[Fifth Personality] Together forever [Otome, Soul of Umbrella]

Open the door, rush into the room, turn the lock, and the process flows smoothly.

Listening to the sound of rain outside the window, staring blankly at the weird patterns on the ceiling in a daze.

The long and endless day, the eternal light that the world pursues, is also the most difficult time for you.

When will it be dark?

Thoughts ruminate but at this moment they start to belittle you again.

Why are you so unworthy...why do you have such a shameful disease...why do you become a burden to others...why do you make people worry about you...

You are so incompetent for wasting your time.

You can't do anything well, but you still enjoy their love and let them worry so much about you.

You don't deserve to be loved, you really don't deserve it.

not worth it...

Feel sorry...

I'm sorry you can't be stronger...

You just make people unhappy, and you don't want to make people unhappy at all.

If I die, the people around me will feel better...

I'm sorry, Bian, Wugui, mother.

Countless negative words get out of control in your brain, turning into countless lips, buzzing in your ears like a spell.

The sense of helplessness and desperation is pervasive, quietly spreading to the whole body.You grabbed your hair and curled up into a ball.

you are tired, so tired...

Can you sleep forever without waking up?

Struggling to get up from the bed, walked to the desk, and mechanically picked up the sharp utility knife.

The radial artery, located on the palm side of the wrist, is more obvious and deeper on the inner side of the radial styloid process.

You don't know how deep it is, so you cut many times in the same place.The sound of the blade cutting the skin and flesh overlapped with the voice of swearing at yourself in your head, and at this time it became your last farewell sound on your deathbed.

The hand hurts a lot, but at this time, it doesn't matter whether it hurts or not.

When the blood comes out in jets, you know you've found it.

You smiled with relief, mixed with tears.

I can finally sleep well.

Sorry mom, stained the sheets and floor...

The body temperature is lost along with the blood, and the world becomes more and more blurred.

Sorry...I just don't want to be a burden to you guys.

These are the last words that flash in your mind before you close your eyes, and then there is the night that makes you feel at ease.

But you never imagined that there would be a moment when the light would take over the darkness again.

When you wake up, you are lying on a hospital bed, with an oxygen inhalation tube inserted in your nose, and an indwelling needle in your right hand, which is connected to a medicine bottle for infusion.His whole body was limp and he had no strength at all. The wound on his left hand had already been bandaged, and he was about to lose consciousness due to the pain.

Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu are always by your side, watching you wake up.

You didn't make any sound, just looked at them with empty eyes, tears kept overflowing, like the drip tube connected to your right hand lost control when delivering medicine, but it didn't turn into dopamine and serotonin deep into the blood Come to change your new life.

Why did I save you...

Numb and hopeless.

They also remained silent and didn't speak, they just reached out to wipe away the tears on your face, their eyes filled with complex pain.

...

"...Give me up." Not worth it.

You moved your lips towards them with difficulty, and made a weak and powerless voice, but the last three words stopped abruptly because of the hoarseness in your throat.Only make vague mouth shapes.

"Shut up. It's better if you don't talk."

Fan Wujiu saw the shape of your mouth, and opened his mouth in a muffled manner, feeling quite annoyed.

Hearing his somewhat offensive tone, Xie Bi'an couldn't help frowning, and secretly twisted his arm severely, so that he closed his mouth that continued to speak nonsense.

He is angry, but not because of your ignorance and casual suicide, but because you are always thinking about others, never thinking about yourself.Although he was angry, he was more distressed and at a loss.You have tried to tell them one-liners countless times to cover up all the bitterness in your heart so that they don't worry, but you never thought of asking anyone for help.This is the most distressing you, the you who never think about yourself.

"We know that you are in great pain, and only death can free you... But in the underworld, the souls of people who committed suicide during their lifetime are incomplete, and they can only drag their mutilated souls to wander around the underworld in a daze. Confused."

Xie Bi'an's palm gently covered your dull eyes, closed your eyelids, and said softly.

"Although...retaining a patient with a mood disorder is essentially selfish...But whether it is out of selfishness or not, no matter what, we will never give up on you."

Fan Wujiu snorted softly, resisting the urge to caress your pale and somewhat transparent face, and continued with Xie Bi'an's words:

"You should give up your heart, we will not accept you in the underworld."

Seeing your pale face from blood loss, Xie Bi'an sighed inwardly, filled with sour heartache.

The girl who used to be so bright is as agile as a lark singing with all her might, but now...

He tucked the quilt for you, and played with the hair on your forehead:

"Good girl...we never blame you...because we understand that this is the wrong cognition and judgment that the disease makes you make. You don't need to think about the reason, you just need to remember that we love you, We will always be by your side, through difficult times, and forever.”

Xie Bi'an's gentle words lingered with firmness that was not soft at all.You listened silently, but the empty left chest made you know the emotional strength in the words but couldn't feel them.

You can know their love for you, but you can't feel it anymore.To your horror, you've lost those vital sensory faculties. (Severe patients experience loss of emotion and temporarily lose the ability to feel love.)

They didn't force you to respond at this time, and continued to sit on the nursing chair next to your hospital bed, silently accompanying you.

In fact, they have accidentally discovered your hidden medical certificate in your book.

They were also surprised at first, because apart from the fact that you looked haggard from having not slept well recently, there seemed to be nothing unusual about you.Then I thought of those suffering souls who had been brought back from the world to the underworld, mutilated and distorted, and realized that this disease is definitely not as easy as others make it out to be.

Therefore, they use various channels to learn about the symptoms, psychology, feelings and correct countermeasures of the disease.

They are not in a hurry to reveal your secrets, and they don't want you to avoid them, so they just try to guide you to speak out, but they are not successful.

After you went back that day, they were really worried, so they went back to your house again, wanting to have a good talk with you, trying to make you feel at ease to tell the truth, and then we can solve it together.But your mother kept silent and didn't respond when she called you outside your room.

They realized something was wrong, something was wrong, and with your mother's permission, they pried open the door.

What greets my eyes is the dazzling red color and you with your eyes closed tightly, without blood.Blood stained the floor and sheets, and your wrists are still gushing blood.They flow out without leaving nostalgia, as if they want to fill up the day that makes you desperate.

Your mother nearly fainted, and it never occurred to her that you would commit suicide.

Fortunately, it was sent to the hospital in time, and your life was not in danger.

They are grateful, but more afraid-if they don't look back at you...

...

"It's my fault... I shouldn't lose my temper like that... She didn't blame me. I just hope that she can live well... She has always listened to you the most, please stay with her more, okay?"

On the day you were discharged from the hospital, your mother found them and begged them with tears of regret.

Her request happened to fulfill their wish to come and take care of you, so she accepted it gladly.

On the doctor's suggestion, your mother plans to let you take a year off from school and recuperate at home.After going through the formalities for suspending school, you need to submit relevant certificates to the counselor, and you need to sign in person for confirmation.But at that time, you who were afraid of contacting others, as soon as you interacted with people other than Bian Wugui and your mother, it would directly lead to panic attacks at the worst time, making you deeply tortured by the sense of near death and loss of control.

In the end, accompanied by Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu, you reluctantly took the step to go out.

However, you may never forget the day you went back to school.

In the school counselor's office, the counselor looks at the medical records and certificates you handed him, with a strange expression, as if talking to himself:

"Depression..."

Then he chuckled lightly, showing a clear expression:

"I have been a counselor for so many years, and I have seen many such examples. It is nothing more than thinking too much, and when I encounter some setbacks at a young age, I can't stand up straight. Let me say..."

His contemptuous words are not long, but you can hear disdainful sneers, and there is nowhere between the lines that does not reveal contempt, as if a silver needle plunges into your bruised heart, and then pulls it out, torturing you repeatedly with your remaining self-esteem.

"Trouble teacher, if there is nothing wrong with the certificate and the medical record, can you sign it?"

Xie Bi'an smiled gently at the counselor, preventing him from continuing to spout some excessive words.

"Ah... no problem. Sign it."

Xie Bi'an was born handsome, with a gentle and refined temperament, making it easy for others to feel kind.His polite appearance made the counselor find no mistakes, but although Xie Bi'an's smile was gentle, it made him tremble a little, and made him feel inexplicably frightened, as if he was being targeted by a poisonous snake lurking in the dark.So I stopped thinking about continuing to preach, and pushed the paper that needs to be signed to you.

opinionated.Fan Wujiu sneered in his heart and did not say these four words.There are always people who like to generalize based on their own narrow worldview.

When I came out of the counselor's office, it coincided with the closing time of the school.There are many students coming and going in the corridor, talking and laughing, which is quite lifeless in class.

Maybe it's because your pale face is too dazzling, or maybe it's because Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu are too eye-catching, you can feel that the eyes of the classmates in the past are gathering on you intentionally or unintentionally, making you feel like a needle. The spines are generally uncomfortable.You try your best not to care about those people's weird gazes, but their whispers cannot be shaken off no matter what.

"Look at the wristband on her left hand...that's her..."

"Is she the girl who attempted suicide at home?"

"My God, is she worthy of her parents by committing suicide!"

"Who knows what these so-called depressions think, they are mentally twisted. Hey! I heard that her parents divorced when she was young..."

"What kind of depression? I didn't have this kind of affliction before. It's obviously hypocritical, just trying to win the attention of others."

"Haha, I've also been depressed recently, can I take a year off from school and go out to relax?"

......

Your fingers are clenched together tightly, and the trembling knuckles are pinched white.The whispers of those people keep amplifying and repeating in your ears, lingering in your ears for a long time, turning into flying arrows that pierced through the air and pierced your weak body.You feel as if you have been cut open by a blade at this moment, showing your ugly flesh and bones to others, allowing others to point and comment on your body structure.

refute?you can't do it.

You admit how disgusting they say you are.

The heartbeat is too fast, and it is pounding heavily in your left chest, pulling your throat as if being strangled by an invisible big hand, and you are on the verge of suffocation.The stomach cramps make you nauseous again, and you can't stop holding your chest and panting.The feeling of uncontrollable madness makes you feel dizzy, as if you will die in the next second.

"Come on, let's go home."

Xie Bi'an hugged your shoulders, patted your back to relieve the discomfort caused by your shortness of breath, and then quickened his walking pace with a calm face, but you knew that he was also angry, obviously he also heard those malicious comments.

"Humph."

Fan Wujiu's cold eyes glanced at the broken-mouthed people, making them silent in fear.Then he withdrew his eyes, and firmly blocked you from the side with his body, blocking the sight of those who wanted to peek.

"...Don't listen to what those bastards say, and don't put yourself down because of them."

After leaving the school gate, Fan Wujiu, who was silent all the way, suddenly said this sentence to you.

"You are fine, they are ignorant."

Ignorance is the most terrible, often the sharpest weapon to kill a person.It is precisely because of ignorance that we unscrupulously comment on the suffering of others and speculate at will.

Never underestimate the pain of others, and no one is qualified to compare pain with others.

You lowered your eyes and nodded slightly. Because of your movements, your long and smooth hair fell in front of you, covering your face, and you couldn't see the emotion on your face at this time.You hear the worry hidden in his words, and you know not to care about what others say.But the voice in your head is forcing you to pay attention and demean yourself.

Xie Bi'an's expression had returned to normal, and the arc of broken hair on his forehead outlined his soft eyebrows even more tenderly.He didn't mention what happened just now, and brushed away your drooping hair one by one.

"It's hot, how about I braid your hair when you go back?"

He lowered his upper body slightly in front of you, with a smile on his lips and a soft tone.

"You just sit still and don't have to do anything."

He knows that you are deep in the torment of other people's words just now, and your mind will be thinking uncontrollably, so he tries to divert your attention as much as possible.

You didn't speak, just grabbed his sleeve.

He understands what you mean by acquiescing.So lovingly rubbing your somewhat scattered head, took your hand and continued to walk back.

......