Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan blinked, staring at the two lines of text on his cellphone.

The tone was fierce, and had no mercy..

Looking at it, his mouth suddenly quirked up, growing wider and wider until finally, he laughed.

12 minutes, just to type out this little??

Jing Huan happily picked up his cellphone, bent his index finger, and tapped on Yearning For's profile picture twice.

Slag man ah, slag man.

Just now, if you hadn't internally wavered back and forth, Laozi would have just conceded to you.

Although Jing Huan had never been in love, he had seen a besotted pig run around.

Lu Wenhao often did stuff like that in the dorms, holding his cellphone nervously and asking, "Oh my fucking god, how am I supposed to reply to that!"

After struggling for a few minutes, he would reply to his wife with an idiotic expression on his face. "Oh, understood."

Jing Huan found that the longer things went on, the more he felt that Lu Wenhao being cheated wasn't injust.

Xiang Huaizhi got home and put the chicken feet on the tea table beside the mahjong table.

"Thank you Baby Xiang, why were you so slow?" Mama Xiang didn't forget to wink at her son as she played her tiles.

The moment Xiang Huaizhi saw her wink, he thought of Jing Huan wearing a suit and winking at him.

The boy's eyes had been completely flawless, clean, and beautiful. His posture had been elegant and calm, and every single girl in the audience seemed to be watching him.

Xiang Huaizhi gathered his thoughts, made a low "en" sound, greeted Mama Xiang's sisters, and then turned back to go to his room.

As soon as the door closed, he became the main topic of the mahjong table.

"I haven't seen him for a while; Xiao Xiang is just growing more and more handsome ah. You really gave him all your genes."

"Yeah, he's so tall and also so good at school. If the one in my family could be half as excellent as Xiao Xiang, I don't know how much less stress I would have."

Mama Xiang took a sip of tea and shook her head slowly. "What's the use of being handsome, he's so old and doesn't even have a single peach blossom. I envy all of you, catching all the fun of your children dating early."

Xiang Huaizhi went back to his room, changed clothes, and laid in bed.

He had just stood on the road for ten minutes. It was cold in the late autumn night, and his fingers were still cold now.

His cellphone vibrated. He raised it to his face.

Xiao Jing ya: Wuwuwu…

Xiao Jing ya: I will never mess around with men other than Gege from now on. Gege, don't be a meanie to me la. T▽T

Xiang Huaizhi's eyebrows furrowed, his expression subtle.

He had almost admitted it just now.

At the time, he had stood at the supermarket door and stared at the "yes" word in the input box. He was stunned at himself for a long time, then he pursed his lips and deleted it.

Something was out of control, he could feel it.

Just as Xiang Huaizhi was getting lost in thought, his cell phone gently rang twice.

Xiao Jing ya: While Gege is alive, I'm Gege's person.

Xiao Jing ya: After Gege dies, I'll be Gege's little widow.

ヾ(≧ ≦*)o

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

He was pretty sure that the original saying didn't go that way.

His eyebrows furrowed some more. He didn't understand how a boy, who normally looked very good and serious, could be so girly online.

Xiang: I'm not being mean to you.

Xiang: Do you usually also talk like this in real life?

Xiao Jing ya: How could that be!!!

Xiao Jing ya: No matter where I am, I only talk to Gege himself like this ya. = 3=

Xiang: …

Xiang: It's late. Go to bed ba.

Xiao Jing ya: It's only nine o'clock, Gege. Are we just going to go to sleep like that >.<! Why don't we chat some more…

Jing Huan had already been on the desktop version of WeChat for a long time. He was ready to strike while the iron was hot and be even more coquettish.

Xiang: Chat about what.

Jing Huan was happy from the bottom of his heart and immediately typed.

"How about we turn on voice—"

Xiang: Turn on video?

Jing Huan: "…"

?

What?

Are you brave enough to say that to your daddy again??

In the dead of the night! A man and a woman! You want me to video call you?!!

&#k2026;.Shit.

You slag man! Your heart will be punished!!!

Jing Huan took a deep breath and told himself to calm down.

From a certain point of view, Yearning For starting to be interested in his real appearance could also count as great progress… My ass!

Where is he going to get a girl to come video call this slag man!!

Jing Huan subconsciously looked at his legs.

If he added a thinning filter, it seemed like they could pass for girls' legs.

But…

Jing Huan looked up to see the black boxers he was wearing.

If he accidentally moved his hands and exposed his boxers, wouldn't he end up gaining personal experience in 'chasing and killing the pursuit'?

Won't work, won't work.

Xiang Huaizhi took a sip from his glass of water and watched the crazy "typing" prompt at the top of the dialog box. He felt like that was enough and was about to conclude this topic of conversation.

Xiao Jing ya: Ahhhh…. This one also wants to video call with Gege.

Xiao Jing ya: But this one isn't wearing anything right now…

Xiao Jing ya: [covering face] [shy]

"Pfft… Cough, cough, cough… "

Xiang Huaizhi expressionlessly grabbed a paper towel and wiped the water off of himself.

How could he forget that he can't drink water when talking with this person.

Jing Huan skillfully sent out the two messages of "Annoyingggg" and "Gege's so bad", and laughed until the sound controlled lights had shot up to 10.

Stupid slag man, didn't you want to video chat with Laozi.

Come on! Come on!! Who's afraid of who ah!!!

Xiao Jing ya: Ah, Gege, don't get me wrong. I'm just used to sleeping like this, it's a bit more comfortable. QvQ

Xiang Huaizhi thought for a while as he wiped his clothes, boys taking off their clothes to sleep was really normal.

Jing Huan's small and narrow waist that he revealed to him on the basketball court kept popping into his mind and couldn't be swept away.

He had gone crazy.

After washing up, Jing Huan got into his quilt, holding his cellphone and waiting for Yearning For's reply.

He even wondered in his heart how he should have answered if Yearning For really had wanted to video chat with him.

As he was just about to find Lu Wenhao for guidance, a new message popped up in the dialog box.

It was two voice messages.

Jing Huan clicked play, and set his cellphone close to his ear to listen——

"Understood, I'm going to sleep."

"Tuck yourself in tight."

*

The next day, Jing Huan returned to Yearning For's team. The two of them stood by the transporter and waited for the arena to open.

Long Road Ahead and Kiss Kiss Fish Fish's had also formed a team and were standing beside them.

[Current] Long Road Ahead: Yuyu, your Ge's outfit looks good today.

[Current] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Huh? Is it any different from usual….

[Current] Long Road Ahead: Isn't there an extra big green hat today?

[Current] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Oh oh, I see it. What a miserable man.

[Current] Yearning For: ?

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Long Road Ahead, stop being so provocative! I definitely didn't cheat on my Gege!!

[Current] Long Road Ahead: Mmhmm, wasn't it just playing several matches in the arena with another man and losing several dozens of points. It's all good ^^

[Current] Long Road Ahead: Xiangxiang already told me that he has chosen to forgive.

Xiang Huaizhi picked up one of his slippers and threw it at him.

Lu Hang soon paid for his speech. In the arena that night, he faced off against Xiang Huaizhi three times in a row.

"Daddy—" Lu Hang said with an ear splitting voice. "Daddy, it's all your son's fault. Your honorable self has showed off all your exalted skills, please have mercy on me, I'm begging your honorable self!"

Xiang Huaizhi ignored him and coldly beat him to the ground.

[Current] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Sister-in-law [cries], be merciful.

The little fox fairy immediately stood still.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: [nodding]

Xiang Huaizhi paused. "Showing what mercy, do you still want 3000 points or not."

"I still want it," Jing Huan said pitifully. "But I want to be Yuyu's sister-in-law more."

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

Xiang Huaizhi questioned, "You can be bought by someone just casually calling you sister-in-law?"

"Mmhmm." Jing Huan gently said, "If you call me wife once, I'll give you my account as a housewarming gift."

Xiang Huaizhi threw a knife at his cousin, just neatly ending the conversation that way.

Lu Hang lost several times in a row and shouted angrily, "Shit, I lost more than 50 points in one night! It's almost as many points as Xiao Jingjing lost the night she cheated on you!"

Xiang Huaizhi threw his other slipper at him.

Lu Hang expertly dodged his slipper, getting angrier the more he thought about it. "It's not okay; you've made me lose so many points, you have to accompany me to play PUBG, kill people, and vent my anger!"

It also just so happened that they had finished all their instances for the week and had nothing else to do.

"It's you yourself who is inferior."

"So what! I'm weak, but I'm rational!" Lu Hang opened the discussion group. "I'll go to the group and shout around a bit to call over two teammates."

"Wait." Xiang Huaizhi called out to him with an even tone "Just call over one, I have two people here."

"Ah? Well that works, Chichi also said she'll come." Lu Hang quickly opened the PUBG client. "Who did you call? Send me the name, I'll invite him."

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en" sound, when something suddenly occurred to him when he started his ping booster program. "Do you have any extra PUBG accounts?"

When Jing Huan heard the news, he opened the PUBG client so quickly that it seemed he was on fire. He rushed to the in-game mall, and with a few clicks, bought up an outfit with an exaggeratingly small skirt.

He was even moved by himself when he paid the bill.

Be the most dedicated of liars to cheat the slaggiest of slag men.

Half a minute later, a pure female student wearing a white blouse and a gray miniskirt appeared in the game interface.

Xiang Huaizhi was shocked, lifting his eyes to confirm the ID.

… It's "Just Be Happy" alright.

"Just Be Happy…" Lu Hang subconsciously sounded out Jing Huan's game username. "Xiao Jingjing, you really are pretty optimistic."

Jing Huan laughed shyly and secretly rejoiced that he didn't choose "Your Dad Jing" in the past, otherwise he'd have to create a new side account today.

"Gege," just after entering the waiting area, Jing Huan ran to Yearning For and shook his character's head left to right. "I'm very noob… You have to protect me, wuwuwuwu."

Lu Wenhao once said that men usually didn't like girls who were too strong.

The weaker you are, the more protective a man becomes.

Sure enough, Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en" sound. "Don't go too far from me soon."

"It's okay, just casually fight," Lu Hang said. "Taking two girls with us, we can't win the whole match anyway."

Three minutes later, Love is For You to Eat, carrying a spray gun, killed off an entire team. She walked up to Lu Hang, who had been knocked down by the enemy, and asked while reloading ammo. "What did you just say?"

"I said Xiangxiang and I are counting on you to take us to win the entire match." Lu Hang's face didn't change. "Jiejie, please revive me."

Xiang Huaizhi had landed on another building. He knocked down his opponent with a submachine gun and looked back at the person who had been following him this whole time.

He joked. "You don't have to… follow so closely."

Do you think Laozi wants to!!

Jing Huan put on a wronged expression. "Gege, I don't have a gun…"

Xiang Huaizhi paused and gave him the gun that was slung around his shoulder.

After cleaning up all the enemies in the city, the four of them rode a car to the safe area.

Love is For You to Eat glanced at the gun behind Jing Huan and laughed. "Jingjing, why are you still carrying a S686 ah? It's really trash in the later stages. Why didn't you pick up any of those rifles that were everywhere?"

Jing Huan said, "This gun was given to me by Gege. I'm not willing to change it."

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

Love is For You to Eat replied, "Ah, excuse me."

Long Road Ahead bemoaned, "I guessed it a long time ago, so I didn't ask."

Arriving at another city, Jing Huan jumped out of the car and heard a message from his headphones.

"Come here."

Xiang Huaizhi didn't name him, but everyone knew who he was calling.

Jing Huan ran to him with his butt bouncing up and down. "What's the matter la, Gege?"

Xiang Huaizhi dumped a bunch of fully decked out rifles onto the ground.

"You use one of these."

Jing Huan had never thought that Yearning For would give any guns to him and was stunned for a bit.

There's no brotherhood in the game world. In the past, when he and his roommates played PUBG, if they wanted accessories, they had to rely on their hands and sometimes cheat when necessary.

The only time he had seen someone give guns to their companion was when Lu Wenhao was coaxing his little Meimei.

"Why aren't you picking anything up?" Xiang Huaizhi dropped another gun again. "Or, do you like this one?"

Fuck.

How could this slag man be even more skilled than Lu Wenhao!

Jing Huan returned to his senses and randomly picked up a gun. "…. Thank you Gege."

Xiang Huaizhi didn't fuss, gathering up all the guns on the ground and then leaving.

Looking at his back, Jing Huan blurted out, "Wait."

Xiang Huaizhi paused. "What."

What.

Of course, it's rewarding you with a present.

Jing Huan thought about it and pressed down the C key.

"Gege, come here," he whispered. "I'll tell you a secret."

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "This is the team voice chat. You can hear everything without getting close."

Jing Huan whined, "Not good, come hereeee."

Xiang Huaizhi hesitated a bit, but he could already vaguely feel what this person wanted to do.

A few seconds later, Xiang Huaizhi walked over to his side and crouched down with him.

Only to see Jing Huan put away his gun and scoot closer to him, and then scoot even closer.

The two of them were almost stuck together.

The female character in front of him suddenly tilted her head, looking as if she was whispering to him.

"The secret is," Jing Huan said quickly, with a breathy tone, "…I like you."

"…" Sure enough.

Xiang Huaizhi suddenly felt as though his heart had been slightly scratched by this person, and even his ears started to itch.

Where did this secret pop out of?

He was stunned, quietly feeling the trembling feeling at his fingertips, and it took him awhile before he calmly asked, "What did you say, I didn't hear you clearly."

Jing Huan's cheeks were also a little hot.

He attributed it to shyness. After all, normal people would be like this if they lied too.

"I said, I like…"

Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang——

Several shots rang out.

Lu Hang was completely fed up. He used his gun to shoot wildly at the wall.

"Damn it! You guys abuse me in the arena, and now you abuse me in damn PUBG too!" He scolded, "Can you guys not play?!"

—

Juurensha: Waaaah, Huanhuan, why was your first idea to show Yearning For your legs again hahahaha, and then saying you were naked, omg. And poor Lu Hang, stuck eating dogfood all day.

Divi: Real catfishes wouldn't get shy like you, Huanhuan.

And we have a fanart page!

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