Rebirth 70: I am a Koi

I almost ran back to the booth, my heart beating wildly in my chest, as if it was about to explode. I could hear footsteps chasing me from behind, and I knew it was Bai Hanchuan. I didn't want to hear his explanation, any explanation seemed pale and powerless at this moment, and would only deepen the wound in my heart.

Back at the booth, I hurriedly began to pack my things, just wanting to leave this suffocating place as soon as possible. I stuffed the documents and samples on the table into the box in a rough manner, as if I wanted to vent all my anger and grievances.

"Jinli, what are you doing?" Bai Hanchuan chased after me, grabbed my arm, and said anxiously, "Calm down..."

I shook his hand off as if I had touched something dirty, and took a step back in disgust. "Calm down? How do you want me to calm down?" I almost yelled, my voice was sharp and piercing, "It's the middle of the night, a man and a woman are alone in a room, how do you want me to calm down?!"

He was stunned for a moment, and the hurt in his eyes deepened, but was quickly replaced by anxiety. "Jinli, listen to me, things are really not what you think! Secretary Zhao is just here to deliver documents about Boss Zhang's new cooperation plan..."

"Documents? What documents need to be delivered to the hotel room in the middle of the night?" I sneered, my tone full of sarcasm, "Bai Hanchuan, do you take me for a fool?"

He took a deep breath, tried to suppress his emotions, and explained: "Boss Zhang will leave early tomorrow morning. This document is very important and must be delivered tonight. I didn't tell you before because I didn't want to worry you and affect your rest..."

"Worried? Are you worried about me, or are you worried that your affair will be exposed?" I pointed at the documents scattered on the ground, my voice trembling, "Bai Hanchuan, you were not like this before! When did you become so... so..." I choked and couldn't go on.

His expression turned ugly, he pursed his lips tightly, and a trace of pain flashed in his eyes. "Jinli, do you really have to think of me like this? Don't you know what kind of person I am?"

"Clear? I have no idea at all now!" I pointed at his nose and said with gritted teeth, "You keep saying you love me, but you're cheating on me with another woman..."

"I didn't!" He interrupted me, his tone getting louder. "There's nothing wrong between me and Secretary Zhao!"

"Innocent? Then why didn't you tell me? Why did you hide it from me?" I couldn't hold back my tears and they flowed down, blurring my vision.

"I..." He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but then lowered his head dejectedly.

People around us began to notice our movements, with curious eyes constantly cast over us and the whispers becoming clearer and clearer. But I didn't care about these, all my attention was focused on the man in front of me, the man I once trusted wholeheartedly.

"Bai Hanchuan..." I looked at him, my voice hoarse, "You...you really..."

"You really... have changed." I finally uttered these words weakly. Each word was like a piece of flesh cut out from the tip of my heart, bringing with it bloody pain.

He raised his head suddenly, his eyes were red, and his voice was hoarse: "Jinli, I beg you, believe me, just this once..."

"Believe you?" I laughed sadly, and my laughter was full of self-mockery and despair. "How can I believe you? How do you want me to believe you? The facts are right in front of me, do you still want me to deceive myself?" My voice became louder and louder, and I trembled uncontrollably. The anger in my chest erupted like a volcano.

"Jinli, calm down and listen to my explanation..." He reached out to pull me, but I pushed him away again.

"Don't touch me!" I almost screamed. The gazes from all around me pierced my body like needles, making me feel ashamed, but unable to control my emotions.

"What are you all doing here? What a mess!" came an old and majestic voice. I turned around and saw Uncle Li standing outside the crowd, his brows furrowed and a look of displeasure on his face.

Seeing Uncle Li, I felt a little relieved, but also more wronged. Uncle Li has always taken good care of us, and he must be very disappointed to see us like this.

"Uncle Li..." I shouted with sobs, but I didn't know what to say.

"When a couple quarrels, they should quarrel at the head of the bed and make up at the foot of the bed. If they have anything to say, they should talk it out nicely. Don't make a lot of noise and make a fool of themselves." Uncle Li came over and advised earnestly.

"Uncle Li, you don't know..." I wanted to explain, but he interrupted me.

"I know something I don't know! I know you are all good kids. If there is any misunderstanding, just clarify it and don't hurt feelings." Uncle Li patted my shoulder and looked at Bai Hanchuan, "Hanchuan, you are a man, you should give in to Jinli more and don't let her suffer any grievances."

Bai Hanchuan opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but in the end he said nothing. He lowered his head, clenched his fists, and looked depressed and helpless.

Seeing him like this, I felt even more upset. What I wanted was not his compromise, but his honesty. If he really was hiding something from me, how could I continue to trust him?

"Uncle Li, you're right, let's go back and talk about it." I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I didn't want to embarrass myself here anymore, nor did I want to face Bai Hanchuan's evasive eyes.

I turned around and started packing my things, my movements were much gentler than before, but more determined. Bai Hanchuan silently helped me pack, there was no communication between us, only silence, and the air was filled with depression and awkwardness.

The people around us gradually dispersed, and Uncle Li sighed, shook his head and left. Only Bai Hanchuan and I were left in front of the booth, along with the documents and samples scattered on the ground, just like our broken relationship, which could never be put together again.

After packing my things, I picked up my suitcase and walked out without looking back. Bai Hanchuan followed me closely, but always kept a distance, as if he was afraid of disturbing me, or afraid of losing me.

When I reached the entrance of the hotel, I stopped, turned to look at him, and said in a terrifyingly calm tone: "Bai Hanchuan, some things, once they happen, can never be undone..." I didn't finish my words, turned around and left, leaving him standing there alone, his figure looking particularly lonely under the dim street lights.

He suddenly rushed up and grabbed my arm, his voice trembling: "Jinli..." "Jinli..." His voice was hoarse and with a hint of pleading, "What do you want from me?"

I shook off his hand, and a chill surged up in my heart. "Bai Hanchuan, what I want is very simple, that is, your honesty! If you really have something hidden from me, how can I continue to trust you? What trust is there between us?"

He closed his eyes painfully, took a deep breath, and when he opened them again, his eyes were bloodshot. "I told you, I didn't! Why don't you believe me?" His voice gradually rose, with suppressed anger, "Do you see how much I have sacrificed for this base and for our future? All you see is your so-called 'facts'. Have you ever thought about how I feel?"

His outburst shocked me. I had never seen him so out of control. But the grievances and doubts in my heart also surged up like a tide, making it impossible for me to calm down. "How do you feel? Have you ever thought about how I feel? I have found doubts again and again, and I have asked you again and again, but you always evade the question and talk about other things. What do you want me to think? Am I being unreasonable?"

"Yes! You are just being unreasonable!" He roared, his chest heaving violently, "You are always doubting me and spying on me. You are not at ease with anything I do! What do you think I am? A thief? A liar?"

His sharp accusation was like a sharp knife, piercing my heart. Tears blurred my vision, and I choked and said, "I... I just want to know the truth..."

"The truth? Is this the truth you want?" He pointed at the documents and samples scattered around and said sarcastically, "This is what you got for your 'truth'! Are you satisfied?"

I looked at him with a broken heart. We had once worked hand in hand for our common dream and had overcome so many difficulties to reach where we are today. But now, we are standing on opposite sides of each other, blaming and hurting each other.

"Since you don't trust me, I don't want to manage this base anymore!" He shook my hand off and said resolutely, "You can do whatever you want. I'm tired!"

His words were like a bolt from the blue, and they made my mind go blank. I stared at him blankly, unable to believe that these words came from his mouth. This base was our joint efforts, and it was his dream all along. How could he just give up like this?

"You...what did you say?" I asked in a trembling voice, as if I was dreaming.

He turned around and stopped looking at me. His tone was cold. “I said, I don’t want to be in charge anymore. You can take care of this base yourself.”

His resolute back hurt my eyes, and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. A huge sense of panic swept over me, making it almost impossible for me to breathe.

I stumbled back a step, and the box in my hand fell to the ground with a dull sound. I watched his back gradually disappearing, and my heart was filled with powerlessness and despair.

He stopped but did not turn back. His voice was low and hoarse: "Jinli..."