Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 49 Your illness is incurable!

Losing weight is not just about eating less and eating low-calorie, high-nutrition foods, but also about moving your legs more, that is, exercising.

Qi Long started saying that Gao Dongqiang went to the hospital more often after he started exercising.

The first time he went to the gym, he ended up in the hospital. Why? Dehydration!
"Sweating so hard?"

"The girl next to you is dancing so beautifully, and you are drooling!" Qi Long began to gesture.

"Drooling to the point of dehydration?"

"Well, the doctor told him that no matter how much he drools or sweats, he still needs to drink enough water!"

Gao Dongqiang followed the doctor's advice and went to the swimming pool. Now it seems that the beautiful girl is not afraid of dehydration and is drinking water while drooling!
The effect was quite good, he even called Guo Degang and Yu Qian to go swimming together. However, a few days later, he was hospitalized again. This time the reason was: tooth decay!
Gao Dongqiang didn't understand: "What does swimming have to do with tooth decay?"

"Guo Degang has diabetes!"

The joke was neither too thick nor too thin, and it was easy to come up with a funny point, and everyone laughed.

Gao Dongqiang was stunned for a moment, then he understood and turned over a burden: "Well, your senior brother went to the swimming pool to be a little whale again!"

The joke about Guo Degang doing the backstroke while defecating in the swimming pool has been performed many times by Qi Long and others in the small theater. Some of the audience have seen it, and those who have seen it laughed even louder. This crosstalk has become a serial!

Swimming was no longer useful, so Dongqiang decided not to practice on his own but to find a coach. He found a gym with three doors: beginner, intermediate and advanced. If the training was not useful, a refund would be given. The first door Dongqiang went to was the beginner one, but as soon as he entered, it was locked from the outside and could not be opened from the inside.

At this time, I saw a girl wearing swimming trunks.

Tell him, chase me, if you catch me I will let you go, hehehe!
"Dongqiang was very happy and started chasing him right away. He finally caught up with him an hour later. He felt so refreshed when he got out. He felt like he was floating in the air!"

"Well, losing weight still deserves applause!"

"It was announced that your workout took one hour and three seconds."

The whole place burst into laughter.

Later, the girl who went to the intermediate level was even prettier. Dongqiang caught up with her in two hours and she came out in three seconds.

"Don't even mention those three seconds!"

"The intermediate room is so good, the advanced room must be very exciting. On the third day, I got a superior room, but the door was locked as soon as I entered."

"Same as before!"

"A gorilla on the sofa turned around and said, I'm going to chase you. If I catch you, you'll be hehehehehe by me!"

"what?"

"Three seconds later, Mr. Gao was caught up, and four hours later, he was released! He was sent straight to the hospital, with injuries all over his body!"

"Of course not! You kept me busy for four hours!"

"Well, according to Mr. Gao's ability, twenty replies in one minute, that's four hours."

"Don't count it!"

It was too dangerous. After being discharged from the hospital, Dongqiang decided to practice on his own and find something to chase himself to increase his motivation.

He flirted with a woman and asked her boyfriend to chase him. Four or five of her boyfriends beat him for four hours, but Dongqiang didn't fall down.

Why? They tied him to a tree and beat him!

Later, he couldn't bear being beaten anymore and decided not to provoke people but dogs. As a result, he was bitten by four or five dogs for four hours and had to receive rabies vaccines all over his body.

The dog didn't dare to provoke him, so he ran a red light to stimulate himself, and then ran another red light to stimulate himself.

"What, the car is going to run over me for four hours?"

"No, you made it through successfully this time!"

"Oh, I'm finally not in the hospital?"

"I'm in!"

"what?"

"I was just trying to save you, a poor thing, so a car hit me. I had multiple fractures all over my body and was hospitalized. It took more than a year for me to be released. You were so happy to see me. Hehehe, my fitness is effective. I can run faster than you. Did a dog eat your conscience?"

"Then I did go a little too far!"

"So, fitness has risks, so be careful before exercising."

All in all, the first half of this crosstalk is for one conclusion: incorrect fitness methods are very harmful to the body, and you will have to go to the hospital if you are not careful!

At the same time, we also need to lay the groundwork for a character: Dongqiang is not a good person.

Being lustful, provoking others, stealing things, having no conscience, and so on.

Then he brought up the real issue: "Don't be fooled by the fact that Mr. Gao has successfully completed his fitness and looks healthy. I can tell there is something wrong with him at a glance."

"You're still looking? What? Did you eat my conscience?" This is a joke that echoes the previous "Your conscience has been eaten by a dog", but it didn't make any sound, and Qi Long patted him on the shoulder.

"What?"

"Bow, the punchline didn't work, apologize to the audience!"

This kind of deconstruction of crosstalk brings a different experience to the audience. If you don’t laugh, you can even get a bow and apology. Hahahaha.

Shang Jiuxi and He Jiuhua, who were arranged to rotate here with Qi Long and the others, immediately had an idea. Let's do the same. We should bow before the punchline goes off and make it a punchline!
Back to the topic, Qi Long said that his Wang is the Wang in traditional medicine. Once you have a look, you will find that you have become ill because of fitness!
"Fuck you, you're a doctor?!"

“I’m a comedian!”

"Why, the four traditional subjects of crosstalk are observation, listening, palpation and questioning?"

"No, you tricked me into being hospitalized. In that hospital, I met an old man who lamented that doctors can't heal themselves, and he passed on all his medical knowledge to me!"

Gao Dongqiang still didn't believe it, saying that medical skills need to be accumulated, how can you just learn it? Qi Long said that this medical skill is different from other departments, and it is easy to learn! What department? Special department!
What does the Special Branch treat? Now comes the real work!
"There are fifty-five incurable diseases, and each one has a "no" in it!"

"What's there?"

"It is unfair, immodest, dishonest, and unacknowledged"

For the first four, Qi Long spoke slowly. In order to ensure that the speech was slow but continuous, Gao Dongqiang would add a sentence like "Oh, um". Later on, Qi Long spoke faster and faster.

"No mercy, no listening, no trust, no effort, no unity, no reason"

As the traditional skills were demonstrated, the audience cheered and applauded.

In fact, there are several parts to this foreign medicine prescription. You can choose which part you want to perform.

"No disease" is what is mentioned above, a total of 55 words.
There are also "erzheng" with "erzheng", "xinzheng" with "xinzheng", "jiazheng" with "fake", "meizheng" with "no", "yizheng" with "one", and so on. You have to change them up and the same program can be performed several times.

However, many of the lines are full of dialect.

For example, among the “erzheng”, the first one is called “呲毛儿”, which belongs to the Henan dialect and is used to describe a bad person.

There is no problem speaking it in Henan Province or some areas with similar vocabulary, but this crosstalk is prepared for a special performance and may be performed in other areas. It would not be good to speak in dialects that some people cannot understand.

When you say "baring hair", "trial step", "fork in the road" and so on, people don't understand what they mean.

So Qi Long chose the word "不症" which has fewer dialect words, and changed some of the words so that everyone could understand it.

"All the inappropriate, careless, refusing to eat or fight, refusing to give in, and unreasonable symptoms can be cured!"

"What medicine should I take for this disease?"

"Stretch your legs and stare at the pill!"

Gao Dongqiang tried to open his eyes wide: "Is it the end of me just by stretching my legs and glaring?"

"The disease is over!"

"Oh~"

"It can also cure heart disease, evil thoughts, suspicious thoughts." This is another long passage. The treatment method is to absolutely not let your life end. After saying this, we come to Gao Dongqiang's illness.

Qi Long began to look, smell, and ask questions. After looking and smelling, the person beside him took a deep breath. Gao Dongqiang said to him, "Are you trying to eat my conscience again?" This time the little joke sounded!
Tsk, I took his pulse, no need to ask, I've read his diary.

After this series of operations, Qi Long concluded that he had qi syndrome and the disease came from the qi.

"I am a person who likes to sulk. I get angry when I see unfair things. Why can't I catch up with the good things of unfair privileges?"

"That's right, you are really irritating others. You are irritated by others for no reason, and it has caused a lot of diseases!"

"What else?"

"Laugh at others for not having what you have, and you laugh at others, but you don't even have that! And more!"

"Anything else?"

"You are angry at those who have money, laugh at those who have nothing, respect bachelors, fear the rich, disrupt society, corrupt customs, lack public morality, and lack justice."

The third long idiom in this crosstalk appears, which is full of curse words. It starts with three words and becomes a four-character idiom in the middle: using the wind to sail, concealing evil and promoting good, not enough to accomplish things, but more than enough to do bad things, destroying the public interest, and being shameless.
Finally, it becomes one word: pat, hit, scare, bluff, cheat, collapse, kidnap, deceive, and deceive.

".You are a thief with a shady hand, you are a beast in human form!"

"Oh, I got all these diseases?"

"It's simply incurable. Let me give you a folk remedy!"

"Oh, thank you, my partner is still good to me!"

"You're sick, just shoot me!"

"Go to hell!"

This is the end of the crosstalk!
(End of this chapter)