Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 85: Just Eat While Standing!
Qi Long gave a vivid explanation on the stage. The Black and White Impermanence took him to Fengdu, the legendary ghost town. After crossing the Naihe Bridge, he met an old lady.

He acted as he spoke, with his hands behind his back, eyes wide open, lips covering his teeth, smacking his lips.

"When I saw her, I realized that this old lady really looked like Meng Hetang."

"what?"

"What are you looking at, old lady? I am Meng Hetang's grandmother, Meng Po for short!"

Gao Dongqiang's eyes widened: "Meng Po is Meng Hetang's grandmother? Your statement is similar to your mother-in-law being Yue Fei's mother-in-law!"

Qi Long continued to say that after drinking Meng Po soup, one would forget his present life and be able to reincarnate!

"The old lady said, since you know my grandson, I will allow you to choose the flavor of my Meng Po soup?"

"Meng Po soup has any flavor?"

"That's right. We keep up with the times. We have braised beef, chicken stewed with mushrooms, fresh shrimps and fish, and traditional Chinese pickled cabbage." Qi Long counted on his fingers.

"Is this Mengpo soup or instant noodles?"

"This is only part of it. There is also this beer-flavored Meng Po soup, which is prepared for those who like to drink. The rule is that they are not allowed to drink it before the age of 18. The Meng Po soup with milk powder flavor is prepared for children who died young."

Gao Dongqiang exclaimed: "Wow, it's quite humane!"

"It's so dazzling, I can't keep calm when I see it!"

"what happened?"

"There's a special note behind the pickled cabbage: trampled! There's also a note behind beer: add urine! There's something even scarier behind milk powder: melamine!"

Gao Dongqiang slammed the table and said, "Well, there are food safety issues in hell too?"

The audience started laughing. Food safety issues always occur every year during Anti-Counterfeiting Day. We can't help but sigh, how strong we are that we can still survive by eating so many weird foods!
Qi Long nodded repeatedly: "I also said yes. There are food safety issues in hell. Meng Po said there is no need to worry. This sauerkraut is for people who step on sauerkraut in the human world. After they die, they will be punished to make sauerkraut 7 hours a day and will not be allowed to reincarnate for 24 years. "

"Oh, this punishment is great, it's very satisfying!"

"Hey, those who add urine to beer, brew beer for 10,000 years! (Hey, look at that!) Those who add melamine to milk powder (how about that), will never be reborn, make milk powder every day, and be eaten by ghosts, skinned and boned!"

"Good!" Gao Dongqiang applauded, and the audience applauded with him.

Qi Long said: "Meng Po said that good deeds will be rewarded with good, evil deeds will be punished with evil, if not in this life, then after death, this is the rule of hell! It makes my blood boil, good, good deeds will be rewarded in the end, when it's all clear, give me some Meng Po soup with a taste of wine, I respect this rule of hell."

As he talked about the performance without props, Qi Long spread out his hands as if he was holding a jar, and prepared to drink.

"Please wait a moment!" Gao Dongqiang stopped him.

"At that time, an extremely ugly horse-faced demon came and stopped me, saying: Please wait a moment!"

"Ah?" This was a little trick, saying that Gao Dongqiang was a horse-faced villain.

"I was wondering what was wrong. The Horse-Faced Guard asked me what I did in the human world. I said I was a crosstalk performer, and the Horse-Faced Guard said, "Then put it down and stop drinking. You are not qualified to be reincarnated!"

"Why?" Gao Dongqiang asked Qi Long.

“There are no good people among crosstalk performers!”

After this sentence, the map changed, from Meng Po to the Eighteen Levels of Hell. Those imprisoned here are all extremely evil people. All the crosstalk performers who died came here.

The Horse-Faced Priest asked him to choose a hell to stay in, so he began to visit, wanting to choose a better one where he could suffer but not too much!
The first is the Ice Prison. As the name suggests, it is a cold hell with temperatures hundreds of degrees below zero. You can only eat popsicles for every meal. After eating the popsicles, you are allowed to breathe into the iceberg with your mouth full of cold air. When the iceberg melts, you can be reincarnated.

"Oh, then we can't get out!"

"The worst part is these people, they are not even allowed to wear cotton jackets!"

"What to wear then?"

"Tie a tie on the upper body and a belt on the lower body, that's it!" Qi Long spread his hands.

Gao Dongqiang flipped through his bag and asked, "Naked?"

"Sleeping can give you some benefits. Everyone will be given a Band-Aid to cover themselves."

"What good is that?"

Next is a fire hell, which is in sharp contrast to the ice hell. It is hot, but you must wear a cotton jacket. The way to get out of this hell is also simple. In the heat, you can calculate the movement law of "The Three-Body Problem" or evolve the function of "dehydration", and you can get out.

The third one is called Wind Prison. There are strong winds blowing there and people inside cannot stand and are blown everywhere by the wind.

"How do we get out?"

"You can land once a year, stand on the ground, and be given a cigarette and a disposable, non-windproof lighter. You can light the cigarette without covering it with your hands before you can leave!"

"We can't get out of here!" Gao Dongqiang said worriedly.

Qi Long was puzzled: "I chose hell, why are you in such a hurry?"

"Nonsense, I'll be there in two days!"

Qi Long suddenly realized: "That's right, I have to choose a better hell for us two brothers. Hey, I actually found a good one, called: Food Prison!"

"appetite?"

"Looking through the glass, I saw a table filled with delicacies from land and sea, delicious food and drinks."

"What's there?"

Qi Long's classic crosstalk begins with a show of crosstalk. This section is about the dishes in "Praise for the Exquisiteness":

[Quanjude roast duck, Daoxiangcun braised chicken, Senchunyang pressed duck, Pushizhai baby chicken, Tongxingtang sweet and sour fish.]

The pronunciation is clear and the rhythm is brisk, with more than 20 restaurant names and each one has a signature dish.

After talking about the traditional ones, Qi Long did not stop and added a few more:
[Shaxian chicken drumstick set, Lanzhou ramen thin beef, Chongqing Xiaomian bowl noodles, KFC tender beef and five squares, McDonald's McNuggets, Dicos crispy fried chicken, Master Kong braised beef noodles]

"Wow, there are instant noodles!"

"I looked over and thought, hey, this hell is pretty good. At first glance, I saw three people in there."

"Who?"

"Mr. Ma Sanli, Mr. Zhao Peiru and Mr. Hou Baolin."

“They are all crosstalk masters!”

"I said, don't just stand there. I'll go in and ask, ask the master and the forefather, what this hell is like. There's no other way to torture people, right? After entering, I found something was wrong. Hell is still hell. Can it make you feel so comfortable?"

"what happened?"

"There's a big pit under the gourmet table, and the pit is full of disgusting things!"

"What's there?"

Qi Long took a deep breath and started another stanza: [Wang Zhihe's stinky tofu, Yin Saner's bean juice, the crew's canned herring, Jiangsu's stinky amaranth stems, southern Henan's stinky meat buns, Sichuan's houttuynia cordata, Yunnan's stinky chicken mushrooms, the island country's stinky natto, France's blue cheese, England's stargazing, your province's snail rice noodle.]

“The snail noodles are delicious!”

"Some people think the things here are delicious if you take them out separately, but the problem is that they are mixed together, and there are some unspeakable things. As soon as I entered, I felt that I couldn't open my eyes because of the stench!"

Gao Dongqiang thought for a moment and said, "Don't say it, it's too disgusting! Let's just eat in a place like this!"

"Yes, but it's better than the others. At least it's a bit enjoyable! I'll just say hello to the three seniors."

My direct disciple Zhao Peiru and my master Hou Yaowen's father Hou Baolin were both very kind to me. But when Mr. Ma Sanli arrived, the two of them stepped aside and stood obediently. Qi Long hurriedly asked the ancestors, "We won't torture you here, will we?"

"No, no, no, no torture. I just eat while standing every day!" Qi Long imitated Mr. Ma.

Gao Dongqiang felt a little relieved: "That's not bad!"

"I've confirmed it once, so we're going to eat while standing? Ma Laozu nodded: Yes, we're going to eat while standing!" At this point, Qi Long acted out as he spoke: "After that, Ma Laozu tore off a chicken leg and dipped it in the big pit below, slurping."

"Wow, eating it with this dip is so disgusting."

The place exploded instantly, laughter reached the ceiling, everyone was laughing so hard that they were bent over and slapping their thighs!

(End of this chapter)