We didn't die at the end

16

I called Xu Wei with a trembling voice, and spread the diary out into his sight.Xu Wei just glanced at it twice before collapsing.It seems a bit joyful for me to say this, but I really can’t find a suitable adjective. At that time, his whole person’s energy collapsed all of a sudden, like a mass of flesh and blood without a soul precariously sticking together, supporting each other. He can stand, but his eyes are burning with raging fire. I can even clearly see the killing intent in his eyes.

I miraculously calmed down at this moment: Does this constitute a crime?If you want revenge, we need to find evidence first.There are surveillance cameras in the school office, let's check the surveillance first, and then talk about other things.

Xu Wei glanced at me: How could there be surveillance, it must be deleted.

However, it turns out that some people are so stupid that they leave evidence in every possible way, for fear that others will not find out.Perhaps it can also be said that he was dazzled by beauty and passion for a while, and did not expect any bad consequences.We went to the police station to file a record, and called up all the monitoring in May and June in the school security room.

The monitor was facing the desk.What happened that day was clearly played before my eyes.

The conversation between Cheng Yihuan and I in the bathroom was caught by the grade director. Afterwards, he gave Xu Wei a thoughtful education, and then released me and Xu Wei, leaving Cheng Yihuan alone in the office.

Cheng Yihuan stood aside and bowed his head in silence. The grade director walked over and patted him on the shoulder: Don't worry, I didn't leave you here to blame the teacher. The teacher just wants to talk to you about the recent study. If you have any questions, you can directly contact the teacher. speak.After all, she squeezed his shoulder affectionately a few times.At that time, Cheng Yihuan didn't realize what was wrong, so he nodded gratefully.

Then the director sat on the office chair and clicked on a grade ranking form for the May exam. He seemed to be seriously analyzing the problems of each subject with Cheng Yihuan, but patted Cheng Yihuan on the waist from time to time to let him get closer.In the end, the director grabbed Cheng Yihuan, forced him to sit on his lap, and tightly wrapped his arms around his waist so that Cheng Yihuan could not break free.The grade director buried his head in Cheng Yihuan's neck and took a deep breath, then whispered something in his ear (the monitoring was silent, we couldn't hear anything), and Cheng Yihuan's expression became more and more panicked, and finally He finally broke free and ran out staggeringly, and was stopped just as he ran to the door of the office.Cheng Yihuan turned his head, the director said a few words to him, Cheng Yihuan pursed his lips after listening, and nodded silently.

As for what the director said, Cheng Yihuan recorded them in his diary.The director said to him, "I'm so happy, I didn't expect that we are the same person. I like you, from the first moment I saw you. You follow me, and I will treat you well." The director succeeded After scaring Cheng Yihuan away, he called him back and told him not to tell anyone about this, or he would bear the consequences.

I was very surprised.The way everyone likes another person in this world is very different.Cheng Yihuan and I are relatively normal, I am brainstorming, and Cheng Yihuan is watching silently.Xu Wei is rather weird, he likes someone and tries to find reasons to avoid him. Of course, the most surprising one is the grade director, who finds people here to pet and hug him in a moment of excitement, and doesn't forget to threaten him when he's done.What kind of drama is this domineering president.

Seeing this, Xu Wei's face was ashen.I said: Did the grade director come to him after this?

Xu Wei seemed to have remembered something, and nodded in pain.We continue to flip through the video.

According to Xu Wei's recollection, Cheng Yihuan became very quiet after that day.He didn't go out after class, so he sat silently in his seat and read his homework.Only sometimes when Xu Wei went to the bathroom, he got up and followed him, and then followed him after going to the toilet, without saying a word all the way.Xu Wei turned to look at him, but he kept his head down.In short, I have never seen him act alone—as if he was hiding from someone.

The monitoring system records every move of the grade director 24 hours a day. The police uncle is afraid of missing a little key evidence, even though he is fast forwarding, the speed is still very slow.The grade director, to be honest, except for the part with Cheng Yihuan, he is usually quite an old cadre, and his behavior is extremely dignified.Drinking tea in the office, meeting guests, and practicing brush calligraphy from time to time, coupled with the bonus of appearance, the whole person looks quite pleasing to the eye.It’s just that no matter how pleasing the eye is, if you stare at him for a whole day, you’ll be terribly bored with him. What’s more, in my eyes, this person is a beast in clothes, but in Xu Wei’s eyes, he’s like a murderer, full of hatred It's all pouring out from his internal organs.Xu Wei didn't sleep for three nights, his eyes were bloodshot, and now his fists were clenched and his veins were bulging, looking weird.

— until we saw the surveillance in early June.

Cheng Yihuan was pushed into the office by the grade director, who then locked the door behind his back.He seemed to speak softly to Cheng Yihuan, who was shaking his head all the time, but he shook off the hand that he wanted to pull Cheng Yihuan a few times, and finally lost his patience, and pulled her into his arms and hugged him tightly. , then half pushed and half hugged Cheng Yihuan against the wall, and lowered his head to kiss his earlobe.

Cheng Yihuan tilted his head away, the buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned to reveal his beautiful collarbone, his neck raised a graceful arc with the movement, the director took advantage of the opportunity to kiss his collarbone, and then kissed all the way up his neck.At this moment, Cheng Yihuan's face was full of tears, and he kept struggling under the restraint of the director. Just as he was about to open his mouth to shout, the director pinched his chin and kissed him.

Xu Wei hit the pause button hard.I turned my head to look at him, only to see that his eye sockets were red, his whole body was trembling uncontrollably, his lower lip was bitten out by myself but he didn't know it, and his lips were bloody.

I'm sorry, I... can't stand it anymore.He spoke.

After speaking, Xu Wei walked to the corner, and the police uncle and I continued to watch the surveillance.There was no sound in the video, and we were all holding our breaths, making the room suffocatingly silent, like a needle falling to the ground can make a loud noise.Cheng Yihuan pushed the director away with all his strength, bent down and gasped for breath.The director looked at him beggingly, and when Cheng Yihuan softened his attitude, he walked over and hugged him gently.Cheng Yihuan didn't expect him to push forward, so he started to struggle again, but the result was that he was pressed against the wall viciously by the director again.The director lifted up the hem of his shirt with one hand, lingering on the small white waist, and broke his chin with the other hand, leaning forward to bite and bite his lips.After touching the waist, he went all the way down to undo his belt.

Cheng Yihuan's tears fell down visibly with the naked eye, and his mouth kept repeating no.I closed my eyes deeply.When he opened his eyes again, the director in front of him had stopped his hand movements, turned to wipe away the tears on his face with his thumb, kissed him on the face with infinite love and affection, and then signaled him to leave.In the end, Cheng Yihuan's distraught and panicked back is left in the camera.

I let out a long sigh of relief and said to Xu Wei: No more.He let him go.

Xu Wei still gritted his teeth, but a line of tears had already rolled down.I couldn't bear to watch: If you want to cry, cry out loud.

As soon as I finished speaking, Xu Wei knelt down with a plop, covering his mouth and crying bitterly.The room was silent, I didn't speak to the police uncles, and I heard him cry for a long time alone.

Then he sobbed and said that during the big break that morning, the grade teacher came to his class to look for Cheng Yihuan, and Cheng Yihuan lowered his head to do his homework and pretended not to hear.Then Xu Wei elbowed him and told him that the director was looking for him, but Cheng Yihuan remained motionless and turned a deaf ear.So Xu Wei stood up and made way for him to go out.He said that Cheng Yihuan looked back at him when he walked out of the classroom slowly.She gave him a very desperate look.It was as if he was saying goodbye to him before the doomsday, saying that he would never see him again in this life, which made him flustered.

"I almost caught up...I didn't expect something to happen..."

He said that after more than ten minutes, Cheng Yihuan came back, and from then on until the end of the June exam, he never took the initiative to speak to him again.In the next ten days or so, Cheng Yihuan went to the self-study classroom after class and at noon, and did not go to evening self-study, and was so depressed that he seemed to dissipate at any time.From then on, he began to feel that Cheng Yihuan should like him, thinking that the other party was doing everything possible to avoid him, and the phrase "I broke up with her" was specially told to him to make up for it.

The words we repeat the most are originally, originally, I thought, I didn't expect, almost, almost, but good luck tricks people, and in the end, if you accidentally miss a little, you will miss your whole life.

17

In the dusk of long silence, I finally felt the pain of Cheng Yihuan at that time.Leaving aside the blow of broken love, the grade director did such a thing to him, and he dared not tell others, and no one came to protect him.As he struggles to protect himself, the person he loves the most pushes him into the abyss because he doesn't know anything.A character like Cheng Yihuan who loves someone and is willing to lower himself into the dust, is afraid that he will feel that he is not worthy to like Xu Wei anymore.

Fortunately, he still has another way to hide. Fortunately, his parents agreed to his willful request without even asking.He survived the apocalypse with people all over the world, and he is about to go to the United States to have a new life. He wants to say goodbye to the person he likes in a real sense the day before.He didn't know that he was so close to having a perfect love.

Still a little bit.

I dare not think again.Thinking about it again, it felt like thousands of needles had been stuck in my heart, and the thousands of stings together became severe pain. The pain made my hands and feet numb, and my stomach contracted intermittently.

And that was in 2012, when my country's criminal law was not perfect.The one who broke the silence was the police uncle who smoked two cigarettes in a row. He broke the cigarette butt in the sunset and looked at us from behind the light: I'm sorry, but he is a boy, and this kind of behavior may...cannot be convicted.

We asked the police uncle to tell Cheng Yihuan's parents the whole story of what we couldn't say. His father lost his old demeanor and kept saying that he must make that scumbag pay the price. His mother was crying until she couldn't stand up.We tried our best, but there were too many loopholes that the criminal law could exploit. In the end, we still couldn't convict him. The only punishment for the grade director was expulsion from teaching.

That winter was extremely cold, and every day the wind blew on my face like a knife, which was very painful.Despite the school's efforts to keep the story from getting out, there was an uproar in the school.Xu Wei never went back to school. I passed by the window of their class, and when I looked inside, I could see two empty desks and chairs. Their class arranged for someone to wipe them every day, as if they were waiting for the owner of the pair of desks and chairs to come back one day. Yanyan returned to them with a smile.

The grade director confessed to all his actions. After hearing about Cheng Yihuan's traffic accident, he looked 20 years old overnight.The man with unrefined hair said hoarsely, "I really like him." When facing us, he tearfully said the words that I liked in the process of my obsession, which had been written in the diary countless times——

He is my/life/life/light/the fire of my lust, my sin, my soul.

My first reaction was to think it was funny, but then my heart became more and more uneasy, and finally I felt a creepy chill.At that moment, I suddenly realized that he and I were actually the same person.We are madly obsessed with beauty, and we are proud of this obsession, but we don't know how disgusting it looks in the eyes of others.His usual restraint and his sudden strong emotion when facing beauty, in my eyes, how elegant he should be, and even the artist-like personality that I admire and hate.

The things I once regarded as my standard were nothing more than tangible or intangible props to satisfy my own selfish desires and hurt others.

Xu Wei scolded him for being shameless with red eye circles. At the end of the story, he shed tears and pointed at the director tremblingly: You killed him.

The man whose voice was exhausted just now suddenly returned to his usual calm and restrained image, he sneered: Sorry, you may have forgotten, the person who killed him was not me, but you.

I didn't speak much, and every single word hit my heart like hailstones.So I closed my eyes, not daring to look at Xu Wei again.

18

The photo used for the funeral was the one Cheng Yihuan sent in the space and Xu Wei took it. Even if it was processed into black and white, it was still so bright and beautiful that it could summon a warm sun.Cheng Yihuan's father was reading the eulogy, and Xu Wei and I stood side by side in the line, looking forward through the shadows, and we could see Cheng Yihuan's photo at the end of our line of sight.Xu Wei has already cried all the tears in his life, and he has no strength to cry anymore, and he has no strength to speak anymore.

I've been trying to lie to myself that it was just a dream, until now, and I realize it's reality.Xu Wei said this to me.He also said, I'm tired, so I just want to lie down and take a nap, and have a sweet dream with him.

This dream failed to come true, Xu Wei was greeted by endless insomnia all day and all night.Every night he lay on the bed, not even daring to close his eyes, staring straight at the ceiling in a daze.Finally fell asleep and started dreaming. In the dream, it was all about Cheng Yihuan. One second she threw herself into his arms with a smile and acted like a baby, and looked at him with curled eyelashes. The next second it was the car accident in which he was speeding away. The passing car slammed into it.Then Xu Wei suddenly woke up from the dream, the pillow was already half wet when he woke up.

He floats and sinks in short-lived nightmares every day, living like a wandering spirit, his eyes are empty, and he doesn't know what he is thinking in his mind, and it takes him a long time to react.In this state, let alone studying for exams, he can't even go to school normally, no, he can't even go to the street normally.I asked Xu Wei to go out for dinner, and when I was about to cross the road, he hugged me tightly, his breathing became more and more rapid, his eyes were full of emotions, mixed with uneasiness, grief and despair, so I could only push him again pull home.

It was almost winter vacation.I started to stop going to evening self-study, and went to the next door to chat with Xu Wei every afternoon during the holidays, and then had dinner with him.The papers issued by the teachers of various subjects piled up like a mountain, and I brought them all back to him, folded them and put them on his bookshelf, knowing that he would never have the strength to study, so putting them there should be a hope.

I don't know what to talk to him, I scribbled about what happened at school every day, and I had to be careful not to mention something related to Cheng Yihuan and poke his sore spot.There are unpredictable things, even though I carefully avoid mentioning them, our classmate Xu Wei who suddenly turned from stupid to sensitive and suspicious can always be related to Cheng Yihuan with rich associations.At this point he starts to scratch his head in pain and says it's all his fault, and then I get into the biological origins sophistry I mentioned earlier.

After going through this a few times, I had to be convinced. My seamless exposition could not impress him at all. Instead, it put him in the siege built by himself, sinking deeper and deeper.Due to the unrelieved large mood swings and long-term insomnia, his parents took him to the hospital to see a psychologist, and then he was diagnosed with PTSD.After that, there were things like going through the suspension procedures. The school representative came to his home to express his condolences and said that he could re-enroll at any time after he recovered. Everyone who saw him comforted him and said, "If you think about it, these things will always pass." Xu Wei did not respond. , the corners of his mouth were pulled apart stiffly, not even a smile.

I am the one who dare not mention Cheng Yihuan, and Xu Wei is the one who talks about Cheng Yihuan endlessly.He told me about Cheng Yihuan and his old stories one by one, and what happened every day seemed to be very clear.Those stories that will be forever sealed in the memory carry the extremely damp summer fragrance, and are infinitely ambiguous in the eyes of the onlookers, but the parties involved will only pretend to be stupid.

I really want to point at his head and scold him: what the hell were you thinking at that time!You still say you don't like him?Do you remember what happened between you and Mu Susu so clearly?

But what can scolding him change now?At best, it can only add to the pain.

I put my hands behind my head and fell onto the sofa, looking up at the window.The winter sun poured down, and the sky and the earth were vast.I counted the days with my fingers, waiting for another spring to arrive.After school started, I went to the next class to take a look. They changed their positions, and the two sets of empty desks and chairs had been moved away.There are many facts that cannot be changed. At the beginning, I cried and said I didn't believe it. After a long time, I still have to choose to accept it.