I always feel that those leaves are falling down in a hurry to cover up a big secret, and when I use my hands to pull those leaves one by one, what I see is always a black road, just like I Squatting on the side of the road and seeing a cloud slowly passing by in the sky, I would look at the sky stupidly, thinking about what would be exposed after the cloud passed by, but behind the cloud is still the same sky that has not changed for thousands of years, it is still the same sky , always the blue sky, the same way I walked out of a different path from myself time and time again, but in the end the ending I got was always the same, without any change, and finally one day I thought that I should walk the same path as myself Others have a different path, which is to prove to their parents that every decision they make in this life is not wrong and will always be right.
Many times I exhaust myself because of such inexplicable doubts, or the thoughts brought about by some uncertainties. I think I am really living a sad life. People around me always say that I am Lonely, but am I really not lonely? Sometimes I think back to what I have done, do I really live so happy and so happy? I never get what I want, and the friends who play with me Not a single one, maybe it’s because I don’t have the company of my parents from the very beginning, so they think I’m an orphan, and I don’t deserve to play with me at all, but you will never see the time when I love you the most, because I I only love you when you can't see you, when I see my parents see your photos again and again, I want to tear you up because of all the hurt you have brought me.
I thought about how wonderful it would be if I were a willow tree standing on a hill, opening large groups of white loneliness in the wind, but I have nothing.
At that time, I thought naively and foolishly, I want to live a truly peaceful life and have a stable and normal job in the future, as long as I find someone to love, get married, live in an ordinary house , is a kind of happiness for me. I just need to be a good husband, a good father, and a good grandson. The wild geese are so simple and happy because they fly across the sky together, and my personality is very complicated. Others say that I understand it very well, and I smile at them. I am a person who often smiles at others, but secretly sheds tears , no one can understand the pain in my heart. Many times when I feel sad and tears have not had time to well up, the smile has already covered the corners of my eyes and brows. I will be angry with the people I like, and smile at the people I don’t like. It wasn't until one day that I realized that the results I got time and time again were not what I wanted. On the contrary, they were cheaper, and there were many people around me who wanted to hurt me. At that moment, I realized that all smiles are not the most useful. Let people who don't care hurt themselves again and again, because they don't know what you want, deep down in their hearts, you are a person who can hurt casually, because you are not worth mentioning , it doesn't matter at all what you do anyway. "
Zhang Zhentian didn't say anything, he just silently listened to his child telling him about her personal experience, telling about every part of her past.
Because he knows that it may be useless to do what he does now, why not take some practical actions, listen to his son carefully, and tell all his life experiences in these years, maybe this is a kind of concern for his son. , he can finally confide all of his suffering and pain for so many years at once, how relaxed she must be, he has suppressed the hurt in his heart for more than ten years, this time he can finally confide all of it.
"Do you know that I have thought about what I should do again and again, but I have never thought about what kind of result I will get in the end. I thought my life was low-key and gloomy. As for how gloomy it is, No one can understand at all, and no one can understand what I am like deep in my heart. I think about how I should live again and again, but I forget that I should live to What kind of situation.
Dad, do you know? I once read a book, which said: I asked you the way once in my life, and you waved to me once in my life.
I am often moved by this kind of publicity-like naked growth, and at the same time feel sad for the young people today, because they all change their names on the Internet, and sincerity in love is nowhere to be found. My love is just pornography, I think again and again, how I should live, when I face myself, no matter what he does, no matter what he says, I just like it, no matter what they think of me My wife is so unworthy of me, but even if I like them, there is nothing they can do about me. Those subtle eyes tell me that they think I am an unreasonable monster. Monsters are just monsters. Beautiful women will fall in love with beasts. I comfort myself , In fact, I am a prince who has been enchanted. The person I love in my heart will always be my wife. This will never change. I follow my wife again and again. , I have been looking for her for 10 years, I have not forgotten her for the whole 10 years, because I have been looking for it countless times, I want to know where he is, I want to know what he has become now, I want to I don't know if he still remembers me or not.
When I face all the numbers, I feel that those trees are all poor children, because I can only use this definition to define them, as if I am an eminent monk who has experienced all kinds of hardships, God knows how much younger I am than those numbers. I don’t know how to understand the world, just like people in Taohuayuan who don’t know how to pose for the camera, sing without moving, and don’t know how to thank the company to say thank you to everyone on the stage.
But I am very tired from life, and they have a tendency to break out again. Their voice is purely that of a big boy. Although they have not received any professional training, I can even hear that they have misremembered some places , this original and simple voice often moves me simple and heavy.
I always feel that the tree is talking to me every time. I heard my uncle tell me that she is a bit closed. The long hair covers the eyes in order not to see the world too clearly. He is touched by some people and things, not by the hardships and pains of his own life. When I listen to the words of these trees, my heart Deep down in my heart, I also think about the sad and beautiful youth, the sentimental and lonely age, I just endured all the devil training alone, all of this is what I should have endured long ago, and I have no way to go There is no way to escape, and there is no way to make all this change, let all this be as if it never happened, this is my fate, everything in my life is destined to let me bear such an ending.
I know that the background of the music under the tree is loneliness, utter loneliness. This kind of loneliness is not the loneliness when a person stands alone on the desolate land looking up at the frighteningly large moon after the end of the world, but stands on the edge of the sky like a fish. The loneliness in the crowd looking around at a loss, the former is despair, the latter is cruel despair, I once thought, whether one day I will become like this, I read a short story, the only person who survived after the end of the world Sitting alone in the room, suddenly there was a knock on the door, I often think, when the knock on the door reminds me of what kind of mood the person felt at that time, it may be fear, confusion, joy, or neither, I think that People are like trees, guarding the earth alone, that's why it resists the outside world so strongly.
When I knew that the innate sense of helplessness in singing could not be learned, I felt so sad deep in my heart. I simply felt that the tree was the saddest, and she lived a more miserable life than me. Sadly, no one cares about what he has experienced there, he can only guard there silently, and there is no way to leave forever. I don’t understand why those flowers can still rise in the cracks of stones sometimes , the rise of Hua'er is a miracle, because they are the first underage band in China, but how do I know how much pain I have, I have reached the pinnacle of life again and again, and finally waited for a breakthrough I went downhill when I was young, and died like this without exception, and the only sensible thing I did was to ride the torrent, but the result was the same, only a more beautiful death
I tried my best to think about going beyond everything. Going beyond my ultimate means that I can’t go beyond. If I can’t go beyond, it means death. I think about what I should do to make it not like this. , I am not flaunting myself, because I always think about myself in the bottom of my heart, what should I do, I know that there must be ideals, no illusions, passion, no hypocrisy, and contentment in everything, but I don’t The method, I like happiness to surround me very much, but time and time again I personally disrupt all the happiness, I make all the rhythms so unbearable forever, it is I who make all this so lonely , It was I who made everyone leave again and again, I was the one who forced everyone to see through time and time again, I was never willing to stay by my side, everything was my own doing, And who can be blamed for the self-inflicted consequences?
When everyone comes to promote me, I have no reason not to believe them, just like I can't believe myself, because I know that no one can believe it except myself, and I want to make my life like The life of others is the same, and even if I want to surpass the best life of others, I want everyone to know that even if everyone is a fool, I am the only one who does not gain a wisdom by eating a pit, and that 13 things do not make a wisdom I am not stupid, but at least I don't admit that I am stupid.
When I was in the most pain again and again, it happened that the sky was drizzling outside, so I would choose to walk slowly from the outside to get a taste of the nature outside, but when I walked out again and again, The storm is coming, and it pours down again and again, all pouring on my head. The smell of the storm is unbearable. When it rains again and again, I will tell myself deep in my heart that this must be Will stop within an hour, maybe these words are really funny, but I really didn't expect that you would really stop within an hour after my words, I am really grateful sometimes, don't you Can God really hear every word I say? Can it really change because of every word I say? Nothing has changed why he never tried to put myself in my shoes and think about anything why didn't he try to get my family back to be with me and why did I get all this by myself forever It’s not what I want most.”
"Child, as a parent, we know that you have suffered a lot, but in this beautiful world, you should not complain so much. You should look forward. You only need to look forward to find yourself Your life is not like this at all, you can discover your own life, in fact, you can live a very happy and happy life, if you have been entangled in this, then how do you think your life should continue to live happily? You never thought about what kind of pain all this is like bringing to your family. You always feel that your life is the most perfect, but you forget that your family may suffer more seriously because of what you have done. Shouldn't you worry about what your family wants most in your heart?"
"Mom and Dad, in fact, sometimes it doesn't make sense for me to tell you these things, I just want to pour out all the things in my heart, because I know I know I have become insensitive, I know I have become no longer the me I used to be, and everything I have has forced me to this path again and again. I have no choice but to force myself to be different from others time and time again, because I To make myself stronger, I want all those who look down on me to know that I am the strongest person forever, and they have no reason or qualification to look down on me.
Do you know that when I was studying, I got a very brilliant result in the biology test at that time, the teacher smiled at me with an inexplicable number, I couldn’t believe it, because he had never smiled at me so kindly, but he The genial smile brought me no particular realization at all, I knew nothing but that he had always been like that, my uncertainties over and over again ended my brilliance, and in retrospect I The small brilliance time and time again, in fact, after all the previous ones, the last stand against the wall, the so-called love of soldiers will win, the so-called fight all the way, all these are not understandable by my teacher, when I saw the biology teacher Full of confidence in me, and a joy, the ignorant is not only fearless, but also carefree and ignorant. At that time, the teacher always thought that I was suitable for learning biology, because I didn’t believe it. I held the test paper in front of the white coat and looked at the microscope. I have always kept my life at a respectful distance, because instead of studying polymers or dna, I might as well go to forensic medicine. I can cut a hole in a dead person, eat a few more holes, and finally let the bad person be punished. Fortunately, the innocent person is innocent, but the innocent It's the dead, and the work of a forensic doctor is a bit like whipping a corpse.
When I had this thought, I was terrified, I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe it was really my deepest thought, why would I have such a thought, it’s too scary, It was simply beyond my imagination, and I couldn't figure out what was causing this ending deep in my heart.
Facing the enthusiasm of the biology teacher again and again, I should have some response. I held the textbook again and again, enough reference books to kill people, ran to the podium, and then let myself make my eyes full of knowledge, so I always start The new round of testing, my guilt, I have done this kind of thing more than once, I have studied so hard again and again, I just want to be able to get what I want, but in the end I found that I didn’t get anything, Sometimes I feel that I am a stingy and generous person, because I don’t know what I should do so that everyone can have a different view of me, so that everyone can no longer laugh at me. I am a As an orphan without my parents, I have been ridiculed by everyone. I don’t know what it’s like to be ridiculed. No one can understand what kind of ridicule it is. The pain, everything is on my body, and who can understand how much mental pressure that pain has brought to me, I am strong again and again, I become different from others, but in the end I What did I get in exchange? I pushed myself into the abyss of pain time and time again. I never got the ending I wanted, and everything was just the result my grandpa wanted to see. In order to satisfy my grandpa, I Paid.There are too many, and at the same time, to prove to you that I have given everything desperately time and time again.
I really don't understand what you thought about the homework when you were parents, how did you think that one day you would abandon me as a son, sometimes I really don't understand, deep in my heart it's like a door that can't be closed Even if the cold wind comes and goes, there is no way to close it, because I know that my heart has collapsed, and I have reached the edge of collapse, and I have no way to let it go. I have become as happy and happy as I used to be. Everything is on my head, so that I can't breathe. I can think about why I do this again and again, and I am not ashamed of anyone. Why should I be a man with my tail between my legs? I should let everyone know and let everyone who looks down on me understand that everyone Those who look down on me will eventually pay a heavy price for looking down on me. I did it.
Mom and Dad, maybe you think that I am like this is terrible, you never thought that your son would be like this, even if the good times when thousands of troops squeezed the single-plank bridge are over, we will always walk on steel At that time, I felt that the test papers seemed to increase overnight, like snowflakes, flying in the classroom one by one. At first, people asked where did so many things come from, but gradually no one asked. , Grab it habitually, the teacher once said, if you pick up the test paper and do it, it proves that you have entered the state of learning. Now that I think about it at that time, I entered the state ahead of time, but gradually Changed my whole life, and made me numb, I only remember that time is still fleeting, but the calm performance gave birth to the undercurrent, the silent Zhong Xinyun, the shocking explosion, the center of the explosion is not someone else , but my own potential that has never been stimulated. No one knows that this is the motivation that I have been wronged for so many years by myself again and again. They always feel that I cheated and got it. The best grade in the class, how much I wanted to cry at that time, I put in all my efforts, but in the end the result was that others suspected that my efforts were for nothing, and no one thought about me at all. No one has ever thought that my efforts are directly proportional to how much I have paid for my efforts.
Do you think it's funny why I live my life in this way? Why do I choose to use this way to tell you that I have reached the edge of love and pain again and again, and I have made myself more like others Not the same, but what did I get in the end? I endured all the pain in my heart, all I wanted was to be different from others, but in the end I still endured all the suffering
I have thought about whether I should experience the kind of life like yours that gives up all means for freedom. I have thought again and again, if that kind of life will eventually bring me what kind of ending, I have no idea. There is no way to imagine, if I really choose to do that, then what will be my ending now, you have never thought about it.
As parents, you have never thought about what kind of ending I am. When I was young and accepted the cynicism of others again and again, I was doomed to have no happiness in my life. I gave all of myself again and again, Everything in my heart has changed, because I know that I can't let anyone look down on me no matter what, so I can only feel sad for the sky outside day after day, feeling that the world outside is wonderful, but the world inside Very helpless.
In fact, you should have thought about those things as parents that I am really sad. All I did was to prove to you how strong and brave I was, but in the end I found that no matter what I did, there was nothing I could do. There is no way to change the position deep in your heart, because there is no way to change the position deep in your heart in this lifetime, because what you get after time and time again is nothing but harm, no matter how much I pay How? Because deep down in your heart, you will never believe that I am a good boy, but do you know? The pain that was brought to me once made me unable to do anything in my life. I can forget that I just want to live a happy and happy life, but in the end I got nothing. All this is my own and only myself.I can't blame anyone, but I'm not a saint, I can't be indifferent to all these things, I just hope you can think about it, what is the reason for doing this, and what do you deserve? , because what is the ending you gave me again and again, what should I do to let you know that I am your child, and what you do will only bring me heavy harm and blows, and those things of yours really never Haven't you ever regretted what you've done? What you've done to me in the end What you could have done to everyone in your family Hurt after hurt, pain after memory, there's no way , you can make all this as if it never happened, you may think that it doesn't matter at all, but I can't think so. Deep down in your heart, maybe all this is not important at all, but I think it is very important .Because I have a grandfather, I have my own things to do, I have to prove to everyone that I am the strongest person, I have to let everyone look up to me, I have to stand on the pinnacle of life even if I fall Even worse, I will stand up, because only in this way can I announce to the world that I am at least successful.Even if I pay behind the success.So what about all the hard work? At least I got there with my own hard work, and I didn't rely on anyone.
I have to admit that I am particularly envious of those children who are accompanied by their parents. They go out to work hard, and their parents can silently support them behind the scenes, but I have nothing. Apart from my grandpa’s concern for me, except When grandpa didn't give everything for me again and again, I had nothing at all, because my parents didn't know where, and I never got a little bit of love from my parents, because my parents I never thought of staying by my side. For me, it is the most painful thing in my heart. Maybe I can only make all this different by living a happy and happy life, but myself Everything that was done ended up bringing me back.What kind of result? No one knows what I have experienced in my life. What, I forced myself to become stronger again and again. Only in this way can those who look down on me know me again and let them know that they look down on me The ending is to be crushed under the soles of my feet again and again, and I can only surrender under my feet forever, and there is no way to go over my head forever. Do you know how much that feeling is? It was obtained after the revenge society revenge incident The pleasure, that feeling cannot be described in words.
I have made myself numb again and again, made myself forget all the hurts and pains time and time again, just to make myself different from others one day, but what is the result I got in the end? The result I got was nothing. I had no choice but to imagine what kind of ending I should get. I forced myself to be different from others time and time again, but in the end the result I got was just to make myself sad again and again. , do you understand that when I pay more and more hard than others with my heart again and again, when others stab me in the back and betray me again and again, the despair deep in my heart, how painful it must be, no one To be able to experience that feeling, that feeling is something I will never want to experience again in my life. I just want to live a safe and stable life, but in the end I got nothing in exchange for it. I gave myself I gave my sincerity to my friends and my best classmates time and time again, but in the end they gave me what kind of ending, you can't imagine the complaints against my back again and again, and the smears again and again, I Time and time again behind my back, I am an orphan without parents, do you think my heart is really indifferent, without feeling? In fact, it’s not that I also feel pain, I also feel pain, but I can’t help it , because those are things that I have to bear independently, who told me that my parents have never been by my side to accompany me, what can I blame for all this, I can only blame myself for being too useless, I can't even keep my own parents. If you had stayed by my side back then, would it have been better if I didn't have to go through these pains, and if I didn't have to accept the cynicism and ridicule from others again and again, I could have How frightened and helpless, I just hope that all this can become my favorite thing in my heart. I have never thought about what the end of myself will be like this time and time again. Perhaps happiness, in your eyes It doesn't matter at all, but it is happy for me.It's very important, because my grandpa needs to be happy, my family needs to be happy, my son, my wife and all of us need to be happy. You think happiness is indifferent, but happiness is too much for us.
After all, you have lived outside for so many years, and it doesn’t matter if you feel happy or not, because you have been wandering for so many years, and you have enjoyed all the happiness you should enjoy, but we, we have missed you for so many years in this home , waited for so many years, but finally got nothing. When you returned to this home, you had a serious accident because of your conflicts because of thinking about going out for a trip. How did he live? He didn’t think about food and didn’t want to go to the hospital because you were hurt. He, the father who hurt him, suffered with you time and time again. Then you really don’t feel guilty at all deep in your heart. How can you really bear it? In your eyes, what is grandpa and every relative in this family is nothing. In fact, it is nothing. You only have your own interests in your eyes, and you always feel that you have achieved yourself. You feel that everything has been successful, but you have forgotten how much your relatives have been hurt because of your actions when you got your benefits. You have not thought about what you should do and what you should get. What kind of result should be exchanged for what kind of result
Sometimes I really want to ask you what your hearts are made of. Even if you think about him a little bit from the perspective of grandpa, you won’t make such a decision, but now you bring How much pain my grandfather has suffered from all the pain, and who of you knows how much pain, how sad, and how tired your life is, what you wait for again and again is always My relatives come to wipe your ass behind your back again and again, all you want is to become numb to the so-called little things in your heart again and again, you always feel that everything I do You are all wrong, are you doing good things? Everything you do hurts the people closest to you. Those people can’t hurt them casually, because they hurt them, maybe they didn’t I won't say anything, but as time goes by, they will always feel tired and psychologically shadowed. How can you have such a good ending, just let him go to a dead end time and time again?
Mom and Dad, maybe what I said to you today is really too much, but if I don’t say these words, I really have no choice deep in my heart, I really feel really uncomfortable at all, I I can't stand my family members killing each other again and again. I can't accept my grandfather hurting my parents, but I just stand by and watch without saying anything. I really can't do it, let alone you I also know that my grandfather gave me everything these years, and now it is my grandfather who made me what I am today. It is my grandfather who made me achieve what I am now. To be as rich as I am now, let me fulfill my dream, he let me determine my goal, everything is related to you, how could I be ungrateful, if you three grandpas, then I will chase you without mercy Going out of the house, because this is my responsibility to my grandpa, I should let my grandpa live happily.
Do you know? I often think that if time can come back two years, I have been arguing about this issue recently. If time goes back two years, I don’t think I will let myself become what I am now, I will definitely be casual Thinking about life, look, I will definitely learn that every time I live again and again, I will never become what I am now. , Everything I do now has never thought about how much pain I have. I have become what I am now, and everything is saved by myself. How much I wish I could become like this. In the happy and carefree days before, since you came back to this home, I watched grandpa mess up again and again, hiding there and crying secretly, do you know how much pain I have in my heart? He is my grandpa, it is me The person who is the most unwilling to hurt in this life must have not come back, so he has caused such harm to him. How much I hope you can think about it in this life, why so many grandpas have let you down, why did you choose? Hurt her in this way, you are my parents, I beg you, I beg you, can you hold your hands high, let grandpa, let our family go, don't let us continue to live in such pain, such a life of pain What kind of consequences will it bring to you, have you never thought about it? You always feel that you are very happy and happy again and again, but what about me, I have never thought about what I get again and again What will I become? I have never thought about how I should live in my life. I just want my grandpa to be happy and happy. I can’t give anything in my life, but I can give him her. At least a little joy.Well, but when you came back, grandpa really turned into what he is now. She no longer has any happiness, no happiness, and I don’t understand how I can make all of this become what I am now.Can you do me a favor and let Grandpa go, don't hurt her anymore.
If you can really stop hurting grandpa, I don’t know how happy I would be, because three grandpas are a big taboo in my life for me, and I have no way to endure anyone hurting my grandpa , because of all the pain my grandpa suffered, all this pain is all because of what you did, do you know how much it hurts in the bottom of my heart? What should I do, but I think again and again how happy my grandfather was when he was able to live happily, but why did everything change after you came back? So sad and so sad, if it was a mistake for you to come back, then I would rather you never come back to this family in your life, at least my grandpa can be as happy as before, and live happily. Maybe you think my thoughts like this are true. It's very selfish and naive, but this kind of thinking is the only way I can think of, because this way at least can make grandpa not so sad, not so painful, at least I can see the kind of grandpa living happily every day Happiness is something that grandpa has no way to obtain in his whole life. You have never seen what kind of feeling grandpa's smile from the heart is like. You will feel that grandpa's grandpa was like a spring breeze at that time. When I smile from the bottom of my heart, she is the happiest, the happiest, and the happiest. I have never seen her smile so happily in my life. It’s because of you that you changed everything. Why do you want to hurt her in this way.Why such a coquettish grandpa, what exactly did you get for everything? You hurt your family again and again in exchange for the ending, wouldn’t you let yourself be hurt and suffer again and again? But you still chose to do that without hesitation up.Because in your heart you feel that all this is necessary, because you feel that hurting your family is more important than getting hurt yourself.
Everyone in many families hopes that they will be hurt, and they don’t want their family members to suffer a little bit of pain. On the contrary, you choose to hurt your family members in order to live a happy life for yourself. , in your eyes, the family members have nothing at all because of this injury, and it is not important to the family members. If the family members want it, they can throw it away whenever they want. When they want to come back, they come back and pretend to be pitiful, and pray for their forgiveness. If you don't want it, just pat your ass and leave casually, and abandon the whole family. Maybe this is your ultimate goal. You never think about what you do in everything you do. How much pain and harm did you bring to your family today? You have never thought about it, because you have no way to solve all this kind of harm. If one day you can really think about what kind of harm you have brought to your father Hurt, you will be able to understand how painful my heart is right now, how helpless it feels to see my grandpa suffer from all your injuries, but I can’t do anything, because I will never be able to understand my heart How much pain is there in the depths, I really don't understand if you are really my father or my enemy, if it is my enemy, I can still accept it willingly, but you are my parents, just because you are my father My parents, so you chose to hurt me in this way. This is what makes me unable to understand and endure in my whole life. If time can really go back two years, I would rather give up everything and absolutely I won’t let you go back to this family, not to mention two years, even if it’s only a few months, I won’t let such a thing happen in this family, at least then grandpa won’t live in such pain like now, so he can still To be able to smile happily, to be able to see Grandpa’s smile, is the most important thing to me, I don’t care about anything, but I have no way not to care about Grandpa’s smile.”
"Son, I know what we are talking about now. There is no way for you to understand it. You also feel that everything will only make you miserable. Don't talk about it anymore. Please share with me your past things Come on, let me get to know you a little more."
Zhang Yichen didn't intend to save his father. He felt that he should let his father know about his previous school experiences and so on. Let his father know more about how he got through.
"Since you want to know so much, let me tell you. At that time, I thought to myself that I was a genius, but I was also an unlucky genius. If I was not an unlucky genius, it would be a joke, because immature People die bravely for a great cause. Mature people live humblely for a great cause. In fact, it is the same if you replace the career in the above sentence with love. At that time, I loved someone sincerely. Let me put down love, I said let love die, I want to live humblely, at that time my classmate was having a love marathon with a girl, but the relationship has not been confirmed until now, but he is so skinny, he It is said that the best apples are the ones that cannot be picked, so he would run to the entrance of the corridor every night after the self-study to stand as a stone in the wind. At that time, my classmates always said that I did not pursue it, but I also wanted I always think that there are no good beauties in our school. At that time, my classmate took me to see a so-called beauty he said, but the beauty I saw, everyone thought it was a beauty.
I never lie, after a week of night driving, a whole problem set, and a 200g bottle of Nescafé, and no improvement in math, I proudly announce that I I turned against my father Mathematics, I think he can do whatever he likes about Mathematics, I am like this anyway, but after I turned against him, I immediately got a very high score in Mathematics. It is really very high, not far from a perfect score , I still remember the situation when I went to the podium to get the test paper that day. The highest score on the test paper is connected to the grid, and the lower score is lower. I am used to separating from the middle and falling backwards. Seeing my vision is revenge for me, but I am praying that I can't be the last one, I must not be the last one, and sure enough the last one is not mine, but the problem is where is my test paper, just as I was When I was wondering, I saw my name appearing on the top test paper in a fair manner. It turns out that mathematics is a bullying guy.
The joy brought by mathematics continued until the moment when I tested the 100-meter sprint in the afternoon, because at that moment I sprained my foot, and when it hurt the most, I heard a clear sound in my ears, so I was so scared that I couldn't help but think about it. It must be broken, but when I sat down on the side of the runway, I found that there was a little girl on my side who broke the comb, and it clicked, and I sat on the runway and couldn't move. Yes, the 20th teacher announced the test the day after tomorrow, a 3000-meter long-distance race. I almost vomited blood after hearing it, but the teacher immediately turned around and said to me that of course you don’t need to run. After his beloved horse ran away, he dragged his son and daughter back a few months later.
I think I'm a lucky genius, I'm really a lucky genius, I'm not a lucky genius, that's a joke, it was really too much to find a teacher in the school at that time, Christmas Eve was actually used for exams, sat When I was doing English test papers in the classroom, I wondered if someone at home would take me to the gate. I wondered if my parents would want to come back and have a look at that time. Me, even if I only have one glance, will Santa Claus come in and hang my favorite toys on my bed? How much I long for myself to live a normal and happy life, but everything is like nothing , I couldn’t get it at all, I wrote everything I thought of into English, and then the teacher gave me a problem. On the way home, I saw the words Merry Christmas all over the street, thousands of little The children ran wildly on the street, and every driver smiled and slowed down. The children were all dressed thickly like a fat snowman.
When I saw those children on the street with their parents holding hands and circling to Guangzhou on the street, I was really envious. I also hope that my parents can walk with me by my side, then I How happy it must be. When I was downstairs in my house, I saw a man clumsily hanging the little angel on the Christmas tree. After it was finished, I found that he tied the rope around the neck of the little angel. Obviously, he didn’t move. Because I wanted to go home quickly, I slept soundly on Christmas Eve, because I believed that Santa Claus should succeed, crawled in through the exhaust pipe and opened a window just in case, When I was in bed, I found a big box at the end of the bed. The packaging was extremely beautiful, so I brought it here. I wondered if it was something I had been yearning for for a long time. After I opened it, I found three question banks that were thick enough to kill people. It was shocking. I fell out, and I was only angry all morning. I just stood at the door of Jiuding Department Store all morning and ate a whole three barrels of ice cream weighing 15 kilograms. After eating, my mood improved, pat The ass is gone, who said that the pain is drowned in the food.
When I got home, I saw the gift my grandpa bought for me. The gift I wanted the most was next to my desk. At that moment, when December of that year was about to pass, I thought that I must not catch a cold. I must go out shopping with grandpa and spend a happy new year with grandpa, but I still caught a cold in the end, I should wear more clothes, thicker, and never catch a cold, so that I can I will always be with my grandfather, but I know that time and time disappear again and again, and I know that everything has changed.
During the time I was studying, all my classmates experienced lovelorn again and again, and then took sleeping pills. It turned out that my classmate took pills one by one after falling in love. Now he eats them one by one. I used to put them all away. He didn't object, he just paced back and forth in the living room with a cup of coffee every night, like a depressed lion, the sound of footsteps all night, and finally made me return all the medicine in my hand, I felt like I gave a rope to a person who wanted to hang himself. His job was a very sad and sad job. He had to rely on his own efforts to get to the end without getting anything. When she was 18 years old, she had an air crash. I gave him a huge amount of insurance and a huge family property, and he immediately became an enviable and pitiful child. He doesn't need my pity. This is what he said most often. He is now about the same as me. When I grow up, it’s fair to say that he is a pioneer poet, he already has his own life, and he is considered lucky because he has enough money to squander his life, while I am just an ordinary person, I can only have such a person by my own efforts, because my parents are not by my side, my parents can't give me any care, and they can't give me any help. My parents never thought about it. Wanting to accompany me by my side, this is life for me, this is the most painful thing, I think again and again what I should do to restore all this to the original reason, But there is no way to do all of this, no matter how much I pay myself, no matter what kind of ending I end up with, all of this is not what I want at all, because it will never become what I want Look, even if I give everything myself, what can I do? If I can’t get my sincerity, I will never get it. Let myself abandon everything and what can I get in exchange? They don’t care about themselves at all. The deepest thoughts in my heart, they will only hurt again and again, and they will push themselves to a dead end again and again when they are desperate, come back and beg for forgiveness from others, this kind of life is really not what I want, I never have I have begged anyone humbly, because I know that balloons are never what I want most, because begging will never get any ending, I should make myself stronger, and let myself never bow to anyone easily.
That kind of life is the life I want most. Recalling the little things I experienced with my classmates when I was studying, I feel so happy and warm now. At that time, even if we disagreed, there would be quarrels. We will fight, and we will follow them into the teacher's office, and be criticized by the teacher by name. Even if the school announces the criticism, so what, but at least we are happy, happy, and happy. We walk our best all the time. The road we want to go, but in the end every road we walk, we just push ourselves to a dead end. Time and time again, I have forgotten what kind of ending I want deep in my heart. I no longer understand What should I do, and I don’t know what kind of ending I want. I forgot, forgot what I want most in my life. I’m afraid that when I wake up one day, I’m already became.The walking dead, how I wish I could one day, but all this is not what I want at all, because I will never get it all, at that time I was more or less schizophrenic, waiting for the traffic lights on the side of the road, At night, I touched my hair a few times in a mess like this, until the golden strands in the village put on my favorite pants, I walked like a dog, rattled like a prisoner in the bedroom, I saw every People walk past me like a fool
At that time, I felt that I was the smartest person in the world, because no one could see every decision I made, but who knew how painful and sad I was in my heart. Thinking of myself being able to be happy, living a happy life and who thought about what I should do to make it all different. At that time, I was under the influence of my classmates, and I thought that maybe I shouldn’t take this path I should go, the path of life that I should go. If I blindly follow the thoughts deep in my heart and go, no one will know what the final result will be, but now I have become what I am now. , Maybe all of this is not the ending I want most, but what can I do? There is no way to change everything.I can't get what I want. What I don't want is always forced on my head. All of them make my heart feel so painful again and again. How I wish it would never happen This happens, I hope everything will not become so sad.so painful.Time and time again, this kind of pressure made me desperate.
Now that I want to recall the bits and pieces I have experienced, I simply have no way to understand how I was able to get through those difficult years, relying on my tenacious perseverance again and again to get to where I am today Everything is due to my own hard work, and step by step, I have become what I am now. I have never thought about what I should do. Every mistake I make is the last thing I want in my heart. I have to accept things, but I have no choice, because I know that only by my own efforts to become like this again and again, can I make all this not easy to bow my head, and I will make everyone not easy Look down on me.
Mom and Dad, in fact, deep down in your heart, you also look down on my son, because what I have done makes you feel chilled. No one in your heart has ever looked down on my son, because in those worlds of yours, my son My son is useless, nothing is because everything I do is simply incomprehensible to you, but do you know what kind of harm and pain your actions have brought to me? I am also afraid and I am also I thought I could be happy, but I have no choice. I can’t forget all the cynicism and ridicule I have suffered. Even if I get what I want and reach the pinnacle of my life, all of this follows My own efforts are directly proportional. I don’t rely on anyone, because I can’t rely on anyone. My parents can’t help me, because you didn’t even give me the most basic company. How can you help me? Locked in the room by myself, thinking about everything I have experienced in my life, so many little things, how tired I must be, I still don’t understand how I survived in the first place, I have come from depression step by step to the present, I am afraid that everyone in the world will betray me, I am afraid that everyone will hurt me, I am afraid that I will suffer a different life.
I just want to be happy, to be happy, I thought, if there is no grandpa in this family, how can you have no, how can you have me, so I don’t want to share everything you do to me, But I hope that when you do everything, you still think more about the feelings of grandpa. He is not a saint. He is an old man. Now he can't stand his family and has betrayed him time and time again. , as far as she is concerned, as long as she can live happily and happily now, it is enough for me. I am not a saint, and I do not ask for more. I only ask my grandpa to be happy and happy. Have you thought about it? No. When you are a mercenary, you should think about what you should become after everything you have experienced, and get to this step again and again, and become what you are now, every time you want Are they all the endings you want most? Have you ever thought about such an ending, is it really what everyone wants most in your heart? You have never thought about it at all, because all this is not what you want at all, and you are already at a loss Confused about everything you want because you say in your heart that you don't know what you want and you always feel that your heart is something to sit and watch.Is that really what you want?"
Zhang Zhentian and Xia Jing were left speechless by their son's question. How could they not understand what kind of meaning their son meant? In his whole life, his son might have no way to forget what he had brought her. It hurts, so what qualifications do I have as a father to forget the harm I have brought to my son? Everything in the workshop is vivid, and it is all the mistakes I made. My son came to make amends for me, but why did my son understand me cruelly, why did I let my son bear all the pain and consequences for me again and again, everything was related to my own The son has nothing to do with it, so why should he buy all the sins for himself? All the sins were caused by himself, shouldn't he be responsible for himself? Every wrong thing he did, up to now? Haven't realized the mistake? Time and time again, you've driven yourself to a dead end.Driving my child crazy time and time again, my child is about to be possessed, what kind of responsibilities do I have to go through as a father, why everything and every mistake I have committed is not at all Have you thought about what kind of results you will bring to them? Are you really so unreserved?
Maybe it’s true, as a father, I’ve never cared for my son at all in my whole life, and I’m still hurting them. What should my son do to make all this different? , What should I do to make my son forgive me from the bottom of my heart? What should I do to make everything different from before? The result is caused by what I did, so what should I do to restore everything to the original state, and what kind of attitude should I use to face the future life? What should we do when everyone is under the same roof to face each other
Maybe I should really think about the feelings of my family members as my son said. I never considered their thoughts in everything I did.
How much pain and suffering they have experienced, no one can know, they have come to today step by step, all relying on their own efforts, I have not paid anything, why should I come back now and treat them casually Then I hurt them, and they don’t owe me all the mistakes I have made. I should make all the mistakes again and again, and let all the mistakes be borne on my head in the final analysis. All the pain is revenged on my parents. They don't owe me anything, just like every word my son said is so reasonable, but what did I do as a father? Caring for them a little bit, I am not worthy of being a father at all, but why does he still choose to forgive himself in this way? Does he really hope that he can return to this family? But he never gave it to her On the contrary, caring hurts again and again.Sometimes he just can't believe it's really him scolding himself for why he has become like this, even his family members can casually hurt and abandon him casually. Is this still the previous self? The previous self has never been like this Being so insensitive now, giving up everyone in my family for a little benefit, everything I do is not right, everything I do is wrong, every mistake I have ever made, they I can forgive myself casually in the eyes of others, so what am I still questioning now? Shouldn't I go back home and live happily with them now? Don't I have to wait for everything I do? People have to leave themselves, do they know how to regret? Every mistake I have made, why is it always like this? I only know their importance to me after I know it. Every mistake I have made, what should I do? Only by doing can make up for the harm they have caused deep in their hearts. I choose again and again, and I want to walk a different path from them, in order to be able to give them a happy life and walk this path by myself.Who can know when it brings them time and time again
"Son, I know deep down in your heart that I am not a qualified father, because everything I do hurts you, but I hope you can really consume me once from the bottom of my heart, no matter how you Do, no matter what you say to me or what you do, I, a father, will never blame you, because I owe you everything, and I have no right to blame you, I just I hope you can live a good life and accompany grandpa well. Grandpa has suffered too many blows and pains in his life. It is not easy for him to get to where he is today. All of this is because of us We can’t blame anyone for the result of the cruel abandonment that brought him back then. On the contrary, the result we have obtained has never thought that it will bring you so much pain. You have thought about whether you will be happy if you don’t, whether you are happy or not
If our departure will really make you feel happy and happy in your heart, then please tell us by name, if you say so, we will definitely leave you. I hope that everyone in the family can feel that we are sincerely apologizing to you, and sincerely want to stay by your side. Maybe everything I do is not correct at all, but I hope that everything you do thing.I can stand on my point of view and think about it. I have already experienced the problem myself.Many blows and injuries have not been smooth sailing for each of us. Everyone who has come through has experienced pain and pain in the depths of their hearts. Everyone can stand in this position without laughing and joking. Everyone It’s all about today’s bitterness and tiring step by step how difficult it is to get to the present I believe deep in your heart and understand because you know better than anyone else how to get everything, , you have already experienced that kind of pain, are you really willing to let your grandpa suffer the pain again? Your grandpa is really not a saint
I know deep down in your heart I really hate me, but your grandpa is innocent, he didn't make any mistakes, everything he does is just to hope that everyone in the family can live happily, If she got hurt because of what we did, what do you think we did.
In fact, you know better than anyone else in your heart that what grandpa needs most is the people in our family, everyone’s most sincere concern and companionship for her, she may not care about everything, but it does not mean those things about you I don't care. I don't know exactly what he has experienced in the past few years. Why do you have to put everything on your head again and again in the end? You never thought about what the so-called foundation like you gave yourself How much harm did grandpa bring? How sad and painful his life is, you don't know it, and he doesn't know how difficult it is today, you know it better than anyone else.
We let go of the most important achievements between each other, and stay with Grandpa well, and don't let him accept the sadness and pain before.Why do we have to treat him in the same way as before? Why do we gamble on grandpa’s happiness again and again? Is that really fair to grandpa? He doesn’t owe us anything, you know better than anyone else that he has paid , All of this is more than anyone else, but have we not thought about what kind of result it should get after all this? The result that we exchanged again and again brought harm, have you ever thought about what grandpa should do? Do it, you have never thought about what grandpa should do in this life, how sad and painful he lived, he has come to the present time and time again, and he has turned all this into one time and time again.As it is now, all she wants is for everyone in the family to live happily and happily, but if we continue to quarrel like this, is it really the ending he wants to see? He wants us to come back to this family Isn't it just to hope that everyone can get along happily, safely and happily? If we have been like this, how do you make grandpa feel in his heart, deep in her heart, then you really won't be disappointed? On one side is his son, on the other hand He is his most beloved grandson, how do you make grandpa feel in his heart
Dad knows that you are actually a very filial child. You can give up all your own thoughts if you ask me, but can’t you think about it for grandpa? Use your own way of thinking to compare with us, you have the heart, what do you think is the meaning of comparing people's hearts? Do you think you have compared so many people's hearts, what kind of consequences you will get in the end, have you ever thought about it? Maybe you get it Everything is not what you want at all, it will be like every decision you made at the beginning, don’t you really regret it? Don’t you really think about staying with grandpa to give him the happiest moment? But now you look at how many blows and injuries grandpa has suffered because of our quarrel and our bad relationship. Is she really happy now? You know better than anyone that she is actually not happy now. It was very painful.Because he is very entangled, he doesn't know who he should help, because whoever he helps will hurt the other party, so how should he make a good choice, you are actually the person who is most worried about her, and may already be the person who hurt her the most. You are now You should think carefully about whether you want to stay with us like this. If you continue, you know better than anyone else what your grandpa will be like.
There is no need for us parents to tell you such a simple truth.”
Many times I exhaust myself because of such inexplicable doubts, or the thoughts brought about by some uncertainties. I think I am really living a sad life. People around me always say that I am Lonely, but am I really not lonely? Sometimes I think back to what I have done, do I really live so happy and so happy? I never get what I want, and the friends who play with me Not a single one, maybe it’s because I don’t have the company of my parents from the very beginning, so they think I’m an orphan, and I don’t deserve to play with me at all, but you will never see the time when I love you the most, because I I only love you when you can't see you, when I see my parents see your photos again and again, I want to tear you up because of all the hurt you have brought me.
I thought about how wonderful it would be if I were a willow tree standing on a hill, opening large groups of white loneliness in the wind, but I have nothing.
At that time, I thought naively and foolishly, I want to live a truly peaceful life and have a stable and normal job in the future, as long as I find someone to love, get married, live in an ordinary house , is a kind of happiness for me. I just need to be a good husband, a good father, and a good grandson. The wild geese are so simple and happy because they fly across the sky together, and my personality is very complicated. Others say that I understand it very well, and I smile at them. I am a person who often smiles at others, but secretly sheds tears , no one can understand the pain in my heart. Many times when I feel sad and tears have not had time to well up, the smile has already covered the corners of my eyes and brows. I will be angry with the people I like, and smile at the people I don’t like. It wasn't until one day that I realized that the results I got time and time again were not what I wanted. On the contrary, they were cheaper, and there were many people around me who wanted to hurt me. At that moment, I realized that all smiles are not the most useful. Let people who don't care hurt themselves again and again, because they don't know what you want, deep down in their hearts, you are a person who can hurt casually, because you are not worth mentioning , it doesn't matter at all what you do anyway. "
Zhang Zhentian didn't say anything, he just silently listened to his child telling him about her personal experience, telling about every part of her past.
Because he knows that it may be useless to do what he does now, why not take some practical actions, listen to his son carefully, and tell all his life experiences in these years, maybe this is a kind of concern for his son. , he can finally confide all of his suffering and pain for so many years at once, how relaxed she must be, he has suppressed the hurt in his heart for more than ten years, this time he can finally confide all of it.
"Do you know that I have thought about what I should do again and again, but I have never thought about what kind of result I will get in the end. I thought my life was low-key and gloomy. As for how gloomy it is, No one can understand at all, and no one can understand what I am like deep in my heart. I think about how I should live again and again, but I forget that I should live to What kind of situation.
Dad, do you know? I once read a book, which said: I asked you the way once in my life, and you waved to me once in my life.
I am often moved by this kind of publicity-like naked growth, and at the same time feel sad for the young people today, because they all change their names on the Internet, and sincerity in love is nowhere to be found. My love is just pornography, I think again and again, how I should live, when I face myself, no matter what he does, no matter what he says, I just like it, no matter what they think of me My wife is so unworthy of me, but even if I like them, there is nothing they can do about me. Those subtle eyes tell me that they think I am an unreasonable monster. Monsters are just monsters. Beautiful women will fall in love with beasts. I comfort myself , In fact, I am a prince who has been enchanted. The person I love in my heart will always be my wife. This will never change. I follow my wife again and again. , I have been looking for her for 10 years, I have not forgotten her for the whole 10 years, because I have been looking for it countless times, I want to know where he is, I want to know what he has become now, I want to I don't know if he still remembers me or not.
When I face all the numbers, I feel that those trees are all poor children, because I can only use this definition to define them, as if I am an eminent monk who has experienced all kinds of hardships, God knows how much younger I am than those numbers. I don’t know how to understand the world, just like people in Taohuayuan who don’t know how to pose for the camera, sing without moving, and don’t know how to thank the company to say thank you to everyone on the stage.
But I am very tired from life, and they have a tendency to break out again. Their voice is purely that of a big boy. Although they have not received any professional training, I can even hear that they have misremembered some places , this original and simple voice often moves me simple and heavy.
I always feel that the tree is talking to me every time. I heard my uncle tell me that she is a bit closed. The long hair covers the eyes in order not to see the world too clearly. He is touched by some people and things, not by the hardships and pains of his own life. When I listen to the words of these trees, my heart Deep down in my heart, I also think about the sad and beautiful youth, the sentimental and lonely age, I just endured all the devil training alone, all of this is what I should have endured long ago, and I have no way to go There is no way to escape, and there is no way to make all this change, let all this be as if it never happened, this is my fate, everything in my life is destined to let me bear such an ending.
I know that the background of the music under the tree is loneliness, utter loneliness. This kind of loneliness is not the loneliness when a person stands alone on the desolate land looking up at the frighteningly large moon after the end of the world, but stands on the edge of the sky like a fish. The loneliness in the crowd looking around at a loss, the former is despair, the latter is cruel despair, I once thought, whether one day I will become like this, I read a short story, the only person who survived after the end of the world Sitting alone in the room, suddenly there was a knock on the door, I often think, when the knock on the door reminds me of what kind of mood the person felt at that time, it may be fear, confusion, joy, or neither, I think that People are like trees, guarding the earth alone, that's why it resists the outside world so strongly.
When I knew that the innate sense of helplessness in singing could not be learned, I felt so sad deep in my heart. I simply felt that the tree was the saddest, and she lived a more miserable life than me. Sadly, no one cares about what he has experienced there, he can only guard there silently, and there is no way to leave forever. I don’t understand why those flowers can still rise in the cracks of stones sometimes , the rise of Hua'er is a miracle, because they are the first underage band in China, but how do I know how much pain I have, I have reached the pinnacle of life again and again, and finally waited for a breakthrough I went downhill when I was young, and died like this without exception, and the only sensible thing I did was to ride the torrent, but the result was the same, only a more beautiful death
I tried my best to think about going beyond everything. Going beyond my ultimate means that I can’t go beyond. If I can’t go beyond, it means death. I think about what I should do to make it not like this. , I am not flaunting myself, because I always think about myself in the bottom of my heart, what should I do, I know that there must be ideals, no illusions, passion, no hypocrisy, and contentment in everything, but I don’t The method, I like happiness to surround me very much, but time and time again I personally disrupt all the happiness, I make all the rhythms so unbearable forever, it is I who make all this so lonely , It was I who made everyone leave again and again, I was the one who forced everyone to see through time and time again, I was never willing to stay by my side, everything was my own doing, And who can be blamed for the self-inflicted consequences?
When everyone comes to promote me, I have no reason not to believe them, just like I can't believe myself, because I know that no one can believe it except myself, and I want to make my life like The life of others is the same, and even if I want to surpass the best life of others, I want everyone to know that even if everyone is a fool, I am the only one who does not gain a wisdom by eating a pit, and that 13 things do not make a wisdom I am not stupid, but at least I don't admit that I am stupid.
When I was in the most pain again and again, it happened that the sky was drizzling outside, so I would choose to walk slowly from the outside to get a taste of the nature outside, but when I walked out again and again, The storm is coming, and it pours down again and again, all pouring on my head. The smell of the storm is unbearable. When it rains again and again, I will tell myself deep in my heart that this must be Will stop within an hour, maybe these words are really funny, but I really didn't expect that you would really stop within an hour after my words, I am really grateful sometimes, don't you Can God really hear every word I say? Can it really change because of every word I say? Nothing has changed why he never tried to put myself in my shoes and think about anything why didn't he try to get my family back to be with me and why did I get all this by myself forever It’s not what I want most.”
"Child, as a parent, we know that you have suffered a lot, but in this beautiful world, you should not complain so much. You should look forward. You only need to look forward to find yourself Your life is not like this at all, you can discover your own life, in fact, you can live a very happy and happy life, if you have been entangled in this, then how do you think your life should continue to live happily? You never thought about what kind of pain all this is like bringing to your family. You always feel that your life is the most perfect, but you forget that your family may suffer more seriously because of what you have done. Shouldn't you worry about what your family wants most in your heart?"
"Mom and Dad, in fact, sometimes it doesn't make sense for me to tell you these things, I just want to pour out all the things in my heart, because I know I know I have become insensitive, I know I have become no longer the me I used to be, and everything I have has forced me to this path again and again. I have no choice but to force myself to be different from others time and time again, because I To make myself stronger, I want all those who look down on me to know that I am the strongest person forever, and they have no reason or qualification to look down on me.
Do you know that when I was studying, I got a very brilliant result in the biology test at that time, the teacher smiled at me with an inexplicable number, I couldn’t believe it, because he had never smiled at me so kindly, but he The genial smile brought me no particular realization at all, I knew nothing but that he had always been like that, my uncertainties over and over again ended my brilliance, and in retrospect I The small brilliance time and time again, in fact, after all the previous ones, the last stand against the wall, the so-called love of soldiers will win, the so-called fight all the way, all these are not understandable by my teacher, when I saw the biology teacher Full of confidence in me, and a joy, the ignorant is not only fearless, but also carefree and ignorant. At that time, the teacher always thought that I was suitable for learning biology, because I didn’t believe it. I held the test paper in front of the white coat and looked at the microscope. I have always kept my life at a respectful distance, because instead of studying polymers or dna, I might as well go to forensic medicine. I can cut a hole in a dead person, eat a few more holes, and finally let the bad person be punished. Fortunately, the innocent person is innocent, but the innocent It's the dead, and the work of a forensic doctor is a bit like whipping a corpse.
When I had this thought, I was terrified, I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe it was really my deepest thought, why would I have such a thought, it’s too scary, It was simply beyond my imagination, and I couldn't figure out what was causing this ending deep in my heart.
Facing the enthusiasm of the biology teacher again and again, I should have some response. I held the textbook again and again, enough reference books to kill people, ran to the podium, and then let myself make my eyes full of knowledge, so I always start The new round of testing, my guilt, I have done this kind of thing more than once, I have studied so hard again and again, I just want to be able to get what I want, but in the end I found that I didn’t get anything, Sometimes I feel that I am a stingy and generous person, because I don’t know what I should do so that everyone can have a different view of me, so that everyone can no longer laugh at me. I am a As an orphan without my parents, I have been ridiculed by everyone. I don’t know what it’s like to be ridiculed. No one can understand what kind of ridicule it is. The pain, everything is on my body, and who can understand how much mental pressure that pain has brought to me, I am strong again and again, I become different from others, but in the end I What did I get in exchange? I pushed myself into the abyss of pain time and time again. I never got the ending I wanted, and everything was just the result my grandpa wanted to see. In order to satisfy my grandpa, I Paid.There are too many, and at the same time, to prove to you that I have given everything desperately time and time again.
I really don't understand what you thought about the homework when you were parents, how did you think that one day you would abandon me as a son, sometimes I really don't understand, deep in my heart it's like a door that can't be closed Even if the cold wind comes and goes, there is no way to close it, because I know that my heart has collapsed, and I have reached the edge of collapse, and I have no way to let it go. I have become as happy and happy as I used to be. Everything is on my head, so that I can't breathe. I can think about why I do this again and again, and I am not ashamed of anyone. Why should I be a man with my tail between my legs? I should let everyone know and let everyone who looks down on me understand that everyone Those who look down on me will eventually pay a heavy price for looking down on me. I did it.
Mom and Dad, maybe you think that I am like this is terrible, you never thought that your son would be like this, even if the good times when thousands of troops squeezed the single-plank bridge are over, we will always walk on steel At that time, I felt that the test papers seemed to increase overnight, like snowflakes, flying in the classroom one by one. At first, people asked where did so many things come from, but gradually no one asked. , Grab it habitually, the teacher once said, if you pick up the test paper and do it, it proves that you have entered the state of learning. Now that I think about it at that time, I entered the state ahead of time, but gradually Changed my whole life, and made me numb, I only remember that time is still fleeting, but the calm performance gave birth to the undercurrent, the silent Zhong Xinyun, the shocking explosion, the center of the explosion is not someone else , but my own potential that has never been stimulated. No one knows that this is the motivation that I have been wronged for so many years by myself again and again. They always feel that I cheated and got it. The best grade in the class, how much I wanted to cry at that time, I put in all my efforts, but in the end the result was that others suspected that my efforts were for nothing, and no one thought about me at all. No one has ever thought that my efforts are directly proportional to how much I have paid for my efforts.
Do you think it's funny why I live my life in this way? Why do I choose to use this way to tell you that I have reached the edge of love and pain again and again, and I have made myself more like others Not the same, but what did I get in the end? I endured all the pain in my heart, all I wanted was to be different from others, but in the end I still endured all the suffering
I have thought about whether I should experience the kind of life like yours that gives up all means for freedom. I have thought again and again, if that kind of life will eventually bring me what kind of ending, I have no idea. There is no way to imagine, if I really choose to do that, then what will be my ending now, you have never thought about it.
As parents, you have never thought about what kind of ending I am. When I was young and accepted the cynicism of others again and again, I was doomed to have no happiness in my life. I gave all of myself again and again, Everything in my heart has changed, because I know that I can't let anyone look down on me no matter what, so I can only feel sad for the sky outside day after day, feeling that the world outside is wonderful, but the world inside Very helpless.
In fact, you should have thought about those things as parents that I am really sad. All I did was to prove to you how strong and brave I was, but in the end I found that no matter what I did, there was nothing I could do. There is no way to change the position deep in your heart, because there is no way to change the position deep in your heart in this lifetime, because what you get after time and time again is nothing but harm, no matter how much I pay How? Because deep down in your heart, you will never believe that I am a good boy, but do you know? The pain that was brought to me once made me unable to do anything in my life. I can forget that I just want to live a happy and happy life, but in the end I got nothing. All this is my own and only myself.I can't blame anyone, but I'm not a saint, I can't be indifferent to all these things, I just hope you can think about it, what is the reason for doing this, and what do you deserve? , because what is the ending you gave me again and again, what should I do to let you know that I am your child, and what you do will only bring me heavy harm and blows, and those things of yours really never Haven't you ever regretted what you've done? What you've done to me in the end What you could have done to everyone in your family Hurt after hurt, pain after memory, there's no way , you can make all this as if it never happened, you may think that it doesn't matter at all, but I can't think so. Deep down in your heart, maybe all this is not important at all, but I think it is very important .Because I have a grandfather, I have my own things to do, I have to prove to everyone that I am the strongest person, I have to let everyone look up to me, I have to stand on the pinnacle of life even if I fall Even worse, I will stand up, because only in this way can I announce to the world that I am at least successful.Even if I pay behind the success.So what about all the hard work? At least I got there with my own hard work, and I didn't rely on anyone.
I have to admit that I am particularly envious of those children who are accompanied by their parents. They go out to work hard, and their parents can silently support them behind the scenes, but I have nothing. Apart from my grandpa’s concern for me, except When grandpa didn't give everything for me again and again, I had nothing at all, because my parents didn't know where, and I never got a little bit of love from my parents, because my parents I never thought of staying by my side. For me, it is the most painful thing in my heart. Maybe I can only make all this different by living a happy and happy life, but myself Everything that was done ended up bringing me back.What kind of result? No one knows what I have experienced in my life. What, I forced myself to become stronger again and again. Only in this way can those who look down on me know me again and let them know that they look down on me The ending is to be crushed under the soles of my feet again and again, and I can only surrender under my feet forever, and there is no way to go over my head forever. Do you know how much that feeling is? It was obtained after the revenge society revenge incident The pleasure, that feeling cannot be described in words.
I have made myself numb again and again, made myself forget all the hurts and pains time and time again, just to make myself different from others one day, but what is the result I got in the end? The result I got was nothing. I had no choice but to imagine what kind of ending I should get. I forced myself to be different from others time and time again, but in the end the result I got was just to make myself sad again and again. , do you understand that when I pay more and more hard than others with my heart again and again, when others stab me in the back and betray me again and again, the despair deep in my heart, how painful it must be, no one To be able to experience that feeling, that feeling is something I will never want to experience again in my life. I just want to live a safe and stable life, but in the end I got nothing in exchange for it. I gave myself I gave my sincerity to my friends and my best classmates time and time again, but in the end they gave me what kind of ending, you can't imagine the complaints against my back again and again, and the smears again and again, I Time and time again behind my back, I am an orphan without parents, do you think my heart is really indifferent, without feeling? In fact, it’s not that I also feel pain, I also feel pain, but I can’t help it , because those are things that I have to bear independently, who told me that my parents have never been by my side to accompany me, what can I blame for all this, I can only blame myself for being too useless, I can't even keep my own parents. If you had stayed by my side back then, would it have been better if I didn't have to go through these pains, and if I didn't have to accept the cynicism and ridicule from others again and again, I could have How frightened and helpless, I just hope that all this can become my favorite thing in my heart. I have never thought about what the end of myself will be like this time and time again. Perhaps happiness, in your eyes It doesn't matter at all, but it is happy for me.It's very important, because my grandpa needs to be happy, my family needs to be happy, my son, my wife and all of us need to be happy. You think happiness is indifferent, but happiness is too much for us.
After all, you have lived outside for so many years, and it doesn’t matter if you feel happy or not, because you have been wandering for so many years, and you have enjoyed all the happiness you should enjoy, but we, we have missed you for so many years in this home , waited for so many years, but finally got nothing. When you returned to this home, you had a serious accident because of your conflicts because of thinking about going out for a trip. How did he live? He didn’t think about food and didn’t want to go to the hospital because you were hurt. He, the father who hurt him, suffered with you time and time again. Then you really don’t feel guilty at all deep in your heart. How can you really bear it? In your eyes, what is grandpa and every relative in this family is nothing. In fact, it is nothing. You only have your own interests in your eyes, and you always feel that you have achieved yourself. You feel that everything has been successful, but you have forgotten how much your relatives have been hurt because of your actions when you got your benefits. You have not thought about what you should do and what you should get. What kind of result should be exchanged for what kind of result
Sometimes I really want to ask you what your hearts are made of. Even if you think about him a little bit from the perspective of grandpa, you won’t make such a decision, but now you bring How much pain my grandfather has suffered from all the pain, and who of you knows how much pain, how sad, and how tired your life is, what you wait for again and again is always My relatives come to wipe your ass behind your back again and again, all you want is to become numb to the so-called little things in your heart again and again, you always feel that everything I do You are all wrong, are you doing good things? Everything you do hurts the people closest to you. Those people can’t hurt them casually, because they hurt them, maybe they didn’t I won't say anything, but as time goes by, they will always feel tired and psychologically shadowed. How can you have such a good ending, just let him go to a dead end time and time again?
Mom and Dad, maybe what I said to you today is really too much, but if I don’t say these words, I really have no choice deep in my heart, I really feel really uncomfortable at all, I I can't stand my family members killing each other again and again. I can't accept my grandfather hurting my parents, but I just stand by and watch without saying anything. I really can't do it, let alone you I also know that my grandfather gave me everything these years, and now it is my grandfather who made me what I am today. It is my grandfather who made me achieve what I am now. To be as rich as I am now, let me fulfill my dream, he let me determine my goal, everything is related to you, how could I be ungrateful, if you three grandpas, then I will chase you without mercy Going out of the house, because this is my responsibility to my grandpa, I should let my grandpa live happily.
Do you know? I often think that if time can come back two years, I have been arguing about this issue recently. If time goes back two years, I don’t think I will let myself become what I am now, I will definitely be casual Thinking about life, look, I will definitely learn that every time I live again and again, I will never become what I am now. , Everything I do now has never thought about how much pain I have. I have become what I am now, and everything is saved by myself. How much I wish I could become like this. In the happy and carefree days before, since you came back to this home, I watched grandpa mess up again and again, hiding there and crying secretly, do you know how much pain I have in my heart? He is my grandpa, it is me The person who is the most unwilling to hurt in this life must have not come back, so he has caused such harm to him. How much I hope you can think about it in this life, why so many grandpas have let you down, why did you choose? Hurt her in this way, you are my parents, I beg you, I beg you, can you hold your hands high, let grandpa, let our family go, don't let us continue to live in such pain, such a life of pain What kind of consequences will it bring to you, have you never thought about it? You always feel that you are very happy and happy again and again, but what about me, I have never thought about what I get again and again What will I become? I have never thought about how I should live in my life. I just want my grandpa to be happy and happy. I can’t give anything in my life, but I can give him her. At least a little joy.Well, but when you came back, grandpa really turned into what he is now. She no longer has any happiness, no happiness, and I don’t understand how I can make all of this become what I am now.Can you do me a favor and let Grandpa go, don't hurt her anymore.
If you can really stop hurting grandpa, I don’t know how happy I would be, because three grandpas are a big taboo in my life for me, and I have no way to endure anyone hurting my grandpa , because of all the pain my grandpa suffered, all this pain is all because of what you did, do you know how much it hurts in the bottom of my heart? What should I do, but I think again and again how happy my grandfather was when he was able to live happily, but why did everything change after you came back? So sad and so sad, if it was a mistake for you to come back, then I would rather you never come back to this family in your life, at least my grandpa can be as happy as before, and live happily. Maybe you think my thoughts like this are true. It's very selfish and naive, but this kind of thinking is the only way I can think of, because this way at least can make grandpa not so sad, not so painful, at least I can see the kind of grandpa living happily every day Happiness is something that grandpa has no way to obtain in his whole life. You have never seen what kind of feeling grandpa's smile from the heart is like. You will feel that grandpa's grandpa was like a spring breeze at that time. When I smile from the bottom of my heart, she is the happiest, the happiest, and the happiest. I have never seen her smile so happily in my life. It’s because of you that you changed everything. Why do you want to hurt her in this way.Why such a coquettish grandpa, what exactly did you get for everything? You hurt your family again and again in exchange for the ending, wouldn’t you let yourself be hurt and suffer again and again? But you still chose to do that without hesitation up.Because in your heart you feel that all this is necessary, because you feel that hurting your family is more important than getting hurt yourself.
Everyone in many families hopes that they will be hurt, and they don’t want their family members to suffer a little bit of pain. On the contrary, you choose to hurt your family members in order to live a happy life for yourself. , in your eyes, the family members have nothing at all because of this injury, and it is not important to the family members. If the family members want it, they can throw it away whenever they want. When they want to come back, they come back and pretend to be pitiful, and pray for their forgiveness. If you don't want it, just pat your ass and leave casually, and abandon the whole family. Maybe this is your ultimate goal. You never think about what you do in everything you do. How much pain and harm did you bring to your family today? You have never thought about it, because you have no way to solve all this kind of harm. If one day you can really think about what kind of harm you have brought to your father Hurt, you will be able to understand how painful my heart is right now, how helpless it feels to see my grandpa suffer from all your injuries, but I can’t do anything, because I will never be able to understand my heart How much pain is there in the depths, I really don't understand if you are really my father or my enemy, if it is my enemy, I can still accept it willingly, but you are my parents, just because you are my father My parents, so you chose to hurt me in this way. This is what makes me unable to understand and endure in my whole life. If time can really go back two years, I would rather give up everything and absolutely I won’t let you go back to this family, not to mention two years, even if it’s only a few months, I won’t let such a thing happen in this family, at least then grandpa won’t live in such pain like now, so he can still To be able to smile happily, to be able to see Grandpa’s smile, is the most important thing to me, I don’t care about anything, but I have no way not to care about Grandpa’s smile.”
"Son, I know what we are talking about now. There is no way for you to understand it. You also feel that everything will only make you miserable. Don't talk about it anymore. Please share with me your past things Come on, let me get to know you a little more."
Zhang Yichen didn't intend to save his father. He felt that he should let his father know about his previous school experiences and so on. Let his father know more about how he got through.
"Since you want to know so much, let me tell you. At that time, I thought to myself that I was a genius, but I was also an unlucky genius. If I was not an unlucky genius, it would be a joke, because immature People die bravely for a great cause. Mature people live humblely for a great cause. In fact, it is the same if you replace the career in the above sentence with love. At that time, I loved someone sincerely. Let me put down love, I said let love die, I want to live humblely, at that time my classmate was having a love marathon with a girl, but the relationship has not been confirmed until now, but he is so skinny, he It is said that the best apples are the ones that cannot be picked, so he would run to the entrance of the corridor every night after the self-study to stand as a stone in the wind. At that time, my classmates always said that I did not pursue it, but I also wanted I always think that there are no good beauties in our school. At that time, my classmate took me to see a so-called beauty he said, but the beauty I saw, everyone thought it was a beauty.
I never lie, after a week of night driving, a whole problem set, and a 200g bottle of Nescafé, and no improvement in math, I proudly announce that I I turned against my father Mathematics, I think he can do whatever he likes about Mathematics, I am like this anyway, but after I turned against him, I immediately got a very high score in Mathematics. It is really very high, not far from a perfect score , I still remember the situation when I went to the podium to get the test paper that day. The highest score on the test paper is connected to the grid, and the lower score is lower. I am used to separating from the middle and falling backwards. Seeing my vision is revenge for me, but I am praying that I can't be the last one, I must not be the last one, and sure enough the last one is not mine, but the problem is where is my test paper, just as I was When I was wondering, I saw my name appearing on the top test paper in a fair manner. It turns out that mathematics is a bullying guy.
The joy brought by mathematics continued until the moment when I tested the 100-meter sprint in the afternoon, because at that moment I sprained my foot, and when it hurt the most, I heard a clear sound in my ears, so I was so scared that I couldn't help but think about it. It must be broken, but when I sat down on the side of the runway, I found that there was a little girl on my side who broke the comb, and it clicked, and I sat on the runway and couldn't move. Yes, the 20th teacher announced the test the day after tomorrow, a 3000-meter long-distance race. I almost vomited blood after hearing it, but the teacher immediately turned around and said to me that of course you don’t need to run. After his beloved horse ran away, he dragged his son and daughter back a few months later.
I think I'm a lucky genius, I'm really a lucky genius, I'm not a lucky genius, that's a joke, it was really too much to find a teacher in the school at that time, Christmas Eve was actually used for exams, sat When I was doing English test papers in the classroom, I wondered if someone at home would take me to the gate. I wondered if my parents would want to come back and have a look at that time. Me, even if I only have one glance, will Santa Claus come in and hang my favorite toys on my bed? How much I long for myself to live a normal and happy life, but everything is like nothing , I couldn’t get it at all, I wrote everything I thought of into English, and then the teacher gave me a problem. On the way home, I saw the words Merry Christmas all over the street, thousands of little The children ran wildly on the street, and every driver smiled and slowed down. The children were all dressed thickly like a fat snowman.
When I saw those children on the street with their parents holding hands and circling to Guangzhou on the street, I was really envious. I also hope that my parents can walk with me by my side, then I How happy it must be. When I was downstairs in my house, I saw a man clumsily hanging the little angel on the Christmas tree. After it was finished, I found that he tied the rope around the neck of the little angel. Obviously, he didn’t move. Because I wanted to go home quickly, I slept soundly on Christmas Eve, because I believed that Santa Claus should succeed, crawled in through the exhaust pipe and opened a window just in case, When I was in bed, I found a big box at the end of the bed. The packaging was extremely beautiful, so I brought it here. I wondered if it was something I had been yearning for for a long time. After I opened it, I found three question banks that were thick enough to kill people. It was shocking. I fell out, and I was only angry all morning. I just stood at the door of Jiuding Department Store all morning and ate a whole three barrels of ice cream weighing 15 kilograms. After eating, my mood improved, pat The ass is gone, who said that the pain is drowned in the food.
When I got home, I saw the gift my grandpa bought for me. The gift I wanted the most was next to my desk. At that moment, when December of that year was about to pass, I thought that I must not catch a cold. I must go out shopping with grandpa and spend a happy new year with grandpa, but I still caught a cold in the end, I should wear more clothes, thicker, and never catch a cold, so that I can I will always be with my grandfather, but I know that time and time disappear again and again, and I know that everything has changed.
During the time I was studying, all my classmates experienced lovelorn again and again, and then took sleeping pills. It turned out that my classmate took pills one by one after falling in love. Now he eats them one by one. I used to put them all away. He didn't object, he just paced back and forth in the living room with a cup of coffee every night, like a depressed lion, the sound of footsteps all night, and finally made me return all the medicine in my hand, I felt like I gave a rope to a person who wanted to hang himself. His job was a very sad and sad job. He had to rely on his own efforts to get to the end without getting anything. When she was 18 years old, she had an air crash. I gave him a huge amount of insurance and a huge family property, and he immediately became an enviable and pitiful child. He doesn't need my pity. This is what he said most often. He is now about the same as me. When I grow up, it’s fair to say that he is a pioneer poet, he already has his own life, and he is considered lucky because he has enough money to squander his life, while I am just an ordinary person, I can only have such a person by my own efforts, because my parents are not by my side, my parents can't give me any care, and they can't give me any help. My parents never thought about it. Wanting to accompany me by my side, this is life for me, this is the most painful thing, I think again and again what I should do to restore all this to the original reason, But there is no way to do all of this, no matter how much I pay myself, no matter what kind of ending I end up with, all of this is not what I want at all, because it will never become what I want Look, even if I give everything myself, what can I do? If I can’t get my sincerity, I will never get it. Let myself abandon everything and what can I get in exchange? They don’t care about themselves at all. The deepest thoughts in my heart, they will only hurt again and again, and they will push themselves to a dead end again and again when they are desperate, come back and beg for forgiveness from others, this kind of life is really not what I want, I never have I have begged anyone humbly, because I know that balloons are never what I want most, because begging will never get any ending, I should make myself stronger, and let myself never bow to anyone easily.
That kind of life is the life I want most. Recalling the little things I experienced with my classmates when I was studying, I feel so happy and warm now. At that time, even if we disagreed, there would be quarrels. We will fight, and we will follow them into the teacher's office, and be criticized by the teacher by name. Even if the school announces the criticism, so what, but at least we are happy, happy, and happy. We walk our best all the time. The road we want to go, but in the end every road we walk, we just push ourselves to a dead end. Time and time again, I have forgotten what kind of ending I want deep in my heart. I no longer understand What should I do, and I don’t know what kind of ending I want. I forgot, forgot what I want most in my life. I’m afraid that when I wake up one day, I’m already became.The walking dead, how I wish I could one day, but all this is not what I want at all, because I will never get it all, at that time I was more or less schizophrenic, waiting for the traffic lights on the side of the road, At night, I touched my hair a few times in a mess like this, until the golden strands in the village put on my favorite pants, I walked like a dog, rattled like a prisoner in the bedroom, I saw every People walk past me like a fool
At that time, I felt that I was the smartest person in the world, because no one could see every decision I made, but who knew how painful and sad I was in my heart. Thinking of myself being able to be happy, living a happy life and who thought about what I should do to make it all different. At that time, I was under the influence of my classmates, and I thought that maybe I shouldn’t take this path I should go, the path of life that I should go. If I blindly follow the thoughts deep in my heart and go, no one will know what the final result will be, but now I have become what I am now. , Maybe all of this is not the ending I want most, but what can I do? There is no way to change everything.I can't get what I want. What I don't want is always forced on my head. All of them make my heart feel so painful again and again. How I wish it would never happen This happens, I hope everything will not become so sad.so painful.Time and time again, this kind of pressure made me desperate.
Now that I want to recall the bits and pieces I have experienced, I simply have no way to understand how I was able to get through those difficult years, relying on my tenacious perseverance again and again to get to where I am today Everything is due to my own hard work, and step by step, I have become what I am now. I have never thought about what I should do. Every mistake I make is the last thing I want in my heart. I have to accept things, but I have no choice, because I know that only by my own efforts to become like this again and again, can I make all this not easy to bow my head, and I will make everyone not easy Look down on me.
Mom and Dad, in fact, deep down in your heart, you also look down on my son, because what I have done makes you feel chilled. No one in your heart has ever looked down on my son, because in those worlds of yours, my son My son is useless, nothing is because everything I do is simply incomprehensible to you, but do you know what kind of harm and pain your actions have brought to me? I am also afraid and I am also I thought I could be happy, but I have no choice. I can’t forget all the cynicism and ridicule I have suffered. Even if I get what I want and reach the pinnacle of my life, all of this follows My own efforts are directly proportional. I don’t rely on anyone, because I can’t rely on anyone. My parents can’t help me, because you didn’t even give me the most basic company. How can you help me? Locked in the room by myself, thinking about everything I have experienced in my life, so many little things, how tired I must be, I still don’t understand how I survived in the first place, I have come from depression step by step to the present, I am afraid that everyone in the world will betray me, I am afraid that everyone will hurt me, I am afraid that I will suffer a different life.
I just want to be happy, to be happy, I thought, if there is no grandpa in this family, how can you have no, how can you have me, so I don’t want to share everything you do to me, But I hope that when you do everything, you still think more about the feelings of grandpa. He is not a saint. He is an old man. Now he can't stand his family and has betrayed him time and time again. , as far as she is concerned, as long as she can live happily and happily now, it is enough for me. I am not a saint, and I do not ask for more. I only ask my grandpa to be happy and happy. Have you thought about it? No. When you are a mercenary, you should think about what you should become after everything you have experienced, and get to this step again and again, and become what you are now, every time you want Are they all the endings you want most? Have you ever thought about such an ending, is it really what everyone wants most in your heart? You have never thought about it at all, because all this is not what you want at all, and you are already at a loss Confused about everything you want because you say in your heart that you don't know what you want and you always feel that your heart is something to sit and watch.Is that really what you want?"
Zhang Zhentian and Xia Jing were left speechless by their son's question. How could they not understand what kind of meaning their son meant? In his whole life, his son might have no way to forget what he had brought her. It hurts, so what qualifications do I have as a father to forget the harm I have brought to my son? Everything in the workshop is vivid, and it is all the mistakes I made. My son came to make amends for me, but why did my son understand me cruelly, why did I let my son bear all the pain and consequences for me again and again, everything was related to my own The son has nothing to do with it, so why should he buy all the sins for himself? All the sins were caused by himself, shouldn't he be responsible for himself? Every wrong thing he did, up to now? Haven't realized the mistake? Time and time again, you've driven yourself to a dead end.Driving my child crazy time and time again, my child is about to be possessed, what kind of responsibilities do I have to go through as a father, why everything and every mistake I have committed is not at all Have you thought about what kind of results you will bring to them? Are you really so unreserved?
Maybe it’s true, as a father, I’ve never cared for my son at all in my whole life, and I’m still hurting them. What should my son do to make all this different? , What should I do to make my son forgive me from the bottom of my heart? What should I do to make everything different from before? The result is caused by what I did, so what should I do to restore everything to the original state, and what kind of attitude should I use to face the future life? What should we do when everyone is under the same roof to face each other
Maybe I should really think about the feelings of my family members as my son said. I never considered their thoughts in everything I did.
How much pain and suffering they have experienced, no one can know, they have come to today step by step, all relying on their own efforts, I have not paid anything, why should I come back now and treat them casually Then I hurt them, and they don’t owe me all the mistakes I have made. I should make all the mistakes again and again, and let all the mistakes be borne on my head in the final analysis. All the pain is revenged on my parents. They don't owe me anything, just like every word my son said is so reasonable, but what did I do as a father? Caring for them a little bit, I am not worthy of being a father at all, but why does he still choose to forgive himself in this way? Does he really hope that he can return to this family? But he never gave it to her On the contrary, caring hurts again and again.Sometimes he just can't believe it's really him scolding himself for why he has become like this, even his family members can casually hurt and abandon him casually. Is this still the previous self? The previous self has never been like this Being so insensitive now, giving up everyone in my family for a little benefit, everything I do is not right, everything I do is wrong, every mistake I have ever made, they I can forgive myself casually in the eyes of others, so what am I still questioning now? Shouldn't I go back home and live happily with them now? Don't I have to wait for everything I do? People have to leave themselves, do they know how to regret? Every mistake I have made, why is it always like this? I only know their importance to me after I know it. Every mistake I have made, what should I do? Only by doing can make up for the harm they have caused deep in their hearts. I choose again and again, and I want to walk a different path from them, in order to be able to give them a happy life and walk this path by myself.Who can know when it brings them time and time again
"Son, I know deep down in your heart that I am not a qualified father, because everything I do hurts you, but I hope you can really consume me once from the bottom of my heart, no matter how you Do, no matter what you say to me or what you do, I, a father, will never blame you, because I owe you everything, and I have no right to blame you, I just I hope you can live a good life and accompany grandpa well. Grandpa has suffered too many blows and pains in his life. It is not easy for him to get to where he is today. All of this is because of us We can’t blame anyone for the result of the cruel abandonment that brought him back then. On the contrary, the result we have obtained has never thought that it will bring you so much pain. You have thought about whether you will be happy if you don’t, whether you are happy or not
If our departure will really make you feel happy and happy in your heart, then please tell us by name, if you say so, we will definitely leave you. I hope that everyone in the family can feel that we are sincerely apologizing to you, and sincerely want to stay by your side. Maybe everything I do is not correct at all, but I hope that everything you do thing.I can stand on my point of view and think about it. I have already experienced the problem myself.Many blows and injuries have not been smooth sailing for each of us. Everyone who has come through has experienced pain and pain in the depths of their hearts. Everyone can stand in this position without laughing and joking. Everyone It’s all about today’s bitterness and tiring step by step how difficult it is to get to the present I believe deep in your heart and understand because you know better than anyone else how to get everything, , you have already experienced that kind of pain, are you really willing to let your grandpa suffer the pain again? Your grandpa is really not a saint
I know deep down in your heart I really hate me, but your grandpa is innocent, he didn't make any mistakes, everything he does is just to hope that everyone in the family can live happily, If she got hurt because of what we did, what do you think we did.
In fact, you know better than anyone else in your heart that what grandpa needs most is the people in our family, everyone’s most sincere concern and companionship for her, she may not care about everything, but it does not mean those things about you I don't care. I don't know exactly what he has experienced in the past few years. Why do you have to put everything on your head again and again in the end? You never thought about what the so-called foundation like you gave yourself How much harm did grandpa bring? How sad and painful his life is, you don't know it, and he doesn't know how difficult it is today, you know it better than anyone else.
We let go of the most important achievements between each other, and stay with Grandpa well, and don't let him accept the sadness and pain before.Why do we have to treat him in the same way as before? Why do we gamble on grandpa’s happiness again and again? Is that really fair to grandpa? He doesn’t owe us anything, you know better than anyone else that he has paid , All of this is more than anyone else, but have we not thought about what kind of result it should get after all this? The result that we exchanged again and again brought harm, have you ever thought about what grandpa should do? Do it, you have never thought about what grandpa should do in this life, how sad and painful he lived, he has come to the present time and time again, and he has turned all this into one time and time again.As it is now, all she wants is for everyone in the family to live happily and happily, but if we continue to quarrel like this, is it really the ending he wants to see? He wants us to come back to this family Isn't it just to hope that everyone can get along happily, safely and happily? If we have been like this, how do you make grandpa feel in his heart, deep in her heart, then you really won't be disappointed? On one side is his son, on the other hand He is his most beloved grandson, how do you make grandpa feel in his heart
Dad knows that you are actually a very filial child. You can give up all your own thoughts if you ask me, but can’t you think about it for grandpa? Use your own way of thinking to compare with us, you have the heart, what do you think is the meaning of comparing people's hearts? Do you think you have compared so many people's hearts, what kind of consequences you will get in the end, have you ever thought about it? Maybe you get it Everything is not what you want at all, it will be like every decision you made at the beginning, don’t you really regret it? Don’t you really think about staying with grandpa to give him the happiest moment? But now you look at how many blows and injuries grandpa has suffered because of our quarrel and our bad relationship. Is she really happy now? You know better than anyone that she is actually not happy now. It was very painful.Because he is very entangled, he doesn't know who he should help, because whoever he helps will hurt the other party, so how should he make a good choice, you are actually the person who is most worried about her, and may already be the person who hurt her the most. You are now You should think carefully about whether you want to stay with us like this. If you continue, you know better than anyone else what your grandpa will be like.
There is no need for us parents to tell you such a simple truth.”
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