Siheyuan, integrating everything, cultivating the city

"No, thank you." Li Xiangqian waved his hand and continued to stare at the floor with his head down, but his thoughts drifted far away. He remembered the way Liu Yulan stood in front of him just now, her familiar eyebrows and tone, which made him feel as if he had returned to many years ago. But then, Wang Cuihua's figure emerged in his mind again, her back when she was busy in the kitchen, and the children's voices calling him "Dad" obediently, all of which made his heart feel as heavy as if it was pressed down by a stone.

"Go forward, sometimes people have too many things on their mind and can't figure things out." Old Cheng suddenly interrupted his thoughts and said, "If you really have something to say, tell me. Maybe I, an old man, can help you."

Li Xiangqian raised his head and looked at Lao Cheng's wrinkled face, with a hint of hesitation in his eyes. He knew that Lao Cheng was a warm-hearted person, but who could he tell about these things? Liu Yulan's appearance made him feel uneasy, but he knew very well that he couldn't show this emotion, not even Wang Cuihua could know.

"Forget it, it's nothing, I just feel a little confused, I'll be fine after I calm down." Li Xiangqian sighed and forced a smile, "I won't bother you anymore, Lao Cheng."

Old Cheng nodded and said nothing more. He took out an old book from behind the counter and handed it to Li Xiangqian: "If you really have nothing to do, read this to kill some time. Didn't you like reading books before?"

Li Xiangqian took the book but didn't open it. He just held it in his hands in a daze. He knew that the days when he loved reading had long gone with the pressure of life. Every day now seemed like he was struggling in the mud. How could he still have the mood to immerse himself in the world of books?

The store was quiet for a while, with only the ticking of the clock in the corner. Li Xiangqian sat for a long time, and finally stood up and put the book back on the counter: "Thank you, Lao Cheng, I have to go home, I have a lot of things to do at home."

"Okay, go back. Don't keep it to yourself all the time. Come and talk to me if you have anything to say." Old Cheng nodded and watched him walk out of the store.

When Li Xiangqian returned home, it was already getting dark, and the yard was filled with soft evening light. He pushed open the gate and walked lightly, but a gust of cool wind blew in from his collar, causing him to shiver. He raised his hand to wipe his forehead and found that his palm was wet. He was startled, and then he found that his back was also covered with cold sweat, and the thin fabric of his clothes was so wet that it stuck to his skin.

He frowned, looked up at the sky, and felt inexplicably nervous: "Why am I sweating so much at this time of night? Am I sick?" But on second thought, he didn't feel unwell recently, but was just in a very irritable mood, probably because he was overwhelmed by the trivial matters of the whole day.

He lowered his head to check his clothes, and when he saw the obvious wet spots, he couldn't help but feel a sense of indescribable discomfort. His hand was suspended in the air, wanting to wipe the sweat off his back, but he pulled it back, thinking it was useless. So he quickly walked into the house to change into clean clothes.

When I entered the room, Wang Cuihua was sitting by the kang, washing clothes. When she heard footsteps, she looked up and asked casually, "You're back? Why are you back so late again today?"

Li Xiangqian didn't answer directly, but went straight to his closet to look for clean clothes. Wang Cuihua saw that he looked strange, frowned and asked: "What's wrong? Your clothes are so wet? Where have you been?"

"It's okay. It might be because of the strong wind on the road and I sweated a little." Li Xiangqian responded without turning his head. His voice was low and weak.

"How can you sweat when the wind is strong on the road?" Wang Cuihua obviously didn't believe it. She put down the clothes in her hands, stood up and walked over to him and looked at him. "Are you angry with someone again? I think you are not right these past two days. You keep everything in your heart."

"If I say it's okay, then it's okay." Li Xiangqian's tone was a little more impatient. He lowered his head and paused to turn over his clothes. He turned around and looked at Wang Cuihua, "Don't keep asking me. I'll just change my clothes."

Wang Cuihua looked at him, frowning even more, but she didn't say anything, just turned back to the washing basin and continued to work. Li Xiangqian took off his wet clothes and changed into a clean one. Although he felt a little better, the faint irritability and uneasiness never dissipated.

He went to the kitchen, took a ladle of cold water, drank a few sips, and splashed some water on his face, trying to sober himself up. But his mind kept replaying the feeling of depression in Lao Cheng's store in the afternoon, and even Liu Yulan's face kept appearing in his mind.

"What the hell." He cursed in a low voice, and clenched the ladle in his hand. His palms were sticky again. He suddenly felt that his life was trapped in an inescapable vortex. Everything was entangled with him, leaving him nowhere to escape.

During dinner, Wang Cuihua tried to ask him something several times, but was always blocked by his simple "It's okay" and "Eat your food". The atmosphere at the dinner table was so depressing that the children also noticed something was wrong. The youngest son didn't even eat a few bites of his favorite braised eggs.

After dinner, Li Xiangqian took the initiative to do the dishes. He wanted to keep himself busy, at least to temporarily get rid of the messy thoughts in his mind. But when he stood alone in the kitchen, listening to the sound of water washing the dishes, the inexplicable tension crept into his heart again.

"Xiang Qian, why are you so absent-minded?" He talked to himself, trying to cheer himself up, but his voice sounded particularly weak in the empty kitchen. He suddenly realized that this state could not continue. If it continued for a long time, it would not only be him who would suffer, but the whole family would also be affected.

"How about finding a chance to talk to Cuihua tomorrow?" This thought flashed through his mind, but he immediately rejected it. Wang Cuihua was a sensible woman, but she was not good at comforting people, especially when it came to his past. Even if he told her, it might only cause her more trouble.

That night, Li Xiangqian tossed and turned in bed, his mind filled with past memories and present anxieties when he closed his eyes. It was not until the sky outside the window gradually brightened that he fell into a daze and fell asleep.

Li Xiangqian stood at the door for a long time, hesitating whether to go in. The yard was strangely quiet, with only a few sparrows jumping on the low branches. The sky was completely bright, and there was a slight dampness in the air. He took a deep breath and stepped into the yard. He felt his steps getting heavier and heavier, but somehow, he felt an inexplicable sense of oppression in his heart.

He did not go home directly, but went straight to Xu Damao's house. Xu Damao was Li Xiangqian's friend. The two had a good relationship and could talk about anything. Xu Damao had a straightforward personality.