【Si Pu】A study of the love and death of Apollo

Understand each other, if you can't do it, give up

03.

Of course Yuki knew that he was not so normal.

Of course he also knew that his brother was trying to reach out, using the posture of fishing for the moon to find him.That worry made him morbidly happy.He was lying at the bottom of the dark and deep water, where there was no one, and no one had ever been there. All he could see was an old, stubborn dream, a dream fed by his desire for his brother.No one taught him to be self-denial, so he puts coins when he wants to drink soda, puts a blade in his pocket when he wants to cut open an animal's body, and puts a knife in his pocket when he wants to cut open an animal's body. to possess.

He only listens to his brother, and if his brother wants him to study hard, his homework will be among the best; if his brother wants him to be a good boy, he will learn the character of the top students around him and blend it into his own skin; his brother said to him "Happy Is it good at all?" He stripped off his long-standing lifestyle neatly, like simply taking off a coat.He was not sick by madness, he lived madly as well as healthy.Because that's what my brother expected.

In fact, he is not interested in everything, and the threshold of feeling pleasure is higher than the average level. Anyway, there are very few things that can make him feel hot for 3 minutes. Those things are related to blood, tendons and intestines, joints and muscles. Structure, which concerns the shape of the skull, the angularity, sharpness, and roundness of the nose, ears, lips, and teeth.But no matter how familiar he is, there is one thing that he can't always grasp. Life is still beyond your cognition, and he has never completely surrendered and revealed everything about himself.

He pinched a crow in the morning light.Its neck is warm and soft, and its heartbeat seems to be trembling. This is life, this is life, and even if it does not understand the meaning, it is still beating endlessly.

Apu, あまね, don't plan, don't calculate, I beckon you to come here, I can be your Pavlov, I can also be your dog listening to the bell.I know you'll come to me, even if you know that the abyss behind me will swallow all things one day, and tear the world itself right between hope and despair.You are down my throat, behind the lobes of my lungs, you are the pulse itself.

The crow struggled violently until the trembling heartbeat and futile struggle died down in his palm.

And there was no fluctuation in his eyes, and even the slowly spreading frenzied joy was still blurred, like the bottom of a frosted glass bottle, although it was transparent, it couldn't be seen clearly no matter how hard you looked.

He looked up and saw the rising sun engraving Apu.Yu Musi's fate is walking on the morning breeze, every step is like stepping on his own heart.

Yukiji heard the proof that he was alive from the increasingly loud heartbeat.

He couldn't help stretching out his hand towards that figure, the unwiped blood between his fingers was still fresh and beautiful, which reminded people of Apu's smile after being beaten by that woman every time.When Apu bleeds, his soul is the color of iron and smells like a knife.And the knife wrapped the blade carefully, and came to hug his twin brother.He didn't know that Yu Musi only wanted to make those wounds bigger at this moment, tearing apart his brother's body and Yu Mupu's life.Teak had sharp malice in his teeth, but he swallowed it all in order to kiss Apu.He has no love, only desire, and after experiencing the happiness of two people, there is a piece of mud left.

So Apu, come down quickly, my world is only the viscera of hyenas, the uncooled flesh and blood of the dead, and I will hold you to touch them with dirty hands.I want you to die for me, I want you to lie side by side with me in the darkness, and there is no escape.

04.

When I came back to my senses, I realized that there were a few more scratches.The blue and white moonlight melted on the arm, and Yuki Pu counted the number of wounds healed and newborns, and calculated the current date.It has been three months since the high school started, and winter is getting closer.The mother was a woman who let love be stripped alive. In the second half of her life, she would always confide in the desert, telling her innocence, her grievances, and her pains.He knew that the violence his mother threw on him was another way of crying, so he endured it forcefully.But the day when the father left, the mother would cry more and more.He looked at his wound with an almost indifferent look, and put on a long school uniform.

He would go out early every day to wait for Asi two blocks away, and then go to and from school hand in hand.The act of holding hands so sticky made the dark things in his heart quietly grow and multiply, but as long as it makes Asi happy, it doesn't matter.Teak Division was testing and expanding the unprincipled forgiveness and endless patience of both parties, but he acquiesced to all of this.

He wanted to try to get back what he had lost as much as possible, get it back from wherever he lost it, and then repay it to Asi.It's not easy, he's trying.

As always, the younger brother was in charge of the nagging, and he was in charge of receiving it.Those words turned into symbols of the same shape, passed through his body, not absorbed at all, not filtered at all.Teak Pu really wanted to hear what he was saying, but the sound of gears approaching in winter shredded his eardrums and threw them into the wind.He hates winter.When winter came, my mother had to keep warm, and the turbidity in the room was no longer just the smell of alcohol, but also the fishy smell of protein.Fortunately, my younger brother doesn't know, it doesn't matter how many absurd and ugly serials he has watched, as long as Asi is still innocent.Speaking of which, my younger brother doesn't seem to have grown very tall recently. He is obviously at the age of growing up, so I should save some money and take him to eat ramen some other day.Life always goes on like this.

After sending his younger brother back home, Yumupu returned home alone, not surprisingly, he saw a strange body and a familiar body hugging each other sweatily, like two fish just touching each other's fins.The mother missed his face, and the resentful and angry eyes were thrown on his face together with the rubber sleeve, with the temperature and liquid stripped from the human body.

"go out."

Teak Pu brushed it off his face expressionlessly, turned and left the room.

05.

He felt a pair of eyes staring at him longingly behind him, like a vulture expelled from carrion, almost salivating to tears of blood.He couldn't believe his mother didn't know.

It's dirty here, dirty everywhere.He stared at the guava-like street in the setting sun, and the sound of passing footsteps echoed loudly as if mocking him, and the shadows under his feet were deep and long, which reminded people of snakes, or ropes used for hanging.There are all kinds of noises, arrangements for the New Year, entrance exams, overseas trips, and the park where the ball was lost yesterday. It seems that everyone is looking forward to it, and everyone still has hope in life.

The moon like a jellyfish quietly exploded in the sky, like a huge hole opened by the earth, and there is an unknown world full of light on the opposite side.Just standing on the surface, no matter stabbing himself with a kitchen knife, or sinking all the bricks and tiles under his feet into the bottom of the sea, can't fill the gaps in his body, let alone solve any problems.Where to go, how to settle down, how to shelter from the wind and rain.Standing on the crumbling ground, Teak Pu felt that he didn't know anything, and a paintbrush painted the whole world together with him into gray.

So Ash, don't come down.When I climbed out of the forest of knives, hid my wounds, stood in front of you in a dignified manner, touched your head pretending to be arrogant, and told you that everything is okay, everything can be saved, we can go to the moon together, Take dreams and hopes with you.

TBC.