I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 328 Don't Wait Any Longer

I don't know how I survived the night, and I didn't sleep for a while until it was almost dawn.After waking up, I had a splitting headache. I didn't want to do anything, but felt that I had fallen into a particularly dead state.

I just sat on the bed, turned on the music, and listened to the song "Hotel California" over and over again. My English is not very good, and I only know a little about the lyrics, but this does not prevent me from following the melody to create a scene in my brain. An atmosphere of sadness and pain.

I began to distrust myself and then despaired of life.

This is a series of adverse reactions caused by a broken relationship. I couldn't see the bright sun shining outside the window, but I saw a bunch of flowers that were broken by the strong wind last night. There was an insect corpse under the flowers, and the ants were gnawing on them... …

I even felt that I was the gnawed insect, obviously lifeless, but still "dead and incomplete" by the cruel reality and other people's desires.

I know this is a sign of depression and feel more and more that my body is a prison, I want to rush out, I want to be free... I am thinking, could death be a key to unlock the bondage of the body, I have never had Such a dangerous idea.

……

I bumped my head against the wall, and then I was absent-minded for a long time. Finally, I lost even the sense of hunger. Everything seemed to be back to those days when I was about to leave Shanghai, the sky was dark!

I finally realized that I couldn't go on like this anymore, so I sent Ye Zhi a WeChat message: "I'm very sad and depressed... I don't know when you plan to leave Dali, if you're still here, please meet me, okay? ...If you look at me in such pain and can still remain indifferent, then you can pretend that I didn't say anything ... But I will hate you for the rest of my life, because I feel that I have been hurt by you!"

After the message was sent, I fell into an extremely tormented wait... I'm not sure if she will reply, because she hasn't replied to my message for a long time, whether I can meet, all depends on whether I have If I put down my dignity and went to her, she would just avoid me and say something that I couldn't understand or understand.

……

After about half an hour, maybe 45 minutes, my phone finally heard a vibrating sound that can only be heard when I receive a WeChat message. I picked up the phone suddenly, as if I was suffocating, and a burst of oxygen came to continue my life. ...

She replied: "I'm on my way to the airport now, and I have an hour and a half to board the plane. If you have time, come here."

"It's too late, you wait for me..."

……

Driving, I ran all the way to the airport...

I don’t know if it was her intentional arrangement, but I saw her at the place near the exit where I picked her up...she was wearing a white dress, sunglasses and a gray fisherman hat, and it was precisely because Dressed like this, I can't even see her expression, let alone understand what she is thinking at this moment.

I stood face to face with her, her hands folded on her blue handbag.

I asked her in a low voice: "You drank a lot last night, are you sober now?"

"If you have anything to say, just say it."

I nodded and said, "If you're sober, let me confirm one thing with you...you're sure you want to break up, right?...Or, it's just impulsive after drinking!"

Ye Zhi never took off her sunglasses, she said to me in a flat tone: "It's not impulsive after drinking."

My Adam's apple squirmed in pain: "Can you give me a reason that doesn't make me feel so painful?... You are not me, and you will never know what I have gained in this relationship, the last How painful it will be!"

After a while of silence, she finally spoke to me and said, "Separation is the best choice for us."

I laughed: "Every word of yours, I can hear the feeling of perfunctory... Do you know? When I broke up with Lu Jia, although I was also in pain, I could still get through it...Because, I know that she is Why did you break up with me...I can't give her the life she wants...but what about you?...What did I do to make you make such a...so pessimistic that I began to doubt Your own decision?"

Ye Zhi avoided my eyes, and she whispered to me: "I'm sorry... this time, I can't give you the life you want... I hope you can find a woman who really suits you in the future."

"Can you not say these rotten clichés? ... This is not what I want to hear!"

"That's all I can say."

I bowed my head, closed my eyes, and felt a pang of sadness in my heart... It seems that there is really nothing to say between us. Everything I am enduring at this moment is caused by myself being too competitive and serious...

What she said is not wrong, a woman like her really can't give me the life I want... It's time for me to wake up, I should have woken up a long time ago.

My heart was ashamed, and I didn't say a word, and she was the same, standing opposite me at a distance that was neither far nor close... Our mutual silence announced the breakdown of a relationship. We didn't quarrel or entangle. Right or wrong, and that's the scariest thing.

I finally broke the silence, and then I said to her: "This is the end of the story, there is nothing more to say... you go... I hope there is such a man in this world who can truly deserve it." Falling in love with you... I really don't know you well enough, just treat it as a dream... As long as it is a dream, there will be a day when I wake up... I will definitely forget you."

Ye Zhi turned around and wanted to leave.

Her straightforwardness hurt me again...Maybe this is the last side of our life, I thought so...But my feet didn't move a step, just watched her go further and further farther...

My eyes are stung by the sun, and my heart hurts even more...

Ye Zhi, who took two steps forward, stopped suddenly. She turned her head and looked at me, as if she wanted to say something...

In the end, she didn't say anything, but just took out a stack of paper-like things from her bag, and then gently placed them on the flower pond at hand... After that, she never stopped, and I used sluggish His eyes sent her into the terminal.

I suddenly longed for a heavy rain, and then washed away all the memories about her, otherwise, I don't know how to be happy in the following days.

……

I stood there for 10 minutes, until a cleaner wanted to clean up the things Ye Zhi left behind, and I suddenly came back to my senses. I ran over and took it under the cleaner's broom. stand up.

After seeing it clearly, my heart ached. What Ye Zhi left behind was a bunch of air tickets for her to fly to Dali from various places, among which Shanghai had the most.

What is she trying to show?
She also worked hard for this relationship?And cherished?That's why they collected all these tickets?

I laughed at myself, at this time, I still have fantasies about her... She gave up, just gave up...

I tried my best subconsciously to tear off these tickets...but when I tore a hole, my heart hurt like being pricked by a needle. I couldn't deceive myself. What she left behind, I also think that this relationship that has ended is also symbolic.

At least, their existence will make me understand that this is not a dream, there is indeed such a thing as love between us; in the end, we just separated, and we separated when we separated, and no one has to wait for anyone... …

This sounds free and easy, but I am suffering from heartache to the point of suffocation.

What Director Ma said is not wrong, but I was too serious and tried too hard...

I can't save myself for a while... But besides me, who can save me?
……

Wine, must be wine...

Today, I'm going to Tina's bar to drink enough, until I'm drunk, until I forget all the pain...

I just want to get rid of the constraints of the body, and then let the soul be free and sublimated. I don't want to live in a superficial way, or simply degenerate to a new realm, and then turn degeneration into a normal state full of freedom and happiness!
Just like Chen Jin.

(End of this chapter)