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The strange thing is that even then I didn't feel more inclined to hate than hate, and I don't know why.Occasionally, when her back is engraved in the dusk, I will lose my mind for a moment... I often look at documents with a notebook in the living room. Sometimes she would stay quietly in her small room, and occasionally she would go to the balcony to dry clothes and quilts, which would be brought in at dusk.She may be afraid of disturbing me, so she will stay on the balcony for a while.I watched her arms resting on the railing of the balcony, and her thin back perfectly blended in the golden light. This scene felt like the loneliness of the lights outside the window when I took the train home overnight.At this time, I even wondered what she was thinking!

I seldom drink when I'm bored, but that time I drank a lot of alcohol after socializing, and I vomited in the toilet very well.When I was sent home by Sister Zhang and the driver, I was confused but my senses were clear.In such a state, I saw the gentleness flowing out of the flawless eyes.My heart seemed to warm up and gradually spread to every corner of my body, which was a feeling I had never felt before.

is her.How could it be her?Why is it her?How could this person who imprisoned me have such a gaze?I hate it so much, I want to destroy the cage and shackles she gave me, but my distorted feeling tells me...

possess her.

That night, her first time, there was no foreplay and tenderness, not even a sweet word, and I may have said some nasty things.But she just quietly waited for my wanton nüè.I felt the clear gaze flowing from her half-closed eyes, which made me more than half awake.But when I wanted to stop, I found that the bed was already dyed red. When I pulled out the fingers in her body, I lost my mind. What did I do under the distorted feeling!

Then she hugged me, and she whispered my name softly.A strange sense of irritability surged up, and it seemed that her indistinct cry echoed in my ears. I don’t know if it was my hallucination or she was really crying. My left chest would throb suddenly even when I was intoxicated...

The next morning, everything was neat as if nothing had happened to me.If it wasn't for the dark red on the bed sheet, if it wasn't for the dark red between my fingers, I really can't be sure that I wanted her yesterday, or in such a way of forcing her.But obviously...Obviously I am the party imprisoned by her!Why am I so messy?Why do you feel a little distressed?Whenever I see her obsessed expression, something in my heart struggles and twists more and more, making me unable to breathe.I think it's all about hating her.

I fell into an infinite vicious circle, I gasped helplessly in my own world and coldly hated giving her, my inner face was ferocious and regretful.But it seems that as soon as I get drunk, I treat her...to her like that.I know she hurts because I hurt too.When she is in pain, she will definitely bite her lip. When I am in pain, I will do everything to her to make her sad.She always accepted my ravages and never refused or escaped.She was indifferent, I got worse, I was malicious and I didn't intend to.

This cycle makes me tired.When the feeling of exhaustion hits, I will devote myself to endless work, and sometimes I will not sleep for two days and two nights, and I find one thing, my heart is completely occupied by that person and the feeling of bad internal force, Xia Yuqiu's shadow is getting lighter and lighter, and I can hardly even remember her face. Gradually... only that person's clear eyes are left, the eyes I hate! !

I was abandoned by my lover in this way, and held in the hands of this person in that way.In fact, being abandoned, I kind of had a hunch about this kind of thing, because my father had warned me long ago.However, I didn't expect her to behave like that, nor did I expect that person to behave like that to me. If I ask myself, even if I love Xia Yuqiu, I can't have such a big tolerance.

Gradually, I gave up stabbing her to vent my grievances. On the one hand, I don’t know why this kind of thing that you like and I want has developed to the point where I am not like the calm and cold Zheng Huairou in the past. On the one hand, even if I show the worst attitude, it's like hitting a sponge with my fist, she won't get angry or scared, but will stay quietly aside.

When I was calm, I was thinking, how could there be someone like her?Will she be happy?

How could I wish her to be happier! ?I think I'm insane for wanting to do this to my adoptive woman.

I compromised or acquiesced to this state of life. I want to live the next few years quietly, and maybe she thinks the same way.It's a tacit understanding, she avoids all the things I hate, but I still can't feel at ease, the feeling of restraint still engulfs everything in me.

I wanted to cry loudly, but I really couldn't cry when I was sober.

Sometimes, when I drive the car, I will speed up, and when the roar overwhelms everything, my mood will float and I will forget everything for a while.Sometimes, I would stand in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows and quietly watch the sky painted by the sunset until it was completely black. This feeling would allow me to release some negative influences on me.

Snowing.

At that time, when I got home and stepped into the slippers, I vaguely felt something was different, but I didn't pay much attention.She didn't make any fuss, just did everything quietly and quietly, such as the thick clothes on my co-pilot seat, which I obviously don't need; such as the cup of warm milk on the breakfast table; such as my The spacious bedroom is always so warm in winter and cool in summer, even the floor is covered with the blanket she prepared...

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