Rebirth 70: I am a Koi

He stopped but didn't look back. His voice was low and hoarse: "Jinli..." He only called my name but didn't say anything else. Then, he left without looking back, leaving me standing alone in the empty exhibition hall, with documents and samples scattered around me, just like our broken dreams.

I mechanically bent down, picked up the documents on the ground, sorted them out one by one, and put them back into the box. My fingertips felt the coldness of the papers, and my heart was also cold. He really left, leaving me and our common base behind.

The trade fair was still bustling with people coming and going, hawking and bargaining, but I felt like I was in another world, everything around me became blurry and distant. I numbly organized the booth and placed samples, trying to look calm, but my shaking hands revealed my inner feelings.

He was also busy on the other side of the booth, sorting out documents, as if nothing had happened. There was a short distance of a few meters between us, but it seemed like there was an insurmountable gap. Neither of us spoke, neither of us looked at each other, and the air was filled with a suffocating silence.

Sun Xiaomei came over, holding two bottles of soda in her hands and with a concerned smile on her face. She walked up to me first, handed me a bottle of soda, and asked softly, "Sister Jinli, what's wrong with you? You don't look well."

I forced a smile and shook my head, "It's okay, I'm probably just a little tired." I didn't want her to know what happened between Bai Hanchuan and me, and I didn't want her to worry.

She didn't seem to believe me, and looked at me, then at Bai Hanchuan not far away, with a hint of doubt in her eyes. She hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Did you and Brother Bai... have a fight?"

I tightened my grip on the soda bottle, and the cool touch of the bottle sobered me up a little. I took a deep breath, suppressed the pain in my heart, and shook my head again, "No, don't think too much."

Sun Xiaomei wanted to say something else, but I interrupted her, "Xiaomei, I have something to do, you go and do your thing first." I didn't want to continue this topic, I just wanted to be alone for a while.

Sun Xiaomei looked at me, then at Bai Hanchuan, and finally said nothing more, turned around and left. I looked at her back as she walked away, and my heart was filled with gratitude. At this time, she still cared about me, which made me feel a little warm.

I unscrewed the cap of the soda bottle and took a sip. The cold soda flowed down my throat, but it couldn't extinguish the fire in my heart. I looked up at Bai Hanchuan. He was facing away from me, sorting documents. His back looked a little stiff. He seemed to notice my gaze, and his hands paused for a moment, then sorted the documents more vigorously. The papers made a "rustling" sound, which was particularly harsh in the silent booth. He...

Is he... angry? I felt a pang of pain in my heart, but I was stubborn and refused to bow my head. He was clearly wrong, why should I apologize first?

I forced myself not to look at him and continued to sort out the samples on the booth. These were the latest varieties grown in our base, and each one was the result of my and his hard work. We had planned the future of the base together and envisioned a better life together, but now, because of a small thing, it has become like this.

During the trade fair, there are some tasks that require our cooperation. For example, introducing products to customers, answering their questions, recording their orders, etc. In the past, we always had a tacit understanding and could understand each other with just a glance. But now, we just communicate about the work content mechanically, without any extra words or eye contact.

"What's the yield of this variety?" asked a customer, pointing to a pot of peppers on the booth.

"The yield per mu is about 3,000 kilograms." I answered in a formal manner with a cold tone.

"What about its disease resistance?" the customer continued to ask.

"It is highly disease-resistant and generally not infected by pests and diseases." I still spoke in a cold tone.

Bai Hanchuan stood aside, saying nothing, just silently recording the customer's order. His face was a little gloomy, his brows were furrowed, and he seemed very dissatisfied with my attitude. However, I didn't want to pay attention to him.

I saw Sun Xiaomei coming over again, holding two cups of hot tea. She walked up to Bai Hanchuan, handed him a cup, and said softly, "Brother Bai, have a cup of tea."

Bai Hanchuan took the teacup, thanked me, and took a sip. Sun Xiaomei walked over to me again and handed me another cup of tea, "Sister Jinli, have a cup of tea too."

I took the teacup but didn't drink it. I just held it in my hand silently. I felt Bai Hanchuan's eyes on me, with a hint of inquiry and dissatisfaction. I still didn't look at him, but just lowered my head and looked at the teacup in my hand.

In the following days, we continued our cooperation on machinery until the end of the trade show. When we were packing up the booth, we still didn't talk, but just quietly packed the samples and materials into the boxes.

"I'll go back first." I picked up a box and turned around to leave.

"Wait." Bai Hanchuan called me.

I stopped but didn't look back.

"These materials need to be sorted out, as they will be needed tomorrow." His tone was still cold.

"I know." I replied coldly, then walked away without looking back.

Back at the guesthouse, I lay on the bed, but I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned, and what happened today kept coming to my mind. His indifference, his alienation, his eyes... all of this pierced my heart like a needle.

I got up from the bed, walked to the table, opened the drawer, and took out the notebook we had used to plan the future of the planting base. The yellowed pages were densely filled with our dreams and plans. I read line by line, feeling mixed emotions. How happy and hopeful we were at that time!

"So..." I gently stroked the handwriting on the notebook and muttered to myself, "We used to..."

It turns out that we were so compatible and had such a vision for the future. Every word in the notebook was like a small seed that once sowed the buds of hope in our hearts. But now, these buds seem to be withering, shivering in the cold wind of the Cold War.

I closed the notebook and hugged it tightly to my chest. I couldn't hold back my tears and finally burst out, soaking my clothes. I knew in my heart that this quarrel was not entirely because of that little thing, but an outburst of conflicts that had been accumulated for a long time. He blamed me for relying on space for everything and for not being calm enough when encountering things, and I blamed him for not understanding me and for always looking at me with a scrutinizing eye.

Perhaps, we both need some time to calm down and think carefully about the problems between us.

I wiped my tears, took a deep breath, and forced myself not to think about him. I had to cheer myself up because I had to attend the trade show tomorrow.

I wonder how he is doing... This thought flashed through my mind, but I immediately suppressed it. No, I can't bow my head first! It's obviously his fault!

I washed my face and lay down on the bed, forcing myself to sleep. But no matter how I tossed and turned, I couldn't fall asleep. The room was quiet, with only the ticking sound of the wall clock, beating my heart.

I don’t know how long it was, but I finally fell asleep in a daze.

……

On the other side, Bai Hanchuan stood alone in the open space outside the guesthouse, holding a cigarette in his hand, the scarlet flame flickering in the night. He took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly, the smoke lingering and obscuring the expression on his face.

He thought of every little detail of his acquaintance with Mu Jinli, and the days when they overcame difficulties together and built a planting base together. They were so happy and worked together at that time. But now, an invisible crack appeared between them, and this crack was slowly expanding, threatening their relationship.

He regretted his impulsiveness at the time and regretted saying some hurtful words. However, he also felt wronged and puzzled. He felt that Mu Jinli did not trust him enough and always kept the space secrets from him, which made him very sad.

He stomped out the cigarette butt, then turned and walked back to the guesthouse.

The next morning, I came to the exhibition in low spirits. From a distance, I saw Bai Hanchuan busy at the booth. He was sorting out the samples on the booth with a focused and serious look. The sunlight shone through the window on him, giving him a golden glow.

My steps slowed down involuntarily...