Apricot blossom spring rain and snow season

Chapter 42 Unavoidable
Ning Qing and I did not have a honeymoon.As the year approaches, he is very busy.I don't want to stay at Ning's house, I don't want to be idle, but I went to work in the company the day after the wedding.There will be more topics for nothing.I greeted Ning Qing and went back to Suhe with Juanzi.

Suhe Town is surrounded by mountains on three sides and water on one side.There is only one street in the town, and houses are built winding along the mountain and along the river.I stood on the hillside and saw the wooden building at home at a glance.Black tiles, brown walls.

I haven't been back for a long time. When I was about to graduate, Yi and I brought back A Niang's ashes and wept sadly.I left Beijing four years ago, and when I came back here, I also cried a lot.I didn't stay here too much twice, I came in a hurry and left in a hurry.Back now, still sad.This place where I was born and raised me hurts every time I come back, I'm afraid I really can't stay for a long time.I said to Juanzi, "The town has changed a lot."

Juanzi smiled and said, "Yes, many people have built brick houses."

I still like the old town.These brick houses appear nondescript among the wooden buildings.It turned out that the uneven and broken places on the stone road were patched with cement.Things are different, even the scenery has changed, let alone people?

Juanzi said enthusiastically: "There is a paper factory and a rattan weaving craft factory in the town, and I work in the craft factory. The products of our factory sell well, but the factory is small and the output is small."

Everyone in Suhe town has a pair of skillful hands, women are good at embroidery, and men can weave all kinds of household items.There are abundant bamboos and water in the mountains, so setting up such a factory is also a way to survive.

My home is very close to Juanzi's, with only a few families in between.I'm afraid there is an inch of dust in the house, so I can't live in it.Juanzi saw what I was thinking: "You can stay at my house when you come back this time. Parents often talk about you."

I nodded in agreement, and said to Juanzi, "I still want to go home and have a look."

The house is always tidy and tidy.I don't know how sad my mother would be if she knew that the house was ruined.I am really unfilial.When I got closer, I saw that the small courtyard was still neat and tidy inside the low courtyard wall.It must be Juanzi who often comes to clean up. I glanced at her gratefully.

Juanzi pursed her lips and smiled: "Ziqi, let's go inside."

Juanzi opened the door, and I couldn't help but get red eyes: "Juanzi, thank you." The house is very clean, and Juanzi even took care of it here.

I stood in the main room, nothing changed, the sewing baskets on the stool were still in their old positions.A Niang is used to doing embroidery here. She said that the light here is good, and she can still see me coming home from school.Every time she entered the courtyard, she would put down her work, put on her apron and go to the kitchen.Because whenever I step on the door of the house, I will shout: "Mother, I'm hungry!"

I wandered around the house in a daze.This is my room, and on the table by the window are furry dogs and grasshoppers, which were made by Yi, and have long since withered and yellowed.The bamboo tube on the table is empty, and it used to be filled with flowers.When Yi was around, he would come back with a handful of flowers every three to five days.The bed was empty, only the bed board. Juanzi must be afraid of dust, so the quilts were all put into the cabinet.

I open the wooden cabinet.The fragrance of camphor came out.I rummaged in the corner and found a box.I don't need to open it, I know it's full of letters, all letters written after Yi left.I often share with Juanzi, and Juanzi often laughs that I am a silly girl when I am emotional.

This is the room Yi lived in.I opened the drawer, and it was empty. In the past, there were all the gadgets I gave him here, and he took them away when he left.My photos were pressed under the glass, and there were square spaces left in several places, and Yi took a few.I lifted the glass and picked up a photo to look at, carefully looking at the original me.Mouth parted, teeth showing.Black eyes, pure gaze.There is a word on the back of the photo, Yi wrote: "My little fox."

I laughed, and tears fell while laughing.If only I didn't know him, if only time could go back.I suddenly felt that I was wrong, my persistence was wrong.

"Let's go, Mom and Dad are still waiting for us to eat."

The next day, Juanzi asked for leave and bought paper money for incense sticks to accompany me to see A Niang.Her grave appears to be constantly tended to.Juanzi said: "Zhan Yunyi insisted on giving money to the family, saying that he would take a look at it when he was free. He is very fond of it."

I knelt by the grave and wept.I have so many things I want to say to my mother, and so many grievances I want to tell her.If I could go back in time, I would rather not get into college, and find a job in the town like Juanzi, and go home to accompany her every day.Zhan Yunyi is more filial than me.I haven't been here for a long, long time.

"Auntie, will you forgive me? I didn't come to accompany you. I'm so afraid to see you here. I'm so afraid. You are so far away from me. I can't even see you. I can't eat you I can’t hear you calling me for the food, Auntie, I’m only alone, why do you let me alone.” I burst into tears.

Juanzi came to help me: "Ziqi, you are married, you have a family, your mother will know, and she will be relieved."

I am married?I was crying, I was married, I was fake, I was married to Yi to see, how could I be so cruel, insist on doing this, not even leaving a little way out?I didn't even have a chance to turn around.

At this moment, I don't know if I am right or wrong, even if I am wrong, I can only be wrong to the end.Let me carry everything by myself, and I have to bear the consequences when I make a decision.In the past, there was Juanzi and I could talk about everything, but I couldn't tell her this. It turns out that people have secrets, and secrets that cannot be revealed are so painful!

I can't tell A Niang that I don't have any flowered clothes anymore, and I can't wear her embroidered clothes to get married.Here, in this mountain, by this river, everything here makes me think about others.Maybe, just stay here, with A Niang, with Yi's little bits and pieces, I won't go back to City C, I won't go back.Don't think about all the things that happened, let time go back to when I was the most innocent.

How I want to go back to that time!

At that time, Zhan Yunyi was still a young boy, he was just as innocent, he was not as deep as he was after returning to Zhan's house, and he never asked for me.Everything is natural, let me go crazy and make trouble, he can only appreciate it.

Since when did it change?Is he coming back from abroad, after we have been separated for six years?He built me ​​with his ideas, and insisted on transforming a girl from the mountains into a lady of the world.I stubbornly thought I was just as polite and kind as I was, and that wasn't enough for him.

After A Niang passed away, I relied on him and trusted him.However, he is not just my parents and my relatives in my heart.Why doesn't he understand?
Is it because I don't understand him, or does he think I don't understand anything and needs him to plan?I have no idea.

There is no turning back.He renounces fulfillment.I choose to leave.If you have never been close to attachment, then seeing him and I become two strange trajectories will not hurt your heart.

Take off the clothes in the city and put on cloth clothes and trousers.Juanzi smiled and said, "There are very few women in this town who wear clothes like this. Ziqi, you don't look like a 27-year-old at all. You're still the same as before."

I smiled and said: "In the future, someone will ask me why I stay young forever, and I will answer every day to drink a cup of spring water from the mountain in Suhe Town, so that the water will be sold."

Yes ah, change clothes, back to the past.People in big cities will never have the simplicity of mountain people in small towns, and they will never understand that they can live happily with so little money.

The people in the town are also full of curiosity and longing for the big city. The children in the mountains come to the city and bring back their dreams. They want to learn how to dress, learn fashion and play with the city people. They don't know, and what they envy is superficial Things, different lifestyles and attitudes to life cannot be forced.

I have lived here for a week, and I go to work with Juanzi every day, learning to weave baskets. My childhood friend warmly invited me to eat at home, and rushed to send things to Juanzi's house.

Grandma Su who went to the street heard that I was married, and sent me a pillow handkerchief, embroidered with magpies and branches.Grandma said: "Sister is promising, marry a good man, your mother will be happy."

If I married Yi, would Auntie laugh?I don't know what kind of promise Yi made to her, but A Niang was very relieved to hand me over to him when she left.If she knew that Yi had sent a flower dress, would she be disappointed?Will it hurt?

I wrapped the people in the town with wedding blessings, and I could only smile wryly.

The people in the town are much more pure-minded than those in the city. I always live here, and when I haven't seen Ning Qing, they will ask questions.Juanzi's parents asked Juanzi in this way: "Then let the new daughter-in-law go back to her mother's house alone?"

It is impossible for me to live any longer.Having dinner with Juanzi's family, Juanzi's father hesitated for a long time and said: "Ziqi, many people inquired about your wooden house, wanting to know if you sell it. It has been empty, and you will definitely not come back to live in it."

I was taken aback, have you sold it?From now on, there will be no home for me here.But, if you keep it, A Niang won't come back, and Yi is gone, every time I see it, I will feel sad again.After thinking for a long time, I smiled and said, "Uncle, I won't sell it, I will give it to Juanzi."

Juanzi looked at me in surprise: "This won't work, definitely not. If you want to sell it, you can save some money for self-defense. If you don't sell it, I'll help you look after it."

I smiled and said: "No, I will send you off. From now on, I will live there when I come back. Your home is my natal home." After I finished speaking, my eyes turned red.I blinked: "Uncle, I'm going back to City C soon, it's my wish to leave it like this."

Juanzi has been married for several years. Her in-laws have many family members and her financial situation is not good. The couple still live in her natal family.Juanzi has always wanted to have her own home, so I think this is the best.

Juanzi's father sighed and said, "Ziqi, if you want, you can be my daughter. Anyway, I watched you grow up since I was a child, and this is also your home."

Before leaving, I went back home again and packed my things.Yi, I'm leaving, and I won't come back again.Here, act as if you have never lived here.I never knew you.

A Niang, I'm leaving. I come back to see you every Qingming Festival. I gave my home to Juanzi. It's better to have her take care of you than to live in a stranger's house.She's your daughter too, isn't she?
I decided to go back to City C.After some time, or leave again.Go to a bustling big city, get a job, and forget about the past.The only good thing about big cities is the distance between people. Without parents, no one knows anyone, and no one understands anyone.Neighbors will not rush through the door, and will not take the initiative to inquire about each other.I used to hate this kind of indifference and was not used to it, but now, it should be the most suitable for me.

Maybe, I can meet someone who doesn't know my past and start over.

But, Ning Qing, I can only say sorry.I was even worried that I would pretend to be his wife again. The longer I stayed by his side, the deeper my guilt would be. At that time, it would be difficult to even say sorry.

I still have to stay in City C for some time.The Ning family couldn't be caught up in the public opinion within a few days after the wedding, and it was inevitable that someone would criticize Ning Qing.

Meeting people is fate, everyone is just a passer-by in another person's life.Those with deep ties can accompany each other for an extra mile, and those with shallow ties meet and then walk away, eventually breaking up.Whether it is with melancholy, memories, remorse, or longing, there is no way to go all the way to the end of the road.

Just like Yi and I.From the age of 16 to the present, it has been 11 years, entanglement, love and hate parting, no matter how deep the love is, when the flesh and blood are separated, they will return to their respective worlds.

Rouge tears, stay drunk, how long will it be heavy, naturally people will grow up and hate water for a long time.

Thinking it through, I laughed, Tang Ziqi still has a long life, so he can't live it crying.

I appeared in front of Ning Qing with a mental outlook I had never seen before.Back at Ning's house, he took out various specialties of Suhe and distributed them to everyone.For Mr. Ning's family, he bought Suhe's specialty sparkling wine. For Ning's mother, he bought a handmade silver bracelet of sufficient size. Ning Ruo's hand-embroidered handbag.I said: "Suhe is a small place, these things are not worth much, it is my heart, I must like it."

The two elders of the Ning family were so happy that they could not close their mouths from ear to ear. Mother Ning said: "I like it, why don't I like it. The silver bracelet is good, it can absorb moisture."

Ning Qing watched me hand out gifts with a smile, put her arms around my waist and said, "Next time we have a honeymoon, I will accompany you to Suhe."

I left him without a trace, and said to Ning Ruo: "Where's the sea? I also bought him a gift, will you give it to him on my behalf or should I get it to him from the company?"

I didn't dare to look back at Ning Qing, I thought he could feel it even if I showed no trace.I understand that when he sees a family united and beautiful, his emotions will be revealed subconsciously.However, how can I let him go on like this?

Xiao Ruo said happily: "You should give it to him, Dahai has read it to me several times, saying that without you in the company, no one will argue."

I went back to the room and said to Ning Qing: "Good night, Ning Qing."

He stood at the door without leaving: "Ziqi, how are you doing in Suhe?"

I turned around and smiled: "Very good, I met a lot of old acquaintances, and went to visit my mother's grave. By the way, Ning Qing, I gave the house to Juanzi. From now on, I don't think I will go back again." .”

Ning Qing misunderstood me, he said a little excitedly: "Ziqi, do you want to forget everything about the past?"

I am really tired.I felt very guilty. I thought that even if I didn't love him, I could live on. Maybe after two years of getting along, I would get used to it.I can't lie to myself, how can I have a man in my heart and be intimate with him?

I smiled and said to him: "Yeah, let it pass, I always want to live happily, right?" I looked at Ning Qing, said sorry in my heart, took a deep breath and said it out: " Maybe the company will be busy in the future, and I may not spend too much time at home."

I couldn't tell him straight up, but I think he got my point.I can no longer give him an illusion like I am now.I choose to spend more time at work.

Ning Qing regained his indifference: "Okay, I got it, don't be too tired. Good night."

"I'm sorry, Ning Qing."

He froze for a moment, then smiled reluctantly: "Maybe I just hope for a miracle, and I don't blame you."

As soon as I entered the company, all my colleagues surrounded me and asked me how my honeymoon was, saying that I had gained a little weight, and then grabbed presents.Dahai said to me: "It's different when you're married, and you're full of joy."

I smiled at him playfully: "Yes, when will you marry Xiao Ruo?"

Dahai said: "Next year, next year I will definitely treat everyone to a wedding wine."

As I was talking, the boss called me: "Ziqi, come to my office."

I responded, picked up the gift I bought for the boss and walked in: "Boss, this is a small thing, not a respect."

The boss smiled and said: "There are so many happy events this year, Ziqi, in the future, you should contact Dahai for business related to Ning."

I shook my head: "That's not okay. If family affairs and official affairs are clean, it will be difficult to deal with them if they get entangled. However," I flattered me: "I believe that Ning will always cooperate happily with the company."

The boss smiled and said: "Of course, we have been getting along well with the Ning family. By the way, the Ning family is willing to let you work after marriage?"

I deliberately said with a bitter face: "Boss, I'm just a hard worker, I'll get sick if I stay at home."

The boss came along with the opportunity: "Well, I'm still worried that there will be a loss of a general. No, at the end of the year, there will be more activities. It's a good thing to be busy. If you are busy, you can make money. If the company is not busy, Everyone is having a bad year. Ziqi, Yuntian formed an alliance with us, and they asked to report the planning plan before the year, so you go to City B again?" After speaking, she looked at me cautiously.

As soon as I heard about Yuntian, I was sensitive, so I quickly refused: "Boss, this is a matter for the planning department, besides, there are many things going on in the Ning family at the end of the year, so why can't it be my turn?"

The boss thought about it, maybe he felt that this request was too much, no matter what, I was also "newly married".He nodded and said, "It's mainly because Da Zhang from the planning department is sick and asked for leave. Well, I'll find someone else to go."

It turned out that Dazhang was sick and asked for leave, so I felt relieved.I'm afraid that Zhan Yunyi asked me to go to see him by name.Calm down does not mean that I can face it calmly and easily.I'm still afraid to see him.Although he sent flower dresses and the wedding was held normally, his resignation does not mean that we will really be at peace when we meet.

If I see him, I still don't know what to say, and I don't know if he will get angry at me.It's better not to see.

I also don't want to leave work early and go back to Ning's house.I often stay in the production room until very late to watch the film, and accompany those boys on the show.As long as you want to do something, are you afraid that the company will not agree?

Ning Qing seemed to be busier.At the end of the year, there will be either this or that, and then countless banquets and dinners.When I got home at night, I was already asleep, and I vaguely heard the door knocking and knew that he was back.The only time I see him most is for breakfast.Then he sent me to work.

Every time people in the company saw Ning Qing who sent me to work, they would sigh that Ning Qing was such a good husband.Sometimes he would pick me up from get off work.I would see the word tired written on his body and advise him not to pick me up.Ning Qing always smiled: "Ziqi, I want to pick you up. Let's go home together."

I'm speechless.

Ning Qing has always given me opportunities, and it seems that such days can continue forever.

It seems that life is like this, plain and dull, peace is a blessing, and ordinaryness is also a blessing.Why do I feel more and more uneasy?I have no idea.

New Year's Eve is almost here.The boss called me into the office again: "Ziqi, I think you have to go to City B this time. You can take your assistant Xiao Wang there. Yuntian is very dissatisfied with our planning. Although it is a matter of the planning department, in the end It still needs to be implemented in your production department, and you can communicate with it, so that it will be more operable. Zhang Zhang from the planning department is still sick."

The boss frowned, needless to say, Yuntian hit a wall.

Time slowly made me want to understand many things.I didn't want to see Zhan Yunyi at first, but after these days, my mind changed again.If I really can't be with him, I also hope he can be happy.

There are many things that cannot be avoided blindly, and what should be faced must be faced.I even look forward to seeing him sooner, and to settle the accounts earlier, so as not to have to remember them all day long.Perhaps, the communication is good, and it will be easier in the future.

Perhaps, we will look back after a few years, smile knowingly, and find our own happiness in our respective worlds.

When I told Ning Qing about this, I was still very careful: "Ning Qing, I'm going to visit City B for company matters, so I must come back for the Chinese New Year."

Ning Qing frowned: "Ziqi, it's not Zhan Yunyi's mischief, is it?"

I said: "I'm not afraid, I am Mrs. Ning now." After speaking, I made a face.

Ning Qing smiled, and said in a low voice, "Don't allow Hongxing to have sex."

I was taken aback for a moment, then smiled: "I'll send you a text message and call to report your safety every night."

Ning Qing said solemnly: "As long as you are safe, we will wait for you to come back for the New Year. I will take you to set off fireworks during the New Year."

"Ning Qing, if I still can't...will you hate me? Can we still be friends?" I asked him suddenly.

"Ziqi, don't think too much, I'm very happy now."

Right now, I packed my luggage and flew to City B with my assistant Xiao Wang.I touched my finger on the plane, and before leaving, Ning Qing suddenly reminded me to remember to wear the ring.After the wedding, I threw the stuff in the drawer and left it alone, but Ning Qing still remembered it.Ning Qing, he is really working hard to cultivate the "husband and wife" relationship, trying hard to manage this marriage well.

I know that in his heart, he probably thinks that one day, I can become the real Mrs. Ning.If it hadn't been for the last trip to City B, if it hadn't been for the reunion with Zhan Yunyi four years later, if it hadn't been for all the things that happened later, it wouldn't be impossible to just marry Ning Qing like this.

If I find a stranger to start a family and live in the future, why can't it be Ning Qing?I think I really can't bear to be with someone who knows about my past and Zhan Yunyi.In this way, I can't shrink the feeling of playing chess into a mustard seed and bury it in the deepest part of my heart.He will always appear in my life.

I want to start with a blank slate.Instead of drawing a heavy black mark on the white paper, and then trying to cover it with various colors.No matter what, it can't make it disappear.

(End of this chapter)