Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

After they finished playing PUBG, Lu Hang inexplicably ate a mouthful of dog food. He really couldn't endure this, so after turning off the light and going to bed, he immediately went to the guild chat to expose them.

Long Road Ahead: Damn it! Xiao Jingjing actually said it was a secret! How! Was she pretending that Chichi and I were dead!!?

Don't Ask when I'll Return: Hahahaha, who asked you to call them up?

Peachy Fate: This was just you asking for trouble.

Xiao Tianjing: Omg Long Road Ahead, you were actually eavesdropping >.<!

Long Road Ahead: ???

Long Road Ahead: I'll "m-rder" you.

Xiao Tianjing: Ahhhhhhh Gege QAQ

Yearning For: En.

Xiao Tianjing: Long Road Ahead wants to m-rder me!!

Lu Hang looked up and saw that his bestie roommate was in the same position as him, lying on his side while holding his cellphone in his hand.

"No way, why are you just sneakily staring at the screen and not talking ah, so sullen?" Lu Hang couldn't help asking.

Xiang Huaizhi didn't look up. "I talked."

"Yeah, you only came out when Xiao Jingjing called for you." Lu Hang suddenly asked, "When are you two going to get married?"

Xiang Huaizhi paused in his typing.

"Why should we get married?"

Lu Hang was stunned. "You're already together, and you're not getting married? You don't want to give up the 100 gold for the wedding fee? I'll help you guys out ah."

Hearing the first part of Lu Hang's words, Xiang Huaizhi's heart leaped, but without any fluctuations in his voice, he said, "We're not together."

"Not…" Lu Hang couldn't help sitting up. "Not together? Then what were you two whispering about just now??"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "They've always been like this."

"Yeah, she's always been like that, but you also walked over there ah. Didn't you yourself crouch in front of them to listen…"

Looking at his cellphone screen in silence, Xiang Huaizhi seemed to be seriously reading, but actually, he hadn't read a word of the chat on the screen.

It really was that he had walked over there himself.

It wasn't because he was helpless, and it also wasn't because he was trying to compromise. It was that he had wanted to go over there, wanted to lean in close and wanted to know what whispering words that person had for him.

On the other hand, Lu Hang was still prattling on. "You even gave her two guns! Usually, when I even ask you for some bullets, you tell me to scram."

Xiang Huaizhi was distracted and was about to interrupt when he saw the familiar pink profile picture appear on the screen.

Xiao Tianjing: Asking a question~ Around when will the All the Lovers event start ya? (^▽^*)

Regardless of Lovesickness: It's said to be at the end of the month.

Lu Hang continued, "And there was that thing with Wheat's Number One Fan…"

"What's the All the Lovers event?" Xiang Huaizhi interrupted him.

"Ah?" Lu Hang was stunned. "You're kidding ba, you don't even know about that? It's the event that can increase the intimacy levels between husbands and wives ah."

Xiang Huaizhi of course knew the content of the event, but he didn't know its name.

He said "Oh" and continued to read the guild group chat.

Jing Huan had already started chatting with all the guild members. He actually didn't hang out in the guild group chat often, but whenever he spoke, he could always cannonball in and bring all the other members out. That's just what he was like. As long as he wanted to, he could grow extremely familiar with anyone.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: @Xiao Tianjing, heard that Qiufeng took you to the arena and gave away points for the entire night. Did you end up breaking up with him?

Xiao Tianjing: Why do you know everything…

Qiufeng: @Chunxiao, help me kick out this Return, not even getting into the gossip, he’s provoking my and Xiao Jingjing’s relationship.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: No ah, what's the relationship between you two?

Xiao Tianjing: Relationship between friends ah&#k2026;..

Qiufeng: It's a relationship between friends right now, but I'm not sure in the future. [shy]

Xiao Tianjing: ??

Don't Ask when I'll Return: Speaking of that, why were you guys alone in YY that night? NCH's voice channel couldn't satisfy you two any more??

Qiufeng: Don't ask. Asking is just wanting to be sent to the small dark room.

Xiao Tianjing: He said the game wasn’t recognizing his microphone.

Love is For You to Eat: You even believed that&#k2026;

Lu Hang was also looking at group chat and couldn't help saying, "Qiufeng is really vixenish."

Xiang Huaizhi had closed the guild group chat and had opened the chat with the pink profile picture.

Xiang: No class tomorrow?

Xiao Jing ya: Still have class, two in the morning. T▽T

Xiang: Then go to sleep.

Xiao Jing ya: Okaaaay Gege o(*°▽°*)o let's sleep together~~

Xiao Jing ya: Rub rub.

Xiang Huaizhi looked at these two sentences back and forth, before finally replying with a "good night" without any punctuation. Then, he got out of bed, picked up the water cup on the table, and drank half a cup of boiled water.

In the guild group chat.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: Such an obvious lie, and Xiao Tianjing actually believed it, what does it mean?

Peachy Fate: It means if you keep BBing, you will be chased down and killed by God Xiang tomorrow.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: That won't happen, if God Xiang wanted to kill me, he would've killed me a long time ago. If they haven't acted in so long, then they really don't have anything against me.

Qiufeng: Haha, you're right.

Xiao Tianjing: That's because my Gege is a good person! Not chatting with any of you anymore! (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

Don't Ask when I'll Return: No ah, keep chatting.

Xiao Tianjing: No! Gege urged me to go beddy-bye! Wave wave~

Is Gege Big: ?

Don't Ask when I'll Return: ….

Long Road Ahead: ….???

Lu Hang looked at the person opposite his bed with a complicated expression.

So, exactly what kind of fun feelings was his roommate playing at?

I kill for you, take you to get points, give you guns, listen to you whisper, urge you to sleep, but I know that we're just friends?

—

During the weekend, Jing Huan went to a restaurant with his roommates.

Jing Huan could clearly feel the dignified atmosphere at the dinner table. The two other boys sat opposite him and ate with their heads down.

When Lu Wenhao raised his hand to ask for a fourth bowl of rice, Jing Huan finally put down his chopsticks. "What, do you want to eat and empty out all the rice in this place today?"

"You don't understand," Lu Wenhao took the rice from the waiter. "We need to increase our physical strength."

"You already have so much physical strength that it's about to spill out." Jing Huan said. "What exactly is going on?"

Gao Zixiang wiped his mouth with a paper towel. "The server integration notice is going out tonight."

"Tonight? Are you sure?" Jing Huan raised his eyebrows. "Which server are you merging with?"

"Don't know yet." Gao Zixiang looked at his watch. "The announcement is at eight. There are ten minutes left."

Lu Wenhao chewed his food and vaguely said, "The server will be closed precisely at 12 o'clock and then open again at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. It'll definitely be a fierce battlefield then. We probably won't have time to come out for dinner the next few days."

Jing Huan actually thought it was alright. "Isn't a server integration pretty good? It's only fun with more people."

Their server wasn't a very popular server either. In the arena, you always kept getting matched against the same set of people, and sometimes it was kind of boring.

"Yeah." Gao Zixiang sighed, "There's probably going to be corpses everywhere in the wild maps after this server integration. If it's not the assassin groups competing for business, it'll be the guilds fighting for first place."

At 7:59, cellphones were all carefully placed on the dining table. Lu Wenhao's and Gao Zixiang's faces were very serious, and they nervously refreshed NCH's official website.

Jing Huan laughed. "Is this necessary…"

"You don't understand. Our guild leader said that we must seize the rights to develop potion materials in the main city." Gao Zixiang said, "If, after the server integration, a big strong guild comes by… Then wouldn't that mean we have to battle it out for three days and three nights?"

"Holy shit!" Lu Wenhao clicked on the new game announcement, excitedly grabbing a corner of Gao Zixiang's clothing. "It's coming out, it's coming out—open up faster ah holy shit!"

"Don't you fucking rip my clothes," said Gao Zixiang. "Weren't you just prepared to click it?"

So inexperienced.

Jing Huan chuckled and dipped his head to drink some tea to relieve his fatigue.

"In order to improve the game experience of the players, the server integration system has been officially launched… NCH's first server integration details are as follows: the merging servers are Heaven Grants Conjugal Felicity… Fuck, it's really our server," Lu Wenhao said while cursing, "and Illusion server?"

Jing Huan nearly choked to death on his tea

Lu Wenhao who was looking at it also thought something was wrong and frowned. "Illusion? Why do I think the name of this server is so familiar?"

He and Gao Zixiang looked at each other, and then looked over at the person across from them.

Jing Huan covered his mouth, coughing until his neck was red.

Fuck.

Motherfucker.

Does God just hate me???

Gao Zixiang immediately sat down next to him and clapped his back. His expression was complicated. "Just from hearing the server name… is it worth getting that angry?"

Jing Huan shook his head while his ears turned red. "No, I……"

"Fuck! Huanhuan, you can rest assured." Lu Wenhao thought carefully and slapped the table. "Your Jiejie is our Jiejie! I couldn't do anything for you before since we weren't in the same server, but now I have a chance. I will help you make God Xiang… make things completely clear between you and Yearning For!"

Jing Huan sputtered out, "You don't have to…"

"Hao'er is right!" Gao Zixiang nodded repeatedly. "We must let him know that bullying girls comes at a price. If he bullies our Jiejie, he will die!"

Jing Huan replied, "It's actually not that serious…"

"And there's also the one who posted all those megaphones cursing your Jiejie, do you want to kill them?" Lu Wenhao raised his hand and said, "If you say it, it will be done!"

Jing Huan denied, "Really, it's not necessary…"

"That's right!" Gao Zixiang said excitedly, "Huanhuan, if that doesn't get rid of your anger, I'll lend you an account and you can go together with us to kill him, how about it?!"

"I may not be free…" Jing Huan got his breath back and gently reminded him. "I understand your intentions, but can you really kill Yearning For?"

"Come on, you're actually looking down on us?" Lu Wenhao said. "Can't beat him one on one, but if we team up, eventually we can, right?"

Jing Huan originally wanted to say that it wasn't quite appropriate, but he swallowed his words back down.

No, what wasn't appropriate? Killing people already wasn't something where you talked about fairness.

If he hadn't been unable to operate all of them, he would have already bought five accounts to surround Yearning For with.

But.

But now, he just thought that five against one wasn't decent; it was really just bullying at that point.

It must've been because he had been hunted down and killed so often that he would have this point of view now.

Jing Huan said with great emphasis, "Even then, you guys can only kill him once. After being killed, Yearning For will definitely be on guard. What will you do when he sets up a team to fight back?"

"It's okay, in any case, we're part of the server battle team, which of us is that easy to kill?" Lu Wenhao snorted. "It's actually good for him to chase after us trying to kill us. We can definitely win once in ten times, right? And then, we blow up his divine artifact. Wouldn't that be even cooler!"

Jing Huan internally thought, don't even mention ten times, after 20 times, you guys still might not be able to kill him.

The two good friends who usually didn't bother to strain themselves, after the meal, had already discussed 72 ways of Yearning For dying. Jing Huan, the client, sat opposite, unable to put in a word.

Before parting, Gao Zixiang patted him on the shoulder and said, "Huanhuan, you can rest assured. We're bros, and I will avenge you. Just wait for my good news."

"…"

Jing Huan absently returned home.

He collapsed on the sofa and slowly opened WeChat.

The guild group chat had already exploded because of the server integration.

Chunxiao: I've asked someone to go investigate, Promise is the top guild in the Heaven Grants Conjugal Felicity server. Their leader has arranged a team and is ready to attack us at any time. So after opening the integration tomorrow, don't leave the safe zone alone! Team up everyday! At the same time, our guild can't just wait for death. We can't give up the right to develop potions in the main city, and the title of top guild can't be taken away! I have already arranged the assassination team. The list is distributed in the group, so everyone take a look. This is an emergency, and I hope you can work together to help the guild get through these difficulties! @All members

Chunxiao was also a ruthless person. The assassination team had been arranged within an hour after the news of the server integration came out.

It could only be said that at this time, the two servers were not planning peace talks.

There were a lot of comments below, but Jing Huan was too lazy to scroll through it and read it again.

Fuck.

Trash NCH.

The game had been live for ten years, but they had to do a server integration right now.

He laid on the sofa for a while, and when he came back to his senses, he found that he had clicked open his chat with Yearning for.

Their last chat record was before dinner. Yearning For had said that he was going to go play basketball, and Jing Huan had replied with a heart and a pair of red lips.

Now that he had opened it, he had to say something,

Xiao Tianjing: Gege, our server is going to be integrated with Heaven Grants Conjugal Felicity…

Xiao Tianjing: Based on what the deputy leader is saying, our guild will be fighting against the top guild from that server. I'm so scaaaaared ahhh T▽T…..

The moment the message was sent out, a prompt of "speaking" appeared above the other person's profile picture.

Ten seconds later, the voice message came.

"I know." The boy was panting a bit, his voice was deep and powerful as always, especially clear despite the noise in the background. "What are you afraid of? I'm here, so no one can kill you."

…

Stupid slag man.

It's already hard for you to protect yourself, yet you still worry about me.

Jing Huan internally mocked him, then clicked on the voice message and listened to it again.

—

Juurensha: So tsundere Huanhuan hahahaha

Divi: LMAO. Wonder what Hao'er and Xiang'er are going to think when they find out Huanhuan is XTJ… But also, repeating the message again hehehe.

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