Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 83 Special Begins

In the backstage of Hangzhou Grand Theater, Qi Long was chatting on his phone. Gao Dongqiang walked in with a look of disdain on his face: "Look at that wretched smile of yours!"

"Just laugh, why is it obscene?" Qi Long raised his head and retorted.

Gao Dongqiang sat next to him speechlessly and gossiped, "Chatting with the girl from the drum music club again?"

The two of them started chatting about rap videos that day, and have been chatting frequently recently.

Today, Zhang Wanyi sent a message wishing him a smooth performance, and also said that their drum music club would also come to Hangzhou to start a tour under the arrangement of the head office, and asked Qi Long if there was any delicious food in Hangzhou.

When asked whether there were any delicious foods in Hangzhou, Qi Long could only answer with four words: the same as the imperial capital.

A food desert!
It seems that there are delicacies from all over the country, and they also have their own local dishes, but they are not very good.

For example, he has never been able to get used to the fried liver and braised pork in the imperial capital. The only thing he likes is the fried noodles with thick sauce, and he doesn't like anything else.

The West Lake Vinegar Fish in Hangzhou made him feel a little nauseous.

Well, the old vinegar from Shanxi Province is still the best.
"Just a quick chat."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, why aren't there any girls looking for me to chat with?"

"How dare you say that? Shaobing told me that when you two were in the gym, there were always girls who approached you and asked you to help with training. It was such a good opportunity, but you rejected them all!" Qi Long complained about his partner in return.

Gao Dongqiang frowned, "Those guys don't look like they're into fitness. They went to the gym to pose for photos, and some of them are looking for long-term meal tickets at the gym. After the show at my dad's company was broadcast, they came up to me because they knew I was a rich second-generation. I'm not interested!"

As the two chatted, all the actors had arrived and started putting on makeup and getting ready. Soon, the audience entered and the show began.

In the first program, Jin Henan and Zhu Hecong performed a quick-speaking program: "Sitting and Counting Treasures".

The job is for two brothers to sit and play clappers, and whoever stands up loses.

The opening was completed in a lively manner with the playing of the clappers.

Of course, Zhu Hecong still maintained his usual style and helped Jin Henan survive the disaster.

When Jin Henan praised him, a simple "You're welcome" would have been enough, but he insisted on saying "Shame on me!"

Jin Henan said: "Thank you, Uncle Master, for giving us the opportunity to be guest performers. We have very few opportunities to be guest performers. This is like your closing performance."

He was just about to say that the two of them were just making up the numbers for the closing performance.

Unexpectedly, Zhu Hecong, who had been silent, suddenly explained and said, "Sealing the box means that you are not allowed to burn incense after that day!"

Others were unhappy, but when his tone came out, the audience laughed.

And this was only a small part of how he messed with Jin Henan and created jokes on stage. The whole process was that Zhu Hecong led the audience to bully Jin Henan.

After the two finished their performance, they were replaced by Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang who were going to perform "Criticizing the Three Kingdoms".

This crosstalk performance usually has a takeover, where the performer takes over the work of the previous actor and then continues to perform his own crosstalk, usually "The last one was so-and-so, let them take a break, it's our turn"

What I want to talk more about is the evaluation of the two actors.

Qi Long didn't make any comments when he came up. After saying the first sentence, he introduced himself and then expressed his admiration for Hangzhou.

“The famous novel The Legend of the White Snake takes place here!”

"Oh, that's right!"

Qi Long continued, "Of course, I have to learn. Everyone knows the Legend of the White Snake, one of the four great tragedies in ancient my country!"

It's time to use one sentence to establish my stage persona of "no ink in my belly".

"tragedy?"

"Yes, the four great tragedies: The Legend of the White Snake, The Legend of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl, The Butterfly Lovers, and Jin Henan and Zhu Hecong!"

When he mentioned the first three, everyone just chuckled, but when he mentioned the last unexpected name, everyone burst into laughter. I thought he would not introduce more actors, but he came here.

Gao Dongqiang quickly stopped him: "The first three you mentioned are all love stories, not tragedies!"

"That last one was a tragedy, wasn't it?"

"From Jin Henan's perspective, it is indeed a tragedy, but from Zhu Hecong and the audience's perspective, it is a comedy!"

The four major tragedies in China are exposed. Qi Long said that he knows the four major tragedies abroad: "Hamlet" (yes), King Lear (hey, right), and Ultraman Cero."

Everyone laughed again. Although not every audience member may know what the four great tragedies abroad are, they must know that the four great tragedies have nothing to do with Ultraman!
Gao Dongqiang stopped Qi Long and asked, "What did you just say?"

"Ultraman Zero!"

"It's called Othello!"

"Isn't that an abbreviation? The full name is Ultraman Zero, don't you know? Zero is so miserable, he has been without a mother since he was a child, and his father doesn't want him either, so he gave him to an Ultraman named Leo to be beaten!"

Audiences who have seen this Ultraman will understand and laugh.

Those who haven't seen it are just like Gao Dongqiang, who is confused: "What a mess! It's called Othello. The four great tragedies are Shakespeare's four great tragedies. There is no Ultraman. There was no TV at that time. How can there be a special effects film?"

"Really? Then I remembered it wrong, but I remember the fourth one: "Jin Henan and Zhu Hecong"!"

"Well, they are both tragedies both at home and abroad, right? The fourth one is Mai."

"Marshmallows!" Qi Long answered before Gao Dongqiang finished speaking!
"What is Maltesers?"

"It's a kind of chocolate food that's quite expensive for a child. I remember you used to love it. When you went to the village to play, you saw Maltesers all over the ground in the sheepfold. You excitedly picked them up and ate them all. Have you forgotten?"

"How disgusting!"

Even though the content of this crosstalk is the prelude to "A Body of Knowledge" and the main text of "Criticizing the Three Kingdoms", Qi Long and Dong Qiang always change the topic they introduce, giving the audience a sense of freshness.

This time, because the performance was in Hangzhou, Qi Long talked about his love for Hangzhou and also talked about "The Biography of Yue Fei"!
Hangzhou was the capital of the Southern Song Dynasty, which was called Lin'an at that time. When talking about the Southern Song Dynasty, the greatest hero that comes to mind is Yue Fei.

"Dongqiang and I both like Yue Fei very much. We not only feel sorry for the persecution of him by the emperor and his treacherous ministers, but also for the way his family treated him. His mother-in-law tattooed words on his back. Hey, that must have hurt."

When talking about how his family treated him badly, Dongqiang's little eyes showed great doubt. As Qi Long continued to speak, he finally couldn't help but interrupt:
"The mother-in-law tattoo means mother-in-law?"

"Isn't mother-in-law the mother-in-law?" Qi Long asked back righteously.

"Yuemu means Yue Fei's mother, and the tattoo also means serving the country with loyalty, which is a good thing. How can it be bad for him?"

Qi Long admitted his mistake quickly: "I'm sorry, right, right, I tattooed 'Serve the country with loyalty'. Dong Qiang really liked it. He also went to the tattoo shop and asked the tattoo artist to tattoo 'Serve the country with loyalty' on his back!"

"Yes, idolatry!"

"The tattoo shop owner was very embarrassed. I have never had this tattoo before. Do you want to change it? Dongqiang said (pulling the eyelids to make small eyes). If you don't want to change it, just this one. The tattoo shop owner said you have to bear the pain!"

Qi Long held a fan, pretending to be a needle, and gestured in the air, saying:
"Wolf smoke rises, looking north to the mountains and rivers, dragons rise and horses neigh, sword energy is like frost, eh, sir? Do I need to embroider the music score of the simplified notation? 65321236 (simplified notation numbers)"

"I stabbed a song?"

The whole audience burst into laughter. In such a good atmosphere, their comedy show went on smoothly and the effect was excellent.

The third program is "I Want to Be the Vice President" by Zhang Heqing and Liu Hean.

Qi Long specially asked Luan Yunping, who was in the backstage, to go up and knock on the door when Zhang Heqing said that Luan Yunping was not doing well, just like the time when Lao Guo knocked on the door, and the effect was also very good.

The fourth program "Weight Loss Diary" was also successfully completed and was equally hilarious.

The laughter in the whole scene was toned down a bit when Gao Feng and Luan Yunping appeared.

The two performed a traditional act. The laughter was not loud but the audience felt comfortable listening to it. It was like giving the audience some rest time because they were too tired to laugh all the time.

After they stepped down from the stage, it was time for Qi Long and Dong Qiang’s last show: “On Dreams”!
(End of this chapter)