Lin Shu's Diary

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I don’t know whether I should tell you this, but I still dare not, even though I know that you are willing to do anything as long as I am happy, even though I know that you are willing to do anything as long as I am happy. You have clearly expressed this during the years we have been together I understand your position, but I am a very rational person, so I can probably guess your reaction.You will say: Is it not free to be married?

Yes, is it not free to be married?

I don't know either. In short, in my impression, it seems that after getting married, I really have no self.Look at my mother, your mother, who didn't become a complete "xx's mother" as soon as they got married, instead of themselves, and they were just "yy's wife" outside.

Moreover, the results of years of observation show that being a parent these days is simply a thankless task.Although the child will understand you after he grows up, and you didn't decide to have a child for the reward, but how long does it take to "grow up".It seems that the term "parents" is a symbol of responsibility from the very beginning. You will have endless worries when you live for a day, and all your thoughts are on that little ta who will always be a child in your eyes. Is happy, but also terrible.

The reason why I write this is entirely because I think of my parents. I am afraid that they are the ones I am most sorry for in this life.My endless books, their endless hair, just imagine, what did they get from me?I really don't understand how happy they are when they see me. They entertain me with big fish and meat, just like entertaining guests from afar.I am extremely happy, because I can be an extremely comfortable guest, but on the other hand, I am uncomfortable. After all, it seems that the "trip home" that I have not had many times this year is a reward for them.What kind of logic is this, what kind of person do you really think you are, with such a rich daughter?

Far away.In the final analysis, my unwillingness to marry prematurely is probably entirely due to my unwillingness to assume family responsibilities prematurely and to be a parent prematurely.To be honest, every time I see the earnest eyes of my aunt, I seem to feel that the old man is eager to tell me: Lin Shu, when will you let me hold my grandson!

My disrespectful avoidance of the elderly is probably also due to my irresponsible nature.I haven't played around enough myself...

Well, let's put it this way, am I hurting Amin, who I claim to love the most, because of selfishness?It seems to be, or else?

"Okay, let's get married," I said.

When I finished this sentence lightly, Amin suddenly became puzzled, his eyes were full of doubts, as if he was saying: Hey, what are you doing again.

I smiled and kissed his forehead, his gentle lips were close to me with a fiery temperature.Strangely, there seemed to be a different feeling in my heart suddenly.It seems that it is not difficult to say the word "marriage". On the contrary, it seems that there is still some expectation. Have I been thinking too much about this matter?

2017. 2, 13

A Ming is usually not impatient, but when it comes to getting married, it seems to be very different. Our relationship seems to have returned to the period of passionate love. He is like a clingy child, asking questions every day with a smile, It doesn't match his strong appearance at all.Oh, it's still a child.

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day, A Ming said that he had already prepared everything for the wedding, and he had to be particular about the wedding anniversary, and only booked the best hotel in the city through his relationship.In fact, I don't know much about these things, and it was Amin's aunt who told me.By the way, aunt, I actually found that Amin's aunt is a very pleasant "big sister", and it is very comfortable to talk to her. She said that Amin has something wrong to tell her, and she can support me.Haha, what a lovely person.

None of this seems so bad.

In the afternoon, Amin took me to his house for dinner. The aunt was very enthusiastic, and Amin was as good to me as ever, and he didn't seem to have any "premarital phobia" because he was going to get married.A Ming inadvertently mentioned that my name should be written on the real estate certificate, and the air suddenly froze. Everyone in the room looked over, and I felt a wave of evil spirits coming towards me.This was so sudden that Amin never told me, but the atmosphere clearly made me understand that everyone thought it was my request.

This is my worst fear.

The little uncle smoothed things over and took Amin to the study after dinner.I cleaned up the dishes on the table, and heard my aunt say to A Ming's mother in the kitchen: Lin Shu is not simple.

I am usually carefree and unrestrained, which is not suitable for this kind of occasion. I don't know how to communicate with adults, and I don't like to explain to people.

In the evening when Amin sent me home, his face was a bit ugly, I thought it was because of something at his house.At that time, no one asked anyone for an explanation, so it was inconvenient for me to say anything.Although I am grateful for A Ming's trust, it is his house after all, why should I be unhappy because of this matter?I don't care about these at all.

I was just going to tell him that there is no need to do this.But Amin pro was the first to speak: Did you go out to play with Huazi a while ago?No wonder you never married me, it turned out that you couldn't bear to part with that sweet-talking guy.

Amin's always gentle face suddenly turned ferocious, and turned into a look I didn't recognize.A wave of anger welled up from my chest, I didn't say a word, it's a habit to keep silent for 30 seconds when I'm angry.But I didn't expect Amin to be afraid that I would refuse to admit it, and added: "Little uncle has seen it, I really didn't expect what kind of woman you are."

Watching him walk away, my heart skipped a beat. I seemed to feel that something was wriggling its tail violently and was about to rush out of my body. It roared and jumped, as if it wanted to eat me.

You were not like this before, you used to ask me first, and unconditionally believed the answer I gave, this is why I love you.

Why do we want to get married?

Shall we still get married?

The moon stretched its lazy waist, and I seemed to see that the sun was about to rise.

2017/2/14

I don't know whether to be grateful or depressed, I had a car accident.

Drank all the wine in the house last night and woke up here.It is said that he was knocked down by a motorcycle. It was not that serious, but unfortunately, his head hit the flower garden rock on the side of the street, and he was bleeding.These words were just told by my mother. I remember what else she said, but I can't seem to remember what it is.

My head hurts, will I lose my memory?The doctor said no, it's just a temporary phenomenon.But I would like to lose my memory, forget everything, and start over.

The reason why I don't think it is necessarily a frustrating thing is because our marriage is postponed until the end of the year, and we can still enjoy our single life.I seem to be crazy, I would rather lie on the sick bed than get married, if it is so unbearable, then let’s not get married, but it seems impossible, my parents will not agree, and neither will Amin.

Chapter 4 Love with a Strange Man

2017/5/30

I just got better today, and I picked up the computer again and lay down on the pale sickbed to write something. It seemed that I hadn't written anything for a long time.Not lazy, well, some, but not all.

I was slightly wounded, stabbed in the stomach.How did you get hurt?Ah, I really don’t want to write it down anymore, but I’ve been extremely forgetful recently. If I don’t write it down, I’m afraid I won’t be able to remember it in a few days. It’s better to remember some things.

During the Dragon Boat Festival, Xijing City is very hot and dry. In fact, the weather here has always been uneasy. I think it is probably because there are too many emperors buried here, and the Yin atmosphere is too heavy?Haha, just kidding.

I still remember that night, at the "Windsor" bar, I didn't know why I felt irritable, and I came alone to drink.Not long after, a man about 27 or [-] walked up to him.His eyes were full of anxiety, as if there was some great uneasiness occupying his whole heart.He glanced at me, didn't order, just sat down.His eyes are like eagles, rabbits, mice, and tigers.What a special person, I have never seen eyes like these before, even though I would love to look into other people's eyes.