Lin Shu's Diary

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There were so many times that we had an argument when we were talking about our life circumstances. Every time I saw him refute my point of view in such a timely manner, I no longer wanted to continue the chat.I said, "What did you eat today?"

Suddenly, I felt, isn't that the painting where he showed a python eating an elephant in "The Little Prince"?If you think that's just a hat, then let's talk about something according to your understanding, even if you are a little lost, what can you do?In your opinion, it is just a hat. Even if I tell you that it is an elephant, you will only think that I am crazy.

Only then did I really understand what the author meant, and I smiled wryly, and decided that in the future, when I meet someone who is not speculative, I can use this sentence: "Have you eaten?" Then I started talking about something to eat and drink. It's human, this can always be talked about.

It is true that Amin and I are very good in other aspects. The only thing is that I am too dreamy and always think of some tricky questions. Every time Amin listens to it, he will try to move my thoughts back to his track. Why change me?It's a good exchange, but you obviously want to know my thoughts, and then adjust to be the same as you, so what is the meaning of our exchange?Isn't the purpose of communication between two people to understand each other and respect each other more?If a person doesn't like to eat celery, tell the other person that the other person should remember this habit, instead of telling her how good it is to eat celery, and you have to eat it.I know that Amin really wants to care about me, and also wants to understand my heart, and know my troubles and sufferings, but every time I tell him, he will eagerly give me examples from others and explain some great principles.Who doesn't know the truth?He said yes to listening, but he couldn't hold back his desire to educate others.

Maybe most people are like this.People come to you and say, "Everything sucks to me".As a close person, the other party will always say: "You speak, I listen".However, people only said one sentence, and the other party responded with countless sentences, making people feel that everything should not be done. Your troubles are nothing but meaningless moans. It's over.

I think there is still something, the sudden long-distance relationship made my life messy.In the past, I always felt that a long-distance relationship is more worry-free, with a lot less communication and less quarrels.I don't like quarreling the least, and it can be avoided by keeping a distance.However, it was only after we got together that we realized that long-distance relationships are more likely to cause conflicts, and even small things can make you nervous and exhausted.Preparing for the postgraduate exam is currently the biggest thing for me, but it is impossible for me to selfishly end this relationship and hurt Amin for the sake of my further studies.It's just that I can't calm down and review after the frequent quarrels.Whenever there is a conflict, I have to make long phone calls and chat for a long time, and feel tired at night, always thinking about working hard tomorrow.Day by day passed like this, and the review progress bar always stayed at the original place.The more this happened, the more guilty and annoyed I felt, the more emotional I became.I didn't find a sense of accomplishment in this matter, and I felt more and more frustrated, and every time I wanted to rise up, we would have new conflicts, which would drag both parties into a trough.

It's really tiring.

The most critical problem is that I am not strong enough, and we are both first loves, and we are not able to handle this first sudden relationship well, especially the torment we have to endure in a different place.One day we will be able to integrate a set of ways of getting along that belong to the two of us.I wish.

2011. 5, 4

I'm literally dying.

I really don't know how I did it, I didn't expect that kind of thing to be done by me, God, am I still me?Is this incident reflecting a self that I didn't pay much attention to, or, or what?My heart is disturbed as hell.

Amin's return plane has arrived safely, but my heart can't calm down. Yesterday, I was just a little uneasy. Today, I really can't stand it anymore. What should I do?

Ah Ming came to see me during the May Day holiday. I'm pretty happy. It seems that I was happy when I heard that Ah Ming was coming, but I wasn't particularly excited. I really don't know how I feel about him.I like him, after all, his body is very honest.But it seems to be mostly due to emotion, because in this world, apart from my father, there is no second man who treats me as well as he does. Sometimes I even feel that it is a sin not to be with him. It's so unfair.In fact, if it comes down to it, you don’t need to blame yourself. After all, how much does one person’s love for another person have to do with that other person himself?If everyone needs to feel guilty about the more fanatical suitors, then it must be a lot of guilt.It seems a bit conceited to say this, do you think you are some extraordinary thing?

Far away.

I had sex with Amin.

Chapter 3 Marriage

2017. 1, 1

Amin proposed again today.

For some reason these days, Amin seems to be a little strange, always trying to bring up the matter of marriage in different ways.According to everyone's meaning, I am also 28 years old----"It's time to get married".Or to put it more aptly: "Why aren't you married yet?"That's right, everyone says I don't know how to be satisfied. Amin is such a good person, he treats me very well, and his appearance and family background are impeccable. Speaking of which, I'm afraid I'm not good enough for him, but I don't know why. Mentioning the word "marriage", my head grew bigger, as if I was a poor piece of garlic, being pounded back and forth in an old small bowl, and my heart was beating violently, as if being pulled . "It stands to reason" that this should not be done, of course I know, but is there any way?The fact is true, I can't, I can't, and I don't know who has a way.

The most unforgiving person is A Ming, who always comes here in high spirits, but is dismissed by my prevarication and goes back disappointed.It can be seen that his clear outline became more and more irritable, always saying that he was like a worthless little bastard, and was ruthlessly rejected by me time and time again.Every time he said this, my heart ached and I was shaken, thinking that I should just agree and marry him like this, and I would be happy as he said!But the strange thing is that the unknown fear struck again, overcoming the vacillation that had gradually become firm.

I really don't know what I'm thinking, is it different from normal people?To return or to persevere?

Forget it, go to sleep.You think every day, which time you have the answer.

2017. 1, 15

Ever since I came back from the grassland, I have been busy with my graduation thesis, but I have forgotten whether to get married or not.Helpless, A Ming couldn't bear it this time, he opened his eyes wide, and for the first time he was so strict and restrained his emotions, and asked me gently: "You really aren't playing with me, are you? What kind of person do you want to be with? What about getting married? You said, if you treat you better than me, I will stop pestering you."

Yes, I know that this day will come sooner or later. My clumsy perfunctory, it’s not easy to deal with you for so long. I know that one day this woman who doesn’t know what she wants will wear down all your patience and let you You are disappointed and no longer want to love me.Is this day really coming?

No, I don't want to get married, and I don't really need a love, but I really need you, and I don't know what will happen if I leave you.It's not that I don't know how to forget about tea and food, and it must be nothing after a long time, and it will just turn into a scar in my heart.I believe you too, time will allow us to dilute the pain caused by this long-distance emotional race, but how can I be willing to leave you?

I almost shook my head with a cry, trying to tell you something, but what did I want to tell you?Said that I think it's fine not to get married, let's wander the world like this!You must not agree, if you agree, why would you change the law and propose marriage again and again.Even if you agree, how can your parents, my parents, seven aunts and eight aunts agree.

I sorted it out carefully, and the reason for my not getting married is probably because I am used to this kind of free life.

I don't know what freedom means, but ending it would certainly be a terrible thing for me.I can no longer go wherever I want, I can't do my own things freely, I can't decide who I don't marry, I'm a little socially phobic, but your family is very big, I want to deal with all kinds of things All kinds of relationships, my head is going to be big again.