Lord, don't chase me, I want to go back to modern times

Now my spirit is not as good as before, and I am afraid that if this continues, I will really have a nervous breakdown.

I am dressed in light yellow plain clothes, I have not applied powder, dragged vermilion to paint my forehead, and let the blue silk shawl fly out.

I didn't let the slaves follow me, and came to the Kongming Hall alone. There was not much change in the hall, and the candle incense still permeated the hall.

The white mist lingered around and wrapped me all over, as if I had walked into a fairyland.

I looked around at the empty hall, Master Jinghui was not there, so I waited in the hall...

His eyes wandered in this empty hall, and finally stopped on the Maitreya Buddha, which seemed more amiable than before...

I took a few steps forward slowly, lifted the hem of my skirt and knelt on the cushion, lightly clasped my palms, closed my eyes and respectfully worshiped Maitreya Buddha.

After knocking three times, I heard a few light footsteps coming steadily, I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Master Jinghui.

At this time, she opened the brocade curtain in the inner hall and stepped out, her right hand still holding on to the string of beads, with a smile in her eyes that reassured me.

"Madam is here." As if she knew I would come, she gave me a polite little salute.

"Master Jinghui, I think, I need you to untie my demons."

I still knelt on the cushion, my eyes were deeply focused on her, and I sincerely asked.

She knelt on the cushion with me, looked up at Maitreya Buddha, kowtowed three times respectfully, then stabilized her body and spoke eloquently.

"Since you want to get rid of the demons in your heart, you must get rid of your heart knots now. Can you tell Poor Ni, what are you thinking at the moment?"

"Today, the imperial decree to enshrine the queen came. It was the imperial decree that I had been waiting for for a long time, but I was not happy. At that moment, I thought of your words, Master Jinghui, and even more so, the inexplicable sadness."

"Sad what?"

"I don't know, it seems that my heart is hurting. The love that I was willing to give everything for seems to be only indifferent now. He has no love for me anymore, and the only thing he has is the last guilt. I have been secretly telling myself that I must be firm. My own pace should go forward and never look back, but today I found myself retreating, I dare not go forward, in the midst of contradictions, I thought of Master Jinghui, I hope you can untie it for me Knot."

There is confusion in my voice, even I don't know why it is like this...

Maybe I shouldn't have stepped into this empty hall in the first place, and I shouldn't have chatted with her so many things that are not humane.

"The poor nun can untie the madam's heart knot, but the madam must bravely bear the result."

Her tone changed from initially indifferent to serious and serious.

Hearing what she said, I hesitated a little, and finally nodded, "I will bear it."

After a long time, she took a deep breath, and then said, "I remember when you first came from Concubine Xian, the poor nun was a little surprised. You asked why the poor nun knew you. In fact, the emperor will come to Kongming hall every month. Once, apart from his state affairs, the most he talked about was a woman named An Huaixin. So the poor nun has already been very familiar with you. Three years ago, the first time he saw the poor nun, he talked about it. Madam, he said, for the sake of the country, the country, and the stability of the people in the world, he must sacrifice his beloved woman to fulfill the great love, and this great love is the common people and the people in the world.

If you want to unify the world, the first thing you need to do is to stabilize the court, but Prime Minister Xia only covers the sky with one hand. At that time, the emperor was very passive when he first ascended the Great Treasure, and the military power in his hands was not fully consolidated. human and financial resources.At that time, he didn't have the strength to eradicate Prime Minister Xia's family, so he had to plan with peace of mind. What he needed was time.He had no choice but to break down one by one slowly. The first thing he had to deal with was Concubine Xia at that time, so he made up his mind to use you, madam, and the most important person to you at that time. Then she shed a few lines of tears, and knelt in front of the Buddha for seven days and seven nights, always regretting what he did to you at that time.

That was the first time I saw a great emperor so fragile, and the poor nun was moved, so he chose to enter the palace and live in the Kongming Hall, all because he wanted to get rid of his demons.He was surrounded by power, so he lost his true nature and did many cruel and heinous things.However, this is the emperor, the helplessness and struggle are beyond the comprehension of ordinary people. "

My heart was shocked. I was shocked by the seven days and seven nights of kneeling in front of the Buddha. No one told me about it, and I didn't know it. , Do you often kneel for seven days and seven nights to regret?
Master Jinghui glanced at me calmly, gave me a long time to calm down, and then continued, "In the past three years, every time the poor nun will teach him Buddhist scriptures, let him get rid of his cruel nature and learn to forgive. Because if an emperor doesn't even have the only tolerant heart, he is not worthy of the throne of the emperor.

He has a high level of comprehension, and he learned it quickly, so he wants to understand a lot of things, and wants to go out and get you back.But about a year ago, he was in chaos in front of the poor nun because he killed his wife's child with his own hands.That night, his eyes were bloodshot, and he kept telling the poor nun that he didn't do it on purpose.He sincerely wants to treat the child in your womb as his own. He didn't expect that you would hold his arm so hard, let alone that he couldn't control his strength to push you to the ground.I think that the only person who can make this emperor lose his position is you, madam. "

I kept clenching and loosening my hands, loosening and clenching again, repeating her words in my mind.I know his guilt towards me, and it is precisely because I know his guilt towards me that I use this guilt to go my own way in the harem and get him to tolerate me so much, right?

What is the difference between me now and him then?

I laughed wearily, "Can you shirk all the responsibilities if you didn't do it on purpose? Originally, I could be a mother, and I would have a child in my arms. Because of him, I was infertile for life and lost forever. The opportunity to be a mother."

She was startled, and the calm sunlight gradually turned into pity, "Madam is infertile?"

I laughed at myself, "It's sad..."

She sighed tiredly, staring at the curtain thoughtfully, as if she was contemplating something, she nodded for a moment, "If a woman has no children, no lover, no relatives, and no one to trust, is she really a woman?" It's a very sad thing. Poor nun can finally understand why Madam has such deep hatred."

I bowed my head sadly, clasped my fingers tightly, and used a lot of strength to suppress the hatred and sorrow bursting out of my body...

Master Jinghui chanted, "Amitabha!" Then she got up from the cushion and circled around me.

"Even so, the poor nun also hopes that my wife can take care of the world and the common people, and don't ruin the world for her own selfishness. Then she will only fall into the abyss of bottomless self-blame. The madam lost herself in the hatred, and the poor nun believes that the madam Her nature is simple and kind, otherwise, she would not be so sympathetic to the emperor."

I closed my eyes, and what I saw in my mind was the scenes that disturbed me in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep.Chunrui, Xiao Yiran, Xiao You, Mrs. Ya, Yeluhuan, Zhitao, Chunlan, Xinyue, Yeluqi, Mrs. Qi, Concubine Lian, Shen Jieyu, Lianchengsi... everyone's facial expressions flashed over and over again, quickly turn.

I opened my eyes suddenly, only to feel that the cold sweat on my forehead had already rolled down my cheeks, "Master Jinghui, tell me, what should I do?"

She was silent for a long time, seeming to be hesitating, but in the end, she still spoke, "Let's get rid of the world and look down on the world."

"What is Master Jinghui talking about?" I was startled, Shi Cuo shuddered suddenly, and asked a question.

"Only in this way can Madam be free." She bowed respectfully and deeply to me, "Madam must endure some things, not for herself, but for the world."

I straightened my stiff body, stood up slowly, and looked at her with sad and ridiculous eyes, "Why, to set the world, sacrifice women?"

After that, I turned around and left without looking back, I walked quickly, gradually moving away from Kongmingtang.

When I was wandering along the sheep intestine path, looking at the green willows and green smoke, the rippling water, and the remaining catkins scattered in my hair, I reached out to catch the little catkins, and suddenly I stopped walking. How could Master Jinghui be so big? He has the courage to say to me the phrase 'the end of the world, but the secular world'.

It was Xiao Jincheng, he must have instructed Mrs. Jinghui to say this to me, in the name of "for the world", but in fact, it was for his own selfishness, using the mouth of others to make me give up everything, and now he has to deal with it like this Me?

If this is really his purpose, then I can't let go.

I threw down the catkins in my hand, I turned around and walked towards Kongmingtang, if I guessed correctly, Xiao Jincheng must be in Kongmingtang at this time, he had hidden behind the curtain and heard everything.

Now that he's heard everything, I've got nothing to worry about.There are some things that you have to solve by yourself...

I tiptoed into the small courtyard of the Kongming Hall again. As I expected, there was a faint voice of conversation inside. I quietly hid behind the stone pillars outside the Kongming Hall, listening to the voice inside.

My heart gradually sank to the bottom, and it really was the voices of him and Master Jinghui.

I didn't expect that this was another premeditated plan, Xiao Jincheng, you deceived me again!
I leaned weakly against the stone pillar, a self-deprecating smile appeared on my lips again.

In fact, the most stupid woman in the world is me.I am still so conceited that I think I can fight Xiao Jincheng.I really can't compare to him...

"Why do you say this to her, even though you are bound by the secular world?" Xiao Jincheng's voice was mixed with a strong voice of anger.

"The poor nun also thought twice before saying this. Your Majesty, the poor nun has seen Concubine Xian's heart. It has already been scarred by others. This is her only way out."