Infinite Life: Trapped in a lifetime

Fifty years later.

Mo Dao knew that he had fallen into a paranoid state,

Knowing that there is no point in doing this.

But he still did it.

He will have completed his goal, this life of the Kerna hero,

Almost completely reproduced.

In a way, this is in extreme pain,

a tendency towards self-destruction,

It's like being careful and still breaking something important in your hand,

Even if they know it will be worse, many people will choose to pick up broken things and throw them heavily on the ground to make them break even more.

I don't know that this approach is disadvantageous.

It will only make him fall into more painful situations.

But what does it matter...he has a long enough time...even if he really goes crazy, he will wake up during this long time here.

…

Do not count the retracement of failures during the process.

The second time in the life of the brave man Kerner,

This year, Mo Dao was sixty-eight years old.

She has been married to Qin Huaishi for six years.

On this day,

It was the day after Qin Huaishi and Mo Dao returned from traveling for a while.

Qin Huaishi woke up in the morning and found that

Mo Dao was not by his side.

Qin Huaishi, who has a stable biological clock and wakes up at about the same time every day, has become accustomed to having Mo Dao next to her when she wakes up every day.

Mo Dao would often wake up soon after she woke up.

Qin Huaishi got up from the bed, put on her shoes, and walked out of the bedroom.

Then I saw Mo Dao in the living room.

now,

Mo Dao, who is already old,

His gray hair and young and upright body were now a little rickety.

He lowered his head and sat on the sofa,

I don’t know what I’m thinking about,

Even though Qin Huaishi was approaching, he didn't seem to notice.

Qin Huaishi didn't know how to describe Mo Dao's appearance at this moment.

This spiritual leader in the hearts of young people in Kerna,

Mo Dao, who is always calm and can always point the way in the long dark night,

At this moment, it seems a bit 'frail'

"Why did you get up so early?"

Qin Huaishi did not directly ask Mo Dao what happened.

He just walked over and sat next to Mo Dao.

Talking to Mo Dao about some lighthearted things again,

Even though Mo Dao didn't answer, he just listened quietly the whole time.

She knew that Mo Dao wouldn't get tired of her talking,

Because she, too, never gets tired of Mo Dao's words.

After finishing speaking,

Qin Huaishi accompanied Mo Dao and sat next to Mo Dao.

The two of them blew the cool breeze outside the window, enjoying the quietness of the moment.

I sat like this until noon.

After waiting for the life assistant to prepare lunch, they asked the two of them to eat.

Qin Huaishi reminded Mo Dao,

After knowing that Mo Dao didn't want to eat, there was no need to let Mo Dao have lunch.

Mo Dao wanted to be quiet for a while, so she stayed with Mo Dao to be quiet so that no one would disturb him.

That's it,

Until evening.

Mo Dao asked Qin Huaishi a strange question.

"...Huai Shi, a person is locked in a completely closed room with no windows or doors, and absolutely soundproofed."

"In front of him, there is only a drawing board that turns into white paper again every once in a while. The only thing he can do is draw on the white paper. What do you think he will do?"

This question is very strange,

Qin Huaishi didn't know the reason why Mo Dao asked this question.

But she still thought carefully and gave her answer,

"At the beginning, you should feel novel. Because of the magical effect of this paper, you should be very interested in drawing something on it, and then wait for it to turn into white paper again."

"Then, when you finally draw a satisfactory painting on the white paper, and then the white paper resets, you may feel tired."

"And then there's probably a lot of anger and a lot of frustration... because the truth is, no matter what he does on a blank sheet of paper, he's not going to make any difference to it."

"He will always become a blank slate."

Qin Huaishi replied thoughtfully.

Mo Dao nodded and then stopped talking about this topic.

"...Let's eat, it might be a little late."

…

The third life of Kerner's brave man.

Eighty-eight years old,

I don’t know the afternoon when the countdown in front of me reached zero.

His overwhelmed body could no longer support his thinking.

From being light to being heavy again, it's like pulling away and not being able to feel the heavy breathing like a broken bellows.

Death, while still conscious, is undoubtedly a painful process.

But the physical pain, for Mo Dao,

It is still far different from the mental pain of falling into an endless abyss.

"Huai Shi, I feel so uncomfortable."

"It's okay, I will be there, I will always be there."

"..."

…

The fourth life of Kerner's brave man.

Mo Dao is seventy years old.

On a journey to climb high and look far,

On the somewhat lonely and quiet mountain top, accompanied by the wind passing through the mountain stream,

Mo Dao asked Miss Qin Huaishi another strange question.

"...Poetry."

"If a person's life is like painting on a piece of white paper that is constantly reset, after a certain period of time, it will return to the starting point."

"No matter what he does, nothing can be changed. Everything is in vain. What should we do?"

Sitting on a rock on the top of the mountain, Mo Dao and Qin Huaishi were talking.

Qin Huaishi looked at Mo Dao.

This question is very strange.

Somewhat like a philosophical question.

But Qin Huaishi still thought about Mo Dao's question very seriously.

"If the time scale of the process is enough for a person to complete a painting of life...then perhaps a more ambitious goal should be set."

"Because in a long time, any goal can eventually be achieved."

"...But this process should be painful. No matter what he does, it is in vain...Everything he does can only please himself for a short time. It should be very lonely."

Qin Huaishi thought about it, smiled again,

She gave Mo Dao the answer to a question.

"...But there is a way out of this problem."

"Life is futile."

"We will all die. When we close our eyes forever, we can't see the traces we left in this world."

"No matter what we do in this world, when we leave this world, there is no way to come back here, and we can't see the world we changed."

"Is this futile?"

"So the dilemma of the people in this question is never to keep coming back."

"His coming back is just a death."

"What makes everything in vain for him is time. What traps him is space and time. It's not coming back."

"The meaning of life is not to pursue the ending."

"What comes back is the opportunity to make continuous corrections. The pain is just because a person who seems to have unlimited time is trapped in a limited time."

Qin Huaishi smiled and said to Mo Dao.

Mo Dao turned his head and looked at his girl Qin Huaishi.

He paused for a while, then smiled.

"What do you think of my answer?"

Qin Huaishi asked Mo Dao with a smile.

"Very good."

"... But if there really is such a person. Even if he can figure out this sentence, it shouldn't be of much use."

"In a long and repetitive life, the pain felt is real, and it won't be reduced simply because of a sentence."

"Even if coming back is equivalent to death, each death added together is painful enough."

Qin Huaishi said again.

Mo Dao smiled and said nothing more.

...

The familiar feeling of falling.

Mo Dao opened his eyes again,

and returned to the high school classroom when he was 18 years old.