that this should be the fracture Yan Yu mentioned.He once earnestly told me that in the advanced stage of bone cancer, the possibility of pathological fractures is very high, and I should be careful in bed and avoid activities. However, it turns out that this kind of thing is not what I want to avoid.I just got out of bed, and it happened in the blink of an eye.
I have never experienced such pain since I was a child.It was like a knife stabbed in the ankle, screaming sharply.You have to bite your hand tightly to avoid crying out loud.The tears fell more and more urgently, and all the depression and sadness accumulated in the past few days gushed out at this moment with an excuse.
There has always been such a person who has always placed you safely and securely under his shadow.All the problems are solved by him, and all the pains are tasted by him first.Been doing this for so many years.Every inch of memory was gently and slowly smoothed by him, as smooth as satin water, without any wrinkles.This person taught you how to enjoy flattery and luxury with a patient and conniving attitude, taught you how to miss and like someone, but did not teach you how to endure frustration and pain.
I really feel like I can't take it anymore.
An arm's length away is the room phone.I glanced over and stretched out my hand out of nowhere.His fingers trembled slightly as he dialed the familiar number.Soon a simple mechanical sound sounded.It rang seven times, and finally got through. The tone that came over was a little cold and casual: "Gu Yanzhi, who is it?"
I opened my mouth, almost speaking for help.He had always said the words "what to do" with Gu Yanzhi very easily, but this time he subconsciously bit his hand at the same moment his sobs overflowed.Even breathing was suppressed, and suddenly there was no sound at all.
All I could hear was his faint breathing over there.Has been calm, and has not spoken.Some panicked thinking that since he is so smart, he must have already guessed the source of this call.I also thought that if he guessed it, he would be so bored that he would hang up on the spot.It can be seen that there is no guess.He also deluded himself to think maybe even though he had already guessed it, he didn't intend to hang up.After talking to myself for a long time, my consciousness finally came back gradually, and I really realized what I was doing.If he couldn't bear to say it just now, then all the previous actions would be tantamount to a failure.
Reason told me that I should hang up the phone, but I couldn't bear it.I selfishly feel that if I just listen to it like this until the moment I die, no matter how painful it is, I think I can bear it.But knew it was impossible.I waited here for a long time, wanting to wait until Gu Yanzhi hung up first.There is always a faint breathing over there, and the rustling sound of flipping through papers from time to time, everything is so familiar.
Time passed so quietly, the minute hand slowly crossed the half circle of the clock.Listening to the shallow breathing over there, I can follow along and think of his calm expression at the moment.I clenched my teeth tightly, the pain was so painful that I was covered in cold sweat, but I felt as if it didn't hurt at all.Until there was a knock on the door from the other end of the phone, Ye Jin's voice came in very quickly, with a very gentle tone: "Yanzhi, you have lunch with Uncle Wang today, haven't you forgotten? You can Before you go, accompany me to choose a necklace?"
I took a deep breath and finally hung up the phone.
Four and ten minutes later, I was moved into Yan Yu's clinic in T City by Li Xiangnan.After a series of examinations such as X-rays, Yan Yu put a plaster cast and a fixed bandage on my ankle, and said, "Let's leave it at that for now. Be careful in everything you do next. It's best to stay in bed and recuperate. Pathology The problem of sexual fracture is actually not a big one, and the series of complications that may arise afterwards are the most unbearable. Du Wan, I know that many cancer patients are waiting to die, and I also know that you have nothing to worry about now. In essence, you are waiting for death. There is no difference. But I still suggest that you consider it, at least take some medicine, or go to surgery directly. If you continue to maintain this state and refuse to treat, it is estimated that there will be no life left in the next three months. I rarely Advising the patient, this time I am really advising you with a doctor's conscience."
Li Xiangnan's gaze towards me was close to pleading.There are two thick dark circles under his eyes, making the eye sockets even deeper.My intuition was to refuse again. Under Li Xiangnan's eyes, the words slipped from my mouth and changed: "Prescribe the medicine."
Yan Yu snorted condescendingly.He turned around and left, and came back with a bunch of medicine not long after.After the bill was issued, Li Xiangnan was sent to pay the money. There were only the two of us left in the ward. He said lightly, "Do you still feel used to the divorce?"
I told the truth: "I'm not very used to it."
"Do you regret it?"
I said, "I don't really regret it."
His eyes lingered on my face for a moment, then he suddenly took out a recording pen from his pocket and handed it over.
I looked down and looked up again.Yan Yu's tone was flat: "Gu Yanzhi was the first person I tried psychological hypnotic control. I recorded the conversation as a medical record. I put a few clips in the middle. If you want to listen, you can take Walk."
I look up at him.Yan Yu pondered for a moment, then said: "When I hypnotized Gu Yanzhi, the process was very difficult. His will was hard and hard to shake, and he subconsciously refused to accept it. No matter how I guided him, it was like seeping water into a stone. It's all in vain."
"But you succeeded in the end, didn't you?"
Yan Yu glanced at me, crossed his arms, and said with some regret: "If you simply define success as Gu Yanzhi believing that you cheated, then I can indeed say that I have succeeded. Although Gu Yanzhi keeps saying that he doesn't believe it, that's okay It's just that he refuses to admit it verbally, and he has accepted it in his heart. But, on the other hand, if I were to hypnotize you, Du Wan, I would be able to do far more than that. Not only can I make you You believe that Gu Yanzhi is cheating, and I can convince you that all the men in this world are cheating. So you see, success is also divided into levels. If you look at it from this level, my hypnosis to Gu Yanzhi is obvious. It’s still far from perfect.”
"..."
After returning to the hotel, he was ordered to lie on the bed by Li Xiangnan because of a broken bone.He was still holding on to the recorder tightly in his hand, and wanted to open it to listen, but somehow he didn't have the courage.What Yan Yu said just now was playing back in my ears over and over again: "I think you will have a miserable few months left, and I know that you miss Gu Yanzhi and you should miss him very much, so I use his voice to do it for you." For consolation. But you can listen to the rest of it, and you'd better ignore the last recording."
"why?"
"For your own good." Yan Yu replied lightly, "You will be very sad after hearing this."
At night, Li Xiangnan finally returned to his own room after feeding me the pills.I stared at the recording pen for a long time, and finally flipped the switch.
There is a little rustle in the background.The conversation between Yan Yu and Gu Yanzhi was very calm.The topic at the beginning was very wide, including current politics, finance, sports, food, gossip with other people, and Yan Yu's own personal feelings.It was a long time before Yan Yu mentioned my name calmly: "There are many kinds of love. Of course, the one between you and Du Wan is very good. You like her, and she likes you too. But have you ever thought about it? , just like you besides Du Wan and Gu Shi, Du Wan may not be the only one who pays attention to you?"
Soon I heard Gu Yanzhi's lazy and funny tone: "Yan Yu, your first half is correct, but the second half is basically not true. To me, Du Wan is more important than Gu's. In the same way, I believe Du Wan's heart There should be nothing more important than me."
"you sure?"
Gu Yanzhi's tone was relaxed: "Of course I'm sure."
He spoke so firmly and calmly.This was when Yan Yu first started hypnosis.Only ten days have passed since that day, but I feel like ten years have passed.
I hesitated whether to turn off the recorder, and felt that it was very wrong for Yan Yu to give me these recordings.Although he said that he had almost deleted the part that was too uncomfortable, the reason why he kept the last paragraph was because he felt that he had to give me an explanation, and I could freely choose to listen or not to listen.But this is not a choice at all.Now that I got this thing, I can't help but listen to it no matter what.Then the consequence of listening is to clearly know what it means to break from complete to fragmented.The ending is already unbearable, and now I have to revisit the process again.Can't say it wasn't cruel.
The conversation in the recording pen continued: "But if I'm right, what are you going to do?"
Gu Yanzhi said succinctly: "Your assumption can't be correct. Don't count on it."
Yan Yu snorted and didn't get entangled any longer, and changed the topic along the way.They were probably chatting while playing chess, and the sound of chess could be heard.Yan Yu's conversation is not revealing, and it sounds like there is no trace of deliberation.Even though I clearly knew that these conversations were originally a process of hypnosis, I couldn't tell where Yan Yu started to falsify and manipulate.All I know is that most of the topics of the conversation focus on Gu Yanzhi.Talk about his hobbies, getting along with me, and his views on some public and private affairs.Occasionally, Yan Yu will add a sentence of her own love view.His own failed love history should have played a big role in this hypnosis. I can clearly feel that every time Yan Yu's radical love remarks are a temptation to Gu Yanzhi.
I listened to their questions and answers, and I wish they hadn't mentioned me like this.Just talking about Gu Yanzhi's preferences and listening to his deep and elegant voice is also a joy to me.However, the facts are not always what people want.Not long after, Yan Yu stopped the topic abruptly, paused for a moment, and said: "I came back to T City this time, and I have been hesitant to tell you something."
"what?"
"Du Wan went to City A a few days ago?"
Gu Yanzhi hummed.Yan Yu continued to speak calmly: "I saw her shopping with Li Xiangnan in City A, and they behaved very friendly."
Gu Yanzhi hummed again, with a very casual tone: "So?"
Yan Yu said, "I just find it a bit strange."
"Probably just bumped into each other and said a few words casually."
"If it's just this one time, of course it's not a big deal. It's a pity that I saw them together in City A half a year ago. You know that I usually don't go to crowded places. I ran twice in half a year. I saw the two of them together every time. That time they watched a movie together with popcorn in their arms. Did Du Wan tell you about it?"
There was a moment of silence in between.When Yan Yu spoke again, she smiled slightly: "It seems that I haven't mentioned it before. Don't you always boast that you know Du Wan deeply?"
Gu Yanzhi spoke slowly, with a low voice: "What do you mean by telling me this? Do you want to say that Du Wan fell in love with someone else? This is impossible."
Yan Yu said: "I didn't say that. I just said that you don't understand Du Wan as deeply as you think. Everyone is an individual, and you are ten years apart. What you think is not important, she doesn't It must be unimportant. You may think it’s okay to have a different opinion, and she doesn’t necessarily think so.”
"I've always respected her opinion and vice versa."
"I can understand what you said verbally, but do you dare to say that you are really not self-criticizing in your heart?" Yan Yu said, "Did you take Du Wan to see the movie? No? Little girls are actually quite fond of that kind of romantic tone." Admired, why sit on a park bench together, eat a bucket of popcorn for two, go to the cinema to watch a movie, hasn’t Du Wan told you about these things? She hasn’t told you But even if she didn’t tell you, as someone who has been there, how could you forget all of this? Just because you don’t need these romances doesn’t mean that Du Wan doesn’t, as expected, people who get married right after their first love are scary.”
Gu Yanzhi said lightly: "You will care about these things when everyone is Ye Xunxun."
To be honest, I really didn't care about these.It is impossible to have everything in life, what Gu Yanzhi gave me is already what he thinks is the best.But when Yan Yu said it, her appearance changed completely: "But how sure are you that Du Wan is really not Ye Xunxun? You have lived with Du Wan for so long, and you think you know her very well, but you How can you be sure that in your mind she is really what she is now, instead of staying ten years ago? Ten years ago, Du Wan was really innocent and well-behaved, and she liked you very much. This is undeniable. But sometimes it takes a long time If you get used to it for a long time, you will have an illusion. The illusion makes you think that you really understand her. But it is not the case at all. This is like a dream, and the illusion will disappear when you wake up. After the illusion disappears, It’s easy to fall in love with the new and dislike the old, and it’s easy to separate. You can’t say there’s no gap between you. Age gaps, common topics, unchanging patterns of getting along, these are all.”
"..."
"By the way, are you busy at work? How much time can you spend with Du Wan every day? What you are not good at happens to be owned by Li Xiangnan. From this perspective, it is not impossible for Du Wan to like someone else."
Gu Yanzhi said: "You came to me today just to tell me this?"
Yan Yu replied earnestly: "I just thought of this layer by the way, and I would like to persuade you."
Gu Yanzhi was silent for a moment, and said the longest sentence since the conversation: "After a long time, it becomes a habit to like someone. I like a girl, and this girl gave me the best way to like someone. Response. It is the same for her. These are things that can be remembered deeply, and they cannot be easily disintegrated by saying that you like the new and dislike the old. The gap you mentioned can also be called a taste to a certain extent. It is like In managing a company, you can’t abandon it just because it has loopholes. The process of constantly making up for the loopholes is the joy of managing a company. The same is true for marriage and love. Consummation is definitely good, and it’s not a problem if it’s not. "Yan Yu, your recent views are quite pessimistic."
"It's not that I'm pessimistic, it's that you've always been too optimistic." Yan Yu replied casually, "Is it easy to make up for the age gap and common topics? If it's an infatuation, there will always be a clear day. Especially when you meet someone more in line with your heart After that, this kind of change will be so fast, so fast that you can't imagine. If you don't believe it, just wait and see."
I stayed up all night and listened to most of the clips in the recorder.No matter what Yan Yu said, Gu Yanzhi's tone was always steady.That's how he always looked when he was at ease.I can even imagine his posture at that time, probably with his legs crossed and his fingers resting on the armrest, which seemed a little lazy and leisurely.
Yan Yu told me that most of the fragments in the recorder were conversations in the previous day and a half during those three days.At that time, Gu Yanzhi hadn't shown any signs of being shaken.And it does sound like that to me.What Yan Yu mentioned about me being in love with someone else seems to him to be just a joke, not a fact at all.No matter how Yan Yu described it over and over again, Gu Yanzhi's evaluation was always an understatement: "This is impossible."
Until I heard the second-to-last segment, at the end, Gu Yanzhi still had a faint affirmative tone: "Yan Yu, you are wrong."
There was still the last unread item in the recorder, I stared at it for a long time, and finally opened it.
In the rustling background sound, there were two low-pitched sparrow calls.There is a vague sense of depression that is different from before.Yan Yuwen said softly: "Look, what did I say before? At this age, Du Wan is no longer as simple and cute as you imagined. She doesn't like you as much as you imagined, she is just infatuated. And It's easy to change your mind if you're obsessed with this kind of thing. People have profit-seeking behaviors, and once better things appear in front of them, they will naturally look forward. So, if she doesn't want the current life, let her go. After all, she It's not worth what you pay for, and it's not worth anything you exchange. It's as simple as that."
I hold my breath.
There was no answer for a long time.It made me feel in a trance that there would be no more conversations later, only then did I hear Gu Yanzhi speak slowly, his voice was low and exhausted: "You're right."
I clearly know that Yan Yu said all these words because of my request.I was also mentally prepared for what Yan Yu said would be very sad.But actually listening to Gu Yanzhi say these words, I still feel as if a sharp awl is pierced in my heart.Throat sore, unable to make a sound for a long time.
When Li Xiangnan inserted the card and entered the room, I remained motionless with my eyes wide open and my head up at the ceiling.This look seemed a little frightening to him. He stopped for a moment, then rushed over to the bed and grabbed my wrist: "Du Wan? Du Wan! Du Wan, don't scare me! Du Wan, say something !"
"What did I say?" I glanced at him, "I won't die right now, don't be so scared."
Li Xiangnan's face was still pale, obviously he had not recovered from the shock.After a long while, he said, "Oh, let me ask you what you have for breakfast, and then I will watch you take the medicine."
I said, "I'm not hungry yet."
He said, "If you're not hungry, you have to eat."
"What are you going to do if I don't eat?"
Before Li Xiangnan answered, the door of the room that was not closed was suddenly pushed open heavily, and the next moment Ye Xunxun's angry voice sounded: "Du Wan, come out and explain to me why you divorced Gu Yanzhi!"
I only had time to raise my head, and Ye Xunxun had already stepped to the front of the bed: "I've been looking for you for a few days, and I thought you were joking when you said the divorce that day, but you really mean it! You're out of your mind Did you commit a convulsion, did you do such a thing, do you know that you will suffer..." The voice stopped abruptly, looked at my ankle, which was immobilized by the plaster cast, and slowly raised my head, "What's wrong with your foot? "
I simply replied: "Bone fracture. As you said, divorce will be punished by God, and this is the consequence of my punishment."
Ye Xunxun was dumb for a while.After staring at me for a while, he sat down by the bed, completely ignoring Li Xiangnan who was beside him: "Why divorce?"
I said, "I didn't tell you that I didn't have a good relationship and felt tired."
Ye Xunxun said: "Do you think I will believe it?" As he spoke, he turned his finger and poked straight at Li Xiangnan who was beside him, "You like this kid? Gu Yanzhi doesn't want you to want him? Du Wan, you fooled me." What about it? Did you know that Ye Jin followed Gu Yanzhi to the auction last night, and Gu Yanzhi helped her take away the diamond necklace at the end? The two of them have been in pairs almost every day for the past few days, and the newspapers and media are all The two of them have already dazzled people's eyes, do you know that?"
I said, "So Lan Shi didn't take pictures of that necklace for you, are you jealous?"
"What does this have to do with me? Don't try to shift the focus! A month ago, you and Gu Yanzhi mixed oil in honey, which made people hate it. Now the two of you suddenly moved on and divorced." Ye Xun Xun stared at me, "Tell me honestly, what is the reason for this? If you really like this kid, try kissing him in front of me, I don't believe you can do it."
I said, "Whether I want to kiss or not has nothing to do with you. Also, this person is called Li Xiangnan, not this kid. If you talk like this again in the future, Ye Xunxun and we will break up."
Ye Xunxun opened his eyes slightly, his face full of disbelief: "You want to break up with me because of Li Xiangnan?"
I have a somewhat indifferent tone: "Yes, break up the relationship. I'm not joking."
Ye Xunxun stared at me for a while.Finally got up and left angrily.Li Xiangnan opened his mouth on the side, and said in a low voice, "Did you say something too much just now?"
I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and raised my head: "I don't want to say too much, how could Ye Xunxun believe it. Is it really necessary to kiss you? I won't do it."
"...Du Wan." After a while, Li Xiangnan said with some difficulty, "I've worked so hard to take care of you, your words are actually kind of hurtful, you know..."
A week later, graduation defense.With the support of Li Xiangnan, I tiptoed to the research room where I was defending, and I was stared at by everyone along the way.Two days after the defense, it will be time for me to leave T City completely.Li Xiangnan booked two tickets and told me that the departure time of the flight was at noon.When he said this, he was still holding a small bowl of pills in his hand. I stared at the bowl of pills for a while, struggling to die: "No, I feel a little nauseous..."
Li Xiangnan was unmoved at all: "This time, I definitely can't let you play the game of flushing the sewer again. I see you help you to vomit after eating."
"You really want to go to Dashan with me?"
"I said, I should go to support education." Li Xiangnan helped me straighten the cushion on my back, and said lightly but firmly, "Besides, aren't we tied together by public opinion now? In this case, you go back to Dashan alone What is it?"
I pondered for a while, and then said, "I want to go find Gu Yanzhi."
"doing what?"
I said seriously, "Farewell."
Li Xiangnan looked at me for a while: "Is this necessary?"
I said: "Yes."
I spoke so firmly, Li Xiangnan didn't say anything more.Except for staring at me and swallowing the medicine every day, he adheres to the idea of "everything you say is right" in other things.If you think about it carefully, he has actually been like this all these years.This principle of infinite forgiveness makes people feel free, but at the same time feel deeply sorry.
I thought so, and quickly and sincerely told Li Xiangnan that I felt sorry for you. He was tossing fruit puree at the table, and he didn't raise his head when he heard the words: "It's nothing. Anyway, you have been sorry recently. There are a lot of people living there, aren’t there?”
I said:"……"
I went to Gu's house in the evening.It took an afternoon to prepare for dressing and mental outlook before going.Li Xiangnan said that I have lost a lot of weight, and I think so myself, because every piece of clothing that used to fit is now a little loose.As a result, I have to go to the store to buy clothes again.I stayed in the beauty salon for a while, because the whole body now looks like frosted vegetables, and a layer of moisture has been taken off.I didn't come out of the beauty salon until my face was so pale that I couldn't see the haggard look.Li Xiangnan let me toss, and remained silent all the time.
Although I verbally said it was necessary, if I were to really tell the reason why I must see Gu Yanzhi, I couldn't tell.I was just about to leave T City, and thinking that I would never see this person again in the next three months, I strongly wanted to see him one last time.As for whether the result of the meeting is good or bad, whether he treats me coldly or remains the same as usual, it is not within the scope of my consideration.
Moreover, it was not sure whether Gu Yanzhi was in the house before going.In the past, he always tried to go home as much as possible at this time, but after the divorce, maybe he went to a certain banquet or charity party with Ye Jin.I was getting closer and closer to Gu Zhai with these messy feelings in my heart, and I couldn't help but feel more and more anxious.From a distance, I saw the ginkgo tree in front of the courtyard. The umbrella-shaped leaves were soft and warm green, and it was quiet in the sweltering weather.After waiting for the taxi, I approached and saw that the land under the tree was a little dry.Staring at the ground in a daze for a while, he took out a sip of undrinked mineral water from his bag, twisted the cap and poured it under the tree.When the last drop of water was poured, there was a knock at the door.He raised his head and saw the old face of the housekeeper.
I stared at him for a while.His eyes paused on my crutches.I said, "Uncle Hu, is Gu Yanzhi at home?"
He paused and said, "Yes."
I said, "I forgot something in the house to take away. Can I go in?"
I made up such a poor excuse without blushing or beating my heart.He looked at me again for a while: "Please wait a moment."
Five minutes later, I was standing in the living room of Gu Zhai.A slender figure sat on the sofa not far away.There was a magazine beside him, his fingers resting casually on his crossed legs, and the beige home clothes looked particularly good on him.The eyes that looked over were calm and unmoved.
I tried my best to put the phrase "I hope we don't see each other again" that he said before behind me, cleared my throat, and said, "I'll get something."
"Take what?"
I said, "My student ID card is still in the study. It will be canceled when I graduate."
He looked at me, and after a moment he looked down at the magazine.I stood there without moving for a moment, the gentle shadow of evening on the half-opened window.Gu Yanzhi's eyelashes were long and intertwined, and the lines on his side were smooth and flowing, shrouded in a light halo, every bit of it was perfect.
He didn't move, and I looked even more unscrupulously.Thinking of not being seen or heard for the next three months, there is probably a little greed in his eyes.It's so quiet around here.My eyes didn't blink.I want to carve every inch of him into my mind.I didn't wake up until he casually turned a page of the magazine and there was a slight sound.
He raised his foot and went to the study in embarrassment.Knowing that the student ID card was in the first drawer, he bent down and started looking for it from the place farthest from it.Quickly put a photo album into the bag.Another copy of Gu Yanzhi's sketchbook was swept away.I remember that sketchbook very clearly. It was filled with my portrait that Gu Yanzhi drew in his spare time, and the time of drawing was written on each page.Now it is sealed in the bottom drawer by him, it can be seen that if I don't open it, it will never see the light of day.In this case, it is better for me to search and go.
I lingered in the study for a long time, and searched a lot of things in the bag.It even included a pen that Gu Yanzhi often used, but he felt that Gu Yanzhi might find out, and finally put it down unwillingly.It was 10 minutes after I walked out of the study, holding the blue student ID card, feeling as guilty as a thief.But he found that Gu Yanzhi had fallen asleep on the sofa with his forehead propped up.Breathing lightly, she put her hands on her knees, pressing a corner of a magazine insert.
There is a cool breeze blowing in.Light and shadow intertwined gently on his body.I stopped in place for a while, and tried not to make a sound, hugged a blanket over, and gently laid it on him.But suddenly he was grabbed by the wrist.
Surprised, he immediately pulled his hands away.But he was gripped even tighter, and he pulled hard towards the opposite side.I was limping on one foot, and my body balance was not good. Gu Yanzhi was so intentional, I quickly lost my aim, and uncontrollably slammed into the arms of the opposite party.
There is a faint refreshing smell that is all too familiar in the nose.I heard his breathing, and his steady heartbeat.I stood up without thinking, but he held my back, and the effect of my struggle was twice the result with half the effort.Gu Yanzhi's voice resounded above his head: "What's wrong with your feet?"
I maintained the status quo and said, "I fell down the stairs a few days ago."
He was silent for a while, then said, "Why are you here today?"
"Come and get something."
"I want to hear the truth."
"It's really here to get something." I said, "Do you think the student ID card is not important enough?"
Gu Yanzhi said lightly: "I really don't think the student ID card is very important."
I said, "But I think it's important."
He doesn't respond and doesn't let go.Just keep this pose.I started to feel a little overwhelmed.Dizziness and nausea.Recently, such symptoms occur occasionally, but the whole body feels uncomfortable in turns. This is only one of them, and it is probably another symptom in the late stage. Thinking of this, I don't even bother to call Yan Yu to report it.It's just that the situation is different now.The man I grabbed at the hem is very special.Especially when I was hugged by him at this moment, those nonchalant things on the forced package collapsed in an instant, I just thought that I have caused trouble for this person for so many years, why can't I cause trouble again.He has always been so tolerant, he can do anything.
I was so ill, I just wanted someone to cry.Why must I persist, why can't I be weak again.The eye sockets were a little sour because of this, and the words that had been suppressed from the bottom of my heart suddenly rushed out: "I have something to..."
His calm voice came out with me: "Is Li Xiangnan treating you badly?"
I opened my mouth, and all the words I just said were dumb, and I couldn't speak them again for no reason.After a while, he said, "Is Ye Jin treating you well?"
His eyes were fixed on my face for a long time, and he didn't speak.I said, "I'm here today. Finding a student ID card is indeed a very important thing. Besides," after a pause, I continued, "I wish you and Ye Jin happiness. And, I'm going to A with Li Xiangnan tomorrow. The city is gone. Come here today to say goodbye to you."
These are utter lies.
He was silent for a while, and slowly let go of the hands on his back.I regained my balance and tried to stand up.I heard him speak slowly and flatly: "Wanwan, I haven't seen you for a few days, your speech skills have improved a lot."
I met his gaze and said, "I hope you can live well in the future." This sentence is true.
He looked at me for a while.His eyes were darkened, and he replied in a low voice, "Okay."
When I left T city the next day, the sky breathed out the haze of these days, and it was so clear and brilliant that it was a mess.Li Xiangnan carried two suitcases and me, and boarded the plane together.I went into battle as a sick person, with only a thick sketchbook and a thin photo album in my arms that I stole from Gu's house.On the one hand, I regret that I should have taken more yesterday.Thinking like this, he opened Gu Yanzhi's sketchbook.When I first found this book, Gu Yanzhi once said that every picture in it was drawn by him when he missed someone a little bit.Each time is one.Each one is of the same person.There was a little smile in the corner of his eye when he said these words.I once secretly counted the pages without disappointment. At that time, a funny voice came from behind me: "Didn't you notice that there are numbers in the lower right corner of some page numbers? Just multiply by ten."
I said:"……"
Gu Yanzhi's random sketches should be more accurately called stick figures.Because each portrait is a few strokes.But I often feel narcissistically that his paintings are very vivid.I have basically seen most of the front of the sketchbook, some of which I have not noticed.For example, when I was a child, I held onto the pillow tightly and refused to let go when I was sleeping.I once insisted that Gu Yanzhi was slandering me, and I could never have slept like this, until I realized that every time I woke up, I was holding Gu Yanzhi's hands and feet tightly, and I was speechless from then on.
Each one can entangle a piece of the past.I turned to the back page after page, and found a rare pair of eyes drawn on the top of a piece of paper, but they were more delicate than the previous ones. The upturned appearance is as clear and accurate as a real person.In the lower right corner, there is a time when the signature was signed in small characters. If I think about it carefully, it was the day after he went to the hotel to find me and made the request for reconciliation.
I calmed down and turned back. Every subsequent page was not repeated, the eyebrows, nose, lips, ears, and the last one was the outline and hair. Every line was drawn as if he did anything, perfect and just right.There are six in total.At the end of the six sheets, the date of signature was succinctly marked, which was the day before I went to the building to find Gu Yanzhi.From this page onwards the paper is blank.
I stared at the sketchbook in a daze for a while, and suddenly a hand reached out and took the notebook.I turned to the eye, and tore off the blank area with a swipe.I said angrily, "What are you doing?"
"Wait a minute and watch first."
Li Xiangnan tore off most of the blanks on the first five sheets and pressed them on top of the sixth sheet, slowly revealing the features of a face.Then I put the sketchbook up close to my ear, just as the flight attendant took away the empty cup, she tilted her head slightly, stopped for a while, and smiled softly: "This sketch is very similar to this lady. People thought it was a black-and-white photo enlarged one-to-one.”
Li Xiangnan said: "These are all drawn by Gu Yanzhi after measuring them with a ruler?"
"Look at the signing time."
He glanced at it, then fell silent for a moment.He said softly: "To be honest and objective, I have always thought that you should not force Gu Yanzhi to be psychologically controlled."
"But now?"
Li Xiangnan said seriously: "I think Gu Yanzhi is able to draw you to such an extent that he is basically as stubborn as you. It is right for you to control his mind, really."
……
(End of this chapter)
I was still thinking about whether to say a farewell blessing as a closing sentence, such as "I hope you will be happy and happy in the future", but I felt very unwilling to say such words, and I was still thinking about it. When I first heard him say this sentence I couldn't help being stunned for a moment.
Intuition thinks that this sentence should not mean what I understand.It took a while before I really accepted this fact.He lowered his eyes somewhat to cover up, and said oh: "I see."
He held the key in his hand, paused for a moment, and turned around.Push open the glass door and walk quickly.I watched him stride away until he stepped into the car, his expression was always stern and calm, and I didn't look back again.
I should have expected this step.Just not quite ready yet.I always feel that it should not be so easy.He even vaguely felt that there was still a trace of his body temperature on the back of his hand.Maybe it's just a nightmare.I pinched my palm hard, and it hurt.Finally realized that this is reality.I have single-handedly directed to this point.
Thinking about it now, I should have underestimated Yan Yu's medical skills.He has been studying medicine since he was ten years old, and has been studying psychology until now. He was also Gu Yanzhi's childhood friend, and he has always reserved his speech.Since he told me at the time that he was halfway there, that means he must be mostly halfway there.It's just that I myself have been vaguely unwilling to believe it.
I walked down the steps with my head down, and walked slowly forward for an unknown amount of time, when suddenly someone grabbed my arm and dragged me back, and a silver-gray sports car whizzed by almost close to me in front of me.I was turned around, and an anxious and nervous face appeared in front of me: "Du Wan? Du Wan?"
I focused for a while, and finally recognized him: "Why are you here?"
Li Xiangnan waved his arms angrily: "I still want to ask you what you want to do! This is an intersection! It was a red light just now! Do you know that you just took a step forward and you were run over by a car..."
I interrupted him and said calmly, "I just got divorced."
"..." Li Xiangnan stared at me, holding all the words in his throat.Then let out a breath slowly, "You won. I'll take you back to the hotel."
I always feel that the moment I met Gu Yanzhi 11 years ago in the mountains, when the sky was full of sunset clouds, all the luck in my life had been spent.
This handsome man with a gentle smile is ten years older than me.When I was the loneliest and hopeless, took me away from the mountains and came to T City.From then on, teach me etiquette, teach me pride, teach me beauty, and teach me English.He introduced me to the world little by little.Give me impeccable pampering and love.He was my legal guardian before me.After me he became my boyfriend.He was my legal spouse after I turned 20.
I can't think of a single omission he missed.He has given me the sweetest taste in the world.For myself, it's so sweet that if my life really ends abruptly, I don't feel any regrets.
I went back to the hotel, said "thank you" and shut Li Xiangnan out of the door, then turned off the phone, threw my head on the bed and started to sleep.I don't know how long I fell asleep until I was awakened by waves of bone pain from my calf.Slowly sat up and rubbed carefully twice, already covered with cold sweat.
This pain has been going on for days.The insomnia and loss of appetite mentioned by Yan Yu are also reflected.Since the diagnosis, the conditions that should be present in the advanced stage of cancer have come one after another, and they are menacing.There were two times when I finally fell asleep in the middle of the night, and woke up quickly with pain, and then tossed and turned.Sometimes I feel some low-grade fever, but the symptoms are not clear when it is mild or severe.I was seriously considering whether to call Yan Yu, and worried that he would gloat and say that he would not listen to him.But in the end the pain overcame everything.Gritting her teeth, she fumbled for the phone beside her. After turning on the screen, a text message came out from Ye Xunxun: "You divorced Gu Yanzhi?!"
The last two punctuation marks fully expressed Ye Xunxun's shock.I thought about it, skipped the text message, and called Yan Yu first.After listening to my request, the voice over there was very calm: "It hurts, right? Do you feel like you want to take out the bones and smash them into pieces? I told you that you need painkillers, didn't you? Finally Are you happy now?"
"..." I gritted my teeth and said in a low voice, "I was wrong."
"Go to Li Xiangnan. I gave him the pills in advance."
When I went to find Li Xiangnan, I found out that Yan Yu kept more than just painkillers.There are also various related drugs for advanced bone cancer.Li Xiangnan tried to lie to me that these medicines were painkillers and coax me to take them, but I broke them down with a deadpan face: "You think I'm illiterate, don't you?"
He confronted me for a while, and finally succumbed to me.Honestly give me the painkillers.On the one hand, he said: "Yan Yu told me that you need to add some high-nutrient and high-protein foods. Also, if you can't go out these days, you should not go out. Yan Yu said that your bones are fragile now, and it is easy to cause fractures and the like. And walking too much will make the symptoms worse. So I think you should stay in bed for a few days..."
His words became smaller and smaller under my eyes, and finally disappeared.I said: "Thank you for your advice, but I don't want to stay in bed. I will defend my graduation thesis in ten days. After the defense, I will go back to the western mountains."
Li Xiangnan carefully observed my expression, and then said firmly: "Then I will go with you."
"I'm going to stay with my father. What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to the west to teach. I'll take care of you by the way." Without thinking, Li Xiangnan added, "Let me tell you, I'll follow you from now on. If you don't let me go, I will go."
I looked at him, grabbed the painkiller and turned around to leave.Li Xiangnan followed suit behind him: "Hey, what were you doing in the room just now?"
"What do you want to say?"
He was silent for a while, and said nonchalantly: "It's nothing. Just don't go online these days. Some news is talking nonsense, so you don't accidentally see it and feel bad."
I stopped and thought about what he meant.Looking back: "The media exposed the fact that I divorced Gu Yanzhi?"
Li Xiangnan paused, looked at the ground and said slowly, "Ah."
I almost blurted out to ask what was said, but held back at the end.Without saying a word, he swallowed the painkillers and water, then turned around and asked, "Did Yanyu give you sleeping pills? If so, give me two."
Li Xiangnan said seriously: "Eating too much sleeping pills is not good for the human body. It may cause depression, anxiety, inability to concentrate, and short-term memory loss..." Then he stopped under my eyes and said, "No .”
I nodded: "Okay. You can go back to your own room."
However, the facts proved that even though Li Xiangnan gave me psychological preparation in advance, I did refrain from reading the news that night and the next day, but I still couldn't escape the fierce pursuit of the media reporters in reality on the third day.The source of the matter is that Li Xiangnan said that I need to eat some chicken, fish and fresh shrimp to supplement my nutrition. I said that I would rather drink porridge than this. Since this is the first time in many days that I have expressed my intention to eat, Li Xiangnan immediately violated his integrity He agreed with me and said that if you drink porridge, you can drink porridge, and then we went to the best porridge shop in T City.However, not long after arriving there, I was recognized by a reporter from a TV station, and soon more reporters flocked inexplicably, surrounding Li Xiangnan and me, throwing out questions one after another, like cannonballs.
Their series of questions can be summed up in just a few questions.The reason why I left the house, why I cheated, whether my new love is Li Xiangnan, and what happened to Ye Jin who soon appeared next to Gu Yanzhi.It's just that the wording is varied, from different dreams in the same bed, don't hug the pipa to flirtatious empathy, and love each other.I have heard the saying that one woman is equal to five hundred ducks, but now it seems that one reporter is equal to five hundred women.The security guards who came in a hurry did not work at all, and Li Xiangnan began to call the police when he couldn't bear it anymore.I took the sunglasses out of my bag and put them on my face.Suddenly, someone yelled "Gu Yanzhi" loudly in the noise, and then the whole store seemed to be still for five seconds.Five seconds later, all the reporters around me and Li Xiangnan turned towards the door, and rushed over.
I raised my head and saw a slender figure surrounded by a crowd at the door.
Gu Yanzhi was also wearing a pair of wide sunglasses, the face under the sunglasses was expressionless.Stand still there and listen to the endless chatter of reporters.Jiang Yannan, whom I hadn't seen for a long time, came up behind me. The latter's eyes glanced towards Li Xiangnan and me, and the corners of his lips looked like a smile that wasn't a smile.
I was numb from his gaze, I looked down at the back of my hand.I heard the reporter over there asking loudly: "I heard that Ms. Du Wan and Du divorced without leaving home? According to insiders, Ms. Du first drafted the property transfer letter, right? Is there any unspeakable secret in this?" ? And it is said that Gu Dong seemed to have a small car accident after he came out of the Civil Affairs Bureau? Was the car accident caused by emotional fluctuations at that time? Can Gu Dong answer them one by one?"
Gu Yanzhi didn't say a word for a long time, and finally said coldly: "No comment."
His tone seemed to have condensed a layer of frost, making everyone silent for a moment.I felt a faint shadow in front of my eyes, and when I looked up, Jiang Yannan stood in front of the table at some point.There was a bit of playfulness in the eyes looking at me: "If you don't take advantage of this time to walk away, what are you doing here?"
Anyone can hear the irony in Jiang Yannan's words.I made up my mind and planned to leave without saying a word.While standing up, he was stopped by Jiang Yannan.His tone was calm: "Wanwan, you shouldn't be this kind of person."
I pushed the frame and said, "That only shows that you were wrong before."
He looked at me for a while.Said: "You seem to have lost a lot of weight recently."
I groaned, and said with a bit of vicissitudes of life: "Whoever divorces has to peel off the skin. Brother, didn't you do the same four years ago?"
This sentence finally succeeded in making Jiang Yannan twitch the veins on his forehead.After staring at me for a while, he turned his head and left, his tone was not very good: "In this case, I am nosy today."
I don't quite understand what he means.I can't simply follow his literal meaning and think that Gu Yanzhi's purpose of coming into the porridge shop is only to rescue me. Such a thought is too pretentious.A few days ago, Gu Yanzhi told me that he didn't want to see me again.I can't overestimate myself that much.But other than that, I can't think of any other possibilities.
I had nothing to do for the next whole day, and all I could think about was the last scene when I left the porridge shop.Gu Yanzhi and I passed by each other, and we couldn't see each other's eyes clearly through the sunglasses.But I could feel his displeasure.Seeing that Li Xiangnan and I were about to leave, the media people wanted to catch up, but they turned around and found that Gu Yanzhi was walking into the box. They were obviously at a loss because they were at a loss. As a result, a small half of the reporters followed me, and half of them followed me. Follow Gu Yanzhi.However, Gu Yanzhi said something there, and the reporters all gasped, and the reporters who were following me finally couldn't hold back, and walked cleanly with a clatter, and I was finally able to escape.
As I enter the countdown to death, even if I want to do some things, when I think that I will die soon, I don't want to do them at all.I had a serious discussion with Li Xiangnan about how to live the rest of my life more meaningfully. I said, "Do you think those medical research laboratories accept cancer patients like me as volunteers? Look at my 20 years old. I haven’t done anything to love the world for many years. If I need volunteers to make living specimens or something, I can definitely go there. In short, I can use the last light and heat of my life, and I have not lived in vain. Once in the world, right?"
Li Xiangnan said with a blank expression: "If you are willing to take medicine well, then you have not lived in vain."
"..."
My insomnia symptoms tend to get worse.Not just because of bone pain.More often, it was because of thinking about what Gu Yanzhi said to me at the gate of the Civil Affairs Bureau.and many things he has said before.It went over and over again in my mind until I tossed and turned.When Ye Xunxun broke up with Yan Yu, she once complained to me that she had severe insomnia symptoms and could not sleep all night.At that time, I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t sleep. I felt that sleep should be as simple and natural as breathing, so I persuaded her to relax, but in the end she scolded me how could I relax, and the heart is not a faucet. If you want to relax, you can relax immediately. I said this only because I didn't care enough for her, and I didn't understand her anxiety and pain. Then, before I could reply, she yelled, "Du Wan, I I want to break up with you", turned around and ran away.
If you think about it this way, the number of times I broke up with Ye Xunxun is no less than the number of times Ye Xunxun broke up with Yan Yu.
However, in the days after the divorce with Gu Yanzhi, I really realized what Ye Xunxun said at the time that he couldn't ask for sleep.
He was obviously too sleepy to keep his eyes open, but at the same time his brain was running fast.I can't help thinking about what happened these days, thinking about all kinds of possibilities.Even if he rationally told himself that no matter what he thought, it would be useless, he still couldn't help it.I kept my eyes open for three or four nights in such pain, and finally couldn't bear it and asked Yan Yu for a sleeping pill.After swallowing one tablet that night, I finally fell asleep.But I had many dreams in a mess, and the clearest one was 12 years ago, watching my father save people in the earthquake.
I haven't had such a dream for a long time.It clearly reproduced how the house shook and collapsed that day, and the father's frowning eyebrows and anxious face were seen through the blurred frosted glass window.In the dream, I clearly felt my heart constricting and convulsing, and every picture contained a heavy sadness that could not be resolved.The last scene was fixed at the scene where the beams collapsed, so real that the sound could be heard in the dream.I even heard myself crying and yelling "Dad" before waking up suddenly.
His cheeks touched a little moisture on the pillow, and he wiped his wet face casually.I was still a little dazed, so I subconsciously touched the other side of the bed, and finally woke up when I touched the empty sheets.
This is not Gu's house.There was no Gu Yanzhi anymore.Of course, there is no longer the gentle comfort that I have been accustomed to relying on for many years.
It took me a while to digest this fact.When I looked up, it was already past ten in the morning.The effect of a sleeping tablet is so powerful.I absent-mindedly got out of bed to wash up, and suddenly felt a sharp pain in my ankle. I couldn't stand still, and I stumbled and fell to the ground. Then I heard a crisp sound, and the next moment, there was a heart-rending pain in my ankle.
I burst into tears.
Tried to move the bones, but found that no force was needed at all.Instead, a layer of cold sweat covered the ground.In the state of being so painful that I couldn't breathe, I realized with a little despair that this should be the fracture Yan Yu mentioned.He once earnestly told me that in the advanced stage of bone cancer, the possibility of pathological fractures is very high, and I should be careful in bed and avoid activities. However, it turns out that this kind of thing is not what I want to avoid.I just got out of bed, and it happened in the blink of an eye.
I have never experienced such pain since I was a child.It was like a knife stabbed in the ankle, screaming sharply.You have to bite your hand tightly to avoid crying out loud.The tears fell more and more urgently, and all the depression and sadness accumulated in the past few days gushed out at this moment with an excuse.
There has always been such a person who has always placed you safely and securely under his shadow.All the problems are solved by him, and all the pains are tasted by him first.Been doing this for so many years.Every inch of memory was gently and slowly smoothed by him, as smooth as satin water, without any wrinkles.This person taught you how to enjoy flattery and luxury with a patient and conniving attitude, taught you how to miss and like someone, but did not teach you how to endure frustration and pain.
I really feel like I can't take it anymore.
An arm's length away is the room phone.I glanced over and stretched out my hand out of nowhere.His fingers trembled slightly as he dialed the familiar number.Soon a simple mechanical sound sounded.It rang seven times, and finally got through. The tone that came over was a little cold and casual: "Gu Yanzhi, who is it?"
I opened my mouth, almost speaking for help.He had always said the words "what to do" with Gu Yanzhi very easily, but this time he subconsciously bit his hand at the same moment his sobs overflowed.Even breathing was suppressed, and suddenly there was no sound at all.
All I could hear was his faint breathing over there.Has been calm, and has not spoken.Some panicked thinking that since he is so smart, he must have already guessed the source of this call.I also thought that if he guessed it, he would be so bored that he would hang up on the spot.It can be seen that there is no guess.He also deluded himself to think maybe even though he had already guessed it, he didn't intend to hang up.After talking to myself for a long time, my consciousness finally came back gradually, and I really realized what I was doing.If he couldn't bear to say it just now, then all the previous actions would be tantamount to a failure.
Reason told me that I should hang up the phone, but I couldn't bear it.I selfishly feel that if I just listen to it like this until the moment I die, no matter how painful it is, I think I can bear it.But knew it was impossible.I waited here for a long time, wanting to wait until Gu Yanzhi hung up first.There is always a faint breathing over there, and the rustling sound of flipping through papers from time to time, everything is so familiar.
Time passed so quietly, the minute hand slowly crossed the half circle of the clock.Listening to the shallow breathing over there, I can follow along and think of his calm expression at the moment.I clenched my teeth tightly, the pain was so painful that I was covered in cold sweat, but I felt as if it didn't hurt at all.Until there was a knock on the door from the other end of the phone, Ye Jin's voice came in very quickly, with a very gentle tone: "Yanzhi, you have lunch with Uncle Wang today, haven't you forgotten? You can Before you go, accompany me to choose a necklace?"
I took a deep breath and finally hung up the phone.
Four and ten minutes later, I was moved into Yan Yu's clinic in T City by Li Xiangnan.After a series of examinations such as X-rays, Yan Yu put a plaster cast and a fixed bandage on my ankle, and said, "Let's leave it at that for now. Be careful in everything you do next. It's best to stay in bed and recuperate. Pathology The problem of sexual fracture is actually not a big one, and the series of complications that may arise afterwards are the most unbearable. Du Wan, I know that many cancer patients are waiting to die, and I also know that you have nothing to worry about now. In essence, you are waiting for death. There is no difference. But I still suggest that you consider it, at least take some medicine, or go to surgery directly. If you continue to maintain this state and refuse to treat, it is estimated that there will be no life left in the next three months. I rarely Advising the patient, this time I am really advising you with a doctor's conscience."
Li Xiangnan's gaze towards me was close to pleading.There are two thick dark circles under his eyes, making the eye sockets even deeper.My intuition was to refuse again. Under Li Xiangnan's eyes, the words slipped from my mouth and changed: "Prescribe the medicine."
Yan Yu snorted condescendingly.He turned around and left, and came back with a bunch of medicine not long after.After the bill was issued, Li Xiangnan was sent to pay the money. There were only the two of us left in the ward. He said lightly, "Do you still feel used to the divorce?"
I told the truth: "I'm not very used to it."
"Do you regret it?"
I said, "I don't really regret it."
His eyes lingered on my face for a moment, then he suddenly took out a recording pen from his pocket and handed it over.
I looked down and looked up again.Yan Yu's tone was flat: "Gu Yanzhi was the first person I tried psychological hypnotic control. I recorded the conversation as a medical record. I put a few clips in the middle. If you want to listen, you can take Walk."
I look up at him.Yan Yu pondered for a moment, then said: "When I hypnotized Gu Yanzhi, the process was very difficult. His will was hard and hard to shake, and he subconsciously refused to accept it. No matter how I guided him, it was like seeping water into a stone. It's all in vain."
"But you succeeded in the end, didn't you?"
Yan Yu glanced at me, crossed his arms, and said with some regret: "If you simply define success as Gu Yanzhi believing that you cheated, then I can indeed say that I have succeeded. Although Gu Yanzhi keeps saying that he doesn't believe it, that's okay It's just that he refuses to admit it verbally, and he has accepted it in his heart. But, on the other hand, if I were to hypnotize you, Du Wan, I would be able to do far more than that. Not only can I make you You believe that Gu Yanzhi is cheating, and I can convince you that all the men in this world are cheating. So you see, success is also divided into levels. If you look at it from this level, my hypnosis to Gu Yanzhi is obvious. It’s still far from perfect.”
"..."
After returning to the hotel, he was ordered to lie on the bed by Li Xiangnan because of a broken bone.He was still holding on to the recorder tightly in his hand, and wanted to open it to listen, but somehow he didn't have the courage.What Yan Yu said just now was playing back in my ears over and over again: "I think you will have a miserable few months left, and I know that you miss Gu Yanzhi and you should miss him very much, so I use his voice to do it for you." For consolation. But you can listen to the rest of it, and you'd better ignore the last recording."
"why?"
"For your own good." Yan Yu replied lightly, "You will be very sad after hearing this."
At night, Li Xiangnan finally returned to his own room after feeding me the pills.I stared at the recording pen for a long time, and finally flipped the switch.
There is a little rustle in the background.The conversation between Yan Yu and Gu Yanzhi was very calm.The topic at the beginning was very wide, including current politics, finance, sports, food, gossip with other people, and Yan Yu's own personal feelings.It was a long time before Yan Yu mentioned my name calmly: "There are many kinds of love. Of course, the one between you and Du Wan is very good. You like her, and she likes you too. But have you ever thought about it? , just like you besides Du Wan and Gu Shi, Du Wan may not be the only one who pays attention to you?"
Soon I heard Gu Yanzhi's lazy and funny tone: "Yan Yu, your first half is correct, but the second half is basically not true. To me, Du Wan is more important than Gu's. In the same way, I believe Du Wan's heart There should be nothing more important than me."
"you sure?"
Gu Yanzhi's tone was relaxed: "Of course I'm sure."
He spoke so firmly and calmly.This was when Yan Yu first started hypnosis.Only ten days have passed since that day, but I feel like ten years have passed.
I hesitated whether to turn off the recorder, and felt that it was very wrong for Yan Yu to give me these recordings.Although he said that he had almost deleted the part that was too uncomfortable, the reason why he kept the last paragraph was because he felt that he had to give me an explanation, and I could freely choose to listen or not to listen.But this is not a choice at all.Now that I got this thing, I can't help but listen to it no matter what.Then the consequence of listening is to clearly know what it means to break from complete to fragmented.The ending is already unbearable, and now I have to revisit the process again.Can't say it wasn't cruel.
The conversation in the recording pen continued: "But if I'm right, what are you going to do?"
Gu Yanzhi said succinctly: "Your assumption can't be correct. Don't count on it."
Yan Yu snorted and didn't get entangled any longer, and changed the topic along the way.They were probably chatting while playing chess, and the sound of chess could be heard.Yan Yu's conversation is not revealing, and it sounds like there is no trace of deliberation.Even though I clearly knew that these conversations were originally a process of hypnosis, I couldn't tell where Yan Yu started to falsify and manipulate.All I know is that most of the topics of the conversation focus on Gu Yanzhi.Talk about his hobbies, getting along with me, and his views on some public and private affairs.Occasionally, Yan Yu will add a sentence of her own love view.His own failed love history should have played a big role in this hypnosis. I can clearly feel that every time Yan Yu's radical love remarks are a temptation to Gu Yanzhi.
I listened to their questions and answers, and I wish they hadn't mentioned me like this.Just talking about Gu Yanzhi's preferences and listening to his deep and elegant voice is also a joy to me.However, the facts are not always what people want.Not long after, Yan Yu stopped the topic abruptly, paused for a moment, and said: "I came back to T City this time, and I have been hesitant to tell you something."
"what?"
"Du Wan went to City A a few days ago?"
Gu Yanzhi hummed.Yan Yu continued to speak calmly: "I saw her shopping with Li Xiangnan in City A, and they behaved very friendly."
Gu Yanzhi hummed again, with a very casual tone: "So?"
Yan Yu said, "I just find it a bit strange."
"Probably just bumped into each other and said a few words casually."
"If it's just this one time, of course it's not a big deal. It's a pity that I saw them together in City A half a year ago. You know that I usually don't go to crowded places. I ran twice in half a year. I saw the two of them together every time. That time they watched a movie together with popcorn in their arms. Did Du Wan tell you about it?"
There was a moment of silence in between.When Yan Yu spoke again, she smiled slightly: "It seems that I haven't mentioned it before. Don't you always boast that you know Du Wan deeply?"
Gu Yanzhi spoke slowly, with a low voice: "What do you mean by telling me this? Do you want to say that Du Wan fell in love with someone else? This is impossible."
Yan Yu said: "I didn't say that. I just said that you don't understand Du Wan as deeply as you think. Everyone is an individual, and you are ten years apart. What you think is not important, she doesn't It must be unimportant. You may think it’s okay to have a different opinion, and she doesn’t necessarily think so.”
"I've always respected her opinion and vice versa."
"I can understand what you said verbally, but do you dare to say that you are really not self-criticizing in your heart?" Yan Yu said, "Did you take Du Wan to see the movie? No? Little girls are actually quite fond of that kind of romantic tone." Admired, why sit on a park bench together, eat a bucket of popcorn for two, go to the cinema to watch a movie, hasn’t Du Wan told you about these things? She hasn’t told you But even if she didn’t tell you, as someone who has been there, how could you forget all of this? Just because you don’t need these romances doesn’t mean that Du Wan doesn’t, as expected, people who get married right after their first love are scary.”
Gu Yanzhi said lightly: "You will care about these things when everyone is Ye Xunxun."
To be honest, I really didn't care about these.It is impossible to have everything in life, what Gu Yanzhi gave me is already what he thinks is the best.But when Yan Yu said it, her appearance changed completely: "But how sure are you that Du Wan is really not Ye Xunxun? You have lived with Du Wan for so long, and you think you know her very well, but you How can you be sure that in your mind she is really what she is now, instead of staying ten years ago? Ten years ago, Du Wan was really innocent and well-behaved, and she liked you very much. This is undeniable. But sometimes it takes a long time If you get used to it for a long time, you will have an illusion. The illusion makes you think that you really understand her. But it is not the case at all. This is like a dream, and the illusion will disappear when you wake up. After the illusion disappears, It’s easy to fall in love with the new and dislike the old, and it’s easy to separate. You can’t say there’s no gap between you. Age gaps, common topics, unchanging patterns of getting along, these are all.”
"..."
"By the way, are you busy at work? How much time can you spend with Du Wan every day? What you are not good at happens to be owned by Li Xiangnan. From this perspective, it is not impossible for Du Wan to like someone else."
Gu Yanzhi said: "You came to me today just to tell me this?"
Yan Yu replied earnestly: "I just thought of this layer by the way, and I would like to persuade you."
Gu Yanzhi was silent for a moment, and said the longest sentence since the conversation: "After a long time, it becomes a habit to like someone. I like a girl, and this girl gave me the best way to like someone. Response. It is the same for her. These are things that can be remembered deeply, and they cannot be easily disintegrated by saying that you like the new and dislike the old. The gap you mentioned can also be called a taste to a certain extent. It is like In managing a company, you can’t abandon it just because it has loopholes. The process of constantly making up for the loopholes is the joy of managing a company. The same is true for marriage and love. Consummation is definitely good, and it’s not a problem if it’s not. "Yan Yu, your recent views are quite pessimistic."
"It's not that I'm pessimistic, it's that you've always been too optimistic." Yan Yu replied casually, "Is it easy to make up for the age gap and common topics? If it's an infatuation, there will always be a clear day. Especially when you meet someone more in line with your heart After that, this kind of change will be so fast, so fast that you can't imagine. If you don't believe it, just wait and see."
I stayed up all night and listened to most of the clips in the recorder.No matter what Yan Yu said, Gu Yanzhi's tone was always steady.That's how he always looked when he was at ease.I can even imagine his posture at that time, probably with his legs crossed and his fingers resting on the armrest, which seemed a little lazy and leisurely.
Yan Yu told me that most of the fragments in the recorder were conversations in the previous day and a half during those three days.At that time, Gu Yanzhi hadn't shown any signs of being shaken.And it does sound like that to me.What Yan Yu mentioned about me being in love with someone else seems to him to be just a joke, not a fact at all.No matter how Yan Yu described it over and over again, Gu Yanzhi's evaluation was always an understatement: "This is impossible."
Until I heard the second-to-last segment, at the end, Gu Yanzhi still had a faint affirmative tone: "Yan Yu, you are wrong."
There was still the last unread item in the recorder, I stared at it for a long time, and finally opened it.
In the rustling background sound, there were two low-pitched sparrow calls.There is a vague sense of depression that is different from before.Yan Yuwen said softly: "Look, what did I say before? At this age, Du Wan is no longer as simple and cute as you imagined. She doesn't like you as much as you imagined, she is just infatuated. And It's easy to change your mind if you're obsessed with this kind of thing. People have profit-seeking behaviors, and once better things appear in front of them, they will naturally look forward. So, if she doesn't want the current life, let her go. After all, she It's not worth what you pay for, and it's not worth anything you exchange. It's as simple as that."
I hold my breath.
There was no answer for a long time.It made me feel in a trance that there would be no more conversations later, only then did I hear Gu Yanzhi speak slowly, his voice was low and exhausted: "You're right."
I clearly know that Yan Yu said all these words because of my request.I was also mentally prepared for what Yan Yu said would be very sad.But actually listening to Gu Yanzhi say these words, I still feel as if a sharp awl is pierced in my heart.Throat sore, unable to make a sound for a long time.
When Li Xiangnan inserted the card and entered the room, I remained motionless with my eyes wide open and my head up at the ceiling.This look seemed a little frightening to him. He stopped for a moment, then rushed over to the bed and grabbed my wrist: "Du Wan? Du Wan! Du Wan, don't scare me! Du Wan, say something !"
"What did I say?" I glanced at him, "I won't die right now, don't be so scared."
Li Xiangnan's face was still pale, obviously he had not recovered from the shock.After a long while, he said, "Oh, let me ask you what you have for breakfast, and then I will watch you take the medicine."
I said, "I'm not hungry yet."
He said, "If you're not hungry, you have to eat."
"What are you going to do if I don't eat?"
Before Li Xiangnan answered, the door of the room that was not closed was suddenly pushed open heavily, and the next moment Ye Xunxun's angry voice sounded: "Du Wan, come out and explain to me why you divorced Gu Yanzhi!"
I only had time to raise my head, and Ye Xunxun had already stepped to the front of the bed: "I've been looking for you for a few days, and I thought you were joking when you said the divorce that day, but you really mean it! You're out of your mind Did you commit a convulsion, did you do such a thing, do you know that you will suffer..." The voice stopped abruptly, looked at my ankle, which was immobilized by the plaster cast, and slowly raised my head, "What's wrong with your foot? "
I simply replied: "Bone fracture. As you said, divorce will be punished by God, and this is the consequence of my punishment."
Ye Xunxun was dumb for a while.After staring at me for a while, he sat down by the bed, completely ignoring Li Xiangnan who was beside him: "Why divorce?"
I said, "I didn't tell you that I didn't have a good relationship and felt tired."
Ye Xunxun said: "Do you think I will believe it?" As he spoke, he turned his finger and poked straight at Li Xiangnan who was beside him, "You like this kid? Gu Yanzhi doesn't want you to want him? Du Wan, you fooled me." What about it? Did you know that Ye Jin followed Gu Yanzhi to the auction last night, and Gu Yanzhi helped her take away the diamond necklace at the end? The two of them have been in pairs almost every day for the past few days, and the newspapers and media are all The two of them have already dazzled people's eyes, do you know that?"
I said, "So Lan Shi didn't take pictures of that necklace for you, are you jealous?"
"What does this have to do with me? Don't try to shift the focus! A month ago, you and Gu Yanzhi mixed oil in honey, which made people hate it. Now the two of you suddenly moved on and divorced." Ye Xun Xun stared at me, "Tell me honestly, what is the reason for this? If you really like this kid, try kissing him in front of me, I don't believe you can do it."
I said, "Whether I want to kiss or not has nothing to do with you. Also, this person is called Li Xiangnan, not this kid. If you talk like this again in the future, Ye Xunxun and we will break up."
Ye Xunxun opened his eyes slightly, his face full of disbelief: "You want to break up with me because of Li Xiangnan?"
I have a somewhat indifferent tone: "Yes, break up the relationship. I'm not joking."
Ye Xunxun stared at me for a while.Finally got up and left angrily.Li Xiangnan opened his mouth on the side, and said in a low voice, "Did you say something too much just now?"
I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and raised my head: "I don't want to say too much, how could Ye Xunxun believe it. Is it really necessary to kiss you? I won't do it."
"...Du Wan." After a while, Li Xiangnan said with some difficulty, "I've worked so hard to take care of you, your words are actually kind of hurtful, you know..."
A week later, graduation defense.With the support of Li Xiangnan, I tiptoed to the research room where I was defending, and I was stared at by everyone along the way.Two days after the defense, it will be time for me to leave T City completely.Li Xiangnan booked two tickets and told me that the departure time of the flight was at noon.When he said this, he was still holding a small bowl of pills in his hand. I stared at the bowl of pills for a while, struggling to die: "No, I feel a little nauseous..."
Li Xiangnan was unmoved at all: "This time, I definitely can't let you play the game of flushing the sewer again. I see you help you to vomit after eating."
"You really want to go to Dashan with me?"
"I said, I should go to support education." Li Xiangnan helped me straighten the cushion on my back, and said lightly but firmly, "Besides, aren't we tied together by public opinion now? In this case, you go back to Dashan alone What is it?"
I pondered for a while, and then said, "I want to go find Gu Yanzhi."
"doing what?"
I said seriously, "Farewell."
Li Xiangnan looked at me for a while: "Is this necessary?"
I said: "Yes."
I spoke so firmly, Li Xiangnan didn't say anything more.Except for staring at me and swallowing the medicine every day, he adheres to the idea of "everything you say is right" in other things.If you think about it carefully, he has actually been like this all these years.This principle of infinite forgiveness makes people feel free, but at the same time feel deeply sorry.
I thought so, and quickly and sincerely told Li Xiangnan that I felt sorry for you. He was tossing fruit puree at the table, and he didn't raise his head when he heard the words: "It's nothing. Anyway, you have been sorry recently. There are a lot of people living there, aren’t there?”
I said:"……"
I went to Gu's house in the evening.It took an afternoon to prepare for dressing and mental outlook before going.Li Xiangnan said that I have lost a lot of weight, and I think so myself, because every piece of clothing that used to fit is now a little loose.As a result, I have to go to the store to buy clothes again.I stayed in the beauty salon for a while, because the whole body now looks like frosted vegetables, and a layer of moisture has been taken off.I didn't come out of the beauty salon until my face was so pale that I couldn't see the haggard look.Li Xiangnan let me toss, and remained silent all the time.
Although I verbally said it was necessary, if I were to really tell the reason why I must see Gu Yanzhi, I couldn't tell.I was just about to leave T City, and thinking that I would never see this person again in the next three months, I strongly wanted to see him one last time.As for whether the result of the meeting is good or bad, whether he treats me coldly or remains the same as usual, it is not within the scope of my consideration.
Moreover, it was not sure whether Gu Yanzhi was in the house before going.In the past, he always tried to go home as much as possible at this time, but after the divorce, maybe he went to a certain banquet or charity party with Ye Jin.I was getting closer and closer to Gu Zhai with these messy feelings in my heart, and I couldn't help but feel more and more anxious.From a distance, I saw the ginkgo tree in front of the courtyard. The umbrella-shaped leaves were soft and warm green, and it was quiet in the sweltering weather.After waiting for the taxi, I approached and saw that the land under the tree was a little dry.Staring at the ground in a daze for a while, he took out a sip of undrinked mineral water from his bag, twisted the cap and poured it under the tree.When the last drop of water was poured, there was a knock at the door.He raised his head and saw the old face of the housekeeper.
I stared at him for a while.His eyes paused on my crutches.I said, "Uncle Hu, is Gu Yanzhi at home?"
He paused and said, "Yes."
I said, "I forgot something in the house to take away. Can I go in?"
I made up such a poor excuse without blushing or beating my heart.He looked at me again for a while: "Please wait a moment."
Five minutes later, I was standing in the living room of Gu Zhai.A slender figure sat on the sofa not far away.There was a magazine beside him, his fingers resting casually on his crossed legs, and the beige home clothes looked particularly good on him.The eyes that looked over were calm and unmoved.
I tried my best to put the phrase "I hope we don't see each other again" that he said before behind me, cleared my throat, and said, "I'll get something."
"Take what?"
I said, "My student ID card is still in the study. It will be canceled when I graduate."
He looked at me, and after a moment he looked down at the magazine.I stood there without moving for a moment, the gentle shadow of evening on the half-opened window.Gu Yanzhi's eyelashes were long and intertwined, and the lines on his side were smooth and flowing, shrouded in a light halo, every bit of it was perfect.
He didn't move, and I looked even more unscrupulously.Thinking of not being seen or heard for the next three months, there is probably a little greed in his eyes.It's so quiet around here.My eyes didn't blink.I want to carve every inch of him into my mind.I didn't wake up until he casually turned a page of the magazine and there was a slight sound.
He raised his foot and went to the study in embarrassment.Knowing that the student ID card was in the first drawer, he bent down and started looking for it from the place farthest from it.Quickly put a photo album into the bag.Another copy of Gu Yanzhi's sketchbook was swept away.I remember that sketchbook very clearly. It was filled with my portrait that Gu Yanzhi drew in his spare time, and the time of drawing was written on each page.Now it is sealed in the bottom drawer by him, it can be seen that if I don't open it, it will never see the light of day.In this case, it is better for me to search and go.
I lingered in the study for a long time, and searched a lot of things in the bag.It even included a pen that Gu Yanzhi often used, but he felt that Gu Yanzhi might find out, and finally put it down unwillingly.It was 10 minutes after I walked out of the study, holding the blue student ID card, feeling as guilty as a thief.But he found that Gu Yanzhi had fallen asleep on the sofa with his forehead propped up.Breathing lightly, she put her hands on her knees, pressing a corner of a magazine insert.
There is a cool breeze blowing in.Light and shadow intertwined gently on his body.I stopped in place for a while, and tried not to make a sound, hugged a blanket over, and gently laid it on him.But suddenly he was grabbed by the wrist.
Surprised, he immediately pulled his hands away.But he was gripped even tighter, and he pulled hard towards the opposite side.I was limping on one foot, and my body balance was not good. Gu Yanzhi was so intentional, I quickly lost my aim, and uncontrollably slammed into the arms of the opposite party.
There is a faint refreshing smell that is all too familiar in the nose.I heard his breathing, and his steady heartbeat.I stood up without thinking, but he held my back, and the effect of my struggle was twice the result with half the effort.Gu Yanzhi's voice resounded above his head: "What's wrong with your feet?"
I maintained the status quo and said, "I fell down the stairs a few days ago."
He was silent for a while, then said, "Why are you here today?"
"Come and get something."
"I want to hear the truth."
"It's really here to get something." I said, "Do you think the student ID card is not important enough?"
Gu Yanzhi said lightly: "I really don't think the student ID card is very important."
I said, "But I think it's important."
He doesn't respond and doesn't let go.Just keep this pose.I started to feel a little overwhelmed.Dizziness and nausea.Recently, such symptoms occur occasionally, but the whole body feels uncomfortable in turns. This is only one of them, and it is probably another symptom in the late stage. Thinking of this, I don't even bother to call Yan Yu to report it.It's just that the situation is different now.The man I grabbed at the hem is very special.Especially when I was hugged by him at this moment, those nonchalant things on the forced package collapsed in an instant, I just thought that I have caused trouble for this person for so many years, why can't I cause trouble again.He has always been so tolerant, he can do anything.
I was so ill, I just wanted someone to cry.Why must I persist, why can't I be weak again.The eye sockets were a little sour because of this, and the words that had been suppressed from the bottom of my heart suddenly rushed out: "I have something to..."
His calm voice came out with me: "Is Li Xiangnan treating you badly?"
I opened my mouth, and all the words I just said were dumb, and I couldn't speak them again for no reason.After a while, he said, "Is Ye Jin treating you well?"
His eyes were fixed on my face for a long time, and he didn't speak.I said, "I'm here today. Finding a student ID card is indeed a very important thing. Besides," after a pause, I continued, "I wish you and Ye Jin happiness. And, I'm going to A with Li Xiangnan tomorrow. The city is gone. Come here today to say goodbye to you."
These are utter lies.
He was silent for a while, and slowly let go of the hands on his back.I regained my balance and tried to stand up.I heard him speak slowly and flatly: "Wanwan, I haven't seen you for a few days, your speech skills have improved a lot."
I met his gaze and said, "I hope you can live well in the future." This sentence is true.
He looked at me for a while.His eyes were darkened, and he replied in a low voice, "Okay."
When I left T city the next day, the sky breathed out the haze of these days, and it was so clear and brilliant that it was a mess.Li Xiangnan carried two suitcases and me, and boarded the plane together.I went into battle as a sick person, with only a thick sketchbook and a thin photo album in my arms that I stole from Gu's house.On the one hand, I regret that I should have taken more yesterday.Thinking like this, he opened Gu Yanzhi's sketchbook.When I first found this book, Gu Yanzhi once said that every picture in it was drawn by him when he missed someone a little bit.Each time is one.Each one is of the same person.There was a little smile in the corner of his eye when he said these words.I once secretly counted the pages without disappointment. At that time, a funny voice came from behind me: "Didn't you notice that there are numbers in the lower right corner of some page numbers? Just multiply by ten."
I said:"……"
Gu Yanzhi's random sketches should be more accurately called stick figures.Because each portrait is a few strokes.But I often feel narcissistically that his paintings are very vivid.I have basically seen most of the front of the sketchbook, some of which I have not noticed.For example, when I was a child, I held onto the pillow tightly and refused to let go when I was sleeping.I once insisted that Gu Yanzhi was slandering me, and I could never have slept like this, until I realized that every time I woke up, I was holding Gu Yanzhi's hands and feet tightly, and I was speechless from then on.
Each one can entangle a piece of the past.I turned to the back page after page, and found a rare pair of eyes drawn on the top of a piece of paper, but they were more delicate than the previous ones. The upturned appearance is as clear and accurate as a real person.In the lower right corner, there is a time when the signature was signed in small characters. If I think about it carefully, it was the day after he went to the hotel to find me and made the request for reconciliation.
I calmed down and turned back. Every subsequent page was not repeated, the eyebrows, nose, lips, ears, and the last one was the outline and hair. Every line was drawn as if he did anything, perfect and just right.There are six in total.At the end of the six sheets, the date of signature was succinctly marked, which was the day before I went to the building to find Gu Yanzhi.From this page onwards the paper is blank.
I stared at the sketchbook in a daze for a while, and suddenly a hand reached out and took the notebook.I turned to the eye, and tore off the blank area with a swipe.I said angrily, "What are you doing?"
"Wait a minute and watch first."
Li Xiangnan tore off most of the blanks on the first five sheets and pressed them on top of the sixth sheet, slowly revealing the features of a face.Then I put the sketchbook up close to my ear, just as the flight attendant took away the empty cup, she tilted her head slightly, stopped for a while, and smiled softly: "This sketch is very similar to this lady. People thought it was a black-and-white photo enlarged one-to-one.”
Li Xiangnan said: "These are all drawn by Gu Yanzhi after measuring them with a ruler?"
"Look at the signing time."
He glanced at it, then fell silent for a moment.He said softly: "To be honest and objective, I have always thought that you should not force Gu Yanzhi to be psychologically controlled."
"But now?"
Li Xiangnan said seriously: "I think Gu Yanzhi is able to draw you to such an extent that he is basically as stubborn as you. It is right for you to control his mind, really."
……
(End of this chapter)
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