Northern Myanmar: Years of Dehumanization

"Tmd, give me a cigarette, give me a cigarette quickly, or I will kill you..."

At this time, my eyes were scarlet red, and I had obviously reached the edge of collapse.

I never thought before that I would do such a crazy thing for this.

When I saw others like this, I still couldn't understand it.

But when it was my turn, strangers really couldn't bear it.

This thing is really fucking harmful, so it’s best not to try it.

I knew it was wrong to do this, but my body was crawling like ants and I felt so uncomfortable that I had no choice but to do this.

"Brother Bai, you said it yourself, no matter what happens, don't let me give it to you..."

A Ding looked at me seriously and said this.

"What a waste of money, give it to me quickly!"

At this time, I was really a little delirious, and my nose and tears were streaming from my eyes.

Sitting on Aden's body, she held his neck fiercely with her hands and almost roared.

"Then you kill me..."

Adin closed his eyes and dropped these words.

Seeing him like this, I couldn't help but increase my strength in my hands, and then I saw A Ding's face gradually turn red, and then he was breathing heavily.

The veins on his head popped out, and I could even feel the ups and downs of the blood on his neck.

Gradually, Adin became out of breath, but he did not say that he was struggling to resist.

In the end, I realized my conscience and let go.

Adin was breathing heavily, his eyes still trusted me so much, and he didn't seem to believe that I would strangle him to death.

"Get out, get out, don't let me see you, I'll be annoyed if I see you!"

I stood up, smashed things in the house like crazy, and then yelled at Adin.

I really don’t know when I will lose control of myself and really kill A Ding, just for that addictive cigarette.

Human viciousness is infinitely amplified by such a thing.

I even say that I don’t know if I am a person now.

In my mind, this would be a killing blow to a brother who has been with me through life and death.

"Brother Bai, do you know why I chose to follow you? I don't mean after you gave me benefits, or when I was on the battlefield with Brother Jun..."

When A Ding heard what I said, he didn't leave the room immediately, but said to me like this.

"Because I see something different from others in your eyes, that kind of determination that outsiders never have."

"At first, I didn't know what it was. But now I understand, it turns out to be the firmness of family ties. To be honest, I don't want to die. I want to live to see their mother and son."

Adin sighed and continued without waiting for my answer.

"To be honest, I feel very guilty when I see you like this. If it weren't for me, you probably wouldn't have smoked that cigarette."

"It's just that what I want to say is that things have already happened, and it is useless for me to regret it. I just want to say that if you want to continue like this, there is really no way to go back."

As A Ding said this, he came to the bed where we slept, then reached out and took out the cigarette in his pocket, and put it on the bed.

"Brother Bai, if you let me keep it, why don't you settle it yourself? Seeing you like this, to be honest, I feel very uncomfortable."

"Choose to continue, and I will accompany you until death. Of course, I still prefer you to choose the second option."

After Adin said these words, he turned around and left the room, closing the door of the room by the way.

After A Ding left, I immediately threw myself on the bed and got the pack of cigarettes.

Looking at the pack of cigarettes, I thought about what A Ding said to me.

I licked my lips, comforting myself that if I just smoked one and quit, it should be fine.

Thinking of this, I quickly took out my lighter and lit the cigarette.

However, the fire accidentally hurt my hand, and the pain made my mind clearer.

In an instant, a line of cold sweat appeared on my forehead. If I had always had such a mentality, I was afraid that I would really be on the road to eternal disaster.

As long as you don't do this kind of thing and keep having this fantasy countless times, it will never stop.

Thinking of my mother and my sister, I became more awake and stopped what I was doing.

"Brother Luo, I'll fuck you!"

I couldn't help but curse, if it weren't for Brother Luo, how could I be like this?

With a sudden change of heart, I picked up the pack of cigarettes and rushed into the toilet, leaving no escape route for myself.

To be honest, when I first flushed the cigarette into the toilet, I felt a little reluctant and regretful.

But then, I gave myself a few big-eared melon seeds, Nana, I have experienced everything, is it possible that I will fall into this one?

This is not possible, I want to go back to China, I want to see my mother and my sister!

Now I have another thought, I will never let Brother Luo achieve his goal, and I will not let him destroy me.

The next time will be very difficult.

In order to prevent myself from biting my tongue and killing myself, I asked A Ding to stuff a towel into my mouth.

Then they let them continue driving and tied me into the passenger seat without saying anything to untie me.

This is my own test, and I must face it alone. No one can help me now.

During this period, I fainted many times. Many times, I wanted to die. It was so uncomfortable.

Now that I think back on it, I don’t know how I spent that time.

If I were to go through this again, I'm not sure I could survive it.

Perhaps, it should be impossible, right?

At that time, I was still young, I had just turned 30, and I didn’t believe in fate!

With the firmness of family love, I still survived that painful period. Later, I only smoked cigarettes from my pocket.

I already have side effects of being handed cigarettes by others, and I would never dare to pick them up again.

Even if I take it and throw it away, I won't feel any pity.

To be honest, when I was tied to the passenger seat of the car, I went back and forth, woke up and fell into unconsciousness, I don’t know how many times, and then I felt better.

The nauseating feeling at that time made me feel sick to my stomach even when I drank water, and I wanted to vomit it out.

It took two days for my eyes to regain their clarity. My lips were chapped, my face became pale, and my eye sockets were somewhat sunken.

Just in time, A Ding came back from dinner and looked at me. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out:

"Water, I want water..."

With great difficulty, A Ding figured out what I meant from the shape of my mouth, and then hurriedly brought water.

A Ding watched me drink the water, with a look of surprise in his eyes:

"Brother Bai, you have lived again..."