I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 383 The Sadness Is Me

On the national highway with no end in sight, all kinds of lights criss-cross. The evocative youth of Lu Jia and I disappeared little by little in these flickering lights... I couldn't help asking myself: What do we have left now? ?

Memories, only memories are impossible to disappear... And when these memories came to my mind, I suddenly began to hate the relationship between cause and effect, and what made me hate it even more was that I was powerless in the face of the consequences brought about by the cause , is also very passive.

For a long time, I have worked hard to look at everything around me with my own eyes, and I have thought a lot about it, but outside my perspective, there are still so many things related to me that I can't control, but because of this I have suffered half of the consequences, or even more.

Sitting in the closed car, I suddenly lost my sense of security. While feeling flustered, I felt the pain from Lu Jia.

……

I tried my best to calm myself down, and finally said to Lu Jia: "I don't know how to describe my current mood. I thought that after leaving the city of Shanghai, I would be free and have no burden...but that's not the case. In the end Nothing that should have happened to me has been able to escape... Now I am like a fish that can swim, living in the sea, the sea and the fish, it sounds like fish and water... But, I will never I don't know when fish eating fish will appear in the boundless sea, where there are rapids, where there are hidden reefs... Have you ever experienced that feeling?... Especially panic and helpless, this feeling, Make me afraid of everything unknown..."

Lu Jia wiped away his tears with his hands, and then replied in a low voice: "This is not the answer I want."

"Of course this is not the answer you want, I'm just expressing myself... just like you express your feelings, maybe it's because we've been living very depressed..."

"Is there really no exit between us?..."

I looked at Lu Jia, and then replied, "Even if there is an exit, can you guarantee that after the exit, there will be no more traps in life?"

"Why are you so pessimistic?"

"If you're not pessimistic, why did you listen to Wang Lei and make the choice to break up...it's hard to justify."

"I have never evaded my responsibilities in the past, so I have been working hard, even if I have no self-esteem in front of you, I have been hinting to you time and time again, to be close to you... On the other hand, what about you..."

Lu Jia showed despair, and after a long silence, he whispered again: "It's not your fault, it's because I didn't face up to our current situation... In the final analysis, I just don't love me anymore. If you still love me, I don't need anything Said, as long as I stand in front of you, you will hug me desperately; you don't love now, even if I am humbled to the dust, you will have 1 reasons to question me... I am really sad , I know that I have no ability to change anything!..."

After a short pause, she continued: "I used to think that the biggest problem between us was because of the appearance of Ye Zhi... So, after she left your world, I thought there would be no more trouble between us. There is no obstacle, and I mustered up the courage to return to you, but the result is completely different from what I imagined... You can wait for her all your life, but you will not allow me to make a mistake in your world... But once , but I used my best youth to accompany you for three years, three full years!... Is there anything more sad than this in this world?... No, things are made by people, so the real Sadly, it's me!"

"What exactly do you want me to do to be happy... I also want to live happily, but who can make me happy?"

"Yes, no matter what I do, you won't be happy... I should wake up, I don't want to be your burden anymore... I will completely disappear from your world after the operation with your dad tomorrow, something , even if I barely get it, it is still humble... I am humble enough!"

Lu Jia covered her face with her hands, in extreme pain...

I couldn't help but think of that night in the rental house. My mood at that time was probably the same as hers now... So, the pain she brought me, I gave it back to her intact, but I don't know , who turned the love between us into a war, in the end there was no winner or loser, only wounds all over the body.

Lu Jia didn't speak any more. After I finished smoking the cigarette in my hand, I started the car again and drove towards Xiaguan...

After running so far, Lu Jia just bought a bag of lychees.It's been a year, but she still hasn't changed, she likes to eat lychees!
……

After sending Lu Jia back to Sanbao's inn, I went back to my residence in Shanshuijian... It's rare that Chen Jin came back earlier than me. He was sitting on the sofa watching TV. There was no smell of women in the room. Not only came back early, but also came back alone.

I threw the briefcase on the coffee table and asked him, "Why are you back so early today?"

"Didn't your dad have an operation tomorrow? He agreed to go to the hospital to help. I'll remember that."

"rare!"

While I was talking, I took out a cigarette from the cigarette case and lit it, but my heart couldn't calm down... just now, I pretended to be cold-blooded and ruthless in front of Lu Jia, but I felt very uncomfortable in my heart. I would think of us Some of the past between... I asked myself, why can't my heart go back at all after I have the ability to realize the life I once dreamed of?

I asked myself again, if I forget everything and start over with Lu Jia, and we get married, will there be less pain than now?
It's hard to say, but at least my parents can settle down because of this, and my heart can also settle down. Lu Jia is a woman who can live a good life at home. I put all my energy on my career... After I have a successful career, I will have children... From now on, I will truly take care of my family, and the pain that is bothering me now will probably fade away naturally by then...

I'm almost 30 years old, shouldn't I work hard in this direction?

But during the meal, what Jian Zihan said to me is also very important... I should wait, at least I can't be the one who forgets Ye Zhi first, I should believe that she is still alive more than anyone else... If she is still alive , we can also get married, she will bear me a child...

Whether it's Lu Jia or Ye Zhi, the result is the same... The difference is that one is in front of your eyes, and the other is illusory.

Yes, even when I was with Ye Zhi, I couldn't imagine the picture of us building a family and raising children together... But now, how much time do I have to wait...waiting for that illusory, But an extremely beautiful dream?

……

When I was thinking about this, Chen Jin said to me again: "Mi Gao, after uncle is discharged from the hospital, don't rent a house for him and auntie, just live in the shop we bought, before Cao Xiaobei It has already been renovated, but I am short of some home appliances. Tomorrow, I will go to Xiaguan to buy a set and an air purifier to get rid of the smell of decoration, and I will be able to do everything. It will definitely be more comfortable than renting a house outside.”

"It's not quite right."

"Don't talk about outsiders, although the house is under our name, there is no need to divide our relationship between you and me... And let uncle and aunt live in our own house, and I feel at ease, right? "

"Thanks."

Chen Jin patted me on the shoulder and said with a smile: "Don't say thank you to me, without you, there would be no brother today... Let's go to bed early, we have to get up early tomorrow, and we will send our dad to the hospital together .”

(End of this chapter)