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Chapter 30 Appendix 8 Capabilities of Great Leaders (1)
About "Confidence"

There is a female star in the United States. She does one thing first thing in the morning - talking to "I" in the mirror.She said: "I'm the most beautiful woman in the world! Everyone adores me." Then she burst into confidence, charm and irresistibility.Later, she became one of the most popular female stars in the United States.Self-confidence can be generated through "self-motivation", and this "self-talk" (Self-Talk) is also the most convenient and fast way to increase self-confidence.It can improve our mood and remove negativity and pessimism.Only you know your strengths and weaknesses best.Therefore, the worst situation for a person is not that he finds that life is a mess, but that he dare not face himself sincerely and talk to himself.

A lady who wanted to lose weight once approached me, and she said to me: "Mr. Su, I have failed too much. I have no energy to lose weight. This is a hopeless thing." She was desperate for her figure.I told her, you just keep telling yourself in the mirror every day: "Honey, I can lose two kilograms within this week, I can do it." You keep telling yourself that, believe in yourself, this kind of Strong thoughts and desires will enter your subconscious mind, and you will be able to have enough confidence to resist the temptation of delicious food in your life and lose weight quickly.Two months later, when I saw her again, she was radiant and had lost six kilograms.Although she did not complete the goal, the woman's self-confidence has been restored and the pessimism has been eliminated.

I used to be nervous about flying.What should I do if the plane goes down?Without a parachute, and above [-] meters, wouldn't it be smashed to pieces?For a while, I was plagued by "plane crash" fears.Later, I began to explore the positive power of my mind. Before the plane took off, I told myself: "Don't worry, I will be safe. No one cares about how many planes take off and land every day in the world, so I don't need to be afraid. "Slowly, I am no longer nervous, and I am full of confidence in the safety of the journey.You can do the same when you are in a situation like this where the fear of the unexpected keeps you from taking the risk.

Many people in life are afraid to speak on stage, compete in performances, and report work in front of many people.Even veteran actor Anthony Hopkins (Anthony Hopkins) has had such experiences.He has acted in countless stage plays, and he still feels nervous and unconfident before going on stage.This stage fright mentality plagues many people.To solve this problem, you can have an inner dialogue with yourself before each "outing", constantly telling yourself: "First, I am happy to be here; second, I am happy to meet these people; third , I am very happy to speak to people about this topic, I am very interested in this topic, I am well prepared, and I can definitely speak very well." You need to keep suggesting that you can do it until the mood is better, the enthusiasm is high, and the confidence is high. Play, the result will not let you down.This method is also applicable to other negative emotions. Whether you are angry, frustrated, depressed, sad or ashamed, you can use this to change your thoughts, cheer up your emotions, and form and strengthen your inner self-confidence.

Building self-confidence is not difficult at all.The best motivation for ourselves is what we say to our friends (or colleagues) who are in emotional difficulties, and now take it and say it to ourselves.How you comforted a friend, you can use the same words to talk to yourself.In short, no matter how difficult it is, it will not disappear because of your inferiority complex and avoidance.You can only increase your chances of solving the problem by cheering up and facing it with your head held high.Realizing this, you know that we have no other option but to be confident.

Some people, when they hear other people gossip about them behind their backs, they are angry and angry, and they don't know what to do, and they don't know what everyone really thinks of them.So, he acted cautiously, even with a guilty conscience.At this time, you can tell yourself: "What is this? Why should I care about this kind of person? I am not like what he said, not to mention, I shouldn't waste my energy and this kind of sneering." People get angry." Our mood improves.No matter what others say, you have to believe in yourself.This principle is especially applicable and needed for professionals.A person's emotional intelligence is reflected in his attitude and handling of trivial matters.Character determines destiny, and details reflect character.

When people do things, they often worry that they will not do well and will be scolded by others or their superiors.This stems from their lack of self-confidence.There are many reasons, some are due to inexperience, some are due to lack of preparation and lack of confidence.At this time, you can use the method of comparison to encourage yourself: "I will not fail. If others can do it, I can do it too. As long as I have a correct attitude, I will definitely be able to complete it." As a result, you will find that even if you cannot meet your expectations As a result, your work efficiency will be greatly increased.

People with a bad temper are mostly rooted in lack of self-confidence.A person with a calm temper has a confident attitude.To control our temper, we need to communicate more with our inner "I" instead of discussing things externally.You should hint to yourself: "Now, I have learned to control my emotions. From now on, I will not lose my temper again." If things go on like this, you will slowly convince yourself.Through grooming, your temper will definitely improve a lot.It is a method of self-motivation and self-hypnosis that can be of great help to our willpower and can fundamentally improve one's emotional intelligence.

About "Persistence"

Persistence is the secret of a person's success in making money. It is the last test of people on the verge of success, and it is also the touchstone of our will.For all kinds of losers all over the world, if they can hold on a little longer if necessary, even for a day, he can bathe in the dawn of success.It's a pity that most people have been waiting for months or even years, but they can't even endure the last day or even an hour of persistence.When you feel like you can't keep going, here are some things you can do to calm your nerves and regain your momentum and determination:

1. Pause and allow yourself to breathe deeply until you are completely calm.You can inhale slowly, filling your lungs with air.At the same time you will place one hand on your stomach to make sure you are breathing correctly.

2. Talk to yourself when necessary.For example, you can say to yourself: "I am calming down." Or say: "Everything will pass." This implies awakening the positive power in the subconscious and renewing your determination.

3. When necessary, such as giving up thoughts in your head is too strong, or you feel mental fatigue, you can use water therapy: take a hot bath, soak in a hot tub, it may make your anger, anxiety Disappears with the foam of the bath, along with the depression.

4. You can also try another method, which is provided by American psychologist Donald Eden.You think about the unpleasant thing at the moment while you place your fingertips on your forehead above your eyebrows, press your thumbs to your temples, and take a deep breath.In just a few minutes, plenty of fresh blood will return to the cerebral cortex, and you will be able to think more calmly and continue to do things happily.

When you feel like complaining and giving up, stop what you're doing and start asking yourself, "It's really bad. Do I want to live with the situation I can't change, or do I want to change it?" The answer, of course, is the latter.Everyone wants to change this bad situation.At this time, you will understand that there is no benefit in complaining and giving up, and you will know how to choose.

Most importantly, we need to eliminate those things that waste and divert our energy.Because of the existence of these useless things that consume energy, we are irritable, irritable and depressed, and we easily give up what we are doing.In other words, you must devote all your energy to what you are doing and not let it be distracted by a large number of tedious and repetitive details.

In terms of focusing, please try my method:

1. Regularly make a list of the things that drain your energy the most, at a glance.

2. Analyze these things systematically and divide them into two parts: Things that can be changed.

Can't be changed.

3. After clarifying, solve the problems that can be changed one by one.For example, if you often forget to run in the morning, you can write it on a piece of paper and put it next to your bed so that you can see it, so that you can be reminded every morning when you wake up: Oh, I must stick to this.

4. Look at these unchangeable problems again. Is it really impossible for me to do anything?Is there any possibility of further changes?In-depth analysis once.

5. Completely abandon those problems that cannot be changed.Find a living role model for yourself in your life.If a person is not persistent enough when doing things, he can seek the support and drive of role models.Find some great people around you and use them as role models.You can think: what he can do, so can I; he can persevere in difficulties, why can't I?Although you and he have very different styles and do not do the same things, you can't do your own things in his way, but you can imitate and learn some of his qualities, and then do it in your own way.In role models, you can see potential in yourself that you never realized.There are good role models who are smarter, better educated, higher-level, and more persistent than you, but you will naturally improve your emotional intelligence in the process of catching up with them.

About "Humility" and "Honesty"

Great dreams and a humble attitude are the greatest qualities for a person to be successful, and they are also the main components of high emotional intelligence.

For entrepreneurs with high emotional intelligence, the most important goal is not to become a charismatic and convincing leader, but to become a leader who is humble, persistent and courageous and can generate a strong cohesive force.

For a truly capable person, the best way to impress others and win honor for himself is to show his wisdom humbly instead of causing people's disgust with arrogance.A truly intelligent person must have self-knowledge.No matter how big the matter is, he will not pretend to be smart; he has the virtue of modesty, and is full of action ability, unity of knowledge and action.He works seriously, keeps a low profile, knows what he is most suitable for, so he works hard to do it; knows what he is not suitable for, and never pretends to understand, and bites the bullet and rushes forward.

About "Trust"

Trust should be your first wealth, and developing trust starts with trusting yourself.Not only do you have to trust others, but you also have to trust yourself.

Whether you have the quality of trust has a great impact on a person's character background.If a person has trust, his character background is bright. He is full of optimism about life and always has a good feeling inside, because he trusts both himself and others.His trust can always gain the upper hand when doubts appear in his heart, deriving positive qualities and positive forces.He dares to take risks and is not afraid of setbacks. Even if he encounters difficulties, he has an eager desire and confidence to overcome them.On the contrary, there will be another situation: it is difficult for him to be optimistic about life, he will often be negative and depressed, he dare not take risks, and he is afraid of being framed by others.

I tell a story.There was a little girl who wanted to cross a bridge with her father.The father walked to the bridge, but he was a little timid, so he said to his daughter, "Baby, just hold my hand tightly, and you won't fall into the lake." The little girl shook her head and said, "No, Daddy, Please hold my hand tightly." "Does it make any difference?" the father asked suspiciously.The girl said: "If I hold your hand tightly, in case something happens to me, I will let go of your hand and give you the chance of survival. But if you hold my hand tightly, I am sure that no matter what happens, I will let you go." , you will never let go of your hand, you will protect me!" The girl replied so stubbornly and naively.This story fully reflects a person's unconditional trust in another person.In the eyes of the daughter, the father is a mountain, a shelter from the wind, which has far exceeded the value of a warm embrace, and also means absolute safety.Maybe you will say that trust is to give yourself to the other party unconditionally?no.The most important revelation of this story is: the essence of trust is not to allow you to hold on to the other party and not let go, but to give the other party enough tolerance and appropriate constraints.Trust, that is, you are willing to let the other party hold your hand, which is a noble quality.

Each of us will inexplicably suspect, complain, and doubt others. We always think that others are against us. We are full of complaints and distrust of external people and the environment, and we blame other people or even ourselves for our personal failures, frustrations, and losses. loved ones.Such emotions and behaviors are a vulnerable expression of lack of self-confidence and trust.If you have this kind of performance, it means that you need to improve your emotional intelligence, whether it is in the face of family, friendship, or your own work relationship.

My point is that no matter how much you trust people, you are not unprincipled.Trust is built on knowing each other as well as a daughter knows her father.We can trust others, but we must not be credulous.This is a basic principle.The premise of trust is mutual respect, not unconditional delivery, letting the other party control your destiny.

A person with high emotional intelligence should pay attention to three points in terms of "trust": the quality of trusting others; simplicity; transparency.

About "Discovery"

The "discovery power" I am talking about here is to tell you how to discover those innate wealth that belong to you.

Value needs to be discovered. If you don't have the ability to discover, even a priceless treasure is just a piece of white paper that is worthless in front of you.I tell a story about a young man from an African tribe.It was a very poor place, and if someone wanted to get married, he had to learn how to catch cattle first.Catch enough bison on the African prairie and give it to the bride's family as a dowry, so that they can get the approval of the bride's family, marry her back, and start a family.The least dowry is one cow, and the highest is nine cows.The chief of this tribe had five daughters in total. People thought his eldest daughter was the ugliest and had no talent, and the youngest daughter was the most beautiful.On this day, a young man came and told the chief that he wanted to marry the eldest daughter of the chief, and that he was willing to marry her with nine cows as a dowry.The chief was surprised when he heard this, and hurriedly said, the value of the nine cows is really too high, my eldest daughter is not worth it, please marry my younger daughter instead.The young man shook his head. He insisted on marrying the eldest daughter of the chief with nine cows.The chief agreed to him, and this incident caused a sensation in the whole tribe, because people generally felt that the eldest daughter was too ugly, and felt sorry for the poor eyesight of the young people.A year later, the chief wanted to visit the son-in-law's house. When he arrived at the young man's house, he found that a party was being held there. A large group of people formed a circle, and a beautiful girl sang and danced in the middle.The chief was very surprised, so he asked his son-in-law, who is she, why don't I know her?The young man smiled and replied, "She is your eldest daughter." The chief was taken aback. The beautiful woman in front of him turned out to be my ugly daughter?The young man believes that the wife he married is worth the value of "nine cows" and that he can discover the advantages in her, which makes her undergo a radical change.The result is that people live in the mediocrity of the world, and he has created miracles.

Discovery power reflects a person's comprehensive ability, which includes many factors: ① perception ability; ② memory; ③ thought; ④ vigilance; ⑤ deductive power;In fact, it also shows a person's habitual and even instinctive common sense judgments developed in a long-term life.Therefore, if we want to improve our discovery power, we must develop a series of necessary abilities, which include: ① the ability to recognize the situation; The ability to measure s; ⑥ clear and calm mind; ⑦ self-control and self-control.Only when we possess these qualities can we acquire highly keen judgment, discover and gain insight into the essence of things, make correct judgments before others, make decisive decisions, and deal with problems in an appropriate way.

Sometimes, we need to properly suppress our emotions instead of letting them out completely.In other words, maintaining some moderate negative emotions is particularly important for improving our powers of discovery and judgment.Moderate negative emotions (of course not long-term) can strengthen memory, stimulate people's reflection and self-examination, so that people will not be easily deceived, and will not easily follow the crowd and blindly follow everyone's judgments and opinions.Scholars from a well-known university in Australia have done experiments on this. They made the subjects have positive or negative emotions by recalling happy or sad past events, and then they asked the subjects to judge the authenticity of some rumors.The results of the study showed that people who were depressed were less impulsive than those who were in a happy mood, and they were also less likely to fall for gossip.Compared with those who are always in a positive mood, people who occasionally have a bad mood are less prone to errors when recalling events they have witnessed, and they are better at presenting their own situations, and their narratives are more organized and calm. Exaggeration appears.

(End of this chapter)