Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 60 Safe entry and exit
The opening joke is about sending flowers. After this part, Qi Long starts to talk about the next part.

"That was just a joke. My senior brother has a real hobby!"

"Oh?"

“I like calligraphy!”

"Hey, I thought you were talking about Sister Qian!" Guo Degang shook his head regretfully and was pushed by Yu Qian.

Originally, the setup for the gag could have continued, but after Guo Degang messed it up, Qi Long had no choice but to go along with him.

He looked at Guo Degang with disdain: "Brother, you are too vulgar. Do you know that your fellow crosstalk artists have a lot of opinions about you now?"

"What are your opinions?" Guo Degang asked again.

"All day long on the stage, they just talk about Yu Qian's father and daughter-in-law. Do you see any crosstalk actor in the crosstalk world who talks about Yu Qian's father and daughter-in-law all day long?" Qi Long looked like he was giving some advice.

Guo Degang listened carefully.

Yu Qian nodded at first, but then his expression changed immediately: "Nonsense, why are you talking about my father and wife?"

"Okay, I'll change it. I'll talk about his uncle later!"

"You might as well not change. There will be another victim in our family!" Yu Qian was speechless.

Guo Degang readily followed suit: "Then I won't change it! Hey, Junior Brother, what did you say I was interested in?"

"Sister-in-law Qian!"

"That's right!" Guo Degang nodded vigorously.

Yu Qian corrected him: "What's right? We are talking about calligraphy!"

Qi Long added: "Just look at his love for calligraphy and you can tell that Senior Brother likes Sister Qian."

"Is it so obvious?" Lao Guo said shyly.

"You often go to Sister Qian's house relying on your good calligraphy. The couplets there were all written by you, right? In order to see Sister Qian twice more, you didn't finish writing them all at once. You only wrote the first couplet and sent it to her. The next day you sent the second couplet, and the third day you sent the funeral couplet."

"Does the elegiac couplet look decent?" Yu Qian corrected immediately.

Guo Degang nodded: "That's right, the horizontal banner has to be posted on the third day, and the funeral couplet can be sent on the fourth day!"

"There's no such thing as elegiac couplets!" Yu Qian waved his hand.

Qi Long suddenly realized and discussed with Guo Degang: "I guess my sister-in-law put it away and planned to take it out after Brother Qian was drugged to death!"

"Oh that makes sense!"

Yu Qian rushed to the audience: "These two are a bad bunch!"

Guo Degang: "My junior brother knows me well. Junior brother, what did I give you on the fifth day?"

"Fu, there are Fu characters on all the doors. Why don't you fill them up all at once? Take one a day. Put it on the front door today, and on the bedroom tomorrow. Do it for 49 days!"

"What about after forty-nine days?"

"After forty-nine days, you will be at a loss. You can't go today. It's really frustrating!"

As Qi Long was telling the story, Guo Degang cooperated by making anxious movements.

"You have an idea. Write auspicious words. There is blessing outside the door. There are couplets beside the door, but there is no door on this door. Write auspicious words: safe coming and going!"

Guo Degang suddenly realized: "Oh, how come I am so smart!"

Yu Qian: "Why are you so mean? You come to our house every day just to see my wife!"

"When I get back I'll tell my sister-in-law to come visit us as well!" Guo Degang replied.

When these two start arguing, other people usually can't get a word in. They often end up talking in a group, and as they go on, the third person is ignored.

Qi Long found an opportunity to ask, "Brother, your family doesn't have couplets or blessing characters yet, right?"

"no!"

"That's perfect! Hehehehe!" When Qi Long chuckled, Guo Degang also laughed obscenely, and the sly grins of the two brothers made the whole audience laugh.

Yu Qian: "From the same school"

"Let's just say that it's safe to come in and out. It took 49 days to tape every door, but my senior brother didn't count the days. On this day, he brought another one to visit Brother Qian's house. Brother Qian was stunned. Our doors are already taped, so he doesn't need to come. My senior brother is unwilling to accept this!"

"Yes, we're at the door!" Guo Degang nodded repeatedly.

"There must be some place in your house where I can put it. I'll go in and look for it!" Qi Long rolled up his sleeves and strode forward, "Looking here and there, eh, I got it. Have you found a place to put it?"

"Where?" Guo Degang asked. "Pia (onomatopoeia), stick to Qiansao's waist, safe travel!" The moment of delivering the punchline must be clear, so that the audience will not think of it before you finish delivering the punchline.

As soon as these words were spoken, the whole audience burst into laughter. To use an exaggerated metaphor, it was enough to blow the roof off the house.

"Is it immoral or not?" Yu Qian was speechless.

"This is a wonderful blessing for you!" Guo Degang said righteously.

"Blessing? Why don't you stick to your wife's lower back!" Yu Qian asked back.

Qi Long raised his hand silently: "I have posted it!"

Hilarious again.

"As soon as my senior brother goes to Brother Qian's house, I will go there. I have to help my senior brother cover up. I can't let my senior brother and Sister Qian's affair be discovered!"

Yu Qian waved his hands: "There are no good people among crosstalk performers!"

"My junior brother is still good to me. Junior brother, I will also support you!" Guo Degang acted as if he didn't understand.

Yu Qian: "You are really generous!"

Qi Long waved his hand: "I went to learn some songs from my sister-in-law and became her student. It was just for today that I could sing more on the stage and show myself!"

"Oh, look at you, Junior Brother, no need to explain, I know what you have prepared!"

"My sister-in-law taught me: 'Zhaohuatai'!" Qi Long said simply.

"We were so loving in front of the Peony Pavilion, we only hoped that they would soon be paired up in harmony! Are you learning this from your sister-in-law?" Yu Qian recited a passage from the poem.

"Dirty, this is art!" Guo Degang shouted.

Qi Long nodded: "That's right. Besides, this is not the version my sister-in-law taught me."

"What version are you?"

Qi Long began to sing: [In one yamegener, Guo Degang was lying on the flower stand. Guo Qilin was frightened and came forward to cry and worship. His son and beloved disciple all cried miserably. Zhang Helun raised his hand and clapped his hands.]

Yu Qian: "Hey, this is still connected!"

"I just made this up!" Qi Long spread his hands.

"Just sing a song seriously." Guo Degang arranged.

Qi Long nodded: "Let me sing "Thirteen Spices"!"

This is a ditty that combines the three tones of big drum, shadow puppetry and ping opera. It is very difficult to master. It was a ditty sung in the past when selling thirteen spices. The hawkers would sing it without straining their voices, and in order to attract customers, they could also improvise on the spot based on what was happening in front of them.

Qi Long began: [The small piece of paper is square, Cai Lun of the Eastern Han Dynasty invented paper! ]

An expert can tell whether a song is good or not with just one move. As soon as Qi Long sang a line, Lao Guo and Yu Qian looked at each other with appreciation and admiration in their eyes.

This is such a great song, you can tell he has practiced a lot.

This is a long ditty. It first sings about paper, then sings about how he uses the paper to wrap his own thirteen spices, saying that it is indispensable in the kitchen.

[It is better than the Queen Mother's Peach Banquet, and better than Laojun's elixir.

The gods from Badong came to visit and only then did they realize that I had used my Thirteen Spices.]

At this point, Thirteen Spices' lyrics ended, and Qi Long began to improvise a joke:
[The sky is afraid of dark clouds, the earth is afraid of barrenness, chickens are afraid of weasels, mice are afraid of cats, cats are afraid of dogs, and children without mothers are afraid of godmothers]

[An accountant is afraid of making a mistake in the accounting, a girl working the night shift is afraid of hooligans, an opera singer is afraid of having an itchy throat, and a trumpet player is afraid of having a sore in the mouth! ]

"What is Guo Degang afraid of?" Yu Qian asked.

【Guo Degang is afraid that Yu Qian will go home early.】

"Then what is Yu Qian afraid of?" Guo Degang asked.

【Yu Qian is afraid of seeing Guo Degang at home! 】

"What is the supporting actor afraid of?"

【The only thing I’m afraid of is that I can’t measure up! 】

"What about the funny one?"

[The funny guy is afraid that after singing for so long, you old man will not support me! ]

This traditional tune, a real little tune, asked for applause, and the audience gave it! Immediately, the applause was thunderous!

(End of this chapter)