My Little Pony: My Little Pony The Martian

Mission Log – HERMES Mission Day 754

The Twinkle Engine is running fine, and this time it will be able to continue to operate well at a stable level even if it has to move the entire Hermes. In two days we will arrive at the location and start several rounds of aerodynamic deceleration. This means that if everything goes well, we can land within a week.

During the weeks I've been on Pony Planet, I've spent a lot of time thinking. This planet is very different from Earth. Although it has many countries and a variety of intelligent life, it is surprisingly empty compared to Earth. Cities are built in the clouds, huge castles are located on cliffs, and so on.

But from a more fundamental perspective, this place really looks a lot like Earth.

I saw underground caves and a changeling castle under construction. I rode a balloon piloted by Cherry Berry to the pony version of Las Vegas. I met the Dragon King and the Princess of Friendship. I watched two ponies actually raise and lower the sun and moon. I tasted an apple that, if grown on Earth, would drive all other varieties out of the market in ten years.

Yet the ponies, changelings, dragons, and other creatures that populate the area are similar to the people on Earth. Some are jerks, but most are good, and if they see a friend in trouble, they'll do their best to help.

I'm still alive today because of the countless people on two planets and in two different universes who did everything they could to save me, as were Cherry Berry, Starlight Glimmer, Fireball, Dragonite, and Spitfire. NASA equipment, their work on Pathfinder and the mobile home they designed, Pony Space Agency magical technology, guidance on spellcasting, and of course, the all-important rescue effort.

I may never see my pony friends on Mars again, but the year and a half I spent with them gave me a hopeful vision for our future—and the future of our universe. We encountered alien life and found that they had a lot in common with us. We learned each other's language, shared our cultures and humor, and took risks together. We had the same ideals, the same values, and the same emotions.

Our next contact with extraterrestrial life may not be so lucky. But my experience proves that we will find a way. After all, we are still human, and if we don't learn to cooperate and treat each other with courtesy in the first place, it will be a waste of time to build a society that can reach the stars. Honesty, generosity, loyalty, kindness and laughter - these are not just virtues. They are essential requirements.

I don't think we need to worry about the Klingons. No matter how pessimistic we are, we should still worry about ourselves. There are many stains in our human history; but I also believe that things will get better and better.

Now that I am finally coming home after two years in space, I know that I will always be grateful for this experience in my life. I was lucky enough to be a part of the greatest adventure imaginable, and to share this adventure with five amazing people; and we got through it all together by working together and trying to be each other's best friends.

I'm thankful that this happened, and thankful that it's finally fucking over.

Goodbye friends, thank you.

Mark Watney

Written on NASA's Hermes spacecraft

2037 December 7

Dear Mark,

Thanks for writing in! It's great to see that the Enchanted Journal works across worlds! I was worried that the low mana levels there would cause the enchantment to fail, but that seems to be overstated since I can obviously see what you write in your book!

Life is slowly getting back to normal here. I no longer break teeth when using a spoon, and I no longer pull the bolt off a door when I use magic to open it. I'm also helping Twilight Sparkle research Fireball's computer. She thinks she can use a spell a little more complex than the ones we use to enchant the TV to replicate the computer's operating system—and even network multiple devices across Equestria! (Although we're also trying to be careful not to attract a couple of unicorn brothers to our house to pry about what's going on...)

It's a shame that you didn't get to show us around Earth the way we showed you around Equestria, but at the same time, I'm glad I didn't get to go. We were gone for way too long. For example, I still have a lot of ponies who haven't seen me in the past year and a half who come to catch up. There's not a day that I don't see something or some place that I can't help but think, "I'm not on Mars anymore."

The worst part is that when I'm casting a spell, I get panicky because there's no battery anywhere and I think I'm going to get drained again - or worse - and I scare myself to death. But now I have Twilight and Spike to help me with my mental health. I don't know what I'd do without them - I'd probably try to take over the world again.

Those wild magic crystals seem to like the environment here in Equestria. The other magic in the castle is too strong for the rainbow enchantments to stay there, but my friend Maud (you remember her, right) likes the touch of color they add to her home. Of course, we'll keep them in a controlled environment until we can figure out how to erase the enchantments if they mutate or get out of control. Discord said he'd be happy to take over from us if that ever happened, but... we'll see!

Glad to hear your landing went well. Remember to write often!

starry

Dear Mark,

No, I'm not jealous of all the hot women throwing themselves at you over there. After all, they'll never get to experience what we two have together, right? No matter what happens, we'll always have Hazzard County!

Thank you for asking about my situation. Physically, I am much better than before. My stamina is gradually returning. I even went to Feihuo's place a few times to work out with her. She is also getting better, but she is not satisfied with her condition. We both want to recapture our former peak performances.

Mental aspects are another matter. Well, I'm better now - I don't hear weird voices anymore. (My queen didn't even laugh when I told her about this though. She was actually quite interested in the dream I had when I was emerging from my cocoon.) But... how should I put it... I don't like my fellow changelings as much as I used to.

To be honest (don’t tell my queen!) I am planning on moving out.

I haven't really decided to leave yet because there are some changelings here that I'd like to get along with. For example, the family is pretty good, and then there's Zhi Cricket, and a few others... But I feel that there are too many changelings like my brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts, and so on, who are still a bunch of monsters, just like in our dark history that we haven't completely gotten over. They still simply see ponies as food or natural enemies, and nothing else. And I don't want to get along with them anymore, because I feel that if I choose to stay, I might go back to my old ways.

My queen is kind of in between. She still talks about conquests, and either pony rule or changeling rule, and there's no room for two tigers on one mountain... but she says hello to Cherryberry every day. And then there are the other ponies, like Moondancer from the ESA, who she respects and maybe even likes. I always wonder who the real Cocoon is... which is probably one of the reasons why she's the queen and I'm not.

But the biggest reason why I'm still here is that I want to go to the sky again. Even if there's only one chance, I want to fly again, just to prove that the last time was not the end. And, I actually want to know if I can still hear those voices if I return to a far enough deep space.

That's right, it seems that my mental recovery is not as good as I thought. If I were mentally normal, I wouldn't want to hear strange voices in my head. I'll let you know if there are any changes in the future.

As for now, I'm also training a new horse for future missions - one of my sisters, named Ocellus. She's actually very smart, but she's so shy that you'd never know it. Oh, and do you believe she even went to school to get a degree at Twilight Sparkle's school? (I can't believe the Queen let her go! And I can't believe she let her come back later!)

When your people find a way to come over, don't forget to tell me! I really want to see you again! (Get what I mean?)

dragonfly

Dear Mark,

I have a plant now. It's a cactus. I named it Venkat because it's a thorn. It sits on the windowsill above the box where I keep my treasure.

I'm taking classes at the University of Manehattan. I don't know what degree I want to pursue yet, but it seems like something interesting. Before my time on Mars, I would have never thought that I would be interested in a pony-run school.

Whatever happens next, when I'm done with my studies here I'll be a useful dragon to everyone - ponies, dragons, or whatever. I won't have to settle for being just the guy who carries stuff. I'll be making a difference. Something I don't know what it will be yet.

I went to see Bugs last week. She's doing fine. Maybe the five of us can get together once a month. We're still trying to decide whether to go to Friendship Point, Canterlot, or Ponyville. Spitfire and Berryberry would be annoyed by the large crowds of ponies if they came to Manehattan.

I wish we were still the six of us. I feel like I might have some quartz with my lunch today to remind me of Mars. Not everything is bad. Maybe you can have some potatoes to remember us, too.

See you later.

Fireball

mark,

Thanks for writing to me. Sorry for my poor English. I don't practice. I practice flying.

The practice was hard. One hundred wing push-ups, twelve laps around the field, and then flying. Still too slow. Really too slow. All the sparks were stolen from me.

But I remember what you said: If I give up, Mars wins. So I keep trying. I'll be a Wonderbolt again.

I wish you all the best with your what-is-a-thesis paper.

Flying fire

Dear Mark,

Congratulations, Dr. Watney! You definitely deserve this degree!

How's the training of astronauts? Right now I'm helping CSP train a new generation of astronauts. I'm not sure I'm ready to fly again just yet. I'm not in any rush. I know you wanted to see Mars, but I've never been interested in seeing other worlds. I just want to fly. But, because I want to fly, I've visited four different worlds now, and that's all the ponies really care about. I'm not really interested in setting foot on the next world.

Starlight told me what you told her about being a hero. It's all true. Why doesn't everyone chase Starlight or Fireball or Dragonite around? They're all much more useful than I am, and now they're free and living normal lives. I didn't really do anything except survive. You could have run the farm without me, and other than that, the only thing I can really credit for is landing the ship in the first place.

But that alone was enough. There weren't many places left where I could go and do what I wanted without being bothered. I was just an ordinary, boring pony, and I still feel that way. I wanted to be the pony I was before - a pony who just liked to fly around in a balloon from time to time.

I still fly when I can, of course. I have my own balloons, which I showed you before. I just didn't get to show you my biplane and helicopter. I often fly just for the sake of flying, by myself (except for passing Pegasus). I missed that time on Mars for too long. I also bring my lunch. Cherries at 10,000 feet still taste amazing, but now there are two reasons. The old reason was that cherries are cherries; now there is the added reason that they are not hay potatoes.

I kind of want to go back to flying rockets. I'm the most experienced pilot in our world—Cocoon and Rainbow Dash have more flight hours than I do, but neither of them has ever flown an MAV. But I worry that if I go up again, I might not be able to come back next time. I've been stuck on Mars for too long. Where will I be stuck next time? If flying rockets means giving up Cherry, balloons, or life in Ponyville, it's too high a price to pay... but I still want to fly. I can't really explain what I'm thinking.

So for now I'm just enjoying being home, while also having to deal with signing autographs and teaching the new astronauts the basics of rocketry. There's a dragon named Smolder who has potential. She also has a pony friend - a classmate at Twilight's school, I understand - who's interested in ground support. And then there's a griffon friend who's just hanging around; he's not running for astronaut status - he can't survive confined spaces. There's also a bunch of changelings, a few pegasi, a couple of hippogriffs, another griffon, and even an Abyssinian cat named Tom. (I haven't shown him any of those Earth songs about Tom - I don't think that would be a deal breaker.)

Hopefully your students are as interesting as mine. I know your people are more picky than ours, but I think we'll be fine in the end. We're working on a plan to return to the planet, to orbit and study it for a future landing. We're borrowing a lot of ideas from the Ares program, but will be using Concorde and the Twinkle Drive instead of the Hermes. I'm looking forward to this mission... but I'll probably be on the ground to witness it. I've seen enough red planets in my lifetime.

Hope to see you again someday.

Love you,

Cherry Raspberry