We didn't die at the end

07

I always deliberately avoid thinking about my 17 years old, but avoiding itself is another kind of emphasis, which only makes things ubiquitous that you don't want to remember.I think everyone’s 17-year-old will be more or less like this: start to understand that the world does not revolve around you, start to carefully weigh the views of others in the eyes of others, and start to close your eyes at night and think about what you have said , Regret which sentence should not be said.However, with some superficial insights, I can’t help but wag my tail in front of others and talk about it. My mouth can’t keep up with my brain, and the thoughts in my brain are dangling around without a fixed place, so I make many mistakes and regrets.

Or in other words, in fact, many wrong words are not wrong in themselves, they are just stating a truth (although this truth is not pleasing to people), what is wrong lies in the time when the words are said.It happened to coincide with the time axis of another event, and the two things that were not wrong came together and eventually caused a catastrophe.It may be a bit abstract for me to say this, so let me make a simple analogy: I usually call Xu Wei by her name when I chat with Xu Wei and talk about the head teacher. There is nothing wrong with chatting, and there is nothing wrong with calling her name. (It can only be said that there is some disrespect).But when I was chatting with Xu Wei and calling him by name, I happened to hear the sound of the head teacher's bicycle wheel grinding the ground, and then turned around to see the head teacher staring at me, it became a big mistake.

That basketball game made me worry about it for half a month.In the past half month, I have been closely watching the movements of Xu Wei and Cheng Yihuan, for fear that there might be a little possibility of them, for fear that Xu Wei's mind will be distracted by Cheng Yihuan's inadvertent eyes, and his brain can no longer be controlled. Instigated by hormones, he broke up with his girlfriend resolutely, then reversed his world of the past 17 years, held Cheng Yihuan's hand without hesitation, and then boarded a train that would go to an unknown distant city. His mind will definitely say the line "Will you wander the world with me?" Cheng Yihuan will look at the person he has loved for so many years in disbelief, his eyes are shining like an angel.They are far away, no one knows.

But to my relief, Xu Wei was obviously also avoiding Cheng Yihuan.I bit my pen and peeped at them every time I was doing questions with them.He no longer asked Cheng Yihuan math problems, and dismissed Cheng Yihuan's questions in just a few steps.Every time Cheng Yihuan tried to get closer, he evaded without a trace. In the end, there was a large distance between Xu Wei and Cheng Yihuan. Cheng Yihuan just stared at the distance, then lowered his eyes and continued to work on the question.Xu Wei packed things much faster at night, Cheng Yihuan called him to say good night as before, Xu Wei snorted without looking back, grabbed my schoolbag and strode away.I glanced back at Cheng Yihuan in a hurry, he quickly lowered his head after meeting my gaze unexpectedly, I could clearly see his eyes, he felt wronged as if he was about to cry in a second.

I can't bear it anymore.On the way home, I tugged at Xu Wei's schoolbag, "Why have you ignored Cheng Yihuan recently?"What did he do to you?Xu Wei's voice seemed very far away in the night, no, he said, just suddenly felt...forget it, I can't explain it to you. "He turned his face away and didn't want to talk about it anymore, and I also shut up obediently and tactfully.

During a lunch break in mid-May, I went to ask Xu Wei a math problem. When I entered the door, I saw that they were talking happily.The previous grievance in Cheng Yihuan's eyes disappeared, leaving only joy.When Xu Wei saw me walking beside him, he waved his hand to say hello, but he didn't stop talking. He and Cheng Yihuan seemed to be chatting about the summer vacation. Then it popped out of his mouth in a daze,

"Don't you want to accompany your girlfriend during the summer vacation? Didn't she tell you before that you will help her with math during the summer vacation?"

Once a word is spoken, everything is silent.

Xu Wei sat on the seat and stared at me, his lips parted and closed again.Cheng Yihuan lowered his head and couldn't see the expression on his face clearly. The circle around his ears was so red that he was about to bleed, but his fingertips were pressing pale on the table.The two in the front row turned their heads with the melon-eating crowd's exclusive emoji on their faces, and the two in the back row poked their heads excitedly: What girlfriend?Ask for the news!

I thought, forget it, forget it, since I’ve said it all, I can’t hide it anyway, just at this time Cheng Yihuan raised his head, and spoke with difficulty as if using all his strength, the first utterance was so hoarse that people couldn’t hear He didn't look at Xu Wei, but stared at Zhong in front of the class: Do you really have a girlfriend?

People around started booing again.I had to say: They have been together since junior high school.

Cheng Yihuan glanced at him quickly, then continued to stare into the distance: I never heard you mention it before.

I said, hey, that person is keeping a low profile, after all, if a relationship is found in this school, it will be reported and criticized.

After Cheng Yihuan finished listening, he lowered his head without saying a word and started to do his homework.He used great force, the nib of the black fountain pen seemed to be stubbornly resisting on the homework, each stroke was extremely aggressive, as if he wanted to transfer all the emotions to the nib, but he still couldn't restrain the slight trembling of his jaw.The booing around became louder and louder, Xu Wei looked a little irritable, frowned and glanced at me, then turned his head to look at Cheng Yihuan.His gaze stayed on Cheng Yihuan's side face for two seconds before leaving, because his back was facing me, so I couldn't see his expression.The squad leader yelled for lunch break to let everyone go back to their seats, and the people around left one after another, and the classroom became a little quieter.Cheng Yihuan sat for another half a minute, then suddenly got up and walked out of the classroom.

08

I stared at his back, and suddenly saw some panic.My heart felt a little sad, I stood there for a while, then turned my head and said "I'm going back" to Xu Wei, and then followed.Cheng Yihuan stumbled all the way to the toilet, and when I chased to the door of the toilet, I heard the constant sound of water inside.I walked in with light steps, Cheng Yihuan bent over to wash his face by the sink, he saw me in the crevice of the water, raised his head, I happened to meet his eyes.The circles of his eyes were slightly red, as if he had just cried, his face was covered with water marks, and he couldn't tell which ones were the tears.But only with such a glance, he lowered his head again.

Just when I was about to speak, I heard his muffled voice through the sound of water: "Did you know that I treat him..."

I took a deep breath, and suddenly felt like a drowning person. I managed to catch a piece of driftwood, but the water hit my chest one after another, making me almost out of breath.I could only raise my head hard and swallow the air on the water greedily. My brain was no longer under control due to lack of oxygen, so I could only vent by shouting——

So I did. "Yeah, I've seen that you like Xu Wei." I shouted at him, "I just told you that he has a girlfriend on purpose. But that's because I like you!"

My sanity returned when I shouted that I like you, and I suddenly realized that I had confessed my love to him just now.For a while, only the sound of rushing water could be heard.I stood there in embarrassment, and begged God to have mercy on me to have the earth evasion technique immediately.When I realized that the begging was fruitless, I slapped myself in the head angrily, and then silently started counting.When I counted to sixteen, Cheng Yihuan spoke, and he sobbed softly: "The whole world can see it, only he..."

Question marks filled my mind.I yelled in my heart, big brother, I just confessed my love to you, can you stop thinking about Xu Wei!Can you reply!Cheng Yihuan turned off the water, turned around and looked at me, "Actually, I've expected this kind of time...but...it's still very sad..."

However, both of us forgot a very important thing because of our excitement.public toilets.In the next second, I saw Cheng Yihuan's astonished eyes, and then saw the grade director who suddenly appeared in the mirror. He walked towards us with a sullen face, and asked us to go to his office with the "Xu Wei who is in love."Cheng Yihuan and I looked at each other, he looked unlovable, I only felt that a disaster was imminent, we walked side by side in silence for a while, and went back to my classroom to call Xu Wei.

I didn't have time to explain, I did too many things to offend Xu Wei that day.After this day, he was able to chat and laugh with me as before, which is really a great kindness that cannot be repaid.

The grade teacher didn't tell Xu Wei about me and Cheng Yihuan, but criticized Xu Wei's puppy love behavior, and said that he would communicate with the class teacher and parents, forget it this time, and punish him if he committed it again.In fact, everyone knew that if he hadn't had good grades, how could he have escaped the catastrophe.The grade director is a middle-aged man who looks very good at first glance.Her hair was combed meticulously, her facial features were excellent, and a pair of round-framed gold-rimmed glasses hung on the bridge of her nose, adding to her aloof aura that would repel others thousands of miles away.When I go to work, I always wear a straight slim suit, looking tall and long-legged. At that time, I was the popular lover of the school.Even frowning and criticizing Xu Wei's appearance is dignified and beautiful, I sighed silently in my heart.In the end, he let Xu Wei and I go first, saying that he had to find Cheng Yihuan alone for some other business.

On the way back, we walked in silence for a while, I said sorry in a very low voice, and he glanced at me helplessly, "What a headache." He said.He stared at me and suddenly laughed for no reason, and I laughed with him for no reason, Xu Wei shook his head while laughing, and I looked at him and thought, it's great to be friends with him.

After I yelled that sentence to Cheng Yihuan just now, I suddenly felt relaxed and relieved. It can be over.My feelings for him are still there and are still very strong, but I can already predict that it should not last for a long time.Once this feeling that should have been hidden in the darkness sees the light, when it is hidden in the darkness again because it has not received a response from the light, it will disappear because it cannot adapt.

Xu Wei asked me what the grade director would ask Cheng Yihuan for, I shrugged and said I didn't know, we looked back together, there was no one in the corridor, only a small piece of dust floating in the sun, it looked very lonely.

09

The last time I saw Cheng Yihuan was on the last day of the exam in June.At noon, I went to Xu Wei's class to talk to him and do the exercises as usual.The teacher in charge had just issued the summer vacation arrangement, and we were both sighing and sighing. The classmate who was eating melons in the front row winked and turned around and said: Hey Xu Wei, how are you doing with your girlfriend during summer vacation!

These words were neither light nor serious, and they happened to stir up the negative scales in the hearts of this group of people.I narrowed my eyes to glance at Xu Wei and Cheng Yihuan, Xu Wei said: I broke up with her.The sound was quite loud, enough for everyone in the classroom to hear.The kid in front was choked, and he patted Xu Wei's shoulder unbearably and turned back.I was thinking about how to ask Xu Wei, but I saw that he tilted his head and stared at Cheng Yihuan, his jaw was propped up and his body was stiff, and he just looked at Cheng Yihuan for a long time without moving.Cheng Yihuan didn't raise his head until he looked away and continued to work on the question.Many years later, I kept thinking, if he raised his head and bumped into Xu Wei's eyes, what would he have seen?Is it helplessness, or is it ecstasy and nostalgia with some helplessness?He didn't want to see it, and I couldn't see it, so there was no chance to see it again.

After that day, Cheng Yihuan never came to school again. Only then did we know that he suddenly decided to study abroad. He first went to a big city in the provincial capital to learn English, and then applied to universities in the United States.When I asked Xu Wei, he also shook his head blankly, saying that Cheng Yihuan hadn't mentioned it to him before. He asked on QQ these two days, and Cheng Yihuan only said that he was preparing for the exam and didn't want to affect the people around him.I carefully asked him about Miao Susu again, Xu Wei looked at me with a mocking expression of "thanks to you", and told me that he was invited to drink tea by the class teacher and filled the room by his parents The tragic experience of chasing and beating.To be honest, I didn't think he looked miserable, after all, he said softly in the end: In fact, our relationship has faded.It's probably time to break up.

I walked with him on the way home from late self-study.On the rainy day in June, the light of the street lamps was somewhat dimmed by the moisture, and Cicada was the only tireless person at that time.A video store passing by was playing Beyond's "Lover",

Do you know who is willing to go back

who is between you and me

Is it fate, love, innocence or accident

……

It seems that Cheng Yihuan's sudden departure has brought our lives back on track.In the beginning, I had to go through the torment of not being able to see my sweetheart every day, and I had to endure wave after wave of fans rushing over and crying, asking "Cheng Yihuan is gone? Will you never come back again?" Point the line, play a ball occasionally, and study hard for a long time.During the make-up classes during the summer school, Xu Wei even began to be willing to learn Chinese (although he did not improve much). Although I am cynical, I will not be so stupid as to give up the mathematics of the college entrance examination to fulfill my second-year illness.Xu Wei told me that although every day is full of schedules, it still seems to be a bit empty.

Xu Wei and I went to dinner the night after the make-up class. I don’t know who ordered the beer first. We took one bottle after another, chatting endlessly like two old women.When I was talking, Xu Wei just stared at me and smiled, his eyes fluttered when he smiled. I have seen my mother in such a drunk state, and I am afraid that he will burst into tears like my mother in the next second.Fortunately he didn't.The next second he said: Old Wang, you think Cheng Yi likes him, does he...

I stare at him.

He said very lightly, word by word: Does he... like me?

I choked on Xu Wei's straightforward question, and confirmed that he was indeed drunk.It's a pity that I forgot that I was also a drunken drunk, and I blurted out: Yes, he likes you.I asked him in the toilet that day, and he told me himself.He also said that only you can't see it... I saw Xu Wei's face sinking like water, he barely stopped talking, and asked worriedly: Why, do you feel strange?He immediately shook his head slightly, then nodded sullenly, and after thinking for a while, he said: Actually, it's okay... Forget it, the others have left too, and there will be no interaction in the future.This matter is overturned, never mention it again.

If you don't mention it, don't mention it, and I don't care if you two get together again.I looked at the firefly-yellow frothy liquid in the cup, and had a nauseous association. I didn't have the appetite to drink this urine-like thing, so I kept staring at it, like a diorama showing a distorted world, yellow Bright, chaotic, trance.