I just want you to be well

People in love will behave particularly extreme.Either count time as carefully as spending money, or fall into a vortex with no concept of time and cannot extricate yourself.

Wei Jun and I belong to the latter.

Before we knew it, we had been together for four months.It's hard to usher in the weekend, but we have to face this inescapable task together with Wei Jun.To be precise, it is a task that Wei Jun cannot escape.I don't know why he always has all kinds of excuses to shirk his refusal to go for a full body check.

Maybe he was scared, or maybe he didn't care about it at all, and he always treated it negatively.

I know that time is the worst enemy of HIV patients.If you don't take medicine early to maintain the antibodies in your body, the virus will kill him at any time.

Frankly speaking, at the beginning I liked him so much that I never looked back, it was my love at first sight to the extreme and crazy emotional decision.Once he calms down, especially after getting along for a long time, his sense of insecurity will become more and more serious as he worries about him.

As he once questioned, "Aren't you afraid that one day you will suddenly watch me get sick and leave?"

I started to laugh at my childishness and courage at the time, "No, because you will definitely stay by my side."

It was the first time I actually walked into the testing center, and most of the people inside were men, some seemed relaxed, while others were tense.I can probably guess that everyone came here looking for answers because of what they have experienced.

The female doctor who checked Wei Jun was very nice, she seemed to know us, she had a very kind and familiar smile on her face, and her eyes kept wandering on Wei Jun.

"Don't be nervous," she gestured to Wei Jun with both hands, and then looked at me, "I have seen too many 'Yin Yang' couples, some are very calm, but some can't pass the test of themselves or the other party, and finally chose to separate, although They still love each other."

Listening to what she said, I looked blank, as if she wanted to educate us ideologically.

"My surname is Xu." She asked Wei Jun to fill out the form, and beckoned to the nurse standing outside the injection room.

I showed a polite smile to Dr. Xu, and peeked at Wei Jun who was beside me skillfully filling out the content on the form, and finished it in a short while.

The nurse took Wei Jun to have a blood test. I sat in my seat and watched Dr. Xu review stacks of thick forms. The red circles landed on each page.Through the glass window in the distance, I can only see the half-length two people who seem to be messing with something.I imagined the series of processes they were drawing and testing.

Doctor Xu seemed to have noticed my excessive curiosity, "Don't worry, he will be fine".

She was confident as if rehearsed, and I wondered if she was so positive and encouraging with every patient.Although, I really hope that Wei Jun is safe and sound.

"I remember him. He came to me for an examination more than four months ago, and was finally diagnosed. He seemed to be falling from the sky, and told me that he would never come here again if he died, and let him fend for himself," Xu said. The doctor looked at me meaningfully, "It seems that someone persuaded him to come here."

I looked a little uneasy, and nodded hesitantly.

"Did you know what was wrong with him when you were with him?"

"Ah."

"So have you ever had sex?"

"No. Kissing and hugging don't count?"

"Saliva transmission is rare. Unless you have a wound."

"That's not going to happen," I seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

Wei Jun was brought out by nurses.Dr. Xu smiled at us knowingly, "We will know what the CD value is later, and then we can do what we do."

After a while, another patient came into Dr. Xu's treatment room, and we sat outside waiting for the results.I looked at the wound on his hand, even though it was nothing, I always felt sorry for him.

Wei Jun seemed to see through my little thoughts, "It's okay. Don't you think I'm fine?"

The smile on his face paled a bit.I nodded deliberately, smiling and pretending nothing happened.I really am not a good actor.

After waiting for more than an hour, Dr. Xu let us in again.She looked at the test form melancholy at first, but her face suddenly relaxed after a while. Although I felt a little abrupt, she said, "The current CD value looks quite optimistic. There is no need to apply for drug treatment for the time being."

I was a little puzzled, Wei Jun asked directly, "I don't need to apply for drug treatment? Why?"

"Because the drugs for treating HIV have serious side effects, they will have a relatively large impact on Mr. Wei's daily life, and if the drug is taken early, drug resistance may appear in advance. Therefore, according to Mr. Wei's current situation, I suggest you Let him eat more food that enhances his resistance, exercise more, and supplement his nutrition."

It sounded like a normal life to me.

Dr. Xu continued to Wei Jun, "Pay attention to the dietary rules of life, and try to keep your current CD4 value from dropping. Remember to re-examine several times a year, preferably once every two months, in case there is any abnormality in the CD4 value. Variety."

She looked at Wei Jun for a long time, and seemed to wink.Maybe I'm paranoid.

"So what is the standard for CD4 to drop before you need to start taking medicine?", I asked.

"According to the country's current standards, you need to start taking medicine when it is lower than 350. If it is lower than 200, you can not only increase anti-viral drugs, but also some drugs to prevent cross-infection. However, in the late stage of the disease, it may It is also difficult to restore the body to be the same as a normal person by taking medicine."

What she said was scary.

"But for now, Mr. Wei should adjust his body and mentality first."

She looked at me, "You have to take good care of him and don't make him too tired. As for your sex life, as I just told you, kissing generally does not transmit AIDS, but if you two really want to have sex When having sex, you must wear a condom and have sex outside the body, and it is best not to use excessive force when having sex. Although the risk of infection from kissing is low, it is best to keep a certain close distance. After all, once you touch the wound, it will be very dangerous. It's dangerous."

She said a lot of information and it felt like my brain was working on overload.

"Also, personal items such as razors and toothbrushes are not shared. That's about it. Hmm."

I looked at Wei Jun, he was unusually silent and calm today, as if he had already accepted this setting.I took his hand and found that his palm was covered with sweat.

After returning home, I started to help Wei Jun make a "CD4 Defense War" plan. I listed the foods that can enhance resistance, and muttered in my mouth, "Kelp, bitter melon, shiitake mushrooms, asparagus, soybeans and dairy products, High protein foods and cucumbers…”

"Why do you want cucumbers?" Wei Jun smirked.

"For you", I imitated the speechless smile of QQ and hit him back, "Also, for the food I listed on this table, you have to send me a WeChat message every day before ordering fast food in the office, and we will If you live together in the future, I will try my best to help you make bento every day."

Wei Jun sighed and walked towards me, "I know you are good to me, but there is no need to work yourself so hard. I can definitely take care of myself."

There was a little more stability in his words that he should have at his age.

I forced a smile on my face, "I don't care. I'm just afraid that you will be too casual and you won't get better. Anyway, I will make it when the time comes. If it doesn't taste good, you have to finish it for me."

But I knew in my heart, how could AIDS be cured by me making a nutritious meal?But I just thought, if I can do as much as possible for him, maybe he can live longer.

Uncle Wei touched my forehead with satisfaction, smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

That night, I forced him to go to the gym to apply for a card.But it turned out that he already had an annual card, and it was still a VIP.

"Don't you know that 70.00% of the people in the gym are gay?", he said sternly.

"So your purpose of applying for the card is to see the handsome guy?"

"Wrong, to go fishing."

I angrily gave him a gentle punch on the arm.

"What? Are you still jealous?" He smiled and teased me.

"It's all like this now, you still have the mood to make such a joke."

"Don't worry 1 times, with you here, how can you have the energy to look at others?"

"Just your glib tongue. If I find out you're lazy and don't exercise, you deserve a spanking."

"Ouch, I'm afraid."

We looked at each other and laughed.

Everything seemed to be going too smoothly, so smoothly that I felt a little unbelievable, even like a rehearsal.Despite my misgivings, the next day I found a sense of security in his gentle and healthy smile, a kind of indescribable trust.

Maybe it's just my confidence in myself.

*

The night before the official start of the summer vacation, I officially said goodbye to my junior year.In fact, in the past three years of study, I have been fooled by the sidelines. I often read English novels in class, and I just translate some on my own after class.Since my father is in foreign trade and my mother is an English teacher, my English has always been very good.But because of this, he wanted me to use this advantage to study economics, do foreign trade, and go out to the business world in the future to make more money.But my mother would emphasize to me in private that you must learn what you like, so that you will not regret graduating in the future.

After the college entrance examination, I applied for a language major on purpose, but my father found out, and he asked me to refill the application, but the time for registration had passed.He asked someone to help me change my aspirations internally.But no matter how hard my father tried to let me into the pit, I still crawled out of the pit.After one semester, I secretly applied to change my major behind my father's back.And my mother is the only insider, and kept it a secret for me.

It's a pity that paper can't hold fire.During the summer vacation of my sophomore year, my father came to the school to look for me, but found that I was not in the business school.

That night, my father and I had a big fight at home, and I even threatened him by running away from home.My mother has been my shield in this war of "choosing a major", constantly lobbying my father, and even proposed "you don't give the child living expenses, and my salary" to weaken my father's economic threat to me.

That night, I stood up for my right to choose.

On the day when I was about to move to Wei Jun's house, I received an email notification of my internship, and I felt a sudden sense of happiness in my heart.Yes, my new life is about to start: love, cohabitation, work.

Wei Jun personally came to my school dormitory to help me move things.I looked around the dormitory, accompanied by my upper bunk for three years, and the kind and playful roommates.In my mind, I can't help but think about the dinners we had together, the songs we sang, the wine we drank, and our heart-to-heart talks together on the balcony looking at the distant stars.

I've come out to them when they're in the mood and a little drunk.

I just remember one of my roommates saying something very silly to me, "From the moment you moved in, we vaguely knew that you were different from us".

He looked at me drunkenly, "We already knew. But we don't care, as long as you are still you. You are always welcome here."

I didn't cry that night.

Maybe this touch has already blossomed in my heart, and I forgot the existence and shape of tears.

But I still couldn't control my tears when I left the dormitory.I picked up the pen and left a hypocritical note for them: "Wait for me to come back."

*

I thought cohabitation was a very easy thing.But it turns out I was overthinking it.

Wei Jun's apartment is not big enough to accommodate two people, not to mention that I have a whole wardrobe full of clothes and books, so I can only put them in storage boxes in the end.

Although I decided to live with Wei Jun impulsively, but fortunately, it seems that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.First of all, I can see Wei Jun every day, and I can get bored with him.Secondly, his home is only four subway stations away from my internship.It is much more convenient than living in school.The most important thing is that I can take care of and supervise his daily life.

Well, everything looks good for now.

Wei Jun is making more room for me to try to join.I carefully placed the blue rose he gave me in our bedroom and it is still so beautiful.

After walking out of the bedroom, the living room was still a mess.Seeing my confused look, he approached me with a smile and put me in his arms, "Welcome home."

The moment I hugged him, I knew where to put myself.

After living with Wei Jun, I feel like a happy family husband.Since our work hours are only half an hour apart, every morning I wake up half an hour earlier to make him a "CD" breakfast.

"Kelp Lean Pork Rice Shredded", "Asparagus Cucumber Egg Drop Soup", "Milk Egg Wrap Fresh Soy Milk"...

Although the so-called menus I prepared are just a kind of psychological comfort, but for some reason I am still willing to believe that they can bring Wei Jun health improvements.

Even if I cannot rely on medicine, I must rely on superstition.

Sometimes we both wake up in the morning at the same time.He would pull me into the bathroom to brush my teeth together, and would ask me for a kiss from time to time.

"Baby, give me a kiss."

"Ah! Your mouth is full of foam. Aren't you afraid of infecting me with germs?"

Every time he made this joke, he shook his head seriously and continued to brush his teeth in feigned anger.

Ever since we moved in, no matter which of us went out first, we would give each other a hug.Although I know that one day both of them will get tired of this action.But who doesn't want to be able to persist for one day, that's one day.

Every weekend, we will go to the supermarket together to buy ingredients or health products for a week and store them at home.

I like the feeling of going to the supermarket with Wei Jun.The two wore very plain clothes, like a warm couple shopping for their own family.My parents rarely take me to the supermarket together.Whenever I go to the supermarket alone and see other families buying together, talking and laughing, I feel so much hatred that nothing but silent envy and jealousy remain in my heart.

Fortunately, Wei Jun appeared, and he made up my dream of a family supermarket.

Wei Jun, like me, is not a person who likes sports.Although his seemingly muscular figure is not fat, he can still feel the excess fat around his waist.Although my figure is not satisfactory, fortunately the proportions are maintained, especially the long legs that I am proud of.

I found that if Wei Jun took the gray Adidas handbag before going out, he must have gone to the gym that night.Through nearly a month of observation, the frequency of his going to the gym is about twice a week.When I once asked him with concern why he couldn't persevere every day, he used work and exhaustion to prevaricate me.

Just when I wanted to refute, he would suddenly smirk at me, and press his body gently towards me, "It is also a kind of exercise, if we can practice more, it will also be good for my health, right? ?”

*

I'm also a working person.When I received the internship notice, although I was excited, I was also a little worried, fearing that I would not be qualified for the job.

On my first day at work, I was overwhelmed by the working environment here.The office located in the European-style building complex is equipped with French-style curtains and retro wooden tables. The uniform white walls and abstract modern sculptures make it look like an art gallery.

The only disharmony may be the overly conspicuous Apple computer on the table.

According to the resume I submitted before, I was assigned to the modern literature translation team and became the assistant to the team leader.In addition to me, there are two other regular employees in our group, two brothers and sisters who have just graduated.

The English name of the team leader is D□□id. Although he is not as handsome as the sculpture David, he has enough good looks to make many girls and Xiaoshou lose to him.He looks about 30 years old, and his net height is about 1.8 meters. He has a good temperament, and his glasses and smile match very elegantly.

It's a pity, in my eyes, no matter how handsome he is, he is not attractive enough for Wei Jun.After all, beauty is only in the eye of the beholder.

When the team leader met me for the first time, he said to me in a serious and kind manner, "I will send the tasks you have to complete that day to your mailbox every day. You just need to complete them for me before you get off work. In addition, our library There is a lack of an operator of the WeChat platform, and you need to be temporarily responsible for following up."

"Okay", my eyes sometimes wander around because of tension.

Wei Jun teased me before I went to work and said, "Interns are always nervous when they first go to work, and they are full of mistakes and omissions. I believe you are no exception."

"But I'm going to be the one who makes the exception. Wait and see."

But after two weeks of unskilledness and suffering in the hands-on period, I really lost.The first is the endless translation, and then it is about the operation of our WeChat official account. For me who has never been in touch with the operation, I can only rely on working overtime after work. Get this new thing.Since I worked overtime in the office several times, I could only ask Wei Jun to cook at home and wait for me to go home, or let him order takeaway by himself.

The promised homemade nutritious meals eventually disappeared under the double wear and tear of work and school.I was feeling all kinds of guilt and helplessness.

"I have to work overtime again, and I plan to eat box lunch."

"But you've been working overtime for almost three weeks, and you're still overtime? Haven't you finished solving the official account?" I could hear his complaint.

"It's not about the official account. One of our colleagues asked for leave today. Her task has not been completed yet, so I can do it for her. My team leader is still with me."

"With the team leader again? Are you spending more time with the team leader than with me now?"

I can already feel the deep resentment on the other side of the phone.

"Of course not, can't we sleep more than eight hours at night..."

At this time, the team leader passing by to go to the toilet saw me talking on the phone.

"Sorry, my team leader is here, let's talk about it tonight."

"Lucas, how about talking on the phone with your girlfriend?" The team leader walked towards me.

I immediately put down the phone, hehe hid my embarrassment and said, "team leader, why are you here".

He responded with a gentle smile, "There are three urgencies. You should hurry up and go to work. I'll take you home after overtime."

The group leader's words came so suddenly, which made me feel that the workplace is not as scary as people often say.

"No need. I'll just go back by myself," I quickly evaded. After all, Wei Jun had promised me that he would pick me up tonight.At this moment, I suddenly realized that I hadn't hung up the phone just now.

He smiled knowingly, "Go back to work first."

I nodded embarrassedly.

The daily workload is huge, and the concentration of mind makes people forget the passage of time.When I typed the last word in front of the computer, I realized that I had come alive.

I hurriedly packed my things and waited downstairs for Wei Jun to pick me up.

In my spare time, my eyes will stay in this familiar metropolis, watching the traffic and people coming and going.It is so energetic that it will not stop showing off its pace because of your arrival and departure, let alone your overtime work.

Even though I'm a native, the world is such a big place that I'd love to see it too.

Time passed without haste, it was almost half an hour, and Wei Jun hadn't arrived yet.I texted him, he didn't reply.I called him and he didn't call back.

I wondered if he was really angry.

I suddenly feel lost.Maybe it was because Wei Jun was so stingy, maybe it was because he was afraid that one day he suddenly promised that I would show up, but he never saw anyone else again.

At 09:30, the team leader suddenly appeared in my dazed eyes and occupied all my sights.

"Didn't you come out a long time ago? Why haven't you left yet? Didn't you stop the car? Let me take you back."

This is the first time I have looked at the team leader's smile so carefully. Apart from being gentle, it is really charming in the private mouths of colleagues.

"No, no, I'm still waiting for a friend. He said he would pick me up." I nodded my thanks quickly.

He seemed to see through my loneliness, "Are you sure he will come? How about I send you back first, and you can say hello to him without him coming over."

While I was struggling and hesitating, Wei Jun finally called.At this time, the ringtone of my mobile phone seemed to reject the invitation of the group leader.

"Where is it? I'm coming to pick you up now."

"Haven't you gone out yet?" I looked at the team leader and still didn't mean to leave, "My team leader asked me if I want to take me back, or if I take his car back, you don't have to go here deliberately .”

Jealousy seemed to be felt on the other end of the phone, "I don't care, I'll be there later anyway."

"Lucas, get in the car. Don't hesitate, I'll take you home."

I smiled awkwardly, "I'm sorry, team leader, I really don't need it. My friend said he was rushing over now, so..."

I thought the team leader would think that I was a very scheming person. After all, I had been hovering between the two of them, trying to keep him from leaving.Unexpectedly, he smiled knowingly at me, which made me feel inexplicably nervous.

"That's all right, you have to rest early when you go back later." After finishing speaking, he closed the window, started the motor, and flew away.

I suddenly breathed a sigh of relief.

After 10 minutes, I still couldn't stop looking around, and finally, I found a familiar car.Wei Jun waved to me, and I walked over angrily.

"Didn't you agree to come pick me up? Why are you so late?"

"Didn't someone say they were coming to pick you up?"

The content of the chat between the two began to be full of jealousy.

"Yeah, the team leader said he would take me back. You didn't need to make the trip."

"Now that the wings are full, it has already rubbed into the team leader's car."

"There is a chance, not already." I deliberately turned my back on him, "If you didn't insist on coming tonight, I might have been in his car."

Wei Jun didn't speak, just drove the car quietly.

Along the way, the silence in the car made each other feel scared.

I just can't stand it.

"Do you dislike that I often work overtime?"

He didn't speak.

"Are you jealous?"

He still didn't speak.

"Wei Jun, what's wrong with you?"

His voice was terribly low, "I don't know what's wrong with me," and he looked at me with an uncomfortable expression.

I looked at him, not knowing what to say.

He stammered a little, with all kinds of helplessness in his tone, "I don't know why I am like this tonight. Maybe I am suddenly not used to the feeling that you are not at home all the time."

He suddenly looked back at me affectionately, the innocent look on his face softened my heart instantly.

"It's just an internship. Besides, I will also work in the future. I will stay at home with you after get off work."

"I know...I just want you to spend more time with me."

His right hand was pulled away from the steering wheel and placed in the middle of the tray, palm up, as if inviting my left hand.My five slender fingers slid across his palm.He held them tightly, as if afraid they might escape.

"I've only been an intern for a month, and you can't bear it anymore," I joked.

"It's been long enough."

I could feel the sweat on his palms, and even though it was wet, it made me feel very safe.

I know that Wei Jun loves me, but I still have concerns about whether this love will add extra pressure and invisible distance to us because of his illness and his past.Sometimes I can't even tell whether he loves me or just wants someone who can be by his side.

The sense of security is given to oneself.Everyone understands the truth, but many people still can't get along in a relationship, or even live a bad life.

I wish I could be more calm and mature, maybe I wouldn't toss myself like this.