A leisurely life that begins with the possession of a game character

As the saying goes, when you are both a first-time parent and a first-time child, there will definitely be areas where each of them falls short.

When parents excessively expect their children to succeed or are too strict, as is the case with Shan Wenjing, the most common cause is emotional anger.

Because the child is overly expected to succeed, it means that it will be difficult for the child to meet his own expectations, and he will be prone to anger later on. It's like the boss feels that since I paid your salary, you should do what you want. If you can't do it, then I will scold you, accuse you, hit you, or fire you. Most people are prone to anger when their expectations of others do not meet their own psychological needs.

Excessive means that the requirements are too high, and if the requirements are too high, there will be situations where the requirements cannot be met. But parents will not think that their demands are too much, but will think that their children have IQ problems? Did your parents fail to fulfill their responsibilities and do a bad job? When internally attributing it to yourself or your family, you will have a sense of shame/shame of "I am bad". No matter what the situation is, it will ultimately destroy the parent-child relationship. Children are people with feelings, perceptions, and thinking abilities, but when they feel uncomfortable, they will take measures, such as being tired of studying, addicted to the Internet, bullying, violent tendencies and other behavioral problems, as well as depression, Mood problems such as mania.

When it comes to Dan Wenjing, when educating children, when the methods are not appropriate, for children's wrong behaviors and actions, more often than not, they choose to blame and use violence instead of education.

When choosing to use force to 'tame' children, some children will remain silent and endure silently; some children will resist vigorously because they refuse to admit defeat.

But in fact, it is instinct for children to resist when they are taught a lesson, and it is the "voice" of children fighting for their own rights.

Some psychologists believe that if children over 3 years old do not resist, they are not normal children. This is a necessary part of growth. The stronger the resistance, the easier it will be to have firm willpower in the future.

But for Dan Wenjing, the silent resistance of the child and the child's father not only did not make her aware of anything wrong, but made her feel even more aggrieved.

Young children talk to their parents about everything and often have endless things to say. However, as the children grow older and various things happen in life, the children gradually become silent. The first thing to do at this time is to figure out what’s behind the child’s silence.

Most of the time we want to argue for ourselves, after all, in order to vindicate ourselves. However, if a person has accumulated enough disappointment, all that is left is silence.

Some parents think that their children's silence is just because they have reached a certain stage of growth. When this stage passes, everything will get better. In fact, if parents do not pay attention to their children's growth for a long time, the distance between parents and children will gradually widen.

If parents had not broken trust with their children, how could children be so distrustful of their parents? Perhaps in the eyes of the parents, the children are still young and don’t understand anything. Even if they fail to fulfill their promises, it doesn’t matter. However, countless failed promises have already disappointed their children and they no longer have any hope.

The child once confronted his parents and tried to resist, but the parents always resisted the child with a stronger attitude, resulting in the child's defeat. Over time, children become accustomed to being submissive and turn a deaf ear to what their parents say. They don't take it to heart at all, and are even less willing to respond.

It was obvious that the children were heartbroken, but when their parents asked them, they calmly said it was nothing. In fact, children just use silence to cover up the fact that they are injured, because they know that their parents will not care about them, and they gradually learn to pretend.

Silence begins with a lack of trust. Many parents often make random promises because their children are young and don't understand anything. They even think that their promises do not need to be fulfilled. If they break their trust many times, their children will lack trust in their parents. Even if parents say their promises again, children often sneer at them.

They know that parents can change their promises at will, and there is no memory of such promises. Children lack trust in their parents and are naturally unwilling to say more. They can only express their inner displeasure with silence.

Some parents do not allow their children to resist them. Even if the children say one more word, the parents will intensify the punishment. The children have figured out their parents' routines and are used to remaining silent, and silence is a kind of silent resistance.

There are thousands of words in my heart, but what will happen if I speak them out? They habitually do not express themselves and suppress their inner emotions. Even if their parents have hurt them, they still use silence to fight against their parents' power.

It is obvious that the child has worked very hard, but some parents still do not recognize the child and blindly deny the child. The child knows that no matter what he does, the parents will not be satisfied, and he gradually becomes disappointed with his parents. Even if parents say a lot of outrageous words, children will remain silent, hoping to protect themselves from being hurt in this way.

After listening to Zhang Lan's analysis, but Wen Jing remained silent, Zhang Lan said: "Sometimes it's not just the child's problem. You said the child scratched the car, but even after you gave a clear warning, he still went his own way. Even worse.”

"On the surface, this incident seems to be that the child did not listen to you, but in fact, on the day it happened, think carefully about whether the child wanted to do something that you agreed to but forgot about. Child Behavior Because he resisted and refused to ride with you in the car, then think about whether you promised your child what to do before, but you forgot about it because of something that happened that day. "

But after Wen Jing thought about it for a moment, her expression changed. Zhang Lan shook her head slightly and said, "It seems that you have also thought of it, so this should not be the first time that this kind of thing has happened. If it is the first time, the child will not choose Respond with silence."

"Of course, a child's hyperactivity and disobedience may also be due to illness. A child's naughtiness does not necessarily mean simply being disobedient and being against you. There are many reasons. Under normal circumstances, if a child is just naughty If you make trouble, even though a beating won't solve the problem, the child usually knows that he did something wrong and won't have much sense of resistance in his heart. But in your family's situation, based on what you said about your husband's reaction, It means there is a problem, but you didn’t find it.”

Zhang Lan's words made Dan Wenjing's face keep changing. When a person is mentally confused, nothing you say to her at this time will have any effect. She will only see what she wants to see. Hear what you want to hear.

But Wen Jing had been in that situation before, blindly immersed in the thought of children not listening to her.