[Fifth Personality] Together forever [Otome, Soul of Umbrella]

Last night, there was a heavy rain after lightning and thunder, which lasted until morning.Until the afternoon, the hazy and weeping sky finally ushered in the breaking dawn, opening up a bright and clean new world.

Outside the window, the quiet blue sky like a lake has just eaten a whole piece of cake, and the corners of her mouth and face are mottled with layers of icing and slices of cream, but she still smiles nonchalantly, making people yearn to embrace her.

The temperature in early summer was already extremely high, but it was punished by the strong wind during the heavy rain last night, and it returned to this comfortable temperature angrily.The breeze is so comfortable that the sweet fragrance of the neighbor's roses is held in its mouth to please the arrogant morning glory outside the window, making its branches tremble with laughter.

The sunlight passes through the swaying body of the morning glory, and is projected onto the chest of the girl who is sitting quietly by the glass screen window, forming a slightly twisted and dancing shadow.The girl's body looked a little thin, and the fabric of the white dress on her body was piled up and folded, outlining her soft but thin waist.Her complexion was so pale that it was slightly transparent under the sun, and even the blue blood vessels under her skin were clearly visible.

She was motionless, sitting silently on the back of the chair like a doll, staring at the scenery outside the window.But her eyes were empty and numb, without the vitality that a young girl of this age should have, only a strange and sickly beauty.The black and slender butterfly wings on the upper eyelids, which were supposed to be ready to fly, are now crumbling because of her half-closed eyes.The fundus of the eyes was faintly black, and it seemed that he didn't sleep well at night.If it weren't for the shadow of a swaying morning glory dancing on her chest, filling her with a beating heart, perhaps she would have been thought to have withered.

Under this peaceful and beautiful skin, there is a soul twisted by pain and struggling, but like a bird in a cage, it vainly hits the body of this delicate golden vine cage, and finally cracks the bird's beak , even if the wings are torn apart, the cage cannot be shaken at all.

After being coaxed and forced to drink some soup at noon, you have been sitting quietly by this window until now.Calculated time should be four or five hours, right?You can't remember and can't remember.Time has lost all the meaning of existence in your senses. It is stagnant in the surrounding time and space, allowing you to almost see every leaf and every grain of dust slowing down.If we describe this environment vividly, it is like the mirror world created by their friend Joseph. The world is frozen, stagnant, gray and white without any color.

You are in great pain, so painful that a cuckoo bird is choked in your throat, crying blood and whining hoarsely.Let me ask, when a person breathes in and out, closes his eyes and opens his eyes, even in the environment where there are ubiquitous sharp knives constantly piercing through your body, what kind of feeling does it feel?

Language is barren.There are really things in this world that ordinary people can't understand except for those who are deeply involved in it.So pale words are never enough to describe that feeling.

It hurts to live, but you won't die again.

Fortunately, the effect of the drug has been brought into full play in your body, which makes your brain blank, without thinking, so that there is only an empty, cloudy and indistinguishable void like mist.There is no rumination that can kill your mind, only emotional sensory experiences of unknown origin.

Those morning glories are still dancing, and they become the only things that are no longer stagnant in your eyes, and become the only things that are alive in your eyes.So your numb eyes seem to turn to them out of the instinct of looking for vitality, and stare blankly.But your eyes have long since become difficult to focus, and the swaying flower is sometimes blurred into a distorted multi-colored shadow in your eyes, and sometimes it becomes clear.You have no choice but to give up observing them, and continue to let the soul separate from the scorpion and drift to the unknown distance without any clue.

"Look, there's a rainbow!"

"Wow..."

"Really."

"Take a picture, take a picture!"

"..."

Suddenly there was loud cheers from downstairs.

Your eyes regained a little luster, as if your soul was called back by the spirit bell, and you regained a little consciousness from the drowsy state.After sitting quietly by the window for a long time, you finally moved, your head turned slightly, and your eyes turned to the direction of the voices of the people downstairs.

A group of people gathered together and cheered, scrambling to take out their mobile phones to take pictures of the sky.People who came and went joined the gathered ranks one after another, marveling at the beauty of the rainbow.

Rainbow...it's quite rare in today's cities...

You then make your second move from this afternoon.You raised your head blankly and looked towards the sky where people were taking photos.

Lan Tian's face after eating the cake was still stained with a little icing and cream, but it was not as large as before, only flocculent froth remained.In the blue sky, she sipped her sweetness and showed a big smile with satisfaction—it was a colorful rainbow, but translucent like a dream.The sun on the opposite side exudes a dazzling and dreamy golden halo, which blends into this translucent but beautiful rainbow, making it even more charming but indistinguishable.

You stare blankly at the rainbow.

rainbow... rainbow...

It's really nice.

But tears trickled down his cheeks inexplicably, and he couldn't restrain himself.

very nice.When the rain is over and the sky is sunny, the blue sky will give her a pure smile without hesitation.

But your world is always a dark sky, dark clouds that prevent the sun from pouring down, and release a never-ending torrential rain, which lasts for a long time.So, there will never be such a beautiful rainbow in your sky, and you will never deserve such a beautiful smile.

Although you understand that associations, symbols, and metaphors are the most dangerous things in the world.

Thinking of this, your numb and depressed state of mind suddenly showed signs of collapsing, and all the cold bricks and rubble on the surface shattered, exposing your fragile inner wall to the outside.Blades flying from all directions start to slay you, and hideous monsters appear out of nowhere with their bloody mouths wide open, and the corners of their cracked mouths are raised to mock you crazily.There are three bold black characters in the brain that are distorting, expanding, shrinking, proliferating, and multiplying——

You do not deserve.

"Squeak."

The doorknob was twisted a full turn, and he cried out in pain.The door was gently opened from the outside.

It was Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu.

It's time to take your pills, and they walk up to you with a glass of warm water and pills in their hands.But before you could react sluggishly and wipe away the tears on your face, they looked at you in a daze. They had already noticed that you were crying, and there were emotions in your eyes that you couldn't understand.

That's right, you don't have the strength to understand anything now, everything becomes obscure and complicated in your eyes.

Your mood like stagnant water was suddenly startled by turbulent waves because of panic, but you didn't make any extra moves to wipe away your tears. You know, even if you wiped away those traces, it would still continue to flow out unstoppably and gather into tears. stream.

So you just close your eyes, turn your face away from the window, and avoid them.

Crying because of one of my own associations... How ridiculous, hypocritical, and unreasonable it seems to others!Let them see the way you cry for this, it seems to tear the flesh and blood, and show them the bloody but fragile bones and heart.

They who have always pampered you did not do what you wanted this time.

They put the medicine and water glasses on the table beside you, and after you sat down on the chairs on both sides, they stretched out their arms and directly embraced you who was trying to escape them.

"Cry, cry out, don't hold back anymore... ok?"

Fan Wujiu lowered his head and whispered to you, his usually low and magnetic voice softened.At this moment, his heart was also surging with huge waves, but he, who has never been good at covering up his emotions, did not show it on his face at this time, but his hands around your waist trembled a little.

You didn't answer, you lowered your butterfly wings wet by the stream, turned your head away from his gaze, and shook your head desperately with your back to him, not wanting to show such a vulnerable side in front of them.Because of suppressing the urge to cry, your chest heaved greatly, with a strong tremor, making your slender back look even thinner, seeing Fan Wujiu's heart-wrenching pain, but he was at a loss and did not dare to force you.

But when you turned your back to Fan Wujiu, what you faced was Xie Bi'an's eyes that were soft enough to drown you.He didn't give you a chance to lower your head to avoid him. His slender fingers clasped the back of your head, wrapped your shoulders and buried you in his generous chest.

"Cry...cry...it's ok. That way we can't see you cry. Good girl...it's ok, just cry."

His gentle words rang in your ears like a warm spring breeze, making your broken heart stop struggling and weeping.His hands caressed your back one after another, just like comforting a child who wakes up from a convulsion in his sleep, calming your panic.

When he felt the warm moistness on his chest, he understood that you were finally willing to let go of your hard-working strength.

He guessed that your mind is always so clear, bluntly expressing the reasons why your heart is avoiding.Under their gentleness, you finally compromised, and the hard armor in your heart was disarmed, revealing the softest part.You buried yourself in Xie Bi'an's chest, and raised your hands that had been hanging down feebly to encircle him, allowing tears to overflow from your eyes like a kite with a broken string.

You whimpered like a little beast that has found shelter after being bullied, sobbing in a disjointed and disjointed voice, your body also twitched from crying, each time seemed to attack the hearts of Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu, a dull pain It can't be stopped for a long time.

Even though you were willing to cry like this in front of them, you still didn't cry aloud, because the little dignity you had worn down by the disease wouldn't allow you to do that.Once upon a time, you made up your mind not to shed tears in front of others, so even if you make an exception now, you still want to protect your small, unworthy self-esteem.

"Good girl...it's okay...just cry."

Xie Bi'an gently rubbed your head.

"We are, always have been."

Fan Wujiu lowered his head and lovingly kissed the top of your hair.

In fact, when you were finally willing to cry, they all secretly breathed a sigh of relief, and their tense hearts during this period of time also relaxed.

After you get sick, you have been in a state of depression for a long time, unwilling to speak, lack of vitality, uncomfortable but unable to cry.The whole person is like a numb walking dead, without a trace of life.They see it in their eyes, but they can only hate their own powerlessness and can't do anything.Now that you can release the pain that has been lingering in your chest for a long time, it is also a sign of improvement.

"sorry Sorry..."

I don’t know how long you cried in their arms, looking at Xie Bi’an’s clean white shirt that was stained gray by your tears, you suddenly choked up and apologized to them.

sorry Sorry...

I'm sorry for your deep feelings for me, and for taking care of me in every possible way for so long. I deserve it.

I have lost all positive emotions, but I can't even respond to your feelings.

I was so useless, and looked so hypocritical and fragile.

So hypocritical and fragile that I cried for an association.

I'm not the me you used to like,

I am no longer the shining girl in the crowd, I don't even have the courage to stand in the crowd.

I am the mud abandoned after the renovation of the vegetation, I am the withered grass that cannot be burned in the fire.

There is nothing dirtier, meaner and useless than me.

sorry...

The overwhelming sense of guilt and inferiority are gathered in the three weak words, you keep repeating them, full of excessive and incomparable self-blame, and your whole person suddenly has faint signs of collapse.

The way you only ask for forgiveness, but don't ask for understanding, really makes people feel distressed.

"Enough...how come...you didn't apologize to us, don't say any more..."

Seeing your strange state, Fan Wujiu panicked and interrupted your words to stop you.

After you collapsed like this last time, your consciousness was in a trance for a whole day before you recovered. No matter who talked to you, you didn't respond, as if you really lost your soul, leaving only an empty shell.The doctor said that this is a typical state of stupor, and it is best to undergo electroshock therapy.However, the side effects of electric shock are large, and the effect varies from person to person. They don't want you to take the risk of suffering.

Fan Wujiu hurriedly lifted your weak shoulders, made you raise your head, looked into his eyes, and tried to sort out your confused consciousness:

"Look at me... who am I?"

"...No fault." You were forced to stare at him with tears in your eyes, and replied dully.

"Look at him again, who is he?" He pointed at Xie Bi'an again, asking you to look at him, and asked again patiently.

"...be safe."

"Fine. Who are we to you?"

"...spouse."

You are slow-minded, and your brain needs to work hard to answer every time he asks a question.

"That's right, we are your lovers, the ones who spend your whole life with you. As lovers, if you are sick, we should take care of you, just like you always took care of us before. You are just sick, just emotional and The body is out of control."

Fan Wujiu wiped away the remaining tears from the corners of your eyes carefully with Fan Wujiu's hand, and said word by word in an extremely serious tone, so that you who are now slow to speak have enough time to react.

"Wugui is right. It's not your fault. These are all symptoms of the disease. So, you can try to expel those false and heavy feelings of guilt. If you can't, it's okay. Close your eyes and don't worry about it." Listen to their voices."

Xie Bi'an uses his hands as a comb to gently tidy up your messy hair, just like combing a bird's feathers wet with dew.

"In front of us, you can lean on our chest and cry as much as you want. We will never reprimand you for crying for no reason, let alone get tired of you. We are your harbor and your greenhouse."

Xie Bi'an kissed your forehead lightly.No matter how powerless words are in the face of your illness, these words must be said to you, even if you subconsciously remember them.

Then he brought the medicine and water on the table for you to take.

"Come on, take the medicine first."

Bupropion hydrochloride, the pink pill, removes its lovely film coat and is as white as the bright moonlight.Harmless and pure color, bright and clean color, who would have thought that it would be a dark tide after it blends with gastric juice.It can inhibit the nerve cells from taking in the original poor neurotransmitter, so that its concentration can be increased to increase the body's sense of pleasure. Adherence to taking it can relieve your condition, but its side effects make you miserable.

Nausea, anorexia, dizziness, headache, hand tremors, numbness, memory loss, inability to concentrate, blurred vision and difficulty in focusing, slackened thinking and difficulty in thinking...

You still can't forget the scene at noon the next day after taking the drug.After the effect of the medicine is exerted, your hands shake so badly that you can't even hold the soup spoon steadily.Your trembling hand scooped up the soup in the bowl again and again, but it was shaken and fell back into the bowl again and again.

The hands that once performed miracles with a firm grip on the barrel of the pen have lost their value.

However, this little episode became the last straw that crushed you in those days, and the sense of despair spread powerlessly from your chest, eating away at every cell in you——

I'm a piece of shit, I can't even hold a spoon steady.

Then the tears flowed down uncontrollably, rubbing the air and dripping onto the table, ending its short life.

Fan Wujiu and Xie Bi'an who were sitting on both sides of you felt tight.Although you tried your best not to cry, the way you tried to hold back your tears made them feel even more distressed.

Although Fan Wujiu didn't know why you were crying at that time, he hugged you tightly in his arms, didn't say a word, didn't question you, scolded you, and didn't comfort you like outsiders.Because he knows that seemingly glamorous and comforting words are pale and hypocritical in the face of this situation, and they are never as good as taking action.So at this time, just hug you and let you digest the sudden emotions.

Seeing the soup stains scattered on the table and your trembling hands clenched into fists, Xie Bi'an recalled some matters that the doctor told them in private, and deduced the reason for your sadness at this time.He restrained all his emotions in his heart, with a gentle look on his face that was always only for you, wrapped your trembling hands with his slender big hands, and said softly:

"It's okay, they're just too tired, they'll be fine after a good rest. Come on, open your mouth, I'll just feed you. Eat more."

...

They looked at you and resisted taking the medicine because of the side effects. Even if they couldn't bear it, they didn't condone you not to take the medicine. They could only comfort you:

"The side effects show that the effect of the medicine has also begun to play in your body. Stick to it, and you will get better."

Although they also feel sorry for you being tortured by side effects, they will still urge you to take it on time.

They are really nice and nice, they have been patiently with you during your illness, and never showed an impatient look towards you.So facing them like this, you have no reason to resist taking medicine.

You obediently took the pill from Xie Bi'an's hand, and swallowed it together with the water in the glass under their encouraging eyes.

Even if the side effects of the medicine are uncomfortable, taking medicine is currently the only way to make you better.Even if it is for them, we must take medicine well.

"Ah, that's right. Do you like staring out the window in a daze? Seeing that you have been sitting by the window all afternoon, you must be tired."

Xie Bi'an got up, walked to the cabinet, opened it and took out a pillow, a cushion and a blanket.Place the mat on the windowsill, and put pillows and blankets on top of the mat.

After doing all this, he hugged you horizontally.

It's too light, like a feather... Xie Bi'an thought so.

He gently placed you on the window sill, as if he was afraid of breaking a treasure.Then he puts a pillow behind you and puts a blanket over your lap.

"Okay, so you can lie down and stare outside."