Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 25: Invulnerable to Cold and Heat
After a segment of [I still want to fly a plane after drinking], after the audience had finished laughing, Qi Long continued:
"Mr. Gao was polite. He even bowed to express his gratitude after he finished singing. Thank you for your support, Uncle Police. Woof woof woof woof, woof woof, Uncle Police!"

"Well, I'm speaking dog language again. Please wait a moment, Mr. Qi. You said on stage that you wouldn't bully me, but now you've been beating around the bush and calling me a dog in a sarcastic tone. How many times have you called me a dog?"

"Look, he's angry!" Qi Long whispered to the audience, "It's different now that he's with Erlang Shen!"

The story of Erlang Shen and Roaring Sky Dog is well-known in China. Everyone understands and laughs at this little joke that insults people without using any dirty words.

Qi Long pretended nothing had happened: "I'm sorry, Mr. Gao, I will never call you a dog again!"

"That's pretty much it!"

"Let's talk about your drinking. As you can hear from the story just now, Dongqiang likes to drink.

This is also the common point of their sect. Brother Yu Qianqian, Brother Sun Yueyue and him, the three brothers all love to drink. Once they start drinking, they don’t know how to stop. The side dishes are eaten quickly. After eating, they feel that their mouths are tasteless just drinking!"

"What should we do then?" Dong Qiang asked.

"Find an iron nail, dip it in the soy sauce, put it in your mouth and sip it, and it will go bonkers!" Qi Long continued to speak as he performed, and the audience, who were already completely excited, continued to laugh.

This is the advantage of a lively venue. It is easy for the audience to laugh when they integrate into the venue, and they are easily led to laugh by the people around them. Laughter is contagious.

"Wow, our brothers are really wild!"

"You are the wildest one. Brother Qian and Brother Yue, both of you just sip the taste of soy sauce, but you are different!"

"Why is it different?"

"You use that iron nail to pierce your gums. When the blood bleeds, you can smell the rusty taste of the blood. Then you suck on it and drink!"

"Well, we don't have to disinfect!" Gao Dongqiang made this joke and there was another burst of laughter.

Then, the main event began. Qi Long explained why Mr. Gao's drinking style was different from others. It was because he was a martial artist and was not afraid of bleeding. This was inherited from his ancestors. His grandfather was also a martial artist and was a famous thief.

They would go to the house of the ruthless landlord and rob the rich to help the poor. They would take away any water tank, stone pillar, or stone mill, no matter how heavy it was.

"My grandpa is quite particular. He only steals those cheap and heavy things!"

"Sometimes when the landlords' houses were robbed too often, they would raise vicious dogs to guard their homes, but his grandfather was not afraid. He would jump in and glare at the dog, and the dog would be frightened by his aura of being the king of dogs."

"What do you mean by the king of dogs? So instead of saying I'm a dog, you're saying my grandfather?" Gao Dongqiang interrupted unhappily.

"Uh, the aura of the king of kings!" Qi Long corrected himself.

“My grandpa is a sausage?”

"Well, it was just the aura that shocked him. He didn't dare to speak, and then he succeeded in stealing. His grandfather passed these skills to his father, and his father passed them to him. Let's not mention anything else. Just your immunity to cold and heat is the reason why everyone can't come!"

Now we are officially starting to learn. First, let’s talk about how to train your ability to resist the cold. Then when we get to the North Pole, kuchakucha, we will start taking off our clothes.

“Take off the cotton-padded jacket; take off the leather jacket; take off the sweater; take off the autumn clothes; take off the bra” the jokes returned and the repetition brought about a good effect again.

Gao Dongqiang quickly stopped him: "I'm not wearing that! I'm going to the North Pole to relieve myself, what's wrong?"

"Practicing martial arts, it's convenient for you not to take off your pants, but you have to take off your pants for this!"

Qi Long started again, this time in the order of shoes, outer trousers, cotton trousers, woolen trousers, and warm autumn trousers.
"Take off your warm long johns and your shorts;"

"You're taking this off? All naked?"

"It's not over yet, take off your sanitary napkin!"

The audience burst into laughter, and Gao Dongqiang quickly pushed Qi Long:
"Bah, I'm a grown man, why am I wearing a sanitary napkin?"

"Aren't you afraid that the insoles will rub your feet?"

"I've already taken off my shoes, why do I need to take out the insoles?" "That's right, then don't take out the insoles. Anyway, I'll just take off all my clothes and keep warm."

"Yeah, there's no one there anyway!"

Qi Long continued, "While Mr. Gao was practicing, he heard someone shouting next to him: This is the North Pole, we can see penguins here!"

"I'm taking off my clothes next to the tour group?"

"That's right. Some tourists even pointed at you and asked: Is this a penguin? The tour guide said, yes, this is the famous penguin that looks like a human, and it has albinism, so its whole body is white, with not many black spots on its body!"

"Go!" Gao Dongqiang: "You better be careful, we are against vulgarity!"

"What does anti-vulgarity have to do with me? I said your hair is black!" Qi Long looked at Gao Dongqiang with a puzzled look.

Gao Dongqiang fell silent immediately and the audience burst into laughter. If Gao Dongqiang had not stopped them, they might not have had any wrong thoughts. But once he stopped them, they started to have wrong thoughts!
After talking about the ability to resist the cold, it’s time to practice resisting the heat. Wear all kinds of leather clothes with the fur facing outwards and go outside to expose yourself to the sun. Sometimes, if you feel the temperature is not high enough, you have to have a bowl of hot mutton soup.

"No problem below 40 degrees!"

"What about above forty degrees?"

"When it's over 40 degrees, he'll feel hot too. That's when he needs to practice his inner strength!"

"How do you practice this?"

"Find a step and lie down there (oh), put your hands on the ground (huh?), stick out your tongue (what's going on), hahahaha (dog panting)!"

"Are you calling me a dog again?" Dong Qiang pushed Qi Long, and the two took a step back and bowed to express their gratitude.

At this point, the crosstalk ends.

"Great!!!" The audience cheered in unison and applauded loudly.

The two men walked off the stage, thanked Meng Hetang and Zhou Jiuliang who were laughing so hard on the side stage, and then returned to the backstage.

Gao Dong pushed Qi Long: "Your song is good, did you revise it recently?"

This is about the part about [I still dare to fly a plane after drinking], which he had never heard before.

"I've thought about it a long time ago, and I can use it in jokes about drinking!" Qi Long laughed. He saw this on the software and was so amused at the time that he memorized the lyrics.

Of course, slight modifications should be made according to the actual situation.

There is no need to rehearse the lyrics with Gao Dongqiang when singing this song, he knows how to sing it.

“That’s amazing!” Gao Dongqiang gave a thumbs up: “I almost laughed out loud on stage, hahahaha!”

When they got backstage, their fellow apprentices also praised their performance, and several of them even came up to ask them some personal questions about crosstalk.

Qi Long is the kind of person who won’t teach you unless you ask me. But if you ask me, I will talk to you freely. He also pointed out the problems of several people.

Qin Xiaoxian just needs to practice basic skills more. He entered the industry too late and has a poor foundation, so he needs to work hard on this.

Shang Jiuxi's jokes that only hit the inside but not the outside are more problematic, and he needs to change his creative thinking: "My suggestion is that you go to your master's house and ask him to explain it to you. Most of his crosstalk is the kind that even passers-by who don't know him can laugh along!"

"Go to Master's house?" Shang Jiuxi was a little embarrassed: "I don't dare to do that. I'm scared when I see Master!"

Qi Long recalled the performance of Shang Jiuxi that he had watched in the hospital before: "What are you afraid of? Hey, I remember that you often talked about some jokes about cosmetics and famous brands that female audiences liked to hear on stage."

"Yes, yes, yes!" Shang Jiuxi: "Uncle Master has heard of it!"

"Well, you recommend those good products to your master's wife. If your master's wife is happy, your master will be happy too. Then you can take the opportunity to ask about the job!"

It just so happens that Wang Hui is here today, and Qi Long probably has to eat later, so he asks Shang Jiuxi to make a recommendation at the dinner table!
(End of this chapter)