The world's most expensive EQ course for CEOs

Chapter 31 Appendix 8 Capabilities of Great Leaders (2)
Some people ask me, "Are positive emotions negative?" Nope.I need to stress that no one quality exists and works by itself, both "positive" and "negative".Positive emotions can stimulate people's creativity, adaptability, and self-confidence, while negative emotions can make people concentrate, think calmly, and be more cautious.I have discovered this through countless instances.In the face of difficulties, moderate negative emotions are conducive to people's comprehensive processing of various information.Of course, I still want to emphasize that this is just an occasional negative state with no persistence.

About "Determination"

Decisiveness is your key ability to become a "management winner".When the French philosopher Bridin was discussing the issue of freedom, he told a fable that there was a donkey whose stomach was growling with hunger, so it looked for something to eat everywhere, so as not to starve to death.Soon, the donkey found that there was a pile of grass to eat on the left and right.It looked back and forth, and when it got to the left, it found that there was not as much grass as the right; when it ran to the right, it felt that the grass was not as fresh as the pile on the left.In this way, it considered the quantity for a while, and whether it was fresh for a while, ran around, hesitated, and starved to death.A lot of entrepreneurs and managers right now, in some ways, are acting like this donkey, doing the same stupid things.They study every day, but they can't make up their minds, and they end up with nothing.

It is determination, not how many projects you have, that determines your success.Managers must have extraordinary decisiveness, which is a key ability and a valuable emotional intelligence.

What kind of decisiveness do business managers need?You can quickly judge and react quickly, and then you can make a quick decision, take efficient actions, and make corrections at any time.This is a comprehensive ability, which is the main component of corporate leadership.Whether a company can succeed in market competition depends mainly on its decisions; a qualified manager should adapt to his various roles, plan calmly, and make correct decisions.

Many people have varying degrees of obsessive-compulsive disorder when it comes to making decisions.According to our research, about 30% to 50% of excellent managers have signs of compulsion before making a decision.This is manifested in: they are suspicious and indecisive, and then they are stubborn, stubborn, excited, and bad-tempered until they make up their minds and regain their composure.This process, often unknown, is a secret of their hearts.On the other hand, they can control and heal themselves very well.Undoubtedly, this is also a manifestation of higher emotional intelligence.

Faced with many conflicting situations, your determination will be greatly tested.This requires using some form of communication to solve the problem.Below I'll list 15 situations to see how you would handle them.

1. You are queuing seriously, but someone in front of you cuts the line arbitrarily and unreasonably.

2. When watching a movie, there are always people behind talking loudly and unscrupulously.

3. I was eating happily in a restaurant, but found that there was a foreign object in the dish.

4. You are bored with a relationship and want to end it.

5. Someone owes you money for a long time, and you need the money, but he is your friend.

6. There are salesmen harassing you on the phone and selling things you don't need.

7. You need to ask a friend or relative for help but feel embarrassed.

8. The appointment made in advance was suddenly postponed by the other party for an hour, and you have arrived.

9. Your best friend makes you do things you don't want to do.

10. You are listening to someone talking, but the other person's voice is too soft. You want to remind, but you are embarrassed.

11. You want to start a conversation at a party, but no one here knows you.

12. Someone smokes around you, and you hate the smell of smoke.

13. You are talking enthusiastically when someone interrupts you.

14. You have been criticized, but you think it is unfair.

15. When you are telling a very important matter to a person, the other person does not sound serious and has a normal attitude.

We often encounter the above situation, which is no stranger.These situations require you to make a communication decision: how do you do it?Generally speaking, when people deal with this kind of conflict, they will use the following four ways.

1. Aggressive communication: irritable, rude, immediately make the other party listen to their own ideas.For example, when encountering someone jumping in line, he would immediately stand up and accuse loudly: "Are you out of your mind? Hurry up and queue at the back!" He used aggressive language to express his anger, and had a fierce conflict with the other party. Difficult to end.

2. Manipulative communication: They have controlling tendencies and use methods to make others feel guilty.For example, he would say: "Sir, the weather is so cold, it is not easy for everyone to line up, do you have the heart to jump in line?" Troubled?" I hope the other party will repent and achieve the desired effect.

3. Negative communication: People who are negative in decision-making, they are more rigid, very submissive and seriously unconfident.They dare not express their opinions and are easily persuaded by others.Therefore, when such people encounter the above situations, they dare not speak up and accept these situations passively.They are afraid of direct conflict with people, for fear that something will happen that will make them more embarrassing.

4. Decisive communication: People with strong and excellent decisiveness, they will act according to their own interests.Generally speaking, when they encounter the above situation, they will immediately stand on their legal rights and express their views openly and directly.For example, he would confidently and honestly say to those who jumped in line: "Hi sir, everyone is queuing, please observe public order. Thank you for your cooperation!"

These situations often appear in life and test our ability to make decisions.You can find out how decisive you are by evaluating which communication style you are accustomed to using in the face of each of the above situations, and then examining the attitudes you most often adopt.Now, you must have a question: How can you become more decisive? I offer several strategies, hoping to help you.

First, assess your own rights and abilities.

You should consider your rights and abilities in a given situation and use them appropriately.For example, when faced with someone jumping in line, how can you react?Your right is to receive the corresponding services in the order in which you queued, and you can then make legal claims accordingly.

Second, determine the right time to discuss and express your views.The timing of the decision is very important. You need to find a timing (time) acceptable to both parties to express your views and react.Don't fight back directly when you are emotional, or give up your ideas casually, and miss the best opportunity.If someone is talking in a movie theater, you can't go over and try to talk them down when they've been shut up for a long time.

Third, choose an appropriate way to present your statement, taking into account how the situation affects you.Present your ideas succinctly, and take into account how the other person's behavior affects you.For example, you can cut to the chase and say, "I think, I hope, and I feel that...some of your actions have affected me and everyone." You need to express your point of view clearly so that others can better understand your position and Your request cannot cause the other party to misunderstand, or even intensify the conflict.

Fourth, make yourself describe the problem objectively.When you make up your mind to solve this problem, you must consider that this is a conflict situation. You cannot blame or judge others at will, because this can easily escalate the conflict.You have to state the problem objectively and not exaggerate.You can help the other person calm down from the agitation and think rationally again.In other words, when making such decisions, we must be rational and peaceful so that both parties can accept them.

Fifth, express clearly how you really feel about the issue.Expressing how you feel can be difficult, but it's a priority.Only by letting the other person know how you really feel can he possibly understand you.You have to let the other party know what you were thinking when your emotions were not out of control, and now you are not out of control and you are calm, so as to help deepen mutual understanding.It is easier to reach an agreement through communication based on mutual understanding.

Sixth, and most importantly, you must ask for what you want.

You have to let the other party know what you want, our purpose is to make a request, the key is that you have to be frank and direct, not beating around the bush.It's a direct display of emotional intelligence that can both resolve problems faster and help you earn the respect of the other person.

About "Execution"

Today, more and more corporate executives realize that the quality of emotional intelligence in execution is crucial and a major component of organizational management philosophy.Every manager should not only focus on the unilateral competition of products, but the effectiveness of your employees.As I mentioned when I communicated with Mr. Linda Keegan, vice president of development at Citibank: The execution ability of employees is the most basic assumption of all management training.

How is a cohesive team formed?A vice president of an aircraft manufacturer told me that he had a hundred employees and he was trying to ask them to work better as a good team, but he found it difficult.“We were trained in what is commonly known as the quality cycle approach and found that we were just a working group, a group of people who came together to work, and were far from being a cohesive team,” he says. Why?Because this kind of training only emphasizes product quality, everything revolves around the product, but does not pay attention to "human execution", especially "team execution."

Sometimes, we have greatly increased profits, developed new products, and carried out work process transformation, but the overall upward curve of the company has flattened because we did not make better use of talents, that is, to achieve the optimization of human capital .If you want your company to run smoothly, you have to focus on people, not products.Train against the human will to execute and relegate the product to sub-optimal status.Don't use products to decide people, let people decide products.

A Ford Motor Company project manager who attended one of our learning organization trainings at MIT had an epiphany and realized that "learning and fitting into the organization" is the key to execution.What I want to tell you is that about four-fifths of companies now have little effect in promoting execution training, wasting a lot of time, energy and money, but not getting the desired effect.You will ask me what is the problem.In fact, it is very simple. During the training process, these companies pay more attention to performance than employees' recognition of the organization.

In the process of inspecting the operation of some enterprises, I found that even the most expensive training will be biased because of the purpose of managers.When we train the emotional intelligence of employees and middle-level cadres, we try to make them cope with the competition facing the company, ignoring the combination of personal emotional intelligence and organizational emotional intelligence.Then, the result is naturally the opposite, which is very disappointing.

About "Corrective Power"

Everyone should dare to correct their "mistakes" that have occurred or will occur, so as not to allow the mistakes to continue and cause greater evil consequences.This is actually a quality of introspection.Therefore, when we express dissatisfaction with a certain phenomenon, there will always be a question from the bottom of our hearts: how am I doing?Is it my mistake, or someone else's (environment's) mistake?A person with high emotional intelligence needs to be reflective.Usually, our hatred of a certain phenomenon is always based on our own interests and deeply rooted ideas.In this way, it is easy for us to impose our personal moral judgments and value standards on others.In fact, if our moral concepts and value standards are wrong or biased, behaviors that need to be corrected due to our own mistakes will often happen.

When a problem occurs, you have to recognize that it is not entirely due to "you have done enough and other factors are causing trouble", and you must not allow yourself to vent your dissatisfaction and whining emotionally.We must analyze the whole story fairly and objectively, and avoid too much "personal color", so as not to make ourselves rush to blame others.Falling over a dark pit or stumbling over a rock while walking alone is a normal phenomenon and does not necessarily mean that someone is targeting you.If you can think of the reasons for your "shoes or unclear road", you can solve these troubles faster and get the favor of your collaborators.Reflection is a part of the self-cultivation process of high emotional intelligence, and it is also the original heart that we can all achieve-discover the inner self and face the facts truthfully.There are three levels of human reflection.

The first level is self-examination, reflecting on the cause when something goes wrong, which is a passive correction mode; the second level is self-deprecating, such people often habitually take the initiative to review, but sometimes it is not thorough and easy to compromise, because they are When you laugh at yourself, you still have room for yourself.The third level is what we need most, self-correction.Before we do something, we make the most rigorous plan to avoid mistakes; during execution, we can revise at any time, find problems at any time, and solve them at any time; when mistakes occur, we can conduct comprehensive reflection , mercilessly check the mistakes and correct these behaviors so that they will not be committed again next time.The most brilliant leaders are often at the last level; the most failed leaders are those who do not have the slightest sense of reflection; most business managers are at the second level, that is: often Self-deprecating, but it doesn't solve the fundamental problem.

Personally, I often find myself with a lot of unresolved issues.I often make mistakes and seek correction.I found that even after the most severe reflection, I thoroughly judged myself from the bottom of my heart, I couldn't solve the problem.At first, I thought it was an external system problem. For example, the working environment did not meet expectations, and the company's system made me feel constrained, which was often unsatisfactory.But later, I found that the problem was still with me: a psychological problem that most people are hard to detect and are willing to be driven by it.This proves that the greatest resistance to "correcting one's own mistakes" comes from people's own psychology rather than external factors.

In the process of correcting themselves, people often go back and forth.Even if a person has a very strong spirit of reflection, he has made the greatest determination, the solution to his own problems is still weak, even if he knows why.Evidently at this moment he must have found himself alone, helpless, with no way out.He will repeatedly doubt, think and reflect on whether his decision is correct, so it is easy to go back and make mistakes again, and even muddle through and break the jar.In the face of this situation, we not only need to equip our emotional intelligence with correcting power, but also have firm qualities and wisdom of discovery: we can firmly choose and persist in implementation, and quickly discover the most correct direction.

Our capacity for introspection often only manifests itself when we are alone.Not so obvious to others.The quality of introspection and correction is often reflected in a person's thinking.Such a person enjoys contemplation and solitude.At the same time, they are more active in life and better at affirming themselves at work than other people.They rely less on other people's opinions when deciding their own life goals, and they are more persistent and strong-willed when doing things.This seems to be contradictory. They have made enough corrections and choices to their plan, and they will carry it out more confidently, and will not sway easily.Regarding the ability of high emotional introspection: It is a common phenomenon that many people do not know what kind of emotions they are in.When they are angry, they do not know that they are angry, even if they are very impulsive, they do not think that they are wrong; when they are happy, they do not realize that they are happy, even if they are too excited, they do not notice it, so that they often feel sad.At the same time, such people often appear to be overly sad to the point of depression, overly jealous to extremely biased, and do things that even they themselves can hardly imagine and accept afterwards.It can be seen that emotional introspection is the basis of corrective power.If people want to control themselves and modify their behavior, they must know the emotions they are in at the moment and know what they are thinking.He needs to understand that people's emotions need to be expressed and vented, and there is a limit to everything, which cannot be indulged.The quality of human emotional introspection is used to master this scale.For any matter or work, we must understand it on the basis of controlling emotions, and then we can control and be competent.In order for a person to control himself, he must know himself.He needs to understand the source of his inner emotions and the ins and outs of his thoughts, and make a corresponding and appropriate adjustment to himself.We normal people all have this ability, the difference is that there are differences between people.People with high emotional control ability are relatively calm and can control their temper.They know their own thoughts well and have a clear direction in doing things.On the contrary, it is easy to be overly happy and overly sad.When they are angry, they are too angry, and when they are worried, they lose control of their emotions but they don't know it. It is difficult to expect him to correct his mistakes. He always thinks that he is right. Even if he hurts others, they think it is justified. So logical.

To improve your corrective power, you must always be aware of the emotions you are in.People should not only have self-knowledge, but also have the wisdom of self-knowledge.When we are angry, it is not right to immediately realize that I am angry and that my emotions are getting out of hand.When we have signs of jealousy, we must immediately understand that we are jealous at this time, and we need to adjust our mentality in time.Such ability will not only help our interpersonal relationship and improve our self-cultivation, but also be of great benefit to our career.For example, it will make your emotions stable, make you delicate in mind, calm in doing things, discern right from wrong, and make quick decisions.

(End of this chapter)