Orange Savior

I'm sorry. "Jiang Hongran's calm and official tone made Liang Xing turn uncomfortable, but he didn't hate Jiang Hongran. For some reason, he knew he could hate him, but he couldn't hate him. Maybe it was because this person in front of him was someone his brother liked, and he subconsciously said that he couldn't hate him." .

"It's okay, it's none of your business, he didn't like this world in the first place, that's why he wanted to die."

It may be hard for Jiang Shuran to imagine, this is something a 14-year-old child needs to know.

"He doesn't like this world in the first place? How do you know?" Jiang Heran asked.

"It's written in his diary." Liang Xingzhuan took out the notebook, "But most of the writing is about you. He thinks he likes you, which is a surprise and despair."

The diary reads clearly: "I like him, amazed and disappointed."

"He doesn't like this world. As a friend, I am also responsible. I didn't care about him. In the second year of high school, he told a few of our friends very seriously that he liked boys. After that, we gradually fell in love with him. Get away from him, don't want to talk to him at all."

"you too?"

"Although I have known him for two years, he is the most distant among his friends, so I didn't deliberately alienate him, so I was really at a loss when I knew he liked me."

"It's okay, what about the letter?" Liang Xing turned unexpectedly calm.

Only then did Jiang Shuran take out an envelope from his briefcase. Chen Feng saw that the envelope was neat and there were very few creases.

Liang Xing turned to open the envelope and took out the letter paper and read it. It was not long, and the handwriting was still immature, and every sentence was sincere.

"Okay, I'll take the letter away!" Liang Xingzhuan said without hesitation after reading the letter.

"Ah? Why?" Jiang Yu was puzzled.

"He's dead, and you don't like him. This letter means nothing to you." He calmly explained that he was completely different from the usual Liang Xingzhuan. He had probably been acting as an equal and mature adult in front of Jiang Heran. .

Getting the reply letter was also the purpose of this trip. As for the reason for the purpose, Chen Feng never asked.

"But that letter is already mine, you can't just take it away! Although I rejected him, I rejected him not because I didn't like him, but because I'm not gay, I like him, not that A kind of love." The righteous sentence seems to be irrefutable.

"Do you still want to commemorate him? I don't think so?" From the bottom of his heart, Liang Xingzhuan couldn't forgive him, but he also felt that he had no reason to hate him.

"Yes, why must I forget him?"

"Since you don't like him, there is no need to commemorate him."

"No, I believe you can't take it away."

"Don't be afraid of homosexuality while flaunting integrity and kindness. This letter doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that he likes you so much that he is hurt and wants to die. It's something worth remembering. You just feel guilty that you can't forget him. , you kept the letter just for your own peace of mind!" Liang Xing's volcano erupted in the blink of an eye.

Jiang Shuran's pupils dilated in an instant, as if the original mask had been exposed, and he seemed restless.

Liang Xingding wrote in his diary: "I talked to him on the phone that night, and he said, Xingting, don't do this, how could you like me? How could we? I don't like boys, even you. And , I'm going to the United States after graduation, so let's stop talking like this, I'm scared, I'm scared when you become like this... His words enlightened me, extinguished the fire in my heart, I hate myself, I want to burn If I die myself, don't get him to say that I am very scared."

"I never hurt him from the beginning to the end. I'm sorry that I made him misunderstand that liking him was a love between feelings, no." Jiang He suddenly recovered his composure.

"Do you know? Because of my brother's death, my dad hasn't visited his tomb for four years, and he hasn't said anything about him. That's why I want to get a reply and give it to my dad. Of course it's not you, Of course you didn’t let him die. It was my dad. He came out with my dad. My dad scolded him and beat him and said he wanted to sever ties with him, so he was going to die. He said that his death was not a struggle, but He's not happy anymore."

Having said that, they are all silent.

Chen Feng suddenly felt a little uncomfortable, and said, "Talk slowly, I'll go outside to get some air."

Looking at the endlessly flowing streets of Hong Kong and the towering forest buildings, people are so small and helpless.This city is famous for its prosperity, but how much happiness can it bring to the people who live here?hapiness?

Thinking of this, he suddenly knew why he felt uncomfortable?He suddenly burst into tears, soaking his eyes.

When they left Hong Kong, the letter was still not received, and Jiang Heran firmly refused to let it go.

Postscript: Oranges are not the only fruit, they are the savior

On and off, this story has been written for two years.

It seemed that this story was already in my mind, and there happened to be an opportunity at that time.

When I was in college, I accidentally read Jeanette Winterson's "Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit" in the library, but I only saw "sorrows and joys alternate, and there is no end." I returned it. This book touched me a lot. I like to eat oranges. If I am sad, even if someone comforts me with an orange, I will still be sad. I think that in this world, people have many choices, and oranges are not the only fruit.

After writing the first draft of this book, I bought the new edition of "Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit" and read it again. There are too many disappointments and betrayals in life, so it might be a good thing to have an orange as a comfort.

The name "Orange Savior" was decided from the beginning. Orange is an image of comfort and reconciliation, and Savior was taken from the name of a Taiwanese band called "Strawberry Savior" that I liked to listen to at the time. Many times, music is like Savior I happened to have such a savior in my life, so I wanted to include him in the book.

I am a person who is obsessed with commemorating, especially afraid of forgetting.

When I first wrote it, I just wanted to record what I saw, heard, and experienced in junior high and high school. In the end, I wrote a world completely different from my own, but I passed by this world. I am good at writing disappointing things. Not good at giving people hope, nor do they want to.

I grew up and died from the dirty and bright adolescence, and I still can't figure out how to forget a savior. This time I really want to say goodbye.It's been the tenth year we've known each other, it's hard to imagine, how could you capture my heart for so many years?

Sometimes I already want to think that you are a character I made up.

I used to look forward to 2018, so 2018 has become a very important year, because some things in 2018 have been ten years, ten years, I have passed adolescence from that immature childhood, and I often miss my childhood in the first few years , In the next few years, I often want to throw away my adolescence, and I know that I have changed.I just want to see how I have changed in the past ten years?

After entering university, I grew myself exponentially and exponentially, and experienced many things that made me change, think and reflect. I wrote these things to bid farewell to the persistence of the past ten years, to bid farewell to the self-abased and submissive self in the past, or It's about saying goodbye to people and things I don't want to recall.

Most of the characters in it are real, they are my friends, and the characters I created are also the type of people I want to know. From my perspective, I will always be an outsider in some things, so the writing is not good. , Because some people, I can never empathize with them, but I have seen their pain, so I presuppose their dreams and endings.

Thinking of a holiday two years ago, I told this story with my friend. I said I wanted to write our story into a novel, but some of it was fictional. I told her the fictional, and she cried after talking about it, really. It scared me. I thought that only those who were close to these stories could be inspired to cry. I didn’t expect that it was just a fiction, and it was enough to make people resist. I thought, it’s just that she likes someone enough to not want him to be hurt. But this kind of The harm is only the harm that outsiders think.Afterwards I got frustrated and changed the story, thinking, we're just outsiders.

I was actually shouting in my heart, I want to say, I thought it was just love, but it was not, it was my ignorance, about this world, it was all my ignorance.

In the past years, I have done some wrong things, wrong decisions, offended other people's world, hurt other people's feelings and my own feelings, this is a reflection, and it is also a farewell, a farewell to the dream that quit us too early Say goodbye to that 15-year-old girl who wanted to commit suicide because she couldn't love the world, and say goodbye to the boy we loved for so many years.

But the years will remind us that these farewells are all futile.

How could a bird live without a trace?

Tagore said: the sky has never left traces of birds, but I have flown.

In the future, I will still carry out my life and record my life in this way of writing.

To be continued, given time, will be continued.

A new novel is already being written.

Yan Xunzhi

Tuesday afternoon, June 2018, 6