Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 14 You are really full of Three Kingdoms

Qi Long didn't know yet that he had inspired his nephew by making jokes about Guo Degang on stage. At this moment, he was complaining that Dong Qiang's hobby was useless.

At this time, Dongqiang gave a key interlude: "You have been making fun of me for a long time, what is your hobby?"

"Me? Hey, I like studying classical masterpieces. You know the Four Great Classics, right?"

"I know. Tell me more!"

"Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Water Margin, Journey to the West, Gold"

Gao Dongqiang was so scared that he hurried over to stop him, but Qi Long blurted out: "The story of the Twelve Beauties of Jinling!"

"You scared me. What are you researching?"

"There are so many. Let's put it this way. If I randomly pick one of them and ask you a question, you won't be able to answer it!"

"I can't answer that. You go ahead."

Qi Long pointed at Dong Qiang and said to the audience: "Look, everyone, he still doesn't believe it. So please listen to the question. When Lei Gong and Dian Mu strike lightning together, is it direct current or alternating current that is released?"

Dongqiang, who was listening to the question carefully, was immediately confused: "What kind of question is this? Who studies this?"

"I'm researching. You don't know, right? When the thunder god strikes his hammer, the positive and negative poles collide and discharge electricity. This is direct current!"

"Come again, come again."

"Please listen to the question. You know that Nezha has three heads and six arms, right? Then, if Nezha suffers from cerebral thrombosis, will the three heads be thrombosed separately or together?"

Gao Dongqiang just gave up and said, "Please announce the answer!"

"Cerebral thrombosis occurs above the neck. Nezha's three heads don't share the same neck, so of course each one has its own thrombosis!"

"Can you please ask a normal question?"

"Then let me give you a question about the Romance of the Three Kingdoms!"

When the topic of "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" was mentioned, Gao Dongqiang immediately became full of confidence and patted his chest and said, "You can handle the topic of "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" without any difficulty for me. Do you know my nickname in the past? I have a lot of knowledge about the Three Kingdoms. I can come up with anything!"

"Who is Master Guan's master?"

Gao Dongqiang was stumped again: "Didn't we agree to give normal questions? They're not in the book!"

"The book is full of hidden meanings. What kind of book is Master Guan reading?"

"The Spring and Autumn Annals?"

"Also, The Art of War by Sun Tzu!"

"Sun Wu is his master?"

"As for Sun Wu, we respectfully call him Sun Wuzi, but this is not his given name. Just like Confucius, people call him Kong Qiu, but we respectfully call him Confucius. Sun Wuzi also has his own name!"

"His name?"

Qi Long said one word triumphantly: "Empty!"

"Sun Wukong?"

"Yes!"

"What are you saying? Why did it turn to Journey to the West again? Journey to the West was set in the Tang Dynasty, and Guan Yu was from the end of the Han Dynasty. The two of them are not even related!"

"It's not right for them to be next to each other!"

Next, Qi Long began to talk nonsense in a serious manner.

When Sun Wukong returned from his studies in Dongsheng Shenzhou, it was the end of the Han Dynasty. At that time, Guan Gong was selling dates. When he saw Sun Wukong, he knew that he was no ordinary man, so he immediately stepped forward and said, "Are you an old immortal?"

"One crooked?"

"Master Guan is from the Salt Transport City in Shanxi Province. I speak the Salt Transport City dialect, and the pronunciation is "yi wai yi!" In order to learn this dialect, Qi Long once went to the Salt Cloud City to learn from local residents, just for this crosstalk.

Then Qi Long continued to talk nonsense, saying that Lord Guan, who sold dates, wanted to turn his face into a date to represent himself, so Sun Wukong taught him. As a result, his face turned into a date red and couldn't change back. This is the evidence.

And there is testimony.

Why was Lord Guan canonized as a saint and a god and had dual titles? He held official positions in both Buddhism and Taoism.

It’s because his master is the Fighting Buddha Sun Wukong, so he has a strong backing!
Lord Guan lived a carefree life in heaven, and was often invited to various grand events such as the Peach Banquet.

"One day, Lord Guan arrived at the Crystal Palace of the East China Sea and said to Guan Ping and Zhou Cang behind him: 'This is where my master fought. Let's take a look together!'"

Gao Dongqiang: "This Master Guan didn't learn Mandarin even after he became a god!"

"It's hard to change your accent. Just as Master Guan and Guan Ping and Zhou Cang were about to step forward, a tortoise prime minister holding two sledgehammers stopped them: Stop, you who are obsessed with wine, sex, money and anger are not allowed to enter!"

Qi Long also played the role of Prime Minister Turtle, and his appearance was extremely similar to the Prime Minister Turtle in the animated version of "Journey to the West".

"Please stop being awkward. Are you talking nonsense? How can Master Guan be obsessed with wine, women, money and anger? You are talking nonsense. I tolerated it before, but I can't tolerate it here!"

"It wasn't me who said that. It was the old bastard who said that. Master Guan was also confused. You old bastard, you are talking nonsense. How could I have any money, sex, or anger? The old bastard began to explain one by one."

Wine, kill Hua Xiong with warm wine, have you tried it? Just a little bit of wine is enough!

He was lustful and liked Qin Yilu's widow, Madam Du. Even after Cao Cao gave him ten beauties, he did not return them immediately.

Gao Dongqiang did not refute the previous one about Madam Du, but he refuted it here: "Aren't those beauties there to serve the emperor's sister-in-law?"

"I serve the Emperor's sister-in-law during the day, and at night." Qi Long made an expression that showed you know what I am doing.

With his performance, he once again earned the audience's laughter.

"Nonsense, is there any evidence?"

"These beauties are here to conquer Master Guan's inner defenses. In short, they are PR ladies!"

"Is that how a PR lady got here?"

Money, gold for getting on a horse and silver for getting off a horse. Although the gold was sealed in the end, you didn't return it if you didn't receive it. It was still spent there. If you hadn't received any news from Emperor Liu, would he have used the money for himself?

The final spirit is even simpler, the righteousness of riding alone for a thousand miles; the courage to pass five passes and kill six generals, and to kill Hua Xiong with a warm wine; the talent to flood seven armies; and the arrogance of losing Jingzhou due to carelessness.

"With all these angers, plus the previous three, isn't that just a man obsessed with alcohol, sex, money and anger?"

"It's too far-fetched!" Gao Dongqiang was still not satisfied.

"You think it's far-fetched, but Master Guan himself thinks it makes sense, pointing at the big turtle and saying:"

"say what?"

"You old bastard, you really have a belly full of the Three Kingdoms!" As he said this, he pointed at Gao Dongqiang who had just patted his chest and said that he had a belly full of the Three Kingdoms.

Gao Dongqiang was stunned for half a second: "Waiting for me?!"

At this point, the crosstalk ended, and the two men took a step back and bowed at the same time.

The audience burst into applause even more enthusiastically than when they came on stage. The whole segment, from the teasing of Jiunan at the beginning, to the teasing of Guo Degang during the introduction, to the main performance afterwards, everyone was so happy that they had never listened before.

Some viewers felt their faces were almost frozen from laughing.

When the lines are interesting, they laugh because of them; when the lines are boring, Qi Long's exaggerated performance can make them laugh again.

And Gao Dongqiang always manages to make a not-so-funny joke even funnier at the right time.

This pair of crosstalk performers is definitely more than just one plus one!
After leaving the stage, Qi Long, Gao Dongqiang, Zhang Helun and Lang Heyan, who were preparing on the side, thanked each other for their hard work. Zhang Helun shook his head and said, "Uncle Master, if I had known you were going to do this, you should have just performed the finale. I'm under too much pressure!"

"Don't worry, the place is hot for you!" Qi Long comforted him, "The place is hot, whatever you say is right!"

(End of this chapter)