Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan's parents were both workaholics, with his mother being a bit more so. However, after work, the couple's concern for their child had never declined, and they made sure to even take a few holidays for family travel every year.

After Jing Huan went off to university, there was much less time for the family to get together.. This semester, they had only been able to see each other through video calls, so even Mama Jing, who had always been calm, couldn't help nagging.

Mama Jing frowned and looked at him. "Why are you wearing so little?"

"Three layers, it's enough." Jing Huan said, "Let's go, I'll treat you to dinner."

Baba Jing listened and laughed, nodding. "Okay."

"What would you like to eat?" Jing Huan asked.

"Let's just eat at the restaurant that you eat at most often," Mama Jing answered.

Of course, Jing Huan wouldn't take his parents to eat at the 10 yuan a bowl golden chicken stew shop. After thinking about it, he decided to go to the nearby Cantonese restaurant.

Turning around, he met Xiang Huaizhi's gaze again.

Jing Huan raised his eyebrows in surprise, still smiling, and even stopped by his side when he walked back.

"Ge, aren't you going shopping?"

Xiang Huaizhi stood there quietly, his eyes lingering on the three of them for a few seconds.

They looked too alike.

"En, going right away." He nodded to the two people behind Jing Huan. "Hello auntie and uncle."

Mama Jing's mouth raised into a smile. "Hello, are you Jing Huan's classmate?"

"Mom, this is my senior, Xiang Huaizhi." Jing Huan didn't like to listen to these polite pleasantries, so he interrupted them, "Ge, this is my mom…"

"Biological mom?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

There was a moment of silence that lingered in the air.

Xiang Huaizhi only then realized that his question was a bit strange.

He pursed his lips and had wanted to apologize when Mama Jing covered her mouth and chuckled.

"Yes, biological mom…" Jing Huan also laughed, "And this is my dad, my biological dad!"

Looking down at the couple's joined hands, Xiang Huaizhi said, "I'm sorry, it's because both of you look so young."

After a brief chat, Jing Huan took his parents away.

Xiang Huaizhi quietly bid them farewell, his gaze was always pinned on Jing Huan.

Xiang Huaizhi had once guessed before that Jing Huan's parents should be pretty well off, otherwise he wouldn't spend tens of thousands of yuan to buy a game account. It was just that at this time, he and his parents had quarreled, so he had no money to spend.

However, he had completely ignored the fact that the last few times they had met, Jing Huan had been wearing limited edition shoes of different styles.

For example, today's pair had come out in the last two months and were even hard to get abroad. During this period, Jing Huan was supposedly in a cold war with his family, and with his living expenses of 200 yuan a week, he couldn't afford to buy them at all.

Last time, when he was trying to hunt down and kill Wheat's Number One Fan, Jing Huan had been so angry that he even bought several purple equipment, which added up to at least five figures.

Who was willing to spend tens of thousands of yuan to buy game equipment when working nights at a convenience store?

These details were not unnoticed by Xiang Huaizhi; he could even recall them clearly.

He had just never considered these things more deeply.

He had never thought that Jing Huan would trick him.

Up until now, he still couldn't think of a reason for why Jing Huan had lied to him.

After a moment, Xiang Huaizhi looked away, turned around, and walked back to the school.

*

After dinner with his parents, Jing Huan returned home with a cup of milk tea.

After putting the milk tea in the refrigerator, he took out his cellphone and sent a message to the dorm group chat.

Xiao Jing ya: @Gao Zixiang, your mother asked my mother to bring you a large jar of pickles. When are you free to come and get them?

Gao Zixiang: What? Auntie is here?? Why didn't you tell me, I would have invited them to dinner ah.

Xiao Jing ya: Come on, what places are there to invite them to in this waste place.

Lu Wenhao: Tch, you still should've said something ah. Xiang'er has always told me that your mother is very beautiful, and I've always wanted to see her.

Xiao Jing ya: Do you also want to see my dad's fist?

Lu Wenhao: 886

Gao Zixiang: But how did they end up choosing this time to come over.

Jing Huan sneered, laid on the sofa, crossed his legs, took a photo of the object he just got and sent it to the group.

Xiao Jing ya: Nothing, just came to give me a birthday present. [Photo]

The picture was of a car key with a blue and white logo.

Gao Zixiang: ?

Lu Wenhao: ???

The two of them sent over enough question marks to fill up two pages.

Jing Huan looked at his cellphone, happy without spending any effort.

Posturing was really fun, he hadn't even been this happy when he had gotten the gift.

Gao Zixiang: What about the car?! Where did you put it?

Xiao Jing ya: In the garage at home.

Lu Wenhao: The car isn't even here, what's the use of just having the keys?

Xiao Jing ya: Can't I just pin it to my waist like an accessory?

Lu Wenhao: Get out of here. If you take this key out of the house, I'll take your surname.

Xiao Jing ya: You're just seizing the chance to get the same surname as me, I'm definitely not giving you the opportunity.

After sending this sentence, Jing Huan purposefully left the key on the table.

It really was impossible for him to take this thing out, it was just fun for him to joke about it in the dorm group chat.

All three of them in the dorm had pretty good family situations, no one was short of a BMW. Just now, acting so exaggerated was just putting on a show for him.

Gao Zixiang: How would you like to celebrate your birthday this year?

Xiao Jing ya: Not celebrating, what 20+ year-old man celebrates his birthday?

Gao Zixiang: You're not celebrating your twenties, so you want to wait until you're 70 to have a big celebration then?

"…."

Jing Huan lazily typed.

Xiao Jing ya: Suggest something.

Lu Wenhao: I heard that a farmhouse opened up in Linbei, and it's especially delicious. The owner has a boat, so you can fish by the sea during the day, pick vegetables in the field, and eat on the boat at night with a sea breeze. How about it?

Xiao Jing ya: We're spending money to go fishing and pick vegetables??

Gao Zixiang: Have you picked vegetables before?

Xiao Jing ya: No.

Gao Zixiang: Then, of course, you have to try it. This will probably be the only field you pick in this lifetime anyway.

Damn it.

He actually thought it made some sense.

Jing Huan's head leaned against the sofa cushion, and he hesitated for a long time before agreeing.

Lu Wenhao: Then, I'm calling now to make a reservation. It's very busy, we can't get on the ship without booking in advance. Just the three of us, right?

Jing Huan typed out the word "En" and suddenly thought of something, then deleted it.

Xiao Jing ya: Wait a bit, I'll ask someone else.

Xiang Huaizhi was weeding when he received the message.

The small house had been in disrepair for a long time, and there were many weeds outside. Weed a few today, there were still more tomorrow.

Xiao Jing ya: Ge, are you free on Tuesday?

Xiang Huaizhi: Yes.

Xiao Jing ya: How about going to a farm together?

Xiao Jing ya: [shared: Linbei and Happy Farmhouse welcomes you to visit] This place.

Xiang Huaizhi didn't even bother opening the link.

Xiang Huaizhi: OK.

Xiao Jing ya: By the way, please ask if Lu Ge will come. It's my treat.

Xiang Huaizhi: No need, AA.

Xiao Jing ya: No, it's my birthday, of course, I'm paying. If you guys can come, that's good enough.

Xiang Huaizhi: …

Xiang Huaizhi: Understood.

Jing Huan sat in front of the computer, scrolling up and down the chat. A strange feeling welled up in his heart.

He found that, ever since he got the idea that Yearning For and Xiang Huaizhi were very similar, he couldn't help but compare the two.

Then, he found that their voices were alike, their names were similar, even their tone of voice was very similar.

A WeChat prompt interrupted his thoughts.

Chunxiao: @Guild, we won. In the next two months, the right to collect potions in the main city will still belong to our Idle Pavilion. Promise's guild leader has also said that they will not compete with us in the future. We won the war! Appreciate everyone's hard work! Sending out bonuses tonight! The teams on duty during this period will also be rewarded accordingly!

Seeing the news, Jing Huan was relieved. They finally didn't have to stay on the Silk Road every night.

As soon as he logged into the game, he received several system prompts to remind him to go enter the guild to collect his bonus.

At this time, the guild treasury was full of people who had come to collect their money. The little fox fairy pushed forward through the crowd and clicked on the guild manager's dialog box.

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing got 500 gold for "Captain Reward".

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing got 100 gold for "Idle Pavilion is Awesome Reward".

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing got 100 gold for "Participation Reward".

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing got 100 gold for "Idle Pavilion is Awesome Reward."

…

The words "Xiao Tianjing" had completely occupied the guild chat channel.

[Guild] Peachy Fate: ?? Why do you have so many rewards?!

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: Ah? Doesn't everyone get several?

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: Everyone gets three ah, you… actually got eight?!

Jing Huan was stupefied and scrolled up to have a look. The others really only got three.

[Guild] Floating Down: I saw that several rewards overlapped, and Xiao Tianjing didn't seem to be the team leader. Did Chunxiao make a mistake?

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: Let me go ask. >.<

[Guild] Chunxiao: No mistake. Your husband's share is there.

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: …

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: What… Although we are married, our property is still separated! I'll give it back to you, please send it to him separately ba. T▽T

[Guild] Chunxiao: He told me to give it all to you before. You should coordinate as husband and wife ba.

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: …

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: [lemon]

[Guild] Affectionate in Silence: I eat [lemon]

The chatbox was filled with lemons.

It seemed that Yearning For had blocked the guild chat since he never appeared. Jing Huan moved his mouse to the other man's profile and saw the other man's coordinates.

When he flew home, Yearning For had just cut down a weed and was throwing it in the basket behind him.

Jing Huan: "…"

The dignified and lofty God of War had been reduced to doing this.

Great god, you really like loli voices.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Gege, stop weeding… We don't play with the housing system that much anyway.

Xiang Huaizhi didn't actually like cleaning up the yard, he just needed to ponder on things for the time being, and weeding didn't require any brainpower.

Seeing Xiao Tianjing, he tossed the basket on his back onto the ground and didn't speak.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: I helped collect the guild money for you. Turn on the money receiving setting, and I'll toss it to you.

[Current] Yearning For: Keep it.

Before, Xiang Huaizhi had been worried that he didn't have any money to spend, so he had told Chunxiao to send everything to his account.

Now it could be a birthday present.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: No way >.< it's your money.

[Current] Yearning For: Let's go do instances.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: …

Wasn't this topic changing too quickly?

The team invitation jumped out, and Jing Huan agreed and tried to toss the money at him.

[Yearning For has closed the setting of receiving money, transfer failed. ]

Jing Huan: "…"

Forget it.

In the future, this setting will eventually be turned on, and he will return it next time.

Five people teamed up in the main city, ready to go do NCH's most difficult instances.

After preparing advanced potions and items, their group walked to the instance emissary.

Jing Huan was holding his chin, heart wilting and in a daze. Yearning For never opened his mouth again after they left their house. All the lies he had used to cover up for the whole situation with his side account, he's not sure if Yearning For believed him or not…

[Instance Emissary: Team member Xiao Tianjing is pregnant. Fierce fighting may cause damage to the player's body! Do you want to continue? Yes, No. ]

Jing Huan's thoughts diffused into the horizon so he stared at the dialog box for a long time and didn't understand its meaning.

It wasn't until Yearning For left the team that he suddenly recovered and sat up straight.

Before he could say anything, his friends notifications lit up.

[Couple] Yearning For: Leave the team, we're not doing it.

—

Juurensha: ….PREGNANT???

Divi: Oh no, now there's gonna be a child to think about if they have drama. LOL

Fanart by Innbray of when Huanhuan found out XHZ wasn't a slag man:

And of when he still had 30 more reasons left in his book to slander himself with:

And we have a fanart page!

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