Disbelief

"Qi Xiao is greedy and lustful. Which woman from a good family dares to provoke him? Even if he has a good skin, he is just a good-for-nothing trash.

"I hate people like him, but I only like him who is unique among this kind of people... I think a selfish person like me is mediocre, but I feel that his unrestrained freedom and ease should come from the heaven.

"I used to never believe in love, even in the ignorant years when I first met him. That's not something a gentleman should think about...I said it so brazenly, Sometimes I also laugh at myself. A gentleman? Ha! Where does a gentleman come from... Who doesn’t have such love in his heart? I also have it. It’s just that I still don’t want to admit it, and I lie to myself. I just think that I don’t You should think about it, and there is nothing worth thinking about. Love is a very cheap thing. And...it's shameless...but Qi Xiao cares so much about the things I despise...Through this, I persuade myself to hate He...but never made it. My biological mother lost her life for such a worthless thing. I hate it even more, I don't want to see myself ruined by mere 'love'.

"I have been resisting, how could I fall in love with such a dude so easily? So I escaped, and I deliberately hurt him and trampled him... I even married a woman I hate the most, just to push him away I need to calm down, and wait until all these are diluted, so that I can be sure that I have no intentions for him. But in the end, the kind of emotion only for him intensified... Midnight dreamed back, it was all his voice and smile... …

"I think I'm really sinking. After I knew that my time was numbered, I often recalled the phrase he wrote to me, 'One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, □, [-]'. It was secretly happy.

"I know that what he misses from the beginning to the end is the old me. He doesn't love the current me. But I am just the opposite. I won't mention the old things, because the memory is not deep, and what I love is the present he.

"It's also because of this that after I revealed all this to Liu Wen because of my serious illness, I still didn't dare to provoke him. I love him, but whether he loves me now is still an unanswered puzzle.

"When I learned that he was married, I coughed up a mouthful of blood. I deserved it. Who told me to torture him so much? I tortured myself too. He divorced the brothel woman, but he took Princess Jieyou into his arms again. I finally I don't understand, he didn't like it in the first place, why he pretended to love deeply... Maybe it was his nature, and he couldn't explain it himself.

"He was ill, and Kui'er took me to see him. I was wearing the same black suit as the one I had back then, and I knew he liked it very much. Finally, the two of us could see each other every day, but I was dying. People. I lived a ridiculous life, but I didn’t see the most important thing until the end of my life. The most beautiful thing in the world is love. I didn’t last long with him, let alone Liu Wen. What am I None, in the end I also failed to become a so-called 'gentleman'. Heh.

"My son, I named him Chu Changqi. Changqi Yuqi. How beautiful!

"I passed away, he will guess sooner or later. But I still want to struggle to tell this lie. Not to deceive him, but to deceive myself. I have deceived myself for a lifetime, and this is not bad for the last time."

"Liang Zhan, I'm going."

"You...forget about me..."

——Chu Xiao